LITERALLY STOP YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND ROCK THE SPOTS.

IT IS FINALLY UPON US: Nearly five months after filming with Ray Kay, The Holy Spearit has at long last blessed us with the complete “Till The World Ends” Twister Remix video.

And obviously, it is everything.

The clip begins with a gaggle of basics (sometimes known as a “basic bundle” or “Little Monsters”) stretching and bending in a dance studio. Suddenly, Godney bursts through the doors into the studio, astounding the flops around her, who gasp in disbelief, shake and bow down in awe of her utter flawlessness.

After tossing down her purse (stuffed with Twister Dance, the Hot New Accessory for Fashionable Women), B unleashes The Spots Which One Rocks (more on those later!) at the feet of the lessers. Then…she gets IN THE ZONE.

DANCENEY. Danceney! Hairflips, armography for days, and even a few moves recalling the original “Till The World Ends” choreography. Queen B is looking fit, fresh, coming back lookin’ delicious and jumping over drama (and spots) and landing on her feet. F’real, the moves are lookin’ GOOD!

When we finally return to the studio after the Twister Dancesplosion, Godney suddenly realizes she’s got a lunch date with Banana the Snake at Nobu that afternoon and promptly turns around to leave. But before strutting out the door, she spins back around, and delivers a most legendary line:

“WAY TO ROCK THE SPOTS, LADIES.”

Fact: It’s the new “No thanks, I choose my own destiny.”

As previously reported, not only have Mattel, LEGO and all toy soldier manufacturers closed following Twister Dance’s release, but I’m now being told Excluusively that mannequin makers nationwide are now shutting down as well. Said one worker to MuuMuse while receiving his final pay check: “What can I say? She’s the original doll.”

Way to rock the spots, Godney.

In other news, we’ve finally hit the home stretch for the X Factor premiere! And if you’ve been checking out the many updates at BreatheHeavy, you’ve probably noticed the flaw-free promos spilling in droves on the daily.

But what you may not have noticed is that Brit Brit’s been talking in tongues. Not devil speak, like the words that come out of Rihanna‘s mouth every night she serves as the High Priestess of the Illuminati–but actual foreign languages!

“Konnichiwa,” she says to a contestant in one, an obvious allusion to Robyn as a thank you for providing back-up vocals for “Piece of Me.” “Je ne sais quoi,” she says in an interview to describe having “the X factor,” flawlessly flaunting her Frenchney.

In case you’re not educated, you might not know that the Holy Spearit is in fact a cunning linguist, and this is just another example of her expressing her robust knowledge of world languages. Can’t wait until she breaks out the Urdu!

And now, a full week of Promoney awaits: Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel, radio interviews, and of course, the premiere! And soon enough, the pop collaboration with Will.I.Am to save the world. Are you ready for what’s next?

2012: YEAR OF THE SPEARS OFFICIALLY BEGINS NOW.

GIFs courtesy of RealityTVGIFs and itskittibitch.

About The Author

I'm like the ringleader. I call the shots.

  • http://twitter.com/lordemilius Emilio

    I absolutely live for that last gif.

  • dan

    On my knees for that last gif

  • Chris

    that britney parting the waters is ALL.

  • david

    The most amazing thing about that last gif is that the sign behind her says “red river exit.” Choice.

  • Bored in the bathroom

    OMG CUNNING LINGUIST I LOVE YOU

  • Bored in the bathroom

    OMG CUNNING LINGUIST I LOVE YOU