Blackout was, and likely will always be, Britney‘s most thought-provoking record.
Not because of what it was about, thematically speaking–songs like “Get Naked” and “Ooh Ooh Baby” don’t exactly provoke a lot of head-scratching–but because of how it came about: The late night drives, the high-speed paparazzi chases, Starbucks Frappes, Britishney, “You’re better off being homeless than being me, sir,” Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, panty-free partying, the OK! photoshoot disaster, the head shaving incident, the tattoos, “Go to the light and see Jesus!”, the umbrella attack, pink wigs, pole dancing, TMZ, Sam Lufti, Adnan Ghalib, the Ryan Seacrest call, the 2007 MTV VMA’s.
And in the middle of this whirlwind, an album was released: Blackout, executive produced by Britney Spears.
“Gotta be the finest thing that I’ve seen in my life…” – Book of Godney, Hymns of Femme Fatale, 6:16
The Holy Spearit is the most beautiful and fairest lady in all the land. We already know this from our daily teachings, which we inherited after our forefathers stumbled upon the Book of Godney in 1998 outside Cinderella’s Castle in Disney World.
But this week, the reemergence of Immaculateney has begun, and we all remain deeply unworthy.
We all know the living legend never disappoints with her fragrance commercials.
Curious revolutionized the way we all thought about peep holes. Fantasy single-handedly revived the Magic Love Arrow industry. And if the Radiance commercial came out a few years prior, “No thanks, I choose my own destiny” would have been my high school yearbook quote (and probably the inspiration for my next lower back tattoo, right next to the fairy.)
But now, our faithful Lordney and Savior has really gone and done with Fantasy Twist, an alluring two-for-one bottle offering the sweet and fruity intoxication of Fantasy, as well as the sensual, seductive notes of Midnight Fantasy.
Watch as the sexy and strong, dangerous yet mysterious, and cool yet confident songstress struts her way through a hotel (no, not the Onyx Hotel), providing countless references to her many iconic eras and serving armography for days–all to the sound of Goldfrapp‘s “Beautiful.” Why? ‘Cause she’s beautiful (drop dead.)
“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are…”
If you managed to catch tonight’s preview of the “Judge’s House” episodes of X Factor next week–in which Godney teams up with constant collaborator will.i.am to coach her group–you might have also noticed the Holy Spearit sharing some split-second screen time with a familiar face: Darkchild.
You know, the man behind “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll,” “Overprotected (Darkchild Remix),” “Lonely,” “Let Me Be” and “He About To Lose Me”? Yeah, him. So, you might want to stay tuned…
Don’t keep me waiting…
IS THAT MONEY IN YOUR POCKET, OR YA HAPPY TO SEE B?
Last year, sensual seductress and living legend Miss Britney Spears turned the world inside out with a #1 record (“Hold It Against Me”), three smash hit singles (“Till The World Ends” at #3, “I Wanna Go” at #7, and “Criminal at #55–hey, look, over there, it’s Jesus!), a #1 album (Femme Fatale) and a top-grossing international tour (The Femme Fatale Tour).
The year would forever be known in history as 2011: The Year of The Spears.
Now, The Holy Spearit has just dropped over drama and landed on her feet in a lime green bikini at the top of the Forbes’ Highest-Paid Women in Hollywood List at #2, chewing gum next to the almighty Oprah.