You know when it’s 2 in the morning and you’re home alone because no one invited you out which is just, like, whatever, so you decide to order a pizza for yourself while watching Crossroads and you’re all like, “Oh hi, I’d like a large cheese pizza with bacon, please,” because bacon is delicious and everything?
And then the pizza man/pizza lady/pizza person of non-specific gender is like “Well, sure! And you know what? Since they’re such popular toppings, we’re going to throw in pineapple, buffalo chicken, artichoke hearts and sardines too!”
And you’re like “I mean, thanks, but that’s not what I ordered. I’m only in it for the bacon. Surely I won’t even be able to taste the bacon underneath all that mess.”
And they’re like “Great! So your total is: BRING THE ACTION.”
It’s been a while since the last Daily B–all I needed was time, a moment that was mine–but I’m here now.
When Lana Del Rey isn’t busy luxuriously combing her lustrous hair, driving ’bout 99 down the PCH with her bad baby by her heavenly side, or just releasing the best album of the year, she’s busy reorganizing her Britney: The Singles Collection box set in reverse chronological order.
Britney‘s got an album coming in 2013, and quite literally nothing else in this world matters.
We’ve known this for a while from assorted rumblings, as well as a completely nonchalant ‘Oh this? Just here sitting in a recording studio casually with Darkchild, NBD’ moment on X Factor. But on December 30, The Holy Spearit confirmed the news publicly via Twitter by responding to fans out of nowhere with a post-Britmas message of hope, noting that she was “working hard” (“slaying your faves”) and “really focused” (“remaining a legend”) on new music, collaborating with some “new inspiring producers” (“coming for all sorts of wigs”).
So, Britney‘s getting “fired” from The X Factor. Allegedly. As one of her most unwaveringly loyal fans, I say: Thank God.
At some point early after the souped-up season premiere, it became painfully obvious that Britney slowly began running fresh out of fucks to give to the tedious, long-winded series.
She shined bright like a Diamond White at first during the audition rounds, providing an unscripted zinger or two and being playfully cast in editing as the unimpressed pop princess. But her personality quickly became muted as the live shows began, allowing the rest of the panel–including the always eager, constant spiller of truth tea (and best actual judge) Demi Lovato–to take the reigns, leaving Britney to look like a goofy face-making guest judge on a weekly basis.