January 10, 2013
Destiny’s Child Is Performing At The Super Bowl, So Here’s What Might Happen (But Probably Won’t)
According to US Weekly, Destiny’s Child is reuniting on stage at the Super Bowl.
Everyone knows that everything Us Weekly prints is true, especially because you should always believe everything that you read, so we’ll all just pretend it’s real because that’s a very exciting prospect. Besides, DC3’s got a new compilation coming out (with a new song!), so why shouldn’t it be real? It’s real, guys.
Now, we already know Beyoncé’s going to put on an amazing show. Obviously. She is Beyoncé. But what will happen when Destiny’s Child regroups onstage to perform a medley? Not any of the scenarios below, that’s for sure. But you never know…
1.) Following the wildly successful medley, Beyoncé and Kelly exchange warm hugs and lower down underneath the stage holding hands. Michelle Williams takes to the center of the stage to perform a 9-minute dance mix medley of “We Break The Dawn,” “Hello Heartbreak” and “Till The End of the World,” complete with a dubstep breakdown. A Chevrolet driven by Rico Love makes its way onstage, and Michelle performs an acoustic rendition of “Stop This Car” on the hood. In the final few seconds, a 60-piece marching band join together and spell out the words “Buy Unexpected on iTunes” on the field. Michelle Williams, the actress, smiles on in approval from the Knowles’ sky box.
2.) Beyoncé, Kelly, Latavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett rise up from the stage for a surprise original Destiny’s Child reunion. Just before the end of “Bills, Bills, Bills,” Farrah Franklin suddenly pulls a Lil Mama at the VMA’s and wrestles her way past security onto the stage, elbowing LeToya into a tuba player and stealing her microphone to deliver a final, slightly off-key riff. At the end, Super Bowl play-by-play announcer Jim Nantz asks the audience to give “a warm round of applause to Beyoncé, Ledisi and Kelly Hilson.” Michelle Williams looks away from the TV for a moment, stares down at her Blackberry Pearl and tweets: “R u guys watching this? Crazy stuff lol.”
3.) Beyoncé, Kelly and Michelle finish their medley to explosive applause. The trio stand together in a circle holding hands, smiling at one another as a warm beam of white light shoots up in between the women. An altar begins to rise 30 feet into the air; a small manger filled with hay and glitter resting on top. Inside, Blue Ivy Carter–wearing House of Deréon Bebe–giggles and coos into her bejeweled Swarovski microphone. This is literally Destiny’s Child.
Suddenly, the trumpets on the field are drowned out by the foreign sound of Legendtina‘s chart-middling smash, “Your Body.” A cackle rings out across the stadium as a crown-wearing blonde in a studded diaper riding a promotional Bionic anal bead mic stand swoops in from the sky. “SAY!” she cackles as she snatches Blue Ivy from the manger in her talons, flying away while unsold copies of Lotus sprinkle from the sky. Lotus later falls three places to #169 on the Billboard 200.