britney-spears-et-will-i-am

Our worst fears have finally been realized, and everything is a nightmare: will.i.cant really is executive producing Britney‘s 8th studio album.

According to Rolling Stone, the Producer of All Things Irritating, Stupid Hair Haver and all-around pop goblin confirmed the news at an event last night:

“After I did a song on Femme Fatale – ‘Big Fat Bass’ – and then we did ‘Scream & Shout,’ she really liked the way we worked because of my approach,” will.i.am told said last night at a Levi’s event in Hollywood celebrating his sustainable-product program Ekocycle. “So they asked me to be involved in, not producing and writing every song, but to be an executive producer on the songs.

Although will.i.am wouldn’t confirm who those other songwriters and producers will be, he did mention that Spears “really liked Diplo,” who has been rumored to be involved in the album. The producer hopes this album will reflect who Spears is as a person rather than an artist, and he’s been actively spending time getting to know her on a more intimate level to ensure that can happen.

Britney For The Record

NO. NO. STAY STRONG. WE MUST STAY STRONG. STRONG BRITNEY. STRONG BRITNEY.

First, consider the pros: He namedropped Diplo. That’s a good thing, because Diplo is amazing.

Secondly, he keeps suggesting that he wants the new album to be “intimate” and “personal.” That’s a good thing. We want the Ray Of Light that was wrongly promised to us while Femme Fatale was being recorded, right?

Third, well—there are no other pros about this, really. It is the worst.

Just don’t touch the songs, will.u.not. Invite Diplo to come in and do his thing. Invite Pharrell. Invite Danja. Invite Darkchild. Invite Ariel Rechstaid. Invite Sia. Invite Greg Kurstin. Invite Bloodshy & Avant. Invite Cathy Dennis. Invite Stuart Price. Invite Blood Orange. BUT DO NOT TOUCH THE SONGS YOURSELF.

If that Vocoded Monster’s flat vocals appear on more than one song—no, I can’t. I can’t even bear the thought.

For reference: Larry Rudolph and Teresa LaBarbera-Whites co-executive produced Circus, Max Martin and Dr. Luke co-executive produced Femme Fatale, and Britney herself was the executive producer of Blackout.

Tonight, while you’re sitting there alone up in your room thinking about the times that we’ve been through, just pray. Light a few Vanilla candles, leaf through the Psalms of In The Zone sing the Hymns of Britney and Blackout, and pray in the name of Godney. It is our sworn duty to still believe. (ALMIGHTY REFERENCE.)

Britney

The Spearit will see us through—she always has.

About The Author

I'm like the ringleader. I call the shots.

  • http://twitter.com/yayjulian yayjulian

    oh gawd. i’m nervous. i like the sound of diplo and intimacy. bless.

  • http://twitter.com/alexandergold Alex Goldschmidt

    WILL I CANT UGH

  • Mark S.

    And I believe Britney also had a co-exec producer cred on In the Zone, still my personal favorite amongst her adult albums even if only second to Blackout.

  • http://twitter.com/teblue Teo

    An intimate album from Britney? I would like to believe that. I just want Danja y B&A back

  • JustinMar

    An amen to your first, second (That Ray of Light promise? “I think Im ready now.”), and third point!

    I fear for her psyche! With Will in her brain trying to figure her out I just…I mean she didnt need his help on ‘Shadow’ *tear* or ‘Everytime*sob* or… ‘Where are you Now’ *weeeeep*. HOW, pray tell, does will.i.amnowapyschologist plan on drawing out more!? MOAH!? PAH! On the plus side, if we can get like a Britneylicious (the cure to Fergalicious), I may be all right. But you’re right, we must pray. STROOOONG-UH!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051230057 Drew Novak

    I can’t help but find all of this quite funny.

  • http://twitter.com/PieroMG Piero Martínez

    Whyyyyy Godney test us that way

  • http://twitter.com/dosomethin2nite dosomethin2nite

    People are looking at this the wrong way. He’s not actually producing any of the songs (like he said) he’s just “overseeing” the entire process if u will. It’s also important to remember that he’s as great a producer as he is terrible an artist. I personally like the fact that their making this album more personal & not just more of the same (club tracks). He’s also brought some really great producers, like Diplo, on board. I think ppl just need to hold off on passing judgement until the album is release. Have a lil faith. I prefer will to Dr.Generic & Max Martin.

