The Holy Spearit has been rather busy these days, to say the absolute least.
Over the past few weeks, XFactorney has been blessing the judge’s panel of the X Factor on the road alongside Simon Cowell, Demetria Lovato and L.A. Reid, as wannabes from all across the country attempt attempt to wow The Ringleader with their feeble, flaw-filled vocals and sub-par charisma.
Our Queen has been the epitome of Politeney, delivering glowing praise (“I think you can be bigger than the next Justin Bieber”–that’s right, the Living Legend is so far ahead of us that she’s already thinking about the next next Justin Bieber, so marinate on that), constructive sass (“You do need a little more training, sweetie”), scared sass (“I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me”), sassy sass (“I thought you were sassy, sassy, sassy!”) and of course, the subtle sass heard ’round the world (or at least as a Trending Topic worldwide on Twitter): “I pass.”
Oh! Also, she signed the “An American Tragedy” cover of Rolling Stone from March 2008 looking healthy, fabulous and flaw-free, which is quite literally the most astonishing show of poetic justice that has ever/will ever happen in history.
Meanwhile, before her next stop on the X Factor Audition tour next week in Kansas City, Brit Brit just decided to upload two short clips onto Viddy this evening–a series entitled “The Dog House.”
In the first, the Holy Spearit serves us angry Lioness realness. “Jason, I’m tired of cleaning up after you. Get out of the house!” she barks, employing her best acting skills (think Will & Grace–no Cuecardney!) In the second, Jason sticks his head out of the dog (doll?) house and sighs: “Guess I’m in the dog house.” WHAT?
Though I’ve literally got no idea what “The Dog House” series is all about (some traces of Luis Buñuel in the work–it’s clearly Surrealist inspired), these clips are proof that–like the Holy Madge before her–B is rapidly on her way to becoming a filmmaker, and I for one will be first in line with my Strawberry Frappe to see “The Dog House: A Godney Film.”
Finally, according to Sony Music Switzerland/stans over at Exhale, Team Britney is putting out one of the most LOL-worthy Greatest Hits compilations of all time this summer, called Oops! I Did It Again – The Best Of Britney Spears.
The set includes such smashes as “Out From Under” (?), “You Got It All” (?!) and of course, the song that tops everyone’s party playlist: “MY BABY.” Seriously, the official tracklisting looks like someone over at Sony HQ put every Britney song ever on a dart board, blindfolded an intern, spun them around 17 times, and then chose whatever songs the darts landed on. Check it out…
(COOL PHOTOSHOP SKILLS, BRAH!)
01. Oops!…I Did It Again – (Album Version)
02. …Baby One More Time – (Album Version)
03. I’m A Slave 4 U – (Main Version)
04. Born To Make You Happy – (Radio Edit)
05. Cinderella
06. Brave New Girl
07. The Hook Up
08. Don’t Hang Up
09. One Kiss From You
10. Anticipating
11. What It’s Like To Be Me
12. My Baby – (Main Version)
13. Out From Under – (Main Version)
14. You Got It All
15. Showdown
16. That’s Where You Take Me
It’s the most insane, mind-bogglingly unnecessary collection yet. Therefore, I need to own it IMMEDIATELY.
Besides, any compilation that considers “Don’t Hang Up” to be one of Britney’s greatest hits is a friend of mine. (Can one be friends with a compilation? I digress.) Signing off!
VIVA LA GODNEY.