Kim Zolciak Snatches Her Own Wig With “Google Me”

by Bradley Stern
filed under: Black Eyed Peas, Heidi Montag, John Lennon, Kesha, Kim Zolciak, Paris Hilton, Single Review, T-Pain

Kim Zolciak1 Kim Zolciak Snatches Her Own Wig With Google Me

We as a society owe so much to Auto-Tune.

The audio processing equipment responsible for jump-starting the careers of such acts as the already irrelevant T-Pain and smelly pop sensation Ke$ha has granted us countless musical triumphs, including Cher‘s legendary comeback (“Believe”), Paris Hilton‘s shamefully good debut record, and of course, Heidi Montag‘s legendary feat in commercial floppery, Superficial.

It has also granted us a barrage of singles from blink-and-you’ll-miss-’em reality stars, especially from the truly delectable Real Housewives series on Bravo.

Following the success of her cautionary debut, “Tardy for the Party,” professional hit-maker Kim Zolciak has returned from the recording studio with another classic: “Google Me.”

Brave. Different. Iconic. All of these words fail to accurately describe the potential impact of Zolciak’s soon-to-be smash single.

“Click them keys and Google me,” the be-wigged mother of two implores of us in her electro-pop laced examination of the human condition as seen through the lens of a post-modern, post-prostitution whooah society.

At times, she plays coy; at others, she attacks: “Those other girls they want to be like me / But they’re just Barbies–all body, no brains.” At once, Zolciak both asserts her own independence as a woman while casting her own scathing criticism against those who put a premium on the impossibly artificial standards of beauty exemplified in popular culture.

While “Google Me” will no doubt go down as the “Imagine” (John Lennon) of our time, perhaps the most impressive part of Zolciak’s latest classic is the fact that the chanteuse’s vocal limitations actually manage to nullify the perfecting skills of Auto-Tune.

Yes, Zolciak’s half octave range defies the very capabilities of the vocal processor that has granted so many of the Black Eyed Peas‘ Bar Mitzvah stompers to pervade the popular music charts, proving once and for all that Kim Zolciak has literally the worst voice on the entire planet. Ever.

I’m afraid you’ve lost this time, Auto-Tune. There are just some atrocities that even your warbling robot settings simply cannot correct.

Kim’s management has been snatching down links to the song like mad at the moment, but you can currently listen to “Google Me” in full at Idolator.

(BUT REALLY, THIS SONG IS AMAZING.)

pixel Kim Zolciak Snatches Her Own Wig With Google Me

  • Mikey

    Oh my dear lord I can’t stop listening to this.

  • Terry

    Ugh, I want to shoot myself for bobbing my head to this. Damn you muumuse!

  • Nathan

    Oh my dear God. What the hell is shit? What a trite piece of trash! Are you seriously telling me that you like this?!

  • Kev

    Wow … that was ulcer-developing-awful! Anytime someone has the words “Google” & “Me” in a song all I can think about is Tiana Taylor’s “Google Me” which is MUUUCH better.

  • ty-boxx

    i love, love, love this post. The bitchy chastising yet tongue in cheek praise is right up my alley. And though I detest this trash – I can’t get it outta my head!

    brilliant writing mumuse.

  • Kim Zolciak

    F-U Moose, watch your wig! Now bring me more fucking white wine, brush my wig and light my cig or else…I’ll send out my wig monkeys to find you! Muahahaha

    With wiggin’ love,

    Kim Zolciak

    P.S: “Bar Mitzvah stompers” is the name of my next single…Thanks bitch!



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