Photo courtesy of The Grammys.

There are 109 categories of nomination for a Grammy this year. I gave them all a brief looking-over, and these are the few that sparked my interest and are therefore most relevant to MuuMuse:

• BRITNEY SPEARS GETS A NOMINATION FOR DANCE RECORD OF THE YEAR WITH “WOMANIZER”! Congrats, B! But there’s a catch–she’s battling MADONNA with “Celebration”! AND THEN IT GETS WORSE AGAIN…Lady Gaga‘s “Poker Face” and David Guetta‘s When Love Takes Over” featuring Kelly Rowland! Eep.

• Speaking of, Lady Gaga’s pulled in SIX nominations, including Record of the Year (“Poker Face”) and Album of the Year (The Fame). While Beyonce proves a worthy opponent with a score of nominations in all the same categories, it’s dark horse Taylor Swift that may pull away from the two pop titans after a wave of post-Kanye guilt washes over the Grammy committee. Muusers, pray for Godga and Beysus to shine through!

• Imogen Heap scores two nominations for Best Pop Instrumental Record (“The Fire”) and quite ironically, Best Engineered Album (despite Ellipse being one of the worst mastering jobs of 2009).

• Kathy Griffin gets another go for her run at winning a Grammy! Suckin’ It for the Holidays has scored a nomination for Best Comedy Album. Competition’s tight, though: She’s up against Stephen Colbert, Patton Oswalt and George Lopez.

• The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have been nominated for Best Alternative Album, though they face an equally up-hill battle: Depeche Mode, David Byrne & Brian Eno, Pheonix and Death Cab for Cutie meet them to the challenge.

• Liza Minnelli‘s Liza’s At The Palace got a nod for Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album! Bitches ain’t got shit on Liza with a Z.

• Kelly Clarkson and Pink are due to duel it out for Best Pop Vocal Album.

• Pet Shop Boys get a Best Electronic Album nomination with Yes! Yes! But they’re facing Lady Gaga! No!

Let’s face it, though: This is the Grammy Awards, an honor that hasn’t been relevant since The Bodyguard. In the end, all of the awards will probably end up going to the fucking Black Eyed Peas.

…and that’s pretty much how this album pans out. To summarize:

Even if I’ve vetted them relentlessly for months now on MuuMuse, it bears repeating: “When Love Takes Over” and “Sexy Bitch” reign supreme on this album, though the slightly cooler, ’90′s-esque “It’s The Way You Love Me”–another Kelly Rowland-assisted track–proves just as delicious.

Spirit fingers and snaps to Kid Cudi‘s respectably controlled “Memories,” perhaps one of the more reflective, intelligent songs off of One Love. The same goes for Estelle‘s “One Love,” the shiny title track infused with subtle tropical beats and shades of reggae fit snugly between lyrics uplifting and empowering enough to make Bob Marley proud.

Another non-shocker: The album’s most annoying numbers stem from collabos with Black Eyed Peas members will.I.am and Apl de Ap, including the over-indulgent, tuneless “On The Dancefloor” and the entirely unnecessary Guetta mix of “I Gotta Feeling.” Only “I Wanna Go Crazy” proves to be a crazy good time, but let’s face it–shitty club songs about getting “stupid,” “crazy,” and/or “retarded” are kind of the only thing the Peas can do “right.”

The biggest and only surprise from all this comes at the album’s end with Makeba‘s “If We Ever,” a near beat-less, digitized swoon providing the massive breath of relief needed after one sweaty, screech-heavy dance session of an album. The song’s chorus is also ever-so-slightly reminiscent of a super-slowed rendition of Jordin Sparks‘ “Watch You Go” off of her latest album, Battlefield. Wait, where are you going? Did I just lose my credibility again?

Oh well…’twas nice while it lasted.

Total Score: 72%

This is a teaser clip of the Babes’ upcoming single, “Get Sexy,” due to premiere this Tuesday on Radio 1. No word on if it’s the final version or not (what with the constant male voice included), but it is indeed the new single.

On the plus side, the line “Just shut up and watch me walk.”

On the con, the fact that the Babes have essentially re-recorded and combined the Black Eyed Peas‘ “Boom Boom Pow” with Pitbull‘s “I Know You Want Me.”

I’m not sure whether to start dancing or be embarrassed yet. Until I hear the whole mess, I’m leaning toward the latter.

As expected, Michael Jackson has completely and utterly torn up the Billboard charts this week, breaking several records in the process. I’ve selected some of the most awe-inspiring numbers thanks to last night’s Billboard.biz report:

• Based on preliminary sales numbers from Nielsen SoundScan, the entire top nine positions on Billboard’s Top Pop Catalog Albums chart will house Jackson-related titles…

• Collectively, Jackson’s solo albums sold 415,000 this past week.

• Additionally, the 415,000 albums sold just last week is nearly 40% more than what Jackson’s catalog had sold the the entire year up through June 21 (297,000).

• On the Top Digital Albums chart, Jackson has a record six out of the top 10 slots, including the entire top four.

• With the Black Eyed Peas‘ The E.N.D. moving back to the No. 1 slot on the Billboard 200 chart with 88,000, this week marks the first time that a catalog album has sold more than the No. 1 current set on the Billboard 200 albums chart.

• Catalog albums are ineligible to appear on the Billboard 200 albums chart, though they can chart on the all-encompassing Top Comprehensive Albums list. On the latter chart, Jackson’s Number Ones, Essential and Thriller are at Nos. 1-3, followed by the Black Eyed Peas’ The E.N.D. at No. 4.

• Jackson places a record 25 songs on the 75-position Hot Digital Songs chart (21 solo hits and four with his siblings), smashing the mark of 14 charting titles established by David Cook in the June 7, 2008 issue.

• Moreover, Jackson becomes the first act to sell more than 1 million song downloads in a week.

• Besides “Thriller,” Jackson places five other songs in the top 10 including “Man In The Mirror” (No. 3, 165,000), “Billie Jean” (No. 4, 158,000), “The Way You Make Me Feel” (No. 6, 136,000), “Beat It” (No. 7, 134,000) and “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” (No. 8, 125,000).

Absolutely incredible.

It’s impossible for me to ignore the latest dramz involving Perez Hilton getting slugged by Black Eyed Peas‘ manager, Polo Molina. And now I have something to say about it.

Perez Hilton is a bully, but we knew that already. His site is built around the antagonizing of celebrities–from their most superficial promotional stunts to their most vulnerable moments of anguish and personal trauma. Of course I visit the site, more often than I ought to, though it’s never been about Perez’s “opinion”–he just tends to have the stories first. Guilty? Sure.

As for the “incident”:

Violence is, as he blubbered into the camera of his “statement” posted on PerezHilton.com earlier this morning, never the answer. That is a fact, and I agree that Molina’s alleged actions were unacceptable and despicable.

But were they entirely unwarranted?

As the “Queen of All Media” purports wholeheartedly in his eleven minute whine-fest, he clearly sees no wrong in what he does. “I like writing about other people’s drama,” he babbles as his eyes turn glassy, “I don’t like drama in my own life.” I mean, it’s like…it’s just words, right? Words are totally not violent or damaging! So obviously, it would make sense that the Queen of Mean can’t wrap his mind around why someone could possibly get upset for calling Fergie “fugly.”

Or when he called Will.i.Am a faggot on Sunday night after the MuchMusicAwards Show.

The hypocrisy loaded into that “insult,” that “faggot,” fired out against the Black Eyed Peas member by the guest judge of the Miss USA competition (who, at one time, made it his own personal vendetta to have Miss California publicly squashed and eventually dethroned for her anti-gay marriage stance), has managed to trump and effectively negate anything he’s ever “done” for the movement. I’ve always said Perez has been continuing to set the gay rights campaign back for years, but this truly takes the cake. A “faggot”? Really, Perez? Thank you. Thank you for succumbing to middle school association of a word already too far deep in negative connotation.

Why did it happen anyway? Because Perez got flustered–because Will.i.Am confronted Perez for trashing his band on the website. And what else could a threatened bully with full reign over public opinion and a nasty case of severe victim complex react with but a split-instant schoolboy response straight off the playground: “You’re a faggot,” or as Perez called his response, “the worst possible thing that thug would ever want to hear.”

It’s almost too sad, though it does explain why he takes no issue with his BFF Katy Perry‘s “Ur So Gay.”

Grow up, you big baby…you’re embarrassing all of us.

Am I missing something? I think I am.

Earlier today, the blogosphere and twitterverse temporarily went ape-shit regarding the Black Eyed Peas‘ possible next single, “Imma Be” off of their upcoming album, THE E.N.D.. The usually reliable-though-ncreasingly-sensational PopJustice tweeted “Have just heard a literally brilliant Black Eyed Peas song (!!!)” (According to DanneeeBoy, this is not the song that PJ previewed., but rather “I Got A Feeling.” Thank goodness!) while the New York Post wrote that the track “sounds as amazing as these guys can quite possibly get.”

I couldn’t even get to the end of the song!

What the shit is this?! It’s like a forgettable knock-off of Beyoncé‘s “Diva” mixed with the already annoying quality of, well, the Black Eyed Peas! It does meld into a more acceptable, loungey synth affair towards the end, but still…

I get “Boom Boom Pow.” I do. But THIS?!

Bitch pleeeeeeease.

DL: Black Eyed Peas- Imma Be