March 12, 2013
Hey Sluts, Nicole Scherzinger Is Jealous Of You
Eternally humble chanteuse, child terrorist and “Puakenikeni” enthusiast Nicole Scherzinger has something to say to all you sluts out there: She’s jealous of you!
Scherzy Baby, whose latest single “Boomerang” was just released in the UK (the accompanying video doubles as a terrifying Japanese ghost prophecy), spoke to The Independent on Sunday about her career and stuff recently, including her #sexysongs.
Scherzy explained: “With these kind of songs, I don’t feel I have to justify myself to anyone. I come from the most religious family – my grandfather is a priest – and if they support me in all this, and they do, then I’m okay…I’m being sassy and classy. I’m having fun. I’m not coming from a dark place,” the “Wet” songstress explained.
And then came the (scher)zinger: “To be honest with you, I sometimes wish I were more slutty. I’d probably be a lot more successful if I were,” she laughed, presumably while sucking the last remnants of Chrystina Sayers‘ bone marrow from her teeth before humming “nothing’s sweeter than my Puakenikeni.”
And that’s not all: Scherzinger also says it was “God’s will” that she became famous! “I just knew that it was going to happen. The moment I heard Whitney Houston sing, I realised that that was what I was going to do as well. I used to sign all my yearbooks in school, ‘Remember me when I’m famous’.”
Modesty is a virtue!
According to MuuMuse insiders, Legendtina and Miss Scherzy Baby are currently in talks to team up as a power-pop duo later this year, called You’re Welcome.
Her Name Is Nicole will be released in never and Killer Love will be released in America on the Nopeth of Not Happening, following the release of her X Factor single “Pretty,” which will not be available on iTunes or anywhere ever.