Nelly Furtado is back! Exciting!

Six years since her absolutely amazing 2006 English effort Loose, the multilingual Canadian crooner returns with “Big Hoops (Bigger the Better),” the first single from her upcoming (and oft-delayed) 2012 record, The Spirit Indestructible. (Not to be confused with Lindsay Lohan‘s lost third record, the holy grail known as Spirit In The Dark.)

And now, the tea: When I got the chance to preview the Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins-produced track in full last week, I was not too enthused. The song felt whiny, irritating and much less exciting than anything off of Loose. A buzz single at best.

It’s been over a week now. I’ve had a chance to mull it over and…well, I still think it’s thoroughly meh. There are bits that are stuck in my brain, though! They include:

1.) “Thebiggathebettathebiggathebettathebettathebigga.”
2.) “I can go fast! I can go slow!”
3.) “Everybody say he-e-e-e-y. They’re going at it all ni-i-ight and day.”
4.) “Like that, like that, like that…”

Also, the final few seconds of the track are a treat, as the song cuts into its crashing drum ‘n’ bass breakdown (a la Björk‘s “Crystalline”). That’s fun.

I don’t know! I appreciate the effort to navigate away from Guetta Top 40 dance land, but I just don’t think the song is anywhere near as thrilling as “Maneater,” “Promiscuous” or “Say It Right” (oh God, I love “Say It Right” so much). The beat’s sexy, but overall, it’s fine. Just fine–nothing more. A grower not a shower, mayhaps?

Watch for the stilted video clip, which was shot in L.A. earlier this month, to hit the web soon.

Now please stop yelling at me on Twitter for feeling ambivalent about this song, Furtado fans.

Stream courtesy of Jon Ali’s Blog!

“Big Hoops (Bigger the Better)” will be released on April 17. (iTunes)

Meet hotly tipped up-and-coming pop icon, Carishma.

Unfamiliar? Well, maybe that’s because you’re LIVING UNDER A FUCKING ROCK.

Or perhaps you’re just not a 12-year-old girl, Carishma’s target demographic, as demonstrated in her latest celebrity endorsement: Snap On Feathers, the hot, sexy, fun way for cool and popular girls to get that freshly-plucked feather look.

FINALLY: No more sneaking into your father’s pistol cabinet while he’s out at work (why does he have so many guns though? THIS IS AMERICA, THAT’S FUCKING WHY), shooting down the robin’s nest tucked away in that tree out back, plucking at the wings of your newly fallen prey and running the bloodied blue feathers through your hair.

Not only does the commercial feature the musical stylings of the 21-year-old chanteuse, but a brief snippet of the singer performing her “breakout hit” on what appears to be a replica of the sound-stage from Nickelodeon’s ’90′s smash TV series All That, featuring some rather slay-worthy choreography in a sparkly one-piece bathing suit that bring a whole new definition to the term “your faves could never.”

As for the song itself, “Glow In The Dark,” which was produced by Darkchild, is a utterly shameless rip-off of Britney‘s Femme Fatale bonus track, “He About To Lose Me” which was–you guessed it–produced by Darkchild. Like, completely: From the opening guitar strum, to the song structure, to–well, everything, it’s literally the same song with a slightly spruced-up chorus and no Brit Brit involved. $UCCE$$!

But just in case you thought Queen Carishmatic was trying to pull a fast one on the general listening audience, think again: She fully acknowledges this fact! Like, often! She just doesn’t seem to give1curr about the whole thing which, if you think about it, is kind of amazing: It’s sort of like if Lady Gaga‘s official response to the “Born This Way” similarities to Madonna‘s “Express Yourself” was “Oh yes, you’re right! What of it?” rather than bursting into tears and reciting a monologue about art and truth and beauty.

In conclusion: Carishma is like Lady Gaga, but better.

Many thanks to Muuser Chris S. for the find!

“Glow In The Dark” was released on September 19. (iTunes)

Lest anyone be confused, Kelly Clarkson is still perfect.

