Legendtina Defies All Expectations, Re-Ascends to #1 on Billboard Hot 100

First Legendtina did the unthinkable, skyrocketing to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for her inspired 7.5 second coattail-riding assist on Maroon 5‘s “Moves Like Jagger.” Then…she flopped back down to reality after Adele decided to Schoolin’ Life the lowly Floptina.

But now, this week…SHE DID THE EVEN MORE UNTHINKABLE:

THE TRUE QUEEN HAS RETURNED TO HER RIGHTFUL THRONE.

Yes, that’s right lesser divas:

CHRISTINA MARIA MEDULLA OBLONGATA OOH NA NA AGUILERA IS BACK ON TOP AND BIGGER THAN EVER.

From Billboard:

After dropping to No. 2 last week, “Jagger” returns for a second frame atop the Hot 100, similarly rebounding (3-1) for a second week at No. 1 on Digital Songs (220,000, up 6%). The song claims Airplay Gainer honors on the Hot 100 courtesy of its 8-5 push on Radio Songs (104 million, up 20%).

And so it was said: On this day, September the 14th, The Great Legendtina of Former Floppiness did INDEED re-ascend to the throne made out of unsold Bionic albums while unleashing a powerfully irritating vocal run that went on for thirty seconds too long.

BOW DOWN.

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