Riri, Get Your Gun: The Video Premiere of Rihanna’s “Hard.”

by Bradley Stern
filed under: Chris Brown, Rihanna, Video Premiere

FORWARD…MARCH!

Here at MuuMuse, we’ve got our guns, got our guns, we got our guns in the mothafuckin’ ayuh. Why? Because it’s time for the premiere of Rihannoir‘s “Hard.”

There are explosions. There are spikes. There is a surplus in sass-talking, shoulder pads, and duct-taped nipples…and that’s just the first two minutes!

There is also mud-rolling, and a flash of army men playing cards and betting chips (WHICH IS A LOT LIKE A CONTINUATION OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.)

At the delicious 2:12 mark, Riri takes aim where it hurts: Making the hand gesture that means ‘You have a tiny penis.’ Because as we now well know, Rihanna is a size queen…so it probably has something to do with C. Brown‘s penis. I’m literally just guessing at this point.

And I haven’t even BEGUN to analyze the multi-layered gender studies-ready reading of the straddling-a-pink-turret-while-wearing-Mickey-Mouse-combat-helmet moment at the 2:40 mark. Sacrefreud!

But THEN , just when you think it could not get any better, she defies ALL of my expectations at the 3:30 mark and, during the “Where dem’ bloggas at?” section, PRETENDS TO BE TYPING ON A KEYBOARD. IT IS LIKE SHE IS TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME.

This video is literally too good to be true. I need to lie down.

Forget the military’s “Army of One” recruiting campaigns…this is all they’ll ever need.

Viva la Rihannoir!

pixel Riri, Get Your Gun: The Video Premiere of Rihannas Hard.

  • xolondon

    What I appreciate about Rihanna is how “on topic” she is with her message and visuals on this album. It’s all of one piece and she doesn’t need to shove every image on earth into one video. Which is a bit of a slam against another artist, yes. Team Rihanna. Or Battalion Rihanna, as it were. And yes, best outfits of the year.

  • http://www.muumuse.com Bradley Stern

    I completely get what you’re saying, which is why her album is certainly the concept album of the year for me as far as cohesiveness, mood and theme.

    This campaign is just about flawless as far as I’m concerned.

  • http://just-a-bit-skeet.blogspot.com Jordan

    Please stop saying “Viva la Rihannoir!”

    That is all.

  • http://www.muumuse.com Bradley Stern

    Mmmm…no.

  • RJ

    2:12 is the Eye of Horus…she’s the devil you know.

  • http://hellofromlisbon.blogspot.com/ hellofromlisbon

    I become a devoted Rihanna (or Rihannoir!) fan because of this record! It’s just to good to be true, very conceptual and in tune with the moment in the artist’s life. Hell, it even made me go and buy Good Girl Gone Bad Reloaded!

    I can’t stop writing about her on my blog, and I will have to post this video soon (thanks for keeping us up to date Brad – love you and your musings!).

    Best,

    JP (at Hellofromlisbon blogspot)