She’s smizing, she’s schmitzing…it’s Beyoncé‘s new video for “1+1,” y’all!

Greased up like a cookie sheet about to get popped into the oven over at the House of Dereon, Lady ‘Yonce is looking fine, fresh and buttery yum-yum delicious in the latest clip from the 4 era.

Compared to the sheer magnitude of the “Run The World (Girls)” video/mini-epic, this shoestring budget montage of Lady Beysus throwing Tyra stares and serving drenched pleasure like an Herbal Essences shampoo outtake that just won’t quit seems a bit–err, lacking in comparison at first.

But “1+1″ is a simple, sexy song, and Beysus is A FIERCE ASS DIVA GLAMAZON GODDESS lest we forget: The bitch could work it out using a HD webcam, body glitter and some Crisco (which, oddly enough, is exactly what she’s doing here.) Nevertheless, she’s killing it with those slow-mo hair flips, and she is one sexy mama after all. Sure it’s not much of a think-piece, but…I’m kind of loving the video!

I just kinda want to run up to her quickly and wipe a little bit of that moisture off with some of Ciara‘s weave, that’s all.

HATERS TO THE MUHFUCKIN’ LEFT.

4 was released on June 28. (iTunes)

Britney. Jennifer Lopez. Katy Perry. Jessica Simpson. It seems as though every day another pop icon announces the release of their debut fragrance.

Yet much as with the Hot 100 Billboard Chart, not every pop diva will get her due recognition in the cluttered shelves of your local perfumerie. In fact, some will downright flop to the bottom.

Inspired by a tweet this morning from Kween Legendtina Q. Agholyiera in which she announced the (impossibly amazing) name of her upcoming scent Secret Potion, I thought it’d be beneficial to do a quick round-up of the lesser known fragrances set to hit the streets later this year at gas stations and health clinics nationwide.

Delusional by Kat Deluna

Green with envy? Stay pressed! Flavored with unstoppable top notes of spicy pepper and flowery whisps of Belgium-grown orchids (the only territory in which this fragrance will be sold), Deluna’s luscious new scent Delusional is the essential quick spritz before heading off for Party O’Clock. Worried about overpowering your man with your new scent? Don’t be–hardly anyone will notice! No, really.

Note: The scent will be packaged and sold as Jennifer Lopez’s Love? Glow in 2012.

Basic Scent by Cedric

With its fruity combination of blood and sweat, aided by a tasty blend of extension glue and a lingering trace of once-warmed over french fry oil, Ciara’s Basic Scent transforms every Go Girl into the epitome of empowered elegance and class–whether you’re running the street, checking under the couch cushions for a few extra cents with La La, leaving un-returned voicemails for The-Dream, piling puppies into over-sized Louis Vuitton purses or simply visiting the chiropractor after one back-bend too many!

Caution: Scent easily overpowered when worn in the presence of Rihanna‘s Reb’l Fleur or Beyonce‘s Heat.

Syphilicious by Tila Tequila

“I don’t want to tell anybody,” Tila Tequila once famously sung in her unreleased gem, “Hideaway.” And that’s exactly how you’ll feel after dousing yourself in a douche-tastic deluxe spray of Syphilicious, the pint-size pop star’s luscious new fragrance! With its powerful mixture of sugary-sweet Dollar Mart lip gloss and the distinct scent of a drunken behind-the-bar handjob at the local Hula Hank’s, Tequila’s noxious new fragrance dares wearers to ask: “Wait, is this urine that I’m wearing right now?”

Note: The first 5,000 boxes come with a complimentary at-home STD kit.

Schmitz by Nicole Scherzinger

There’s no need to hold your breath when inhaling Scherzy Baby’s latest! The sweet, supple scent of Puakenikeni flowers, Carmit Bachar‘s blood, Cheryl Cole‘s tears and the (only slightly physically damaging) tart notes of arsenic comprise Schmitz: The ultimate fragrance for any Queen basking in the glory and grandeur of true pop royalty and dominance. Ah, Eau d’Pussycat!

Please note: Customers have reported many issues with getting the bottle to successfully pump for the first time out of the box. After repeated failed attempts, the fragrance may be returned for a full warranty and complimentary copy of Eden’s Crush‘s debut album.

Where The Fuck Am I I Don’t Even by Sarah Harding

Sure, every one of the other Girls Aloud members have achieved some sort of solo fame in music at this point–but watch out world, ’cause Harding’s coming har-har-hard!

Sprinkled with bum notes and an overwhelming amount of shame and regret, this uniquely open top fragrance allows its wearers to simultaneously drink and lavishly coat themselves with Harding’s potent potion. Going down to the club? Heading down to the pub? Drinking alone at home? Go ahead and chug! What does it actually smell like? FUCK OFF!

Note: Do not wear while operating heavy machinery or performing on live television.

AMAZING SINGLE SELECTION ALERT!

Keri Hilson is set to shoot a video for “Lose Control (feat. Nelly),” one of the smoothest cuts off of her sophomore record, No Boys Allowed.

The video will be helmed by Colin Tilley, the same director responsible for such clips as Hilson’s “One Night Stand (feat. Chris Brown),” Shontelle‘s “Perfect Nightmare” and Ciara‘s “Speechless.”

Get it, Miss Keri Baby!

In a incredibly rare moment of candidness, Jive Records recording artist Ciara took to Facebook three hours ago to address the longstanding rumor that the singer had been dropped from her label.

Rumors began to swirl following the complete commercial failure of her last album, Basic Instinct, which debuted at #44 on the Billboard 200 with under 40,000 copies sold in its first week of release in December.

From her Facebook:

To my fans:

This week the net has been a buzz of the rumor that I have been dropped from my label. At this point that rumor is false.. It is true that I have asked and I pray that my label will release me. I have had some great times and success with my label, but sometimes like all great things, it’s at that point where I feel we don’t share the same views on who I am as an artist. The past two albums have been very frustrating for me. At times there were songs I chose to lead a project and I was ignored! This project, I even tried to get “Gimmie Dat” started I spent tens of thousands of my own money only to hear the radio PDs tell me my label didn’t want the song played. I even spent more than one hundred thousand dollars out of my pocket on the video to bring my vision to it and still no label support. I do understand that some labels are not financially supporting their artists and I have become one of them. You, my fans, know that I strive to do my best to deliver to my you the best songs and creative vision I possibly can. I’m dedicated to my music, performance and to my fans! I’ve tried to be a team player with the label only to have compromised what I truly believed and was not given the right opportunity to promote and inform my fans of the release of this album. I have so much of me as an artist I still want to give to the world and my fans. A release would allow me to go be creative with people who care and understand me as an artist. In a short time, I will be able to bring to you a new music energy and a visual excitement! Thank you so much for standing by me through the good, bad, and the confusion. I love you all.

Love Ciara

The struggle to find a happy medium between the label and the artist’s intent is nothing new in the industry–especially as labels continue to abuse their power in controlling the creative process. Want more proof? Look no further than JoJo‘s five year strong struggle with Blackground Records.

Here’s hoping CiCi finds her way elsewhere…and fast.

Ever find yourself asking others: “Can ya faves?”

Do you often lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out, slay and subsequently snatch wigs?

Well, worry no more: There’s a place for you.

Introducing my latest, greatest find ever: Stan Wars, a complete resource for anything and everything stan-related. The comprehensive website features any and all of the required information necessary for stanning for any up-and-coming pop star. (Unless, of course, you’re stanning for a basic bitch–you might want to take the quiz to find out.)

From the website:

Welcome to Stan-Wars.com, a comprehensive guide to worshipping people you don’t know, who live a lifestyle you can’t afford, supported by an industry you don’t understand.

Everyday, on internet servers and mobile devices all around the world, wigs are snatched, font is enlarged, and blood pressure is raised over female pop star stan wars.

It’s not enough that we give them hundreds (or thousands) of our dollars every year, we must also form internet militias, bashing anyone who does not believe that our favorite artist is the greatest thing since free porn.

And while the entire website is an incredible helpful tool to navigate the oft-turbulent seas of standom, it’s the Stanipedia, a .GIF-happy Wikipedia portal devoted to furthering your knowledge about the amount of wigs your fave has firmly clenched between her fingers, that truly takes the cake.

Do you go hard for Britney like me? Great! You’ll learn all about our shared mental condition: Britlexia, a learning disibility which “impairs a stan’s ability to understand simple logic and read basic English.”

Or perhaps you’re also a member of the Rihanna Navy? Perfect! You’ll learn about Ri’s infamous climb to fame when “she swam to America on a Thursday and had a #1 single on Friday.”

Or what about Christina? Well, err…okay! Perhaps you’ll recall The Bionic Massacre.

And then there’s other standoms, such as Ciara (“born Cedric Marcellus Harris in 1985 in Dallas, TX”), whose stans are often referred to as “African’t Americans. They’re like Britney Stans only they’re darker, they have no album sales to brag about, and there’s only 2 of them.”

This website has obviously become an instant MuuMuse Approved favorite, and all your friends, faves and haters need to know about it.

So for now…

STAY MAD, PRESSED AND OBSESSED.

For an album called No Boys Allowed, there sure are a lot of boys that came to play inside Miss Keri Baby‘s clubhouse.

Though she’s tried at length to explain her new album’s title–that No Boys Allowed a “no bitch ass-ness” kind of empowerment collection about ditching the little boys and uplifting women, it’s hard to drive that point home when the album’s guest-list is exclusively filled with men–especially when one of them is Chris Brown.

But putting the album title-content conflict aside, Miss Keri Baby has produced a worthy follow-up to her excellent and underrated 2009 debut, In A Perfect World… with No Boys Allowed, released on December 21.

As one of the more prominent pop songwriters of late (her writing credits include Omarion‘s “Ice Box, Ciara‘s “Like A Boy” and Britney‘s “Gimme More”), Keri Hilson’s industry ties have afforded her the opportunity to compile another heavyweight producer-packed record, including contributions by Polow Da Don (“The Way You Love Me”), Danja (“Toy Soldier”), Stargate (“Lose Control”) and longtime collaborator, Timbaland (“Breaking Point”).

With No Boys Allowed, Hilson finds her groove in a variety of beats and influences, including the horn-heavy Southern swagga of “Buyou (feat. J. Cole),” the preachy church organ of “Breaking Point” (arguably the worst choice for lead single from the entire record), and the major empowerment anthem, “Pretty Girl Rock.”

As the torchbearer of No Boys Allowed, “Pretty Girl Rock” is the embodiment of the Hilson’s supposed intentions for this record, perfectly marrying cheeky self-encouragement (“All eyes on me when I walk in, no question that this girl’s a 10 / Don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful”) with a banging, piano-tinged modern beat. The result is a feel-good, groove-good uplifting anthem that packs as much of a punch lyrically as it does musically.

At the same time, Hilson kicks her heels back with a wash of Caribbean rhythms on tracks like the meandering “Bahm Bahm (Do It Once Again)” and “Lose Control (feat. Nelly),” which will surely go down as the greatest rip-off of Rihanna‘s “What’s My Name?” ever produced. (Note: Not an insult!)

Penned by the same hit-maker (the ever amazing Ester Dean, scribe of “Rude Boy”), “Lose Control” comes a bit too close for comfort to Ri’s superior radio smash, which is probably why it’s almost as infectious. “Shake, wind and roll,” Miss Keri Baby commands across the song’s dark, electro-tinged groove. Even Nelly’s feature on the track–apart from the unsettling rhyming of “famous” with “anus” (Oy! Leave it to Ke$ha, please)–proves an enjoyable addition to the song’s mesmerizing beat.

Hilson also takes care to revisit to the spacey, electro-R&B sound that colored much of her 2009 effort on cuts like “One Last Stand (feat. Chris Brown),” “Gimme What I Want” and “Beautiful Mistake”–the latter two being glowing highlights of the record.

Also of note is the album’s closing moment, “All The Boys,” a gorgeously introspective mid-tempo that will almost surely go overlooked: “After all the boys I thought I loved before, I didn’t know what love was until you knocked on my door,” Keri sweetly croons on top of the song’s big beats and twinkling piano riffs. Not only is “All The Boys” refreshingly stripped production-wise, but the songstress herself seems to be emoting more than ever during the album’s final moment. It’s beautiful, truly.

Of all the uptempo tracks on No Boys Allowed however, nothing bumps nearly as hard as “The Way You Love Me,” the raw, raucous Polow Da Don-produced sex romp that finds Miss Keri Baby shedding away the cutesy flirt of “Pretty Girl Rock,” stripping down and literally screaming into the chorus: “Fuck me, fuck me / It’s the way you fuck me!” (or perhaps more accurately, fuck-may, fuck-may!).

Even though she’s caught some (unfair) heat for the album’s sexually charged third single (largely due to its salacious video, which features Ms. Hilson working her hips against a giant safe in a way never before caught on film), it’s the song’s carnal energy, juicy bounce and fiercely lewd lyricism (“Yeah, it’s me, that’s where you want to be / I got the kind of pussy that’ll keep you off the streets”) that makes “The Way You Love Me” easily one of the year’s baddest tracks (in the best way possible).

Much as with In A Perfect World…, Miss Keri Baby’s brought a variety of soulful treats to the table on her sophomore attempt. While the No Boys Allowed female empowerment motif doesn’t exactly hold throughout, and there aren’t as many standout single-ready tracks on this album as with her debut, there’s still enough catchy cuts to overcome its thematic shortcomings.

Still hot from the Internet-killing, bandwidth-shattering success of yesterday’s Top 40 Albums of 2010 list (including a most major of giveaways, in which I’m giving away ALL TEN ALBUMS that made the Top 10 of the list–you still have time to enter up until January 2!), I now present MuuMuse’s Top 50 singles of 2010.

There were a lot of good songs released during the year. A lot of them didn’t end up making the list. It’s entirely unjust and profoundly disturbing to think about, but what can you do?

I don’t feel like explaining my choices…SO I WON’T. Why? Because I am such a fucking rebel. GO TIME!

Honorable mentions, in no particular order:

Usher – Hot Tottie, P!nk – Raise Your Glass, Ellie Goulding – Your Song, Ciara – Speechless, Simon Curtis – Delusional, Marina + The Diamonds – Oh No!, Janelle Monae – Tightrope, Sirens – Stilletos, Kelly Rowland – Rose Colored Glasses, Taio Cruz – Higher (feat. Kylie Minogue), The Saturdays – Missing You, Enrique Iglesias – Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You) (feat. Ludacris), Selena Gomez & The Scene – A Year Without Rain, Sunday Girl – Self Control, Selena Gomez & The Scene – Round & Round, Kelis – Acapella, Armin van Buuren – Not Giving Up On Love (feat. Sophie Ellis-Bextor), Cheryl Cole – Promise This, Girlicious – Maniac, Ke$ha – Take It Off, Shontelle – Perfect Nightmare, Ed Drewett – Champagne Lemonade, Christina Aguilera – Not Myself Tonight, Kelis – 4th of July (Fireworks), Kristine Elezaj – Warpath, Nicki Minaj – Massive Attack, Starshell – SuperLuva, Lady Gaga – Alejandro, Marina + The Diamonds – Shampain, Afrojack – Take Over Control (feat. Eva Simons)

50. Goldfrapp – Rocket
49. I Blame Coco – Self Machine
48. Uffie – ADD SUV (feat. Pharrell)
47. Lolene – Rich (Fake It ‘Til You Make It)
46. Keri Hilson – Pretty Girl Rock

45. Sade – Soldier of Love
44. The Saturdays – Higher
43. The Wanted – All Time Low
42. Kanye West – Monster (feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Nicki Minaj)
41. Ciara – Ride

40. Shontelle – Impossible
39. Usher – OMG (feat. Will.I.Am)
38. Christina Aguilera – You Lost Me
37. Miley Cyrus – Can’t Be Tamed
36. Scissor Sisters – Any Which Way

35. Ciara – Gimmie Dat
34. Alicia Keys – Un-Thinkable (I’m Ready)
33. Joe McElderry – Ambitions
32. Hurts – Wonderful Life
31. JoJo – (He Only Knows Me) In The Dark

30. M.I.A. – XXXO
29. Adele – Rolling In The Deep
28. Diana Vickers – The Boy Who Murdered Love
27. Keri Hilson – The Way You Love Me (feat. Rick Ross)
26. Wynter Gordon – Dirty Talk

25. Diana Vickers – Once
24. Lady Gaga – Telephone
23. Sophie Ellis-Bextor – Bittersweet
22. Robyn – Hang With Me
21. Ellie Goulding – Starry Eyed

20. Willow Smith – Whip My Hair
19. Jessie J – Do It Like A Dude
18. Alex Gardner – I’m Not Mad
17. Keri Hilson – I Like
16. Sunday Girl – Four Floors

15. Ke$ha – We R Who We R
14. David Guetta – Who’s That Chick? (feat. Rihanna)
13. Natalia Kills – Mirrors
12. Kylie Minogue – All The Lovers
11. Freemasons – Believer (feat. Wynter Gordon)

10. Katy Perry – Teenage Dream
9. Robyn – Indestructible
8. Rihanna – Only Girl (In The World)
7. Sky Ferreira – One
6. Rihanna – Rude Boy

5. Kelly Rowland – Commander (feat. David Guetta)
4. Rihanna – What’s My Name? (feat. Drake)
3. Kelis – Brave
2. Kylie Minogue – Get Outta My Way

1. Robyn – Dancing On My Own

Miss KERI Baby–look what you gone did!

Keri Hilson is breaking out the big guns (literally) for “The Way You Love Me,” the third single off of her upcoming sophomore studio release, No Boys Allowed. (WATCH)

Backed up by a bad ass crew of bitches including JoJo, Dirty Money‘s Dawn and Faith Evans, Miss Keri Baby thugs her way through a most scandalous, swagga-riffic covert operation.

A little bit CiCi, some parts Gaga/Beysus “Telephone,” the video for “The Way You Love Me” finds Keri going harder and grittier than ever before, slithering up against a vault’s open door and growling some truly filthy come-ons in the process: “I got that kind of pussy that keep you off the streets,” she brags.

Is it a very sexy upgrade to her No Boys Allowed image as of late? Well, yes. But I had no doubt that Miss Keri Baby was really a dirty bird underneath just waiting to spread her wings and grind.

“This ain’t no pretty girl rock,” Hilson snarks during the video’s extended introduction. You got that right.

No Boys Allowed will be released on December 14. (iTunes)

Too early for some swagga? Well, too bad!

This morning, Jessie J has just unleashed the video for debut single, “Do It Like A Dude.” (WATCH)

While cooking up some toxic concoctions in a warehouse filled with some rather unfriendly looking femme fatales (is that you, Ciara?), the burgeoning UK songstress grinds, grunts and growls her way through her very first video like a seasoned pro.

My only question is: Where does one acquire some spiked lip appliques? WANTS/NEEDS.

Stomp stomp, she’s arrived indeed.

“My Humps” hit-maker Fergie of Black Eyed Peas fame (who’s last solo single was released in September of 2007) has just been named Woman of the Year for the 2010 Billboard Women in Music Event. No, I’m not even kidding.

From Billboard:

Black Eyed Peas vocalist and six-time Grammy-winning artist Fergie will receive the Woman of the Year Award at the 2010 Billboard Women in Music Event on Dec. 2 in New York.

“I am humbled and excited to accept the Billboard Woman of the Year Award,” Fergie says. “Being honored by Billboard is a great career achievement.”

Fergie spent 2010 touring the world alongside her Black Eyed Peas bandmates on the Blackberry Presents: The E.N.D. World Tour, performing hits from the group’s hugely successful 2009 album, “The E.N.D.”

In response to the accouncement, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Beyonce, Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Ciara and Nicki Minaj have prepared the following joint statement:

“LOL WUT.”

Are you even serious right now, Billboard?