STOP YOUR LIFE.

After nearly a decade of anticipation, Avril Lavigne has finally recorded a song that is as good as “Complicated.”

There’s always been a curious dichotomy in Avril’s sound. Since the beginning, half of her music has been a product of the hyperactive Dr. Luke punk-lite school of pop — “Sk8er Boi,” “Girlfriend,” “What the Hell” — songs that are bratty and infectious and inevitably grow grating after a few spins. But, to me, the more interesting component of Avril’s image is the more sullen, emotive side — the disillusioned girl who’s had it with posers (“Complicated”) and players (“Don’t Tell Me”) and, most intriguingly, loneliness (“I’m With You”). This bifurcation isn’t a bad thing, but it does mean that you never know quite what you’re going to get with a new Avril LP.

Goodbye Lullaby sets a tone of unapologetic angst with the title — glad to see there’s no growing up for our neighbor to the north — then alternates wildly between bratty Avril and pouty Avril, but it’s a relief to discover that both camps are equally hook-driven. The best track on the album, though, is easily “Wish You Were Here,” the best midtempo in Avril’s canon since she debuted with “Complicated” in 2002.

Its hook — “Damn, damn, damn, what I’d do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here” — is an irresistible earworm, the chord progression evokes Paramore‘s understated pop gem “The Only Exception,” and muscular production from masters Max Martin and Shellback enlivens the track with crunchy guitars and a hypnotic drumbeat. “Wish You Were Here” is a throwback to the early-naughties pop-rock sound promulgated by production team The Matrix, when gems like Avril’s own “Complicated,” Ashlee Simpson‘s “Pieces of Me,” and Hilary Duff‘s “So Yesterday” ruled the airwaves, but with a modern edge, and it works marvelously.

Reportedly, Avril will be releasing “Smile” as her next single, but “Wish You Were Here” simply needs to be released properly — it’s just too good to go ignored.

Goodbye Lullaby was released on March 4. (iTunes)

Genre: Dream-pop, shoegaze, indie electronica
For Fans Of: Sally Shapiro, Late Night Alumni, M83, Imogen Heap

I first discovered Caroline Lufkin back in freshman year of college. I’d heard nothing about her, except that she was the sister of J-Pop star Olivia Lukin (who I absolutely adore). Knowing only this and nothing else, I took a dive and checked out her debut album, Murmurs.

As it turns out, the two couldn’t be more different: Olivia has a full bodied voice, while Caroline all but whispers with her high-pitched coos. Olivia’s music is much darker and rock-tinged, while Caroline delivers lush, angelic dream pop. And whereas Olivia is usually depicted in heavy black make-up and gothic fashions, Caroline is pictured looking natural, frolicking amongst flowers and smiling contently. Jessica and Ashlee Simpson? Sort of, anyway.

After hearing the gentle, hazy beauty of songs like “Bicycle” and “Pink & Black,” I was immediately enamored, and Murmurs was put on constant replay–especially as I was drifting off to sleep.

Time’s since passed, and it appears Caroline is finally preparing to release the follow-up to her fantastic 2006 debut.

“Gone” is the first single from Verdugo Hills, due out on January 25.

Keeping true to the sound of her debut, “Gone” is yet another gorgeous dream-pop production. Atop twinkling piano and a simple strumming beat, “Gone” plays like a gorgeous lullaby–even if the underlying message proves much more sorrowful than its warm, sleepy sound implies. “It hurts me now, when you’re so far away / Now that you are gone,” Lufkin sadly croons throughout. (LISTEN/DOWNLOAD)

“Swimmer,” another song from Verdugo Hills which can be downloaded for free at Caroline’s record label website (and is available to stream below), is another treat. Tripping electronica beats join together with warm synthesizers and light strings to envelop Caroline’s lush, layered hums, resulting in one truly mesmerizing love letter.

If “Gone” and “Swimmer” are any indication, it sounds like Verdugo Hills–like Murmurs–will have listeners hopping on a cloud and drifting far, far away.

Verdugo Hills will be released on January 25. (iTunes)

On Saturday, Jessica Simpson‘s Christmas special Merry Christmas aired on PBS selected PBS networks. (Apparently not all of the affiliate networks chose to air the special. OH DEAR.)

Amongst the many hits churned out that night, J. Simpy performed a rendition of John Lennon and Yoko Ono‘s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” along with none other than her own sister, Ashlee. (WATCH)

After viewing this about three times in a row, I’m still not really sure how to describe what just happened. Well, “FUCKING HILARIOUS” might fit the bill.

Between the awkward opening–wandering on stage betwixt the random choir children (as Ashlee nervously laughs her ass off), Jessica’s uncomfortable microphone swallow/painful blowjob face, Ashlee’s barefoot rebel child trotting ’round the stage (nearly causing about 10 head-on collisions between the two), the contrast between Jessica’s bellowing and Ashlee’s 80-year-old-grandma-chain-smoking-at-the-slot-machine rasp vocals, and the…err, unfortunate wardrobe, I remain completely and utterly mesmerized.

In short: This must be seen to be believed. Thanks for the memories, Papa Joe!

Oh, and Ashlee dear? Let’s cut the shit already with the whole marriage and baby thing–I’m ready for your comeback now.

Girlicious. Let’s talk about them, yes?

For those who somehow don’t know (I’d be more surprised if you did know, to be fair), Girlicious are the legendary* Canadian girl group American girl group (EDIT: Not actually Canadian–their music is solely marketed there. Thanks, Muuser AJP!) formed by Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin during the smash hit* CW series, Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious.

There were originally four of them but now there are three, in what has surely become one of the greatest musical scandals of the 21st century* since Janet Jackson‘s Boobgate at the 2004 Superbowl and Britney‘s disastrous 2007 VMA performance.

The girls of Girlicious are responsible for hit after hit* of Top 20 singles (in Canada), including their debut single “Like Me,” “Stupid Shit,” and then nothing else.

Their latest single, “2 In The Morning,” recently shook up the charts* at #35, despite being nowhere as good as second single, “Maniac,” which bowed out at a formidable* #74.

Just two years after their iconic* self-titled debut dropped in stores, the girls are BACK with another record: Rebuilt.

And while I’m much too lazy to draft a proper review of the record, I’ve taken the liberty of snapping an EXCLUUSIVE SCREENSHOT of my iTunes library to see the stars I’ve allotted each song. This is a VERY RARE OPPORTUNITY* for Muusers to see the inner workings of MuuseTunes.

NOTE: There is a deluxe version with three new songs, but I’m lazy and haven’t gotten to all that yet. This is a review of the Standard Edition. Dealwidit.

And here we go:

Rebuilt is not very bad at all.

In fact, there are no less than three amazing songs (“Maniac,” “Grinding” and “What My Mama Don’t Know,” which kind of sounds like an Ashlee Simpson song in the chorus), as well as a fair share of nearly amazing ones, including the glitchy “Over You” and the v. good album ballad, “Unlearn Me,” which is obviously a 21st century update of Dannii Minogue‘s “Disremembrance.”

There are no actual stinkers on the record (“Wake Up” is a bit boring), though it’s a shame that “Hate Love” uses the same GarageBand drum loop as Rihanna‘s “Umbrella”–bit too close to home there.

Above all, Rebuilt is a good and fun ‘urban flavored’ dance-pop record, which makes it literally better than Messy Little Raindrops and Pink Friday.

That being said, Rebuilt is also very much the North American equivalent of Wordshaker by The Saturdays, which means I shall sit here idling my time and slowly twirling my thumbs until their Girls Aloud counterpart rolls around once more.

In conclusion: I miss the Pussycat Dolls.

*May or may not be slightly hyperbolic claim.

Rebuilt was released on November 22. (iTunes Canada)

YES.

With what appears to be the greatest single of 2009*, Saint Etienne has returned to the dancefloor with “Method of Modern Love,” the Richard X-produced lead single from their upcoming compilation album, London Conversations: The Best of Saint Etienne. The group has been dangling song samples in front of their fans’ salivating faces for weeks now, but only now we can finally experience the full release.

That should have been worded differently.

*As of today.

Anywho, here are just some of the features of this track, which can be officially dubbed as “brillz”:

+ A proper ‘disco beat.’

+ Echoey bits.

+ The line “shot with a bolt of blue,” which may very well stem from classic New-wave favorite, New Order‘s “Bizarre Love Triangle.”

+ Sounds a bit like Kylie‘s “The One” (otherwise known as Perfection.)

+ A solid middle eight, featuring the greatest spell-out of “love” since Ashlee Simpson‘s “L.O.V.E.”

Buy it now!

DL: Saint Etienne – Method Of Modern Love (Sharebee)

Click here to purchase “Method of Modern Love” in limited signed form (!) from the band, as well as a pre-order for London Conversations!

Pop Muse has posted some glamtastic remixes of Michelle William‘s phenomenal “We Break The Dawn.” Go get your download on and set the dancefloor aflame this summer with this most deserving of songs.

ElectroQueer has posted a nice little interview with the electro-sensation from another nation, Róisín Murphy, and finally sheds some well needed light on her obsession with silly hats.

Imogen Heap has been spending her days inside of a fireplace cutting up her old CD’s. Check out the last ten seconds for visual evidence of what happens when a musical genius is locked up inside her home studio for months on end.

Ayumi Hamasaki‘s voice is squeaky, and she can’t get it to unsqueakify. She’s now half deaf and voiceless. As a result, she’s more determined than ever to get right back up and perform. Silly bitch.

Kylie is releasing “In My Arms” in the U.K. along with a couple different versions–though search as you will, there are no bonus songs aside from a dozen of remixes including a…”Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” remix? Must be the one she’s reworked for America lately.

And of course, most importantly, my darling B has been hitting the gym at least once (yesterday, twice!) a day. As an added bonus to fans, she’s washed her hair. No lie, I danced in glee.

Ashlee performed on Ellen, who cut the shit and demanded to know if there’s a bun in the oven. The question was followed by awkward giggles, indirect answers, and a buttload of extra album promotion. Watch her rather better-than-okay performance of “Little Miss Obsessive” here. I don’t know who’s she reaching to, but she’s going to fall on her face if she doesn’t stop that.

This is a review of Ashlee Simpson‘s latest album, Bittersweet World. I present to you, the reader, a choice: You can continue on reading, or you can indignantly scowl and scroll away. I know the temptation to leave is burning deep into your fingertips. Trust me, I don’t blame you, but I do beg of you to reconsider your actions.

If you’re still with me, I thank you. Well actually, I don’t. Now there’s some built up pressure for me to prove my point. I don’t like that. This is my blog. I should be able to control the pressure level I’m feeling…Maybe you should just stop reading here, I don’t know if I can do this.

…You’re still here? Fine. Okay. Have it your way.

Bittersweet World is by no means a massive failure, but it will be, at least financially speaking. That’s not what I’m talking about here. Musically, the album succeeds. It is neither pretentious nor vain. Yes of course the lyrics are fresh and rude, but they’re tongue-in-cheek. If you haven’t come to that conclusion by the album’s end, then you’re taking this too seriously. The production level is perhaps the best out of her three album releases here. And, you know what? It’s fun.

Ashlee was once that person we all knew she was. I fully believe she had her sights set upon instant stardom from the get go, knowing the type of success Jessica once garnered. Except Ashlee chose the Avril path; The kind of faux-rocker intrigue that some pop stars like to exhibit that has the power to piss off the public like nothing else. With the family name and a capability to carry a
tune in tow, she went for it with Autobiography. The songs on the album were hardly vocally challenging, but the average crooner could not simply pull off “Pieces Of Me” or “La La” live without having a slight vocal range. She doesn’t. So, at the height of success, with one brief record skip and a mortifying little jig, Ashlee Simpson entertained the secret desires of the entire populous and failed miserably on live television.

And so, Ashlee Simpson was publicly destroyed. Her image could not and will never recover from the incident. Not to mention the following performances following the SNL show, featuring vocals that really should have been mimed to save us all a few moments of serenity shattered.

After Pieces Of Me, Ashlee returned with I Am Me, a semi-contrived attempt to ameliorate the damage. It was dicey, ironically enough–at times filled with truly killer so-bad-it’s-goodies such as “Boyfriend” and “L.O.V.E”, as well as a fair share of floppy crooners lamenting her mistakes and accepting her imperfections. Fair, but not good enough.

Two years later, “Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)” cropped up out of nowhere, serviced alongside a Dali-esque, surrealism themed music video featuring Ms. Simpson reaping havoc on her reputation and coming off as genuinely adorable for perhaps the first time in her career. The move was secretly a small stroke of genius. And after a few months, the production upon the originally named Color Outside The Lines was complete. And now, it is here.

In my not-so-humble opinion, Bittersweet World is Ashlee Simpson’s closest attempt to being Ashlee Simpson. I honestly believe this is all that she has to give us–and no, that’s not a criticism, per se. I don’t see Ashlee’s creative ability stretching farther than the semi ’80′s-evocative nature of this album. Each track’s drenched with a signature sarcastic nature and slightly smarter lyrics. “Use your head/But not that one/One track mind” she riffs in the middle eight of “Boys,” the second track off the album. She’s getting a bit cheekier lately, and it suits her much nicer than forced sincerity.

Now this album is no serious attempt for a comeback. I believe, however, that this is the right route to follow, especially considering the marriage and pregnancy announcements. Without ever seeming to try, Ashlee grooves along the squeaky electro beats and produces something entirely enjoyable that seems destined to fade into into oblivion before it’s even released. I wouldn’t come into this one expecting much. Once you don’t, you will receive. It’s a bit of a Buddhist notion, really. Who knew Ashlee could be so deep, after all?

It’s just not funny anymore. My humorous little “hypothesis” has gone from being a silly observation to stone cold fact. I fear I’ve jinxed the album cover process forever!

Pop Divas + Bad Font = Album Covers.

Case in point, hereby solidifying my thought into Law:

Don’t you ladies see?! You’re taking proper photographs and all…now decorate them conservatively! Wipe off those gradient effects, center your fonts to the left or right, and keep the focus on YOU…COME ON NOW.

Let’s tally it all up so far:

Source: ONTD

It’s a disease, friends, and we need to work together to undo the carnage. Let us band together and bow our heads in mourning of these truly trying times and keep our spirits high.

*Please do not allow the title of “pop diva” be tarnished with the mention of Ms. Simpson. She is by no means an actual “pop diva.” Her album’s inclusion is for emphasis only.