MuuMuse Approved Tracks for the Week of October 31, 2010

5. Rihanna – What’s My Name? (iTunes)
The second single from RiRi’s upcoming studio album, LOUD, continues to push all the right buttons with me (and shows no sign of stopping). Naughty taunts and a haunted Island rhythm to keep those hips twerking for days–oh, na na na na! I just can’t get enough.

4. Ed Drewett – Champagne Lemonade
Chock full of hazy synthesizers and dub-step infused beats, the über-promising pop star’s debut single (which sees release this week) finds the singer lamenting the loss of a lady to a man with the funds to provide all that glitters–like a modern upgrade of “I (Who Have Nothing).” Don’t worry, Ed: She’ll be sorry she ever took a sip of that champagne after hearing this one!

3. Ke$ha – Sleazy
The Queen of Trashlandia steals my glittering heart yet again with another gem from her upcoming Animal re-release (Cannibal), the Bangladesh-produced “Sleazy.” A sick, grinding beat and scuzzy lyrics about snatching bottles and beats (“beat’s so phat, gonna make me cum, um, um, um, um”). Contracting an STD has never sounded so good!

2. Cher Lloyd – Stay
Just too good to be ignored. Lloyd’s heartbreaking, vulnerable take on Shakespears Sister’s “Stay” nearly brings me to tears with each replay and proves just why she’s the shoe-in to win this year’s X Factor. Even if you don’t watch the show, you need to check this performance immediately. (VIDEO)

1. Nicki Minaj (feat. Eminem) – Roman’s Revenge (iTunes)
Just in time for Halloween, here comes Mizz Minaj (or rather her alter-ego, Roman) at most frightening moment on record yet. “I’m a bad bitch. I’m a cunt. And I’ll kick that ho…PUNT,” she spits on the Eminem-assisted (or rather his alter ego, Slim Shady) intimidation track off of her upcoming debut, Pink Friday. Both rappers let their freak flag fly high in this no holds barred exercise in anger mis-management, but it’s Em who scores the most major freak points with his “two peas in a tripod” moment. I won’t spoil any further–the song must be heard to be believed.

Let’s get LOUD!

Tonight, Rihanna performed “Only Girl (In The World),” the incredible lead single from her upcoming studio album Loud, during the X Factor results show. (And then Belle Amie went home, boo hoo, etc. etc.)

Watch as the Barbadian beauty’s decadent dinner soiree goes from classy to trashy in one minute flat when the guests stop being polite and start getting real LOUD. RiRi even takes a slice of cake and throws it in some bitch’s face! AWESOME. (VIDEO)

Just a day prior (October 30), the singer spent the night over in New York City on Saturday Night Live, performing both “Only Girl” (VIDEO) and her soon-to-be smash follow-up, “What’s My Name?” (VIDEO)

In an, err…interesting creative decision, the performer opted to deliver the two numbers using Chorus effect on the mic (or so sayeth my uber-knowledgeable music engineer buddy), which made her sound a little…well, let’s go with ‘other-worldly.’ I really wish it hadn’t been used because it did nothing to enhance the performance. In fact, it probably only added some fuel for the haters who claim that she can’t sing. In response to that noise, I whip my hair back and forth.

Furthermore, she seemed to forget the words and lose her breath a few times with “Only Girl.” But “What’s My Name”? O GRRRL. THOSE HIPS! She was giving some serious “Rude Boy” booty, and I just wanted more, more more! GOT DAMN. Really, really solid performance the second time around. (Loved the rockier live band renditions on both songs, by the way!)

Oh, and RiRi did another “Shy Ronnie” digital skit with Andy Samberg which was (obviously) boner-ific. You must, must, MUST check out “Ronnie & Clyde” now! (VIDEO)

I love Rihanna so fucking much.

TOODALOO BITCHES!

LOUD will be released on November 16. (iTunes)

Today is October 30, which means it’s time for the ghoulish Halloween X Factor spook-tacular! And oh, how terrifying it was: Damning choir chants from Hell, epilepsy-inducing flashes of lights, Louis Walsh’s general existence—wait, how’s this any different from any other week of the X Factor? Oh right, heavier eyeliner.

Read More…

Blimey!!!

Last night, the fabulous and ferocious ex-Alouder Nuhdeen Coyle performed her debut single, “Insatiable,” on The Paul O’Grady Show. (VIDEO)

Decked out in a tight, chic black mini-dress and killer heels, The Irish Empress of Pop absolutely nailed her live solo career debut with one of the most solid, off-the-chain live vocals from a pop star this year. And effortlessly so!

Still, I can’t shake the feeling that she looked a tad out of place up there all alone. Nostalgia flooding in–can’t…control…SOMETHING KINDA OOOOH: And now, one of my favorite Aloud performances (and also one of their last together). Sadface.

“Insatiable” will be released on November 1. (iTunes UK)

The Saturdays performed their latest single, “Higher” on ITV’s Lorraine yesterday morning. And guess what? It was kind of really fucking good! (VIDEO)

Sure the dance moves are suspect and the styling unfortunate, but each Saturday basically nailed their own bits–even the tough ones! I know I was holding my breath when Una was building up for that really ambitious, super screamy note at the very tippy-top of the song’s bridge–but she did it!

YES, MAMACITAS! Now make a new album (and don’t put Flo-Rida on anything ever again).

“Higher” will be released on October 31. (iTunes UK)

And out of nowhere, new Ke$uxxx descends from the heavens (and into the loving arms of Australian iTunes–clearly a gift to The Prophet): It is “Sleazy,” one of the album tracks from the upcoming re-release of Animal, Cannibal. (LISTEN!)

The lyrics are bratty, the beat is boss…AND IT’S ALL SO FUCKING DELICIOUS.

I’ll be damned if the track’s smooth rap styling doesn’t feel like a subtle nod to her pre-”Tik Tok” leaky leaks, including her still amazing, extra horny cover of “Slow Motion.”

The beat’s so phat, gonna make me cum, um, um, um, um.

Now this is the Ke$ha I want to hear and fuck.*

*OH MY GOD. SO KIDDING. I’m anti-crabs.

Cannibal will be released on November 22. (iTunes)

The video for Nicole Scherzinger‘s new RedOne-produced single “Poison” was just released, and it is completely terrible. Let us explore why. (VIDEO)

1.) The hair: It’s a problem. For everyone involved.

2.) Britney rip, Part I: A Joseph Khan-directed music video that involves a pop star on a high-speed motorcycle? I’ve never seen this before.

3.) Extended spit scenes: Ew, gross. If I wanted to watch a video of a man spitting, I’d be–I’m stopping that thought.

4.) Britney rip, Part II: A Joseph Khan-directed video that involves a pop star constantly quick-changing into another outfit simply by spinning around quickly? I’ve never seen this before.

5.) The dancing: It’s sloppy, and not in the ‘look how fun and cheeky we’re being by making a campy superhero video’ kind of way, but in a ‘this is shitty and fun for nobody that’s watching’ kind of way.

But above all, the greatest offense of this video is that it was directed by Joseph Khan, the same man behind Britney’s “Stronger,” “Toxic,” and “Womanizer,” Kylie‘s “All The Lovers,” Gaga‘s “LoveGame” and generally amazing music videos.

That this video looks like nothing more than a quickly slapped-together combination of everything we’ve already seen from him (but done ten times worse) is truly a cheapening of the Joseph Khan brand–not to mention yet another count against the continuously crumbling empire that is Nicole Scherzinger’s career.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, WOMAN.

I haven’t done one of these in a while (since Gaga’s ill-fated tour with Kanye, actually), so I’ve decided I should start this up again.

And now, a dramatic reading of what (I think) transpired at the creative concept meeting prior to the video shoot for Katy Perry‘s “Firework.”

Katy Perry: Thank you all so, so very much for joining me tonight to discuss the video concept for “Firework,” anonymous gays. NOW: WHAT IN DA FUCK WE GONNA DO?
Gay A: Right, I’ve got it. So for the opening scene, I want to see you in, like, a really yummy Gaultier gown running down an empty corridor with, like, a bunch of crucifixes and lubricant in your hands. Wait, scratch that. This has to be a really, really BIG political moment. I want you to be scattering flowers…on Harriet Tubman’s grave. No, wait–diamonds. And you should be crying, I think. Blood tears. And I think you should have the word “RACISM” tattooed onto one of your ass cheeks–but tastefully. Perhaps in cursive?

Gay B: No, no, no. Katy, look: This is going to be your big statement piece for the gays. This needs to be like an “It Gets Better” video mixed with Lindsay Lohan‘s “Confessions Of A Broken Heart” mixed with a late-night infomercial about impoverished Africans–but with more dudes making out. As long as the overarching message is tolerance.
Gay A: You mean like a more expensive, insane version of Christina Aguilera‘s video for “Beautiful”?
Gay B: I mean…if you want to be a dick about it Joshua, then yes. It’s not like anyone remembers who she is anyway.
Gay A: Wait. Isn’t this the same bitch who sang a song called “Ur So Gay” like three years ago?
Rihanna, on conference call: OOH, NA NA NA NA.

Gay C: Ladies, ladies…please. What we really need to focus on is where we can fit in some subtle Gaga undertones. Meat is purely a no-go, but I really don’t think the concept has been pushed to the absolute limit. Has anyone ever considered a canned meat ensemble? Spam culottes, perhaps? No, perhaps a turkey tunic–

Katy Perry: WHAT IF FIREWORKS BURST FORTH FROM MY TEATS?

Elmo: Oh heavens to Betsy, Katy. I really don’t know if that’s the best id–
Gay A: PERFECT.
Gay B: I LOVE.
Gay C: AMAZING.

Katy Perry: *Lactates whipped cream.*

And that is what (I think) happened.