It’s that time of year again: A time during which I find myself to cuddle up to a nice, steaming brew of Earl Grey, boil up some bangers and mash, and allow myself to get downright British up in here. Why? Because it’s time for the the glamouriest (with a u!), glitziest award show of them all: The Brit Awards.
As if the show needed further proof of fierceness, Kylie Minogue has been announced as the official show host! Girls Aloud, Pet Shop Boys, and Kylie sharing one stage? SPOILER ALERT: There will be glitter.
Last night marked the announcement of the nominees for this year’s Brit Awards. Like last year, I’ve selected my picks to win for titters and giggles. And, like last year, the justification for my selection has largely whittled down to general attractiveness and general Ability To Make My Foot Tap. So get your kit off, you wanker, and check ’em out!
Thanks to AceShowbiz for typing it all out!
British Male Solo Artist:
* Ian Brown
* James Morrison
* Paul Weller
* The Streets
* Will Young
Changes was, for the most part, all shades of brilliant. Seriously. Also: Cutie.
British Female Solo Artist:
* Adele
* Beth Rowley
* Duffy
* Estelle
* M.I.A.
Normally I’d opt for the child-bearer of the bunch, but I was thoroughly underwhelmed by the entire Kala project. I’m gunning for the one that revolutionized the waterproof mascara market.
British Breakthrough Act:
* Adele
* Duffy
* The Last Shadow Puppets
* Scouting for Girls
* The Ting Tings
I hear good things. Wouldn’t mind if it went to the throwback songstresses either, but please…Spare me the embarrassment of a Ting Tings win.
British Group:
* Coldplay
* Elbow
* Girls Aloud
* Radiohead
* Take That
Though I don’t foresee a win for this category, “Hope” seems to be the theme of this brave, new generation. As a result…YES. WE. CAN.
British Live Act:
* Coldplay
* Elbow
* Iron Maiden
* Scouting for Girls
* The Verve
Perhaps because they managed to squeeze in four tracks during their most recent Saturday Night Live stint, I’ve been supersaturated by their presence.
British Single:
* Adele’s “Chasing Pavement”
* Alexandra Burke’s “Hallelujah”
* Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”
* Dizzee Rascal’s “Dance Wiv Me” featuring Harris and Chrome
* Duffy’s “Mercy”
* Estelle’s “American Boy” featuring Kanye West
* Girls Aloud’s “The Promise”
* Leona Lewis’ “Better in Time”
* Scouting for Girls’ “Heartbeat”
* 2008 “The X Factor” Finalists’ “Hero”
Again, I’m dubious about a win here. Anyone of ’em could take it, couldn’t they? (I suppose that’s the reason they’re all nominated.) Look for Coldplay, Alexandra, Adele, or Estelle to take it. Perhaps if Cheryl would just flash a little nip…
…YES. WE. CAN.
MasterCard British Album:
* Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”
* Duffy’s “Rockferry”
* Elbow’s “The Seldom Seen Kid”
* Radiohead’s “In Rainbows”
* The Ting Tings’ “We Started Nothing”
For “Reckoner,” mainly.
International Album:
* AC/DC’s “Black Ice”
* Fleet Foxes’ “Fleet Foxes”
* The Killers’ “Day & Age”
* Kings of Leon’s “Only by the Night”
* MGMT’s “Oracular Spectacular”
Because they remind me of Coldplay having a jam session with The Beach Boys in the woods.
International Male Solo Artist:
* Beck
* Neil Diamond
* Jay-Z
* Kanye West
* Seasick Steve
I’m hoping a win would finally boost West’s humble ego.
International Female Solo Artist:
* Beyonce Knowles
* Gabriella Cilmi
* Katy Perry
* Pink
* Santogold
Ooh, tough one! Anyone could take it…Except for Perry, of course. Pink was a disappointment this year, so she’s out. Gabriella? Too soon. Give her time. And while “Diva” has remained my go-to booty jam, Santogold ultimately delivered the most meaty set.
International Group:
* AC/DC
* Fleet Foxes
* The Killers
* Kings of Leon
* MGMT
Isn’t this just the International Album section? I’ll maintain my pick, so as to avoid thinking any harder. MGMT could win…There, I said it.
Critics’ Choice: Florence and The Machine
OK.
Outstanding Contribution to Music: Pet Shop Boys
What have you done for me lately? Love you, Boyz.
And that’s the list! Isn’t it simply ace?
Alas, now I’m feeling blue. Much like the Little Mermaid, I wanna be where the British are. I wanna see, wanna see them snoggin’…Walking around on those–What do you call ’em? Oh – Trainers!
Wish I could be part of that world. Confound these blasted fins!
I need to bum a fag.
And now, Miss Kylie Minogue and the Direction She Should Have Gone In Post-Body Language:
