Today I received a press release in my inbox regarding the November 9 release of the Sugababes‘ second single off of Sweet 7, “About A Girl.”

Since suspending my disbelief was simply not an option about halfway through reading, I decided to share some of the many moments throughout that made me…reflect on the situation.

2009 sees a new chapter in the Sugababes’ incredible history with the exciting introduction of stunning new member Jade Ewen, who joins Heidi Range and Amelle Berrabah following the departure of Keisha Buchanan, who left to pursue a solo career.

Oh really, she just left then? I believe it. NOTHING FISHY TO SEE HERE. LET US MOVE ON.

For their 7th longplayer aptly titled ‘Sweet 7’, the girls decided to retool the Sugababes magic. “It was about remembering what we are,” says Amelle, “and thinking about what we can be. We love this band. We love what we do. And we love the fact that every album is different from the last.” Three albums into her tenure as a ‘babe’ she can say this stuff.

This is almost unfair. Amelle, discussing who ‘we’ are as the Sugababes? Before you even have the option of slowly leaning back and thinking, “That’s a bit silly. She’s not really a Sugababe,” they’ve ALREADY read our minds: “NO. She can say this stuff…SHE’S BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST FOREVER.” They’re quite literally justifying her ‘Babe-ness!

Rihanna herself was working in the same studio as the Babes and after they finished recording tracks, the girls would ask their first producers Stargate what she thought of the material. The thumbs were up. Something was immediately beginning to catch fire.

And now, the actual dialogue from what actually transpired that night:

Amelle: Oi, thanks Sean Kingston!
Heidi: Slamming track. God, I’m just so excited about this!
Jade: Me too!
Heidi: WHO THE FUCK ARE YO–oh, right. Hey look, it’s Rihanna recording next door to us!
Amelle: Wow! Let’s ask her what she thinks.
Sugababes: RIHANNA.
Rihanna: ~You can see my heartttttt, beating….~
Sugabaes: RIHANNA.
Rihanna: ~Know that I must pass this test…~
Sugababes: RIHANNA.
Rihanna: ~So just pull th–~ WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. WHO? WHAT.
Amelle: Do you like this?
Rihanna: HUH?
Heidi: OUR SONG?
Rihanna: HUH?
Jade: It’s with Sean Kingston!
Rihanna: ….*Thumbs up.*
Sugababes: *Gleeful celebration.*
Rihanna: *Middle finger.*
Soundboard Technician: Who the fuck ah’ they?
Rihanna: I don’t know. I think they’re, like, Diddy‘s new Making the Band group or some shit. SOMEONE GET ME SOME DARKER SUNGLASSES.

They were hob-nobbing with those that have shaped the sound of Beyonce and Lady Gaga and finding something with them that was distinctly their own.

Editor’s note: Not their own.

The girls Twittered the results as they were happening to their loyal fanbase in the UK, lending the whole thing an extra layer of dynamically modern instant returns. “We wanted to make the album as Sugababes as possible and wave the British flag, we‘ve pushed ourselves and stepped it up” says Amelle.

Yes, if any of the ‘Babes tweeted about the recording process, it was…well, it was Keisha who did that. How the hell does one ‘wave the British flag’ when you enlist American producers that make you sound serviceable to American radio anyway? And WHY is Amelle the only one contributing quotes to this thing? ISN’T SHE THE ONE IN THE CRAZY HOUSE RIGHT NOW?!

The new record is marked by a glistening neon sheen. It sits ahead of the contemporary curve of welterweight R&B with an endless succession of tracks to choose as singles. They say that this is the Sugababes record they are proudest of.

Some of them might even say, “This is the first Sugababes album I’ve ever recorded.”

If you can feel the confidence bouncing out of the girls in their shiny new form right now, you wouldn’t be wrong. “We’re having fun. We’re so excited to have Jade in the band and embracing the next chapter. This is us. And we want to be Sugababes as badly as ever.”

Yes, I’d have to say if there were any quality I’d pick out as eminating from the current line-up of the ‘Babes, it’s confidence.

Eesh.

The Sugababes have officially cracked.

In a press release printed on their official website today, the ‘Babes announced that Amelle Berrabah will take three weeks off at a private health clinic to combat ‘severe nervous exhaustion”:

For the next 3 weeks, Amelle will be staying at a private health clinic in Europe where she will be able to rest and recuperate under expert supervision. We’re expecting her to return to work in full health by the beginning of November.

Does this actually leave enough time to promote Sweet 7? Is Amelle still going to be in the band, or is this one massive PR spin? Will Heidi and Jade will go on as the power duo to beat Booty Luv and Mini Viva?

In a related story, Keisha Buchanan was last seen running down an alley in lower London clutching a voodoo doll in hand with a print-out of Amelle’s face attached, shouting “IT WORKED. IT ACTUALLY WORKED!” before breaking into a long bout of maniacal laughter.

It’s finally here!

“About A Girl,” the first single launched by the ‘Babes 4.0 unit has arrived, featuring some sizzling desert vogue, a booty slap dance step (!), and a family-friendly reading of Kill Bill 2.

I mean, I love it and all, well worth the wait, but who the hell are these girls?

I have enough trouble remembering the names of the new ones. Don’t confuse me with stunt doubles being granted excessive (and unnecessary?) screen time.  Why are they even included? Was Heidi afraid to mess up her hair?

Oh, well…Viva la Babes!

Keisha looks really odd here, doesn’t she? Obviously the result of some poor Photoshop skills.

From Keisha, in full:

@KEISHA_BUCHANAN Dear Friends I’m sad to say that I am no longer apart of the Sugababes. I’ve had a great time and have achieved more then I ever thought I would. Although it was not my choice to leave, it’s time to enter a new chapter in my life. I have nothing but positive things to say about the girls and I wish them the best of luck. I would like to state that there were no arguments, bullying or anything of the sort that lead to this. Sometimes a break down in communication and lack of trust can result in many different things. I would also like to point out that I have always supported the girls and they have also supported me. Remember my drunk pictures out with Amelle, supporting her on her success with Tinchy Stryder… Oh the shame… But what a fun night we had. Now I’m going to take some time to focus on me. I’ve been in this band for 11 years and I have achieved so much. I have a great family and friends who are behind me 100% and at the age of 24, I’m now going out into this world on my own… Although im nervous… I’m still very excited on what lies ahead. I want to thank the Sugababes fans and my fans for all your support and all who have never judged me, but excepted me for who I am… The feisty, funny, professional, fearless, motor mouth… lol This is not the end… but the beginning!!!! Thank you always… Keisha xxx

And from Popjustice:

Official statement from Sugababes.com:

Monday 21st September

The current line-up of the Sugababes has disbanded.

Heidi Range and Amelle Berrabah will continue as the Sugababes and will be joined by new member Jade Ewen. They release their album ‘Sweet 7’ on November 23rd through Island Records.

Keisha Buchanan will continue to record for Island Records as a solo artist.

I can’t believe this. Literally, I’m stunned…

With the absence of Keisha, the Sugababes are now a completely new unit.

Quite upsetting.

Amelle Berrabah has reportedly quit the Sugababes. She will be replaced by Jade Ewen.

Very, very upsetting.

Every heart that’s broken is a murder one…

I think we should all hold hands in a prayer circle and recite Amelle’s rap from “Side Chick” until the pain goes away.

The entire video is “teh fierceness,” but Amelle especially makes her mark throughout “Get Sexy”–from the fierceness that is bird-cage voguing to out-fiercing the other two while writhing around on her assigned white cube. Girl knows how to work, etc. etc.

As my friend pointed out, “Get Sexy” is a lotta bit Kylie inspired, but I think it benefits from a nice post-”Red Dress” Suga-infused kiss.

I would give it the “I have the video on my iPod” seal of approval.