Okay, real talk.
When news broke earlier this week that will.i.am really, really is coming on board as the executive producer of Britney‘s 8th studio album (working title: Blackout 2.0: It Gets Urbaner), the reality of the situation left most, if not all of us, steaming like a pot full of vegetables.
I, for one, was furious: After all, I’ve referred to him as a musical terrorist for the greater half of the past decade. He’s cocky, his name is annoying, he’s got a stupid haircut and he’s responsible for megatons of club-pop drivel: “Boom Boom Pow,” “Check It Out,” “Imma Be,” “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)”—and worst of all, THIS. Plus, we all know “Scream & Shout” is only tolerable because of Britishney, bitch.
But upon further consideration and extensive prayer and meditation, I’ve come to realize that will.i.am isn’t always the will.i.worst. (Just, y’know, usually.)
As the executive producer of Britney’s album, will.i.am doesn’t necessarily have to touch all, or even any, of the songs. His responsibility is to curate the overall record. Beyond that, he’s already promised to meet with Britney and create something “personal” and “intimate,” rather than a mere collection of slay-ready dance floor cuts. He seems genuine in his intention to represent Brit Brit’s life in a meaningful way through her musical output—and that’s something to support, not shade. (I don’t know about you, but I sure want a Spearitual Ray of Light!)
Yes, he’s spent the last few years of his career servicing hashtag-friendly, Auto-Tune-heavy robo-bangers for the masses, but he’s contributed some pretty major tunes to the pop universe too.
So instead of waking up in a cold sweat screaming (and shouting) from night terrors of Britney singing the sequel to “My Humps,” let’s just remain Optimisticney and consider all the good stuff. (And please Godney, let there be no hashtags.)
Our worst fears have finally been realized, and everything is a nightmare: will.i.cant really is executive producing Britney‘s 8th studio album.
BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO BRITNEY IN THE STUDIO.
Yes, we already know Britney‘s recording right now—but that doesn’t make it any less thrilling.
The Holy Spearit was photographed walking into Record Plant in Hollywood today — one of the studios where the Living Legend recorded songs for 2011′s Femme Fatale and 2003′s In The Zone. There, she will lay down flaw-free tracks for her upcoming eighth studio album, Blackout 2.0: Keeps Getting Urbaner.
As for the latest from the rumor mill, the album will supposedly feature Wiz Khalifa, and will.i.cant—the rumored executive producer (Godney help us all)—promises to make it “personal.” But we all know that everyone’s just talking that talk until its time to decide the final tracklisting: Remember when William Orbit was writing for Femme Fatale…until he suddenly wasn’t?
There’s only one thing we know for sure: “Ooh La La,” Brit Brit’s contribution to Smurfs 2 (What’s a Great Gatsby soundtrack?) is coming to smurf all of your faves, win her an Academy Award for Best Original Smurf (and the winner is…LUCKY!), and become the official anthem of Spring/Summer 2013.
Oh, and “Radar” will be included as a bonus track. Get ready, bitches…
In case you’re not already on Twitter and following Britney (and are therefore dead to me, get the fuck off of MuuMuse), you’ll know The Holy Spearit will be blessing post-Disney pop princess/”Ashtrays & Heartbreaks” chanteuse Miley Cyrus, Nicole “Don’t Hold Your Breath” Scherzinger and Pop Goblin will.i.cant with her presence in a special Google+ Hangout session to promote #willpower, the new record by the Destroyer Of All Things Artful And Beautiful.
It’s all going down in at 4:15 PM PST/7:15 PM EST tonight right here. Stay tuned for updates, and follow me for live tweeting fun! Can we make a drinking game to get through this? I really think we should.
UPDATE: Live stream below!
UPDATE: The Holy Spearit blessed the screen for approximately 30 seconds, described working with will.i.am on “Scream & Shout” as “cool” and then left. No fan questions. No talk of Album 8. No talking to anyone, bitch.
Legends have no time for Google+.
SIT THE SMURF DOWN AND SHUT THE SMURF UP.
Back in January, The Living Legend, Sensual Seductress and Enchanting Mistress Miss Britney Spears tweeted about recording a song “for her boys,” sending the entire Church of Godney in a tizzy.
(Presumably, she meant Sean Preston and Jayden James, and not her gay boys.)
Today, B-Girl took to Twitter to provide a follow-up to that thought: She’s smurfed a smurf for the soundtrack of Smurfs 2, called “Ooh La La.”