Well, this review ought to divide my readers.

Electrik Red are like the bitter castoffs booted from a pre-fame Destiny’s Child (one of them is named Binkie!) that decided to team up, have a massive orgy with The-Dream, and then cook up the most ghettolicious, glorious heap of scrap tracks from Ciara‘s latest album and called it How To Be A Lady: Volume 1.

Now, if there’s anything that I love in this world, it’s a girl with a potty mouth. Make that four girls with potty mouths! I’m talking ’bout some trash-talkin’, y’all-don’t-know-me type of shit–that’s why I listen to Khia for motivation and spiritual guidance.

Really then, it will be no surprise for anyone to learn that within the first few seconds of the opening track off of the Reds’ debut that I quickly learned to love: “And I’m the shit wit the shit shawty / I’m the shit wit the shit / I know what I’m doin’ with this shit / ‘Cause I’m the shit with this shit, shawty.” Concise, yet mind-blowing. Yes… ’twas love at first “Muah.”

Later on, my emotions were only further confirmed with the delicious bluntness of “W.F.Y.”, the squeaky, “Maneater”-friendly stomps of “Kill Bill,” and “P Is For Power,” the defiant “Single Ladies” addendum that plays like the schoolyard chant I never had growing up: “You ain’t gettin’ no P…nope, nope.” Any guesses on what it stands for? Me either.

But even if the uptempos aren’t your thing, the slow jams just may be. Take for instance the supple, grind-ready “9 To 5″ that clocks in just around the proper baby-making BPM. You’ll want to watch for some small glimmers of the Janet Jackson of yesteryear that one, as well as within the irresistibly catchy single, “So Good.”

Lets keep it real here: If you’re looking for originality, talent, or anything of any substantial cultural or musical value, this may not in fact be your cup of bubbly. But if you’re the type of person who finds solace in Kelis‘ “Fuck Them Bitches,” Ciara‘s “G Is For Girl (A-Z),” or anything off of Danity Kane‘s (RIP) last two albums, you’re going to have some fun.

DL: Electrik Red – W.F.Y.

Click below to hear more from Electrik Red.

Wow. When the world’s (arguably) greatest vocalist starts binging on the AutoTune, you know you’ve got a trend gone overboard. But aside from the general rape and pillaging enjoyed by this oft-abused production technique, let’s take a moment to analyze “Obsessed”:

+ It is sort of a mash-up of anything you’ve ever heard on Ciara and Electrik Red‘s new album, thanks to the powerhouse production duo The-Dream and Tricky Stewart.

+ Therefore, it is really quite good.

+ It’s also something you’ve never heard from Mariah Carey.

+ It’s slow, but sort of in a defiant, ominous manner that keeps you wanting to know what’s around the corner.

+ There are horns.

+ I can imagine a lot of slow, fierce walking and ‘tude involved in the upcoming music video.

+ I think I might already be a bit obsessed with the song. (LOL PUN!)

Click here to visit MiMi’s site and hear it in all its glory.

Everyone loves an underdog. Everyone loves a superstar. But almost no one’s got love for an underdog superstar.

That’s about how I’d describe Ciara, the 23-year-old R&B sensation responsible for eight top ten singles and roughly ten million albums sold in just five years. Still, despite an impressive chart record and a lasting presence in the industry, the songstress continues to face the crippling blow of the shadow–that dreaded, overbearing presence brought upon by enough comparisons to her contemporaries to recall the bubble-gum blonde diva duels of the ’90′s (Willa Ford, you will be missed). And while her latest outing, Fantasy Ride, will likely provide no help in separating CiCi from RiRi (and I dare say, from Beysus), it’s worthy enough to merit attention in its own right.

On paper alone, the album already reads like a smash: From Missy Elliot to Darkchild, Dr. Luke to Danja, Ludacris to T-Pain, The Clutch and Chris Brown (gasp, boo, hiss, etc.), the girl’s simply got it written in the stars (well, by the stars, for that matter). But as you might have expected from such an expansive guest list, the music gets a bit messy sometimes. In fact, the only thing keeping this Ride from complete lift-off is the noisy overproduction on almost every track.

Still, much of the album’s got the grit to inspire more than just a little sweat: The Missy Misdemeanor-fueled “Work” and the super swagged “Pucker Up” are the purest definitions of club bangers, while “G Is For Girl (A-Z)” promises to be C’s best attempt at ‘tude yet: “N is for nothing, boy I do this in my sleep / O is for original, cause I’mma O.G.” She’s not nearly “gangsta” enough for me to buy the act, but with that crunchy clang-a-lang beat, I don’t really care if she’s as hood as Asher Roth.

As we’ve gathered from the excellence that was “The Promise” off her last album, C knows how to command a ballad. Well. With an Aaliyah-like disjointedness, she tip-toes along “Like A Surgeon,” floats all over the lush mid-tempo chill of “Keep Dancin’ On Me,” and swoons atop the fluttery “Lover’s Thing”–all while making sure to obey the restrictions of her vocal capacity.

The momentum doesn’t entirely hold: Though the general public may disagree, the insipidity of current smash “Love, Sex, & Magic” fails to inspire any joy on my end, while the sleepy “Never Ever” (which samples 1972 Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes hit “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”) quickly stalls after the chorus fades for the first time.

Fantasy Ride isn’t quite the stuff of fantasies, nor is smooth sailing throughout. But with a hot string of floor burners and some truly killer baby makin’ grinders, it’s probably one of the better trips I’ve taken this year.

PS: Make sure you’re getting the deluxe editions when you order–”Echo” and “I’m On” are highlights, and leaving them off of the original tracklisting was a criminal decision!

Ciara’s Fantasy Ride was released on Jive Records on May 5. Click below to preview and purchase NOW!

It’s that time, ladies and gentlemen: Grab those neon-glow shutter shades, dig through your ironic vintage tees, and go steal your sister’s jeans, ’cause it’s…

DL: Designer Drugs – Zombie (Hot Pink Delorean Remix)
Hipster Intrigue: 10/10
Legitimate Danceablity: 2/10

It’s loud, it’s noise, and literally nothing happens. What’s it sound like? A cassette tape of Michael Jackson‘s “Thriller” being thrown into a cheese grater production line. Worthless, though it’ll score me loads of love on HypeMachine!

DL: KOVAS – Wax On, Wax Off
Hipster Intrigue: 6/10
Legitamite Danceability: 6/10

KOVAS both excites and worries me. I’m excited because of the crunchy, glittering stomp beats, but worried by the fact that his style and artist collaborations (Justin Timberlake, Ciara) seems to verge dangerously close to the edge of Timbaland territory. You’ll have to excuse the DJ tags, that’s how it came in the mail.

“Wax On, Wax Off” is the lead single off KOVAS’ upcoming LP, Reagan Babies, which you can listen to here.

DL: Major Lazer – Hold It Down (Poirier Remix)
Hipster Intrigue: 9/10
Legitimate Danceability: 8/10

This last one’s legit: An ultra smooth, pulsating baile funk dancehall sensation from the up-and-coming Jamaican producer Major Lazer. Plus, Santogold’s on the track! Err…I mean ~Santigold.~ What’s with the name switch lady? It’s totally lame.

With Diplo, Switch, and a dozen or so dancehall artists in tow, watch for his debut LP, Gun Don’t Kill People…Lazers Do as the surefire bet to set underground playlists ablaze this summer.

On a side note, check out PrettyMuchAmazing to see my featured review for Röyksopp‘s Junior!

Here we have “Takin’ Back My Love,” a track from Enrique Iglesias, featuring the increasingly below-the-radar talent Ciara. (She has gone a bit downward in popularity, hasn’t she? Lord knows “Go Girl” isn’t going to be a global smash. “Echo” is another story. However, I’m still in a parentheses, so this train of thought is now to end.)

The song is confirmed to be the second single from Enrique Iglesias’ upcoming greatest hits album, Greatest Hits of Enrique, due out Nov. 11.

Despite the fact that it literally is Lady GaGa‘s “Just Dance,” (just as are most of the songs off of her debut), this song is still quite good.

This RedOne sound…It might be just the antidote needed to counter the Timbaland epidemic. It’s way more hands-in-the-air than Timba, and that’s fine by me. I’ll be damned if that twangy electro noise is featured in every song though.

Here we have the better of the two new song releases from Namie Amuro‘s latest greatest hits compilation, BEST FICTION. The video is a fairly good summarization of all things Namie Amuro in the past few years: It’s got the metallic mod-disco glamorous sheen of her latest clips, the usage of tiny hats, and, of course, those signature Amuro moves that are about one batted eyelash away from asleep. I’ve never seen someone manage to look so tired while still doing so many vigorous dance moves other than this woman. Whatever…she’s amazing.

There’s not a whole lot going on in this Alice In Wonderland-themed video that hasn’t been conquered before (minus the stripper horses…or horse strippers), though I appreciate the usage of various winning formulas of recent history. The dancing brings me back to a less intense version of Ciara‘s rooftop choreography for “Get Up,” the damsel-in-distressed Alice conjures Gwen “What You Waiting For?” And how much does she look like Ayumi in “Because of You”?