  • AAB

    WILL I AM FUCKING SUCKS hes SOULESS and our beloved BRIT BRIT NEEDD SOMEONEE WHO CAN TURN ON THE FLAME THAT IS ON HERRR NOT A FUCKIN BRAINLESS SHIT-POP MAKERR, BRITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTNEYYY PLEASEE WAKE UPP ANDDD DANCEEEEEEEE LIKE YOU MEAN IT! WISH THE BEST FOR THE NEW ERA BUT WITH SHIT.I.AM EXECUTIVE PRODUCINGGG IM SCARED KINDA DEPRESSED AND FREAKINGG OUT!

  • annoyed with britney fans

    omg. we haven’t even heard anything! Will has some good productions, some shit. He knows what he’s up against with her fans….how about we all pop a tampon in and wait til we actually hear anything!

  • http://twitter.com/PoisonParadise Poison Paradise

    Will.I.Am is going to be exec producing: NOT writing every song. Which is good. As much as I dislike Will, he has a good ear for beats, production, synths, marketing, branding, etc. In my opinion he SUCKS at chord progressions, melodies, and lyrics. So lets be thankful that he wont be heading up those things.

    The man is great at making songs sound crisp, and picking the best drum kits, sound effects, synths, everything down to the amount of reverb. And that’s good. Let’s, as I said, just hope that, as he said, is not in charge of anything melodic or lyrical.

    I think that maybe he is being brought on because he has a special touch when interacting with Britney, who can be delicate. He knows how to get the best out of her, and she is comfortable with him and trusts him, and in the industry that is priceless. A lot of label people, and middlemen can be very offing to Brit, but I think Will has found a way of being nurturing and non-threatening with her.

    Just because I think he is tonedeaf with harmony and writes repetitive trite lyrics, doesn’t mean I don’t think he is a good leader, and marketer. His #Willpower album is pretty vacuous, but his themeing, marketing, and promotional campaign is very clean and consistent. With his help hopefully this next album will have a strong backbone, from conception and cohesiveness, even down to things like web presence and album art (which Femme Fatale failed at).

    As long as great songwriters and producers, Danja, Diplo, whoever, are involved, I think we will be okay. Will said himself that they did the whole club-banger thing with a song about hittin the scene, and now he wants to tap into more personal areas. I respect that. Maybe he is full of shit, but, I am hoping for the best.

  • http://twitter.com/PoisonParadise Poison Paradise

    what the f

  • http://twitter.com/PoisonParadise Poison Paradise

    Amen. and maybe a little Darkchild but not bonus track darkchild. i know he still has it. Ive heard stuff he’s done for other artists lately. He still has it, he just, for some reason, didn’t use it on the FF bonus tracks

  • XXX

    “He about to lose me” is an amazing track

  • will.i.can’t

    euhm the dutchney anyone?

  • http://www.facebook.com/tyler.phillips.75286 Tyler Phillips

    I pretty much echo the thoughts of this article and comments. Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. Honestly, the songs of Britney’s I find myself never growing tired of are almost always Bloodshy & Avant’s. I could listen to Toxic, Freakshow, Radar, Piece of Me, and How I Roll until the end of time without ever running the risk of them growing stale. Their track record with Britney is flaw fucking free, and I dream of an entire album produced by them. They have a definite trademark ‘sound’ but have also proven versatile, so I don’t think an entire album by them would sound too samey either. They can do dark and sinister (Freakshow), bubblegum pop (How I Roll) and game-changing Bollywood influenced hybrids (Toxic). This will never happen though, but as they’ve popped up on every album post In The Zone it’s safe to say they’ll make an appearance on album 8.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tyler.phillips.75286 Tyler Phillips

    Well stated. Your faith in this gives me a little more faith in the whole project. This all may seem trivial to some people, but for a hardcore pop music fan a Britney album is a pretty huge deal. I can understand people getting worried, but at the very least we’ll get a highly listenable album with a handful of smashes. Even Britney’s worst albums have their share of iconic moments, so I think we can all look forward to that if nothing else.