April 15, 2013
Selena Gomez Performs at MTV Movie Awards, Earns Praise From The Holy Spearit
Last night, in the grand tradition of the MTV Movie Awards, we the true lovers of music suffered through about 2-1/2 hours of non-music related award show shenanigans, fat jokes and genitalia gross-out gags aplenty—all to see if anyone could ever possibly surpass the greatness of Lindsay Lohan‘s 2004 MTV Movie Awards performance.
And, for the 9th year in a row, no one did. (Kylie Minogue was in the audience though, so there was that!)
Indeed, there were only two musical performances last night: One by Macklemore (I pass), and the one we were all waiting for: Miss Selegendary Gomezmerizing‘s debut performance of “Come & Get It.”
Before performing, Selegend—a well-known believer in all things Godney—raved about the Spearit’s iconic 2001 VMA performance to MTV, as any loyal follower would:
“My favorite MTV performance for any of the awards would be Britney [Spears’] ‘[I’m a] Slave 4 U,’ ” Gomez said. “I just loved it. I thought it was super-iconic, and she owned that stage. The routine was impeccable. She looked beautiful. It was kind of when she had her transitioning moment, and that definitely inspired me for this one, for sure.”
“Slave 4 U”-inspired? Amazing! Exciting! The Emancipation of Selly!
And then she performed, and it was, y’know…cute.
The whole thing was really more of a “Baby’s First Dance Recital”—or maybe “Toddlers & Tiaras,” which inspired a lot of mixed feelings of pride, intense awkwardness and a weird urge to scream “DRINK YOUR GO-GO JUICE!”
Keeping in line with the heavy Hindu/Bollywood influence of the song, the tiny Lover of Love Songs arrived barefoot to the stage in flowing red mystical garb, and off she went: Some silly floorography, some sort-of belly dancing and a little bit of sultry hip swivels. She’s never really done choreography before…and it wasn’t too bad! She smiled a lot, which was great. And she did sing live! Not that it really sounded good.
“Slave 4 U”-esque? Or anywhere near the same level? Not so much.
But look: Selegend isn’t Selegend because of her iconic choreography or impressive vocal skills. She is Selegend because she’s a cute, happy pop starlet who makes cute, happy pop music—and occasionally stars in sex, drugs & Skrillex-filled romps like Spring Breakers. She is not, eh, how you say…a pop dynamo.
To put it into perspective: Selena Gomez is 20 years old. When Britney Spears was 19 years old, she did this. There are pop stars, and then there are legends.
Regardless! It was a suitable, ‘that’ll do’ performance for a pop star of her quality, and should be given warm golf claps. But don’t take my word for it! Ask…BRITNEY.
Indeed, Queen B herself took time away from recording Blackout 2.0, as well as her part-time position as soccer game sideline cheerleader and shopping partner with…David…to tweet some sweet Spearitual blessings over to Lady Gomez:
Wow @SelenaGomez… “Come & Get It” on the #mtvmovieawards was incredible! One of my favorite songs out there right now! and thank you for all of the kind words about the VMA Slave performance…you’re too sweet! Means a lot to me.
Gomez was last seen rocking furiously in the corner of a green room backstage, clutching a worn limited edition copy of Greatest Hits: My Prerogative in her hands and sobbing the word “unworthy” over and over again.
“Come & Get It” was released on April 7. (iTunes)