The Sugababes have officially cracked.

In a press release printed on their official website today, the ‘Babes announced that Amelle Berrabah will take three weeks off at a private health clinic to combat ‘severe nervous exhaustion”:

For the next 3 weeks, Amelle will be staying at a private health clinic in Europe where she will be able to rest and recuperate under expert supervision. We’re expecting her to return to work in full health by the beginning of November.

Does this actually leave enough time to promote Sweet 7? Is Amelle still going to be in the band, or is this one massive PR spin? Will Heidi and Jade will go on as the power duo to beat Booty Luv and Mini Viva?

In a related story, Keisha Buchanan was last seen running down an alley in lower London clutching a voodoo doll in hand with a print-out of Amelle’s face attached, shouting “IT WORKED. IT ACTUALLY WORKED!” before breaking into a long bout of maniacal laughter.

With the ominous silence emanating from the Sugababes‘ label (and Keisha‘s otherwise chit-chatty Twitter page), I thought I’d fill the void with a small research project on any and all things to know about the possibly burgeoning ‘Babe, Jade Almerie Louise Ewen.

• Jade was born in a council estate (English equivalent of the American term, ‘the projects’) in Plaistow (East London) to two disabled parents, which is actually quite sad.

• It gets happier: She won a scholarship to the Sylvia Young Theatre School, where she got her big break as Nala in The Lion King at age 12.

• But then it got a little sad again: She joined a failed girl group called Trinity Stone (which I faintly recall), was signed to Kwame‘s label, and released a dire single called “Stolen Love.”

• According to her MySpace write-up, Jade has “the technical abilities of Whitney and Mariah, and the aspirational cool of Rihanna and Lady GaGa.” This, if you haven’t figured it out yet, means that Jade Ewen is literally the greatest pop star of all time.

• Her favorite color is purple. Major points for that one.

• Her favorite number is 13, which is actually not nearly as ‘zany’ as one might think.

• Ewen was this year’s UK pick for Eurovision, singing the Dianne Warren and Andrew Lloyd Webber-penned “It’s My Time.” She placed fifth overall.

• She writes songs that sound good: She did “A Little Bit” for Booty Luv and “Let Me Be Me” for Jessica Mauboy.

• Conveniently, her real debut single is being released TODAY. It is called “My Man,” and it is very modern sounding (read: if you’ve listened to radio in the past two years, you’ve basically heard this one before) and is generally good on the first play, somewhat dodgy on the second, and fairly irresistible by the third.

In summation, I would not mind a Jade Ewen addition to the ‘Babes. Even though the British tabloids keep questioning the accuracy of the rumored Amelle rupture, the radio silence on their end can only lead to one obvious conclusion: SOMETHIN’ GON’ HAPPEN SOON.

Purchase “My Man” on iTunes UK | MySpace | Official Website

Someone needs to buy this for me, stat–just look at the 3-CD tracklisting.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor? Booty Luv? Fedde la Grand? Oh yes, please.

Hed Kandi’s The Mix: Summer 2009 will be released on August 24.

Hey–hey you! You’re at your computer right now and that is totally not sexy. You should be out making poor decisions with your girls/boys–like dropping ice down your cleavage and asking the neighborhood drunkard to lick it out! Luckily I’ve produced a mini-mini-soundtrack for that, so start slathering on the sunscreen all sexily, because it’s time to countdown the Top 4 sexiest summer sizzlers! Sss…

4. Booty Luv – Say It

Okay, so this is the only song that doesn’t directly include the word “sexy.” Big deal! Booty Luv isn’t just a two-piece dance troupe–it’s a way of life (like Kabbalah, Scientology, and joining the Tila Army.) Though the exact wording of the chorus faces fervent debate (“If you want my butt-body, come get it, get it” seems to be the most widely accepted translation), the reaction is generally the same: This song makes me feel ridiculously sexy in my pants.

3. Sugababes – Get Sexy

If you’ve ever been shopping with your lady friends at the mall and a random stranger has yelled “Hey, sexy!” at you, you might have just been sexually assaulted. But more than that–you’ve officially been deemed as sexy, and that’s all that matters! So why not tack on a theme song with your new found lusciousness? Featuring the word “sexy” no less than twenty five times, one spin of “Get Sexy” will have you grossly misrepresenting your own physical attractiveness in no time. Jump on this, you sexy, sexy slut.

2. Madonna – Celebration
Are you there Jesus? It’s me, Madonna! What’s a sexy list without Madonna, am I right? It’s a “Celebration” up in this bitch, and the world’s reigning Queen of Pop wants you to get up and dance. Drunk, sober, whatever…this is a judgment-free zone (and you’re just going to get naked anyway.) Taking a turn as the sultry seductress (different than her usual role), Madge tempts you with her breathy come-ons (“I guess I just didn’t recognize you with your clothes on”). If the nausea doesn’t get you first, the sexy will!

1. David Guetta ft. Akon – Sexy Bitch

“I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful,” Akon woefully croons before launching into one of the most monstrous choruses of ’09. If “Get Sexy” didn’t make it socially acceptable to spin a person around, slap them on the ass, and call them a “sexy bitch,” this track surely will. “She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before / Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore.” Last I heard, “Sexy Bitch” has been entered in the running for the Poetry Society of America’s 2009 Cecil Hemley Memorial Award for its self-searching lyrical quality and general “willingness to go there.” Godspeed, Akon.

There are few bands that I write off solely because of the name. Booty Luv was one of them–at least initially. I just couldn’t, on principle, listen to a band with the name Booty Luv. IT’S JUST TOO MUCH TO TAKE.

But I’m a professional blogger, friends. I don’t just pick and choose my acts at random–I’m the real fucking deal. And so, in the interest of being Fair And Balanced, I succumbed to the Luvvin’ just this one time. And to my great surprise, it was a nearly painless experience!

From what I’ve gathered from the video, Cherise and Nadia are two fun-loving gals. They enjoy nights on the town, glittery heart pillows, gambling, and lots and lots of Booty Luv.

Their latest single “Say It” is by no stretch of the imagination innovative or new, nor is it the autotuned dance floor onslaught we’ve come to expect in this cheapened, post-Gaga-fied world. It is simply a ‘good tune’ with some dancey bits. In fact, one might even call it refreshing and fun.

As a result, I can now semi-proudly declare myself a Booty Luv fan.

By the way: Doesn’t it sound like they’re singing “If you want my butt, body / come get it, get it” in the chorus? Maybe it’s just the Booty talking.

Click below to get much more Booty Luv.