Legendtina Prepares New Single for August, Industry Remains Frozen in Terror

by Bradley Stern


She’s spent the past six months getting queasy while spinning on the red swivel throne of The Voice and teaching Baby Max how to say “Mi Reflejo won a Latin Grammy,” but now, Almighty Queen Legendtina is finally putting down the lipstick and preparing a 2012 comeback–beginning with her highly anticipated new single in August.

From Billboard:

It’s been two years and two seasons of “The Voice” since Christina Aguilera’s last studio album, but new music from the veteran pop star may be arriving before summer’s end.

A source tells Billboard that Aguilera is working hard on the follow-up to 2010’s “Bionic,” and that a new single is expected to be released in early August. The club banger was produced by Swedish pop hit-maker Max Martin, and its chorus is built around the line, “All I want to do is what you wanted.”

As we already knew, an “amazing” Max Martin-produced single was already floating around radio months ago. Is it the same song? Quite likely, indeed. “All I want to do is what you wanted”? Is it raunchy? Is it about power play? IS IT ABOUT S&M? Let us pray.

According to MuuMuse’s international correspondents, pop divas across the world are mad, scared and/or pressed. Lady Gaga is in talks to cancel the American leg of her tour Beetlejuice’s Halloween Revue, while Ke$ha has drunk herself into an extended coma. (It’s still unclear whether this is a direct response to Legendtina’s reign, or simply another Tuesday.)

Adele–who is said to have announced her pregnancy to avoid direct competition with Aguilera–exclusively told MuuMuse in between a drag of her cigarette: “That bitch threatened to gouge my eyes out with her lip-shaped anal bead mic stand. I’m out, seriously.”

Not everyone is scared, however. Upon hearing the news, Alexandra Stan told us: “Who?”

Hear that cackling in the distance? Something Bionic this way comes…

  • Luke

    This article blows.

  • http://twitter.com/JoshuaPingley Joshua Pingley

    I’m so over this bitch, to be honest.

  • http://twitter.com/Tillology Matt Castillo

    “Beetlejuice’s Halloween Revue” Cannot stop laughing at this! Can’t wait to hear Legendtina slaying on the radio again.

  • Maxx Fatale

    I LMAO with this haha!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=771405500 Éric Hirschbeck


  • Lance

    Beatlejuice’s Halloween Revue! LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

  • Legendtina 4eva

    I think it’s time for Xtina’s assassination of all your faves… For sure she has been forced to work with Martin, but I don’t care as long as the single slays on the radio.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=124301150 Zane Hight

    “Mi Reflejo won a Latin Grammy”… I keep re-imagining this in my mind and it’s HILARIOUS.

  • Marc

    I definitely LOL’d after reading this. The bit about Kesha and “it’s unclear whether this was in response to Legendtina or just another Tuesday” – hysterical.

  • Jake Kelly

    Pretty funny take on things. Seriously though, I’m kind of excited to hear the new single.


  • http://knightofscorpio.tumblr.com/ DtheArtist

    Yess! This post gave me life for real! Slay them!