Yes, Legendtina brought the entire audience to their knees at last night’s Billboard Music Awards with her stunning, playback-heavy rendition of “Feel This Moment” with Pitbull. But the true performer of the night — and one of the more underrated pop princesses of our time — was the endlessly fabulous Miss Jennifer Lopez.
LAS VEGAS, NV (LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK) – “Pero Me Acuerdo de Ti” songstress, Queen of Lotuses and modern society’s more talented and attractive answer to Jesus Christ, Legendtina Goduilera, reigned supreme at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards last night, unleashing a jaw-dropping performance of “Feel This Moment” with Latino bar mitzvah party songsmith, Pitbull.
Godney is the Queen of Pop. Madonna is the Queen of Everything. Legendtina is the Queen of Lotuses. And Lana Del Slay? Why, she’s the Queen of Disaster.
As we already know by now, Lady Lana — who just cracked the Billboard Hot 100 for the first time since “Video Games” (finally!) with “Young & Beautiful,” her haunting theme song for The Great Gatsby — is prone to her fair share of Lana Del Leaks. Seriously, there’ve got to be over a hundred demos floating around at this point.
Just this weekend, yet another unused track has hit the net. It’s perfect. Who’s surprised?
SMURF YOUR ENTIRE SMURF.
“Ooh La La,” Britney‘s contribution to the soundtrack of The Smurfs 2, has finally been leaked upon the Interwebz—on International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia no less, yet another milestone in Britney’s tireless career as a LGBT warrior—and the results are pure, summery Smurfish delight.
Let’s break it down now — show me what you got!
Like a pheonix rising from the ashes—or a lotus growing within a stinky, mud-filled swamp—Legendtina has risen again.
The past few months have proven to be quite trying for the “F.U.S.S.” siren: Not only has Legendtina suffered a merciless smear campaign launched by the New York Times, but the Ms. Goduilera Bionic/Lotus Experience World Tour—the very tour she left The Voice to embark upon—remains frustratingly nonexistent.
But all is not lost: There’ve been incredible highs and endless amounts of #lotuspromo, including Time Magazine‘s long-awaited crowning of Legendtina as The Most Influential Artist of All Artists In The History of Ever.
Just last week, the songstress blessed fans with a Spanish-language treat of the non-Pitbull variety: Her cover of Miguel Gallardo‘s 1975 classic, “Hoy Tengo Ganas De Ti,” featuring Alejandro Fernandez, which will be used for a telenovela called La tempestad (and, presumably, her Univision reality TV docu-series, LevantaSAY, lotos: Las aventuras de Legendtina.)
The sweet scent of success is wafting through the air, stronger than ever—and it smells like Christina Aguilera By Day.
Legendtina has already begun shooting the video for “Hoy Tengo Ganas De Ti,” and she’s decided to give us a sneak peek today on Twitter. Hold onto your bobbleheads, y’all—’cause she’s about to have you spinning round in circles on her middle, middle dedo…