After the leak of the sensational “Let Me Down” last week, three additional Kelegendary leaks have just hit the web this weekend (unfortunate for her, a blessing for us mere mortals)–all of which are said to be from sessions for her upcoming fifth studio album.

Kelly Clarkson = “Dumb + Dumb = You”

Stream courtesy of The Prophet Blog.

“Dumb + Dumb = You” is a demo reportedly penned and produced by James Fauntleroy, Toby Gad and Bridget Kelly. Navigating through a bunch of math-minded terms (don’t worry–you won’t be quizzed on this), Clarkson gets feisty while putting down the latest dirt bag that tried to take her for a ride. “I may not be Einstein, but I know Dumb + Dumb = You,” she chants above the sauntering mid-tempo kiss-off.

Excessive guitar aside, the soulful light-rock number almost sounds like something Clarkson could have recorded during the Thankful sessions (“You Thought Wrong (feat. Tamyra Gray),” anyone?)

In conclusion: It is perfect.

Kelly Clarkson – “I Forgive You”

Stream courtesy of The Prophet Blog.

“I Forgive You” is a ten-shades-of-too-real, post-break up pop-rock track produced by Darkchild, as confirmed in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter:

THR: Speaking of Idol alums, you worked with Kelly Clarkson on her new album, anything you can tell us about it?

Jerkins: A song call “I Forgive You” that me and Lauren Christy did that’s just crazy pop-rock. The first person who came into my head to do it was Kelly Clarkson. So I sent it immediately and got a response that night. She came out to record, the energy was great and I just finished mixing it. She nailed it. It turned out great.

Forgoing the bitter and bitchy, Clarkson lays it all on the table: “No shame, no blame / ‘Cause the damage is done, and I forgive you,” she resigns during the chorus. Well, almost. “I forgive you for every time that I cried over some stupid thing you did to hurt me…that’s alright!,” she viciously belts out during the song’s almighty bridge. Okay, so she’s not quite over it yet.

In conclusion: It is perfect.

Kelly Clarkson – “What Doesn’t Kill You”

Stream courtesy of The Prophet Blog.

“What Doesn’t Kill You” is the most mastered of the three leaks thus far, suggesting that the song is already lined up to be a part of the album–or even a single. Rightfully so, as it’s arguably the best of the bunch: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger / Stand a little taller / Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone,” she launches above the surging chorus.

The power-pop track, co-penned by Ali Tamposi and Swedish songwriter Jörgen Elofsson, is the ultimate Top 40-friendly empowerment anthem, as K. Clarks comes back swinging with all her might above a beautiful cacophony of crashing guitars, spacey electro-blips and synthesizers: “Thanks to you I’m finally thinking ’bout me!” she proudly declares during the song’s bridge. If this isn’t being seriously considered as a single yet, it damn well should be.

In conclusion: It is perfect.

All three of these songs are absolutely everything and more–classic, classic Kelly. Crashing guitars, heartbreak angst…mmmph. It’s a little frustrating to watch her songs dropping faster than my tears while I listen–BECAUSE OF THESE SEASONAL ALLERGIES, OBVIOUSLY–but I’m thankful nonetheless.

Now if you’ll forgive me, I have to go crawl under my covers and eat Oreos all day. That’s what people do with bad allergies, right? Right.

To review a new Britney Spears record, for me, is a bit like asking a crazed pageant mother if she believes her daughter is a star.

Sure, she might have spilled apple juice (or Cheetos, more fittingly) all over her glitz costume, forgotten the steps to her baton routine halfway through the performance and fallen asleep onstage, but in the end, she’s still Miss Grand Supreme in my eyes.

This is what journalists often refer to as “full disclosure.” With all that being said…let’s do this.

Over 12 years after her debut in 1999 and just under three years since her last studio album Circus in 2008, Britney Spears is about to release her seventh studio album on March 29: Femme Fatale.

Femme Fatale is–as some reviewers have already come to call it–Britney’s weirdest, strangest offering yet: The production is unforgivably manic, and the pop star’s vocals are distorted, looped, stuttered and smashed within an inch of recognition.

Yet this is not, as some critics may be quick to jump at suggesting, because Britney doesn’t have the voice for it, but rather the ‘experimental’ intention of the album. As she (or “she,” for the more dubious fans side-eying the legitimacy of the Femme Fatale-era interviews as of late) told Rolling Stone:

I wanted to make a fresh-sounding album for the clubs or something that you play in your car when you’re going out at night that gets you excited but I wanted it to sound different from everything else out right now. I also wanted to experiment with all the different types of music I love which is why you hear a mixture of pop, hip-hop and dance throughout the album. I also really wanted to play with my voice and change up my sound here and there which was really fun.

Accordingly, much of the album takes on Britney’s quintessential bubblegum pop appeal and adds a toughened edge (or a grimier sound, as Dr. Luke described the album to Billboard during the early stages of production.)

No greater example exists than with “Hold It Against Me.”

Still as fresh as the day it premiered, the album’s lead single layers Britney’s sugary sweet vocals atop a rough, throbbing beat for a truly multi-dimensional dance-pop number, including a scorching dubstep breakdown, angelically sung choruses, purrs, growls, moans (“Ow!”) and even the first recorded moment of Accentney on tape (“If I said I want your bo-deh!”).

While underground dance enthusiasts bitched and bemoaned the loss of dubstep to a mainstream audience (not that this is the first time dubstep’s ever infiltrated pop–but it’s certainly the most visible yet), others praised Britney’s tune for being daring, bold and ultimately authentic to her legacy.

“Till The World Ends” also benefits from Brit’s latest foray into a ‘harder’ sound: As I noted in my review of the single for Britney.com, songwriter/trash-pop temptress Ke$ha has provided Britney with her first true club anthem, complete with slamming synthesizers and fist-pump ready cries capable of being spun at any party or club across the world.

Along with Dr. Luke, the record was (fittingly) co-executive produced by arguably the most legendary pop producer of our time: Max Martin, the same producer responsible for sculpting the Swede-pop perfection of Spears’ 1999 debut album.

Accordingly, the Swedish spirit is alive and well in Britney’s latest record.

“I Wanna Go,” the Martin and Shellback-produced track, is arguably the album’s most instant, replay-ready number; an utter explosion of melody and sound.

In typical Max Martin/Britney Spears collaborative form (“…Baby One More Time,” “If U Seek Amy”), the song tempts a naughtier undertone: In this case, self-exploration. “Shame on me / To need release / Uncontrollably,” Britney moans against the song’s searing Euro-pop synths and rave-happy whistles. She’s having a difficult time keeping her hands above the blankets when the lights go out, but when faced such a thick slice of surging synthesizers, who can blame her?

If “I Wanna Go” doesn’t wind up as a single from Femme Fatale, it will surely go down in the Britney storybooks as the “Toy Soldier” and “Breathe On Me” of the record.

Apart from the pop maestro’s own productions (there are six in total, plus the incredible deluxe edition track “Up ‘N’ Down,” which plays like an homage to early ’90′s Detroit techno of Inner City), there’s the Robyn-esque “How I Roll,” which continues to prove that there’s no greater winning combination than when Britney meets the men of Bloodshy & Avant (“Toxic,” “Piece Of Me”) in the recording studio.

“How I Roll” is a completely and utterly cool production–gliding across a rollicking, gasp-filled bubbly beat as Britney daintily croons about rolling downtown where her posse’s at (no doubt the perfect companion track to an early afternoon Starbucks run!) It’s a breezy, bubbly pop ditty, yet the song’s flawless production gives the song a decidedly left-of-center feel.

The Swede duo’s other offering, the Kylie-esque “Trip To Your Heart,” may well be the sequel to Blackout‘s “Heaven On Earth” (in fact, both were co-written by Nicole Morier) as Spears rides twinkling, pulsating synthesizers. “Trip to your head / Trip to your chest / Trip to your breath,” Brit smoothly coos above the layered electronica beat.

Yet amongst an album of solid smashes, it is “Inside Out,” Brit Brit’s break-up sex ode, that is by far one of the album’s finest standout moments.

For one thing, the actual beat of “Inside Out” truly deserves its own accolades here (if not a small dissertation.) Produced by rising Canadian producer Billboard, the song utilizes one of the winning beats from the producer’s 2009 showcase at a beat battle in Pheonix which took place just before the young producer began skyrocketing to fame with Dr. Luke’s crew.

Almost two years later, the beat still stands light years ahead of contemporary pop production. It’s a genius mixture of 8-bit Nintendo beats and filthy, hip-grinding synthesizers, pumping in and out like a nice, juicy–well, let’s just say it’s the stuff that wet pop dreams are made of.

“SO COME ON, won’t you give me something to remember?” Britney yelps during the chorus as the beat grinds and whines on repeat. It’s a spine-tingling yelp; an engaged yelp–the kind of yelp that screams: “The bitch is back and better than ever.”

Deliciously devious lyricism (“Even though we couldn’t last forever, baby / You know what I want right now”) coupled with clever shout-outs to her past hits (“Hit me one more time, it’s so amazing…”) makes “Inside Out” a stunning new triumph for Spears. The song cannot be played loud enough, and it cannot be repeated long enough–it simply is one of Britney’s finest moments yet.

While its clear that manager Larry Rudolph‘s hyperbolic claim that Femme Fatale would be Britney’s “Ray Of Light album” never did come to fruition (this is, after all, a mostly club-friendly record), it’s in the album’s final moment, “Criminal,” that the acoustic, Kabbalah-steeped mysticism of Madonna‘s early ’00′s career makes a special cameo appearance.

Drifting along across a hypnotic guitar strum and medieval instrumentation (fife and all!), Britney sings–no, truly sings–her way through her guiltless declaration of love for a man with all the wrong intentions. “He is a hustler, he’s no good at all / He is a loser, he’s a bum,” Spears sweetly sings, not unlike Madge’s better acoustic moments from American Life, including “Love Profusion” and “Nothing Fails.”

“Criminal” is truly one of Britney’s shining moments as a vocalist in the past five years, if not for the song’s breathtakingly beautiful, earnestly sung bridge alone. Like “Inside Out,” “Criminal” is not only a stunning highlight of Femme Fatale–it’s one of the better offerings from Britney’s entire discography, and the definition of Matureney.

Though the entire album is truly a series of accomplishments for Spears and company, perhaps one of the more laudable victories of Femme Fatale is that is simply doesn’t sound like an obvious production by either one of its executive producers (aside from their mutual trademark of simply making amazing pop songs). Between all of the grinding dubstep production and strange vocal acrobatics, it’s clear that Dr. Luke and Max Martin pushed their personal boundaries as producers.

Similarly, the producers–both of whom who’ve worked with Spears for several years (Max Martin, her entire career)–have effectively captured the Spearit of a typical Spears production: One listen to “Seal It With A Kiss,” and there’s absolutely zero room for an argument to be made about copy-cat production: It doesn’t sound like Katy Perry. It doesn’t sound like Rihanna. It doesn’t sound like Lady Gaga. It sounds like a Britney Spears song. (An incredible one, at that.)

Yet while the decision to make Martin and Dr. Luke co-executive producers was generally well-received amongst the fan community, not every producer on Femme Fatale was as warmly welcomed. When it was announced back in January that Will.I.Am would be working with Britney back in February, the general response amongst the fan community was fairly universal: “DEAR GOD, NO!”

Mercifully, however–the end product, “Big Fat Bass”–is not the robotic 21st century mess most fans feared it would be. In fact, it’s actually quite catchy. While it’s yet another product of the producer’s penchant for club chatter cliche, “Big Fat Bass” is distinct enough in its oddly skeletal structure and even odder vocals (“For the kick drum, for the kick drum…”) to merit multiple listens. In fact, it’s only when the producer’s instantly recognizable rapping breaks into the speakers halfway through that we can even tell this is a Will.I.Am production.

In the end, as my friend David R. so aptly renamed it, Femme Fatale may well be considered Whiteout.

Thematically and sonically, Femme Fatale is just as dark and cold as Blackout, if not more so: She’s riding shotgun with thieving scumbags (“Criminal”), keeping secrets and telling lies (“Seal It With A Kiss”), cheating (“He About To Lose Me”), lusting for break-up sex (“Inside Out”) and causing drama on the dance floor by messing with all the wrong kind of boys (“Trouble For Me”). By the end of the record, it’s more then perfectly clear that Britney’s been a bad, bad girl.

And yet, the imagery and energy of the campaign remain notably brighter than the dark days of Blackout.

The Femme Fatale album cover, for instance, is almost literally the inverse of Blackout: Wrapped in a feathery boa, she stares out at us from a blindingly white background. But instead of the dead eyes and black locks of Blackout (and the all too plastic pin-up model quality of the Circus cover), there’s life here beneath the tousled blonde hair and gorgeous brown eyes–she’s sexy and smoldering, yet seconds away from breaking into a playful smirk. It’s Britney, bitch.

And as Britney Spears and her personal life remain inextricably linked in the eyes and ears of the listening public, it seems as though even her own private affairs are looking brighter.

Gone are the harrowing days of 2007′s paparazzi scuffles, unflattering photographs and breakdowns on the streets of L.A. in the wee hours of the morning.

Instead, there’s a thick, sturdy wall of security and handlers now built between the public and Britney–an expensive symptom of the impossibly intense media scrutiny she’s faced for her entire career. In the small cracks through that we’re granted, however–the giggling about boyfriend Jason Trawick on On Air With Ryan Seacrest, the paparazzi photos of her smiling with Sean Preston and Jayden James while attending little league games–we get the sense that Britney has, truthfully, reached the happy medium between recording artist, celebrity and human being.

Many of Britney’s greatest critics eagerly hone in on her (assumed) lack of participation in the creative process for the record. Yet despite all the conjecture, there’s no way we’ll actually know what happens inside the studio.

Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins, for instance, told the press that Britney was “very hands-on. She had a lot of ideas for me” during the recording sessions for Femme Fatale. But more importantly: Who cares? No other pop artist is so consistently grilled for their artistic integrity more than Britney Spears–from the lip-synching to the lack of co-writing credits on tracks.

The point is this: If you wipe away the pop culture snark and Pitchfork-ian musical elitism–what matters is the music, and Femme Fatale is simply an amazing pop record.

In the end, Femme Fatale is not about the comeback of Britney Spears.

2008′s Circus truly provided that safe, calculated comedown from an era of turbulence–a needed move in the eyes of the public to restore order, yet nonetheless devoid of that much-needed spark of innovation.

This is Britney’s evolution in sound: Femme Fatale is a risk-taking bout of escapist delight that plays evenly from start to finish: it’s bold, sophisticated and frivolous all at the same time–the epitome of a modern, cutting-edge pop record. And, as Britney might like to add, it’s both fun and cool.

Armed with twelve solid songs that could each easily make a case for being her next smash hit single, Femme Fatale stays true to the icon that we first fell in love with in 1999–the Holy Spearit, if you will–yet manages to smartly, perfectly update her sound and look to the logical next step in the living legend’s career.

This is the pop album of 2011. This is Adultney.

Please enjoy this full stream of Femme Fatale, courtesy of Jive Records:

Femme Fatale will be released on March 29. (iTunes)

Sounds like: Justin Timberlake, Timbaland
Genre: Urban pop, R&B, electro-pop

Ten-HUT!

Meet Talay Riley, a 20-year-old UK artist signed to Jive Records.

Back in the summer of 2010, Riley released his debut single, “Humanoid.” Like the bulk of 2010 (or really, the latