SHOCKING NEWS.

In what will surely rock the world of exactly one housewife in Minnesota and literally nobody else, Nicole Scherzinger was unexpectedly ousted from her position as judge on US X Factor this evening.

From E! Online:

“She wants to focus on her music career,” a source said. “She’s spoken to Simon [Cowell] and he’s given her his blessing.” Scherzinger is currently rehearsing for her upcoming European tour that kicks off next month.

Apart from ruining that one little girl’s entire life in front of national television, Miss Scherzy Baby did herself no favors during the first season of US X Factor–crying at least three times per show, offering unintelligible criticism, and displaying great acts of modesty at all times, resulting in the unofficial title of “Least Adored Reality TV Judge Ever.”

Scherzy is now going away to some place to “work on her music,”–so I’ve come up with 5 better options for filling her seat as a judge. Well, and also as host! Because Steve Jones is gone too. EDIT: Oh, and apparently Paula Abdul now too.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this list, so please…let me know what you think!

1.) CHERYL COLE

2.) CHERYL COLE

3.) CHERYL COLE

4.) CHERYL COLE

5.) CHERYL COLE

Yesterday, Hunger TV–the digital counterpart to photographer Rankin‘s new fashion/lifestyle publication Hunger Magazine, brought us a vamp-tastic video for Sky Ferreira‘s “Traces.”

Today: Hunger TV presents a new feature called “Tear It Up,” starring the one and only Cheryl Cole.

Posing to the tune of Alpines‘ “Drive (Akira Kiteshi Remix),” the scientifically proven Perfect Being gets positively smoldering for Rankin’s high fashion clip, whipping her sweat-drenched hair and pouting seductively.

It’s all a very greased-up “I’m A Slave 4 U” aesthetic–therefore, it is entirely amazing. Plus, she looks bangin’ as hell. (Well, duh.) Nice work, Chezza!

It’s official: Science has proven Cheryl Cole to be a perfect and flawless human being.

According to a study conducted by Dr. David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University’s psychology department, there’s an exact formula for the perfect smile, based largely around facial shape and “smile technique.”

From the Daily Mail:

Dr Holmes found that different muscles are used – particularly around the eyes – in sincere smiles, and these help to create a smile people find attractive. People who can ‘smile with their eyes’ are better smilers – but it’s a difficult effect to control.

Of course, we already knew this thanks to a woman named Tyra Banks, who taught us all the importance of smizing in every situation. But now, we have a scientific grasp (thanks to an amusing chart) of the Girls Aloud star’s true flaw-free nature.

He said: ‘Cheryl Cole is a great example of the perfect smile. It’s no coincidence that she has been such a success and become the nation’s sweetheart.

‘Her smile helps her come over as genuine, attractive, and engaging.’

If the teeth and lips are in good condition, with a fleshy ‘cupid’s bow’, people respond even more strongly, he said.

So there you have it: Stone cold science. Irrefutable proof. Cheryl Cole is objectively perfect (her smile, anyway), and your fave’s fleshy cupid’s bow could quite literally never.

In September of 2010, the world (well, the UK) watched as a jittery Worcestershire-born girl named Cher Lloyd strolled across the stage–suited in a a fitted black jacket and shredded white jeans–to audition for the X Factor. After a brief grilling by the judges regarding her name and age (“You look more!” Louis Walsh exclaimed after learning she was only 16 years old), Lloyd announced she’d be performing (Keri Hilson‘s cover of) Soulja Boy‘s “Turn My Swag On.”

And then she opened her mouth to sing.

Read more…

We’ve seen a lot regarding Cheryl Cole, Nicola Roberts and Nadine Coyle ’round these parts lately. Now it’s time to give some shine to another member of the brilliant fivesome known as Girls Aloud: Kimberley Walsh.

Earlier today, Fabulous published an interview and rocker-chic photo shoot with the Aloud’s resident theater geek (remember that musical medley during the Chemistry Tour?) as she begins her run as Princess Fiona in the West End’s Shrek The Musical.

It’s a great read in full, but here’s some excerpts for ye of the lazier variety:

On having the least amount of drama out of all the Girls Aloud members:

Sometimes I do look at myself and think how it’s all been very easy. In a way, that makes me worry that it shouldn’t be such plain sailing and wonder when something bad will happen to me! But to be honest, I always felt that bit older than the other girls so I always felt I knew myself a bit more and had a bit more of the confidence you get in that way.

On being with her boyfriend of over 8 years, former Triple 8 member Justin Scott:

We still think of ourselves as really young, but actually we do need to get going! We’ve bought our first proper house together, which is a home rather than a place to live. I’m incredibly lucky to be financially secure and to be with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I’ve got no excuses, really – apart from that I need to get through this show and then we’re talking about the Girls Aloud reunion next year…

On being curvier than the average pop star:

I’m proud of my shape because I think it sends a better message to girls. And yes, there were definitely times in Girls Aloud where it could get difficult. All of those girls are so slim and there would be the moments where they’d say: ‘Let’s do hot pants in the next video,’ and I’d be thinking: ‘Oh no!’ But my attitude very quickly changed to: ‘What the hell!’ So I’d look curvier in the shorts – so what? That is me and I’d think: ‘I’m just standing up for all the curvy girls like me.’

On bandmate Cheryl being ‘heartbroken’ over the US X Factor snub:

People don’t really know Cheryl. Everybody talked about it like it was the most horrific thing, that it was this massive deal, but it wasn’t like that for her. She’s very much: ‘That’s life, some things don’t work out and let’s move on.’

On the girl group now rapidly growing popular in the UK, The Saturdays:

The Saturdays have done well, but people don’t know them individually,” says Kimberley. “People got to know us in Popstars: The Rivals. Then after we won, it may have looked easy but it was incredibly tough. That was when we bonded. We kept thinking we were going to lose it all, nothing was certain and it made us stick together. It made us fighters, it made us a real team, real friends.

God, I love me some Kimba: She’s got such an incredibly refreshing and positive outlook on life, she’s outspoken, and she’s completely proud of her legacy as an Aloud. Just some of the many reasons why the Girls Aloud roster remains unmatched!

You’ve got to love those constant references to a 2012 reunion as well. Let’s make it happen, ladies!

Nicola Roberts is a different kind of pop star.

There’s just no getting around it, really: Ever since her name was called as one-fifth of the band that went on to become Girls Aloud during the finale of the 2002 reality series Pop Stars: The Rivals, the Lincolnshire-born redhead with porcelain skin stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the pristine pop quintet. There was something special about Nicola, something different–dare say “alternative” about the then 17-year-old songstress.

Roberts made her mark in the Aloud as the quiet, quirky vocalist responsible for some of the band’s most memorable moments–the opening seconds of “Untouchable,” the second verse of “Whole Lotta History,” the show-stopping bridge of “Call The Shots.” More often than not, it was Roberts’ shaky, vulnerable vocals that placed an ice-coated cherry on top of some of the Aloud’s finest work.

But being “different” can often be problematic, and for Nicola, induction into the Almighty Aloud was nearly a curse: From the get go, Roberts was relentlessly teased and bullied in the British tabloids for her appearance, as well as an apparent bad attitude: “Ginger.” “Pale.” “Ugly.” In 2003, Busted‘s Matt Willis pronounced her a “rude ginger bitch,” a nickname that the press fondly appropriated for years. And despite the best efforts made by her fellow bandmates to protect her against seeing the stories, Roberts was still well aware of the continuous public mockery, leading to several years of excessive drinking and an unhealthy obsession with tanning.

Lest anyone be confused and think she simply stood there and dealt with the criticism however, it’s simply not true: Nicola Roberts has always found ways to fight back.

During a performance at G-A-Y in London in 2003 for instance, the quiet crooner took a cheeky stab at Matt Willis’ attack by donning a black skirt with the words “RUDE GINGER BITCH…BOTHERD?!” painted on the back. Later on in her career, as Roberts slowly grew confident in her natural appearance, she would tackle her tanorexia head-on in an eye-opening BBC special, Nicola Roberts: The Truth About Tanning.

Now, with the release of debut record out on September 26, Cinderella’s Eyes, Roberts has gone one step further and turned the tables on her detractors completely with one loud, defiant rallying call: “TEAM GINGE.”

Read more…

After months of inactivity, Flawless Girls Aloud Kween Cheryl Cole has finally begun using her Twitter.

So Chezza, what’chu got to say for yourself?

31 Aug: There is NOTHING better than the smell of fresh coffee in the morning.. Esp when your call time is 4.30am 8-| …That’s not even the morning. That’s the middle of the night…

31 Aug: Btw I’m gutted I can’t use my little yellow men faces on here.. They help me express what I’m saying…I’d put the rolling eyes one here.. But he looks like this 8-|

1 Sept: Does anyone else HATE when they put flour on a bun (roll) its goes straight through me.. :& why do they do that ??..

Verdict: 110% INCREDIBLE.

STOP YOUR ENTIRE LIFE:
A FLAWLESS ICONIC BEAUTY APPEARS.

The photos from Cheryl Cole‘s 2012 calendar have just surfaced, and um…I AM SCREAMING ALOUD.

Seriously stop, Cheryl Cole: Stop with your stupid flawless face and your stupid flawless body and your stupid flawless posing skills. You’re disgustingly fierce, and you’re making me feel weird things inside that I haven’t felt since the last time I saw that trailer for Taylor Lautner‘s new movie Abduction which subsequently led into a sleepless 47-hour binge of Googling “Taylor Lautner shirtless” and then–WAIT. WHERE AM I. WHAT? WHO? Oh.

No, but seriously: She is truly one of the most gorgeous glamazons on the planet. I’m positively swooning!

Click here to see previews of the full set, courtesy of Cheryl Online.

Q: COULD YA FAVES?

A: NEVER.