SMURF YOUR ENTIRE SMURF.

“Ooh La La,” Britney‘s contribution to the soundtrack of The Smurfs 2, has finally been leaked upon the Interwebz—on International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia no less, yet another milestone in Britney’s tireless career as a LGBT warrior—and the results are pure, summery Smurfish delight.

Let’s break it down now — show me what you got!

The premise: You are smurfing beautiful. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how many smurfs you’ve smurfed. Let’s just run away and smurf all night.

The production: Dr. Luke, Ammo, Cirkut

The writers: Bonnie McKee, J Kash, Lola Blanc, Fransisca Hall

The singer: The Legendary Miss Britney Spears

The background: “I just wrote something for Britney Spears for the Smurfs movie, which was a really funny assignment because it’s for the Smurfs movie so it has to family friendly but it’s Britney Spears so it has to be a Britney Spears radio song. And Britney Spears is just all sex all day. So how many sexual innuendos can I come up with that aren’t too painfully obvious for the parents to get upset about. That was an interesting challenge,” Bonnie told The Hollywood Reporter in April.

The dedication: “I’m at the studio recording a new song for my boys. They are going to freak out when they hear it. So excited!” Queen B tweeted on January 30.

The boys:

britneygayboys

Sounds Like: It’s a shimmering, summery guitar-led track with a punchy pulse, very similar to Madonna‘s “Superstar” off of MDNA (“Ooh la la, you’re my superstar!”). The girlish, baby B vocals are pure “Brave New Girl” delight, the verses are Martin Solveig‘s “Hello”-esque and the “anti-chorus” construction provides the slightest hint of “Hold It Against Me” (“My heart beats fast” = “If I said my heart was beating loud…”), or Carl Falk‘s crunchy pop productions for One Direction.

The vocals: Flaw-free and Spearitual, obviously—and slightly pitched-up? Smurfs friendly!

The best part: The pre-choruses, for sure: “You know can’t nobody get down like us! We don’t stop ’til we get enough!” Queen B yelps. It’s very in-your-face and Cockyney, a la “Do Somethin'” or “Don’t Keep Me Waiting,” with just the slightest hint of Britishney creeping in between the syllables to sip Smurf sweet tea and eat crumpets.

The beat breakdown: It’s an ultra-vocoded dance floor happy foot shuffle that builds in a very will.i.am-ish way, like “Big Fat Bass.” The smurfs are getting smurf-ah.

“Best Original Song” Oscar contender probability: Very likely to almost guaranteed.

The conclusion: “Ooh La La” is no “Till The World Ends,” but it’s still a super cute, funky and urban track that plays just as a song written for a movie about magical little gnomes should. There’s simply no way you could possibly be blue while listening to “Ooh La La” — even if you’re a smurf.

UPDATE: According to Britney, it’s just a demo! The real thing drops on June 16. Keep calm and smurf on.

smurfs smurfs smurfs smurfs smurfs

About The Author

I'm like the ringleader. I call the shots.

  • http://twitter.com/AlexNagorski Alex Nagorski

    “‘Best Original Song’ Oscar contender probability: Very likely to almost guaranteed.”

    This part literally made me laugh out loud alone in my office like a crazy person.

  • dominic halsey

    this was a great Review my favorite part was “‘Best Original Song’ Oscar contender probability: Very likely to almost guaranteed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tyler.phillips.75286 Tyler Phillips

    It sounds super juvenile, kiddy, and pop-by-the-numbers….. which is exactly why I LOVE this. I doubt we’ll ever get a truly bubblegum pop album from Britney again, so I’ll take this along with How I Roll and be happy it’s not sexbotney all the time.

  • http://twitter.com/louigi12 Lou Castelli

    Smurfaced? You kill me. The song blue me away on first listen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051230057 Drew Novak

    This is really, really bad…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051230057 Drew Novak

    ‘How I Roll’ is great though!

  • Britney Lover

    Wow…Merry Britmas to all of us!!!!!!! Now somebody please mash-up this with “Superstar” so we can get Britdonna 2.0 :D

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Diogo-Rodrigo-Santos/100002968037998 Diogo Rodrigo Santos

    Thats why Britney remains the Queen of all

  • Mierzwiak

    No, no, and no.

    That’s awfulney, noiseney and trashney.

  • Matt25-Poland

    …waiting for album 8…
    Song is like old demo from Circus, 3, Do Somethin, Brave New Girl- why it’s sound like old Brit’s songs? Zero fresh’nes! Me gusta NOT!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051230057 Drew Novak

    *eye roll*

  • FreakyFlyBri

    I don’t think anybody is trying to call it a masterpiece…it’s a cute, fun, summery song that’s been custom-built for a kid’s movie. Of course it’s not up to par with some of her better stuff, but for what it is, it’s good. Not her best, but not her worst either.

  • dave

    Ooh la la you are my superstar Ooh la la love the way the you are LOL MDNA version is better :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/tyler.phillips.75286 Tyler Phillips

    It’s one of my favorite Britney songs! I’d kill for an album of 12 How I Roll’s.

  • JJ

    I can totally see Xtina’s little boy Max secretly twerking to it while Xtina is busy shooting her new video LOL with his smurf headphones XD

  • JJ

    Calm down, it’s for a freaking children’s movie, what the hell were you expecting?? Touch of my hand 2.0 or WTF???

  • JJ

    You too need to calm down, it’s for a freaking children’s movie! What were you expecting?? Slave 4 U 2.0?? or what the hell??

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051230057 Drew Novak

    Thanks for the reality check. I believe I noted that it’s for a children’s movie. It’s still a bad song.

  • Matt25-Poland

    Whats going on?! DEMO?????

  • manuel

    SAD but want can u expect for a Smurf movie. Forget it, move on,
    She needs to make a mature urban pop album.

  • http://twitter.com/JoshuaPingley Joshua Pingley

    “How I Roll” is such a spotlight of “Femme Fatale”. It’s so breezy and fun.

  • http://twitter.com/Luchocsson Lucho Montecinos

    it sounds fresh and fun… so watching the movie only for the song being played on loud speakers XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001134657347 Patrick O’Brien

    I hate it to be honest, and I am one of the biggest Britney fans ever. Im not mad though, its for a kids movie so how can I relate or even bother to worry about it, especially when I can see album 8 gleaming on the horizon? Move out the way smurfs, cuz Britney is coming for Vegas and a whole new album. I cant wait!

  • Galli

    Britney makes a habit of turning the most pedestrian basic material in high art. Love my pop culture icon til the world ends.

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