While everyone else’s faves remained irrelevant and basic this weekend, Our Holy Lady of Soda Pop was busy being significant and cultured.
On Saturday, while taking a break from recording her soon-to-be game-changing new record (tentatively titled Blackout 2.0), the Holy Spearit drove to Target in Westlake, California with bodyguard Edan and her blessed bbs Sean Preston and Jayden James for some casual shopping. (Outrageous–her shopping spree!)
On the way back home from the excursion — perhaps inspired by flicking through her BFF Madonna‘s art-filled Instagram — Queen B decided to stop and bless a curbside art sale, where she carefully glanced through various paintings. “Nothing about you is typical,” Godney reportedly whispered to the quivering artist, who immediately bowed down and sang the hymns of Circus as the Spearit browsed her wares.
And lo, a painting made its way onto Godney’s radar (on her ray-duh), and it was thus acquired and loaded into the SUV.
According to the Daily Mail, the painting is “a generic French street scene” that “appeared to have been copied from a postcard from Paris,” but MuuMuse’s official photo team was able to get a closer look at the paintings in question.
LIVING LEGEND: YOU CAN LOOK, BUT DON’T TOUCH.
LITERALLY STOP YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND SAY AUTUMN GOODBYE TO ALL OF YOUR FAVES.
Tonight, following the annual Academy Awards circle jerk, The Holy Spearit made an appearance at the 21st Annual AIDS Foundation Academy Awards party, rubbing elbows with A-listers, basics and lessers alike.
And guess what? She’s a brunette again.
The Holy Spearit waits for no mortal man.
Accordingly, the video for the objectively terrible “Scream & Shout (Remix)” featuring Diddy, will.i.am, Lil Wayne, Wocka Flocka Flame & Hit-Boy (collectively known as GOOF, or Gaggle of Old Fools) leaked a bit early yesterday during the celebration of St. Valentine on a China-based video streaming site. (No doubt her way of blessing the lonely souls on Valentine’s Day–praise her light.)
TURN THIS SHIT UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN.
And so the Godney did tweet on this Monday night:
This Friday on @106andpark – #ScreamAndShoutRemixVideo!! Here’s a tiny taste. Bring The Action! http://pic.twitter.com/ANwF5tE5
The Grammys happened, and lots of things happened during The Grammys.
Chris Brown didn’t stand up for Frank Ocean, Frank Ocean’s voice didn’t stand up at all, Rihanna did an amazing performance of “Stay” with Mikky Ekko, Kelly Clarkson did an amazing performance of being Kelly Clarkson, the Carter-Knowles Administration bobbed their heads in unison, Justin Timberlake made a comeback, Justin Bieber got pissy and Lena Dunham won everything.
But in my world, there was plenty of potential for other stuff to happen. Stuff that really should have happened. And in my world–which I don’t recommend visiting anytime soon–the Grammys could have gone very differently.
So without further ado, here’s how the headlines would read today if I were in charge of the Grammys.