If you are at all on a familiar level with me, you’d know full well that the subject of Lady Gaga is one of constant brooding within my world. One minute I’m spouting poisonous condemnation against the up-and-coming celebri-lite, the next I’m miming my mouth off to “Poker Face” and it’s unstoppable “muh-muh-muh” moments.

Never have I encountered an artist that manages to inspire such equal levels of vitriol and joy at the same time. I’ve tried on no less than three separate occasions now to draft my inconsistent, unconnected Gaga thoughts…To no avail.

With the recent news of Gaga’s “Just Dance” premiering at #1 on the Billboard 200 Charts on Wednesday nearly one year after its initial release, I thought I’d gargle on some Gaga for a change. Keep in mind, my thoughts are forming and scattered…This is simply how I feel right now.

By now, we get it: “Pop music will never be low brow.” And as much as that statement message served to fire me up with the promise of Nü-Pop at the get-go of 2008, I have since been left with nothing but a cheap, tinny feeling in my mouth in this post-The Fame world. To be fair, it is the winter, and I tend to suffer from seasonal allergy-related sinus flair ups that tend to cause the same feeling…But I digress.

Ironically, I’ve never encountered an artist (and keep in mind, I’ve listened to STEPS before) that managed to cheapen the brand quite so much. While she may claim to be saving the world “one sequin at a time” with her music, I have severe reservations about her legitimacy as an original act (to say the least!).

After all, prancing on stage with a slapped-on Bowie lightning bolt, a borrowed Grace Jones ensemble, and a stage name inherited from a Queen track doesn’t make the maker–Just one large “Greatest Hits” performance piece dedicated to the finer artists of our generation.

The worst is: I don’t even want to feel that way. It’s exciting to see an artist cite Grace Jones‘ latest album as one of her favorites of ’08 or reference Liza Minelli as a style icon. She seemingly shares the same love and respect of the industry’s finest as I do, yet her shtick is so un-embraceable and forced.

Lest we forget, The Fame was one of my Top 10 albums of 2008. It contains many more worthwhile hits (“Paparazzi” and “Poker Face”) than misses (every ballad on the album), and performs well upon the first play. But after three weeks, I completely forgot about the album, thereby losing all interest in the Gaga Project. Why? Each track consists of three minutes of middle range production, hook heavy electro, and a mouthful of self-prescribed fame. The Fame is easily digestible, throw-away pop without a hint of intricacy. And unlike that of her contemporaries, Lady Gaga’s crop has an incredibly short shelf life.

This isn’t to say the Gaga is untalented–Far from it. One need only watch a few moments of her acoustic rendition of “Poker Face” (however overindulgent the performance may be) to know that she bears both the pipes and the professionalism to carry herself as an artist.

Considering the fact that Larry Rudolph instantly pegged her for two bonus tracks for Britney‘s Circus after being in the mainstream consciousness for only a year, Gaga has also proven that her song scribing skills are qualified for the strictly Top 40 crowd. And coupled with the chops of Christina Aguilera (albeit sprinkled with a Orange County, Paris Hilton fake-and-bake speaking voice), this Lady’s got some lasting potential in the industry.

But that doesn’t mean she should be doing her own gig. I tried. And believe me, I tried. But after subjecting myself to numerous YouTube interviews and performances, I found myself firmly pitted against the Haus of Gaga.

“Just Dance” deserves the #1, though it’s about a year too late for me to ride the wave. Maybe I’m just being bitter (Okay, I am bitter about it), but nothing boils my blood more than a boasty musical recommendation from a friend about this “new song” they heard on the radio by this weird Gaga chick. Except she’s not weird…She’s just a collective of the things I’ve enjoyed over the past years, shoved directly in the mainstream’s face.

You know what? I decided to quickly rewatch the acoustic set of “Poker Face.” Yes, she sang it, but by the 2:50 mark of the acoustic performance of “Poker Face,” I become too revolted by her performance antics to classify this as a good time.

I realize now that I really don’t care for Lady Gaga, the entertainer. She should continue writing for other artists as has been done in recent times, but this gig has simply got to go.

DL: Lady Gaga – Just Dance (Something Wrong Remix) (Mediafire)