She’s spent the past six months getting queasy while spinning on the red swivel throne of The Voice and teaching Baby Max how to say “Mi Reflejo won a Latin Grammy,” but now, Almighty Queen Legendtina is finally putting down the lipstick and preparing a 2012 comeback–beginning with her highly anticipated new single in August.

From Billboard:

It’s been two years and two seasons of “The Voice” since Christina Aguilera’s last studio album, but new music from the veteran pop star may be arriving before summer’s end.

A source tells Billboard that Aguilera is working hard on the follow-up to 2010’s “Bionic,” and that a new single is expected to be released in early August. The club banger was produced by Swedish pop hit-maker Max Martin, and its chorus is built around the line, “All I want to do is what you wanted.”

As we already knew, an “amazing” Max Martin-produced single was already floating around radio months ago. Is it the same song? Quite likely, indeed. “All I want to do is what you wanted”? Is it raunchy? Is it about power play? IS IT ABOUT S&M? Let us pray.

According to MuuMuse’s international correspondents, pop divas across the world are mad, scared and/or pressed. Lady Gaga is in talks to cancel the American leg of her tour Beetlejuice’s Halloween Revue, while Ke$ha has drunk herself into an extended coma. (It’s still unclear whether this is a direct response to Legendtina’s reign, or simply another Tuesday.)

Adele–who is said to have announced her pregnancy to avoid direct competition with Aguilera–exclusively told MuuMuse in between a drag of her cigarette: “That bitch threatened to gouge my eyes out with her lip-shaped anal bead mic stand. I’m out, seriously.”

Not everyone is scared, however. Upon hearing the news, Alexandra Stan told us: “Who?”

Hear that cackling in the distance? Something Bionic this way comes…

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  • Luke

    This article blows.

  • Joshua Pingley

    I’m so over this bitch, to be honest.

  • Matt Castillo

    “Beetlejuice’s Halloween Revue” Cannot stop laughing at this! Can’t wait to hear Legendtina slaying on the radio again.

  • Maxx Fatale

    I LMAO with this haha!

  • Éric Hirschbeck


  • Lance

    Beatlejuice’s Halloween Revue! LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

  • Legendtina 4eva

    I think it’s time for Xtina’s assassination of all your faves… For sure she has been forced to work with Martin, but I don’t care as long as the single slays on the radio.

  • Zane Hight

    “Mi Reflejo won a Latin Grammy”… I keep re-imagining this in my mind and it’s HILARIOUS.

  • Marc

    I definitely LOL’d after reading this. The bit about Kesha and “it’s unclear whether this was in response to Legendtina or just another Tuesday” – hysterical.

  • Jake Kelly

    Pretty funny take on things. Seriously though, I’m kind of excited to hear the new single.

  • DtheArtist

    Yess! This post gave me life for real! Slay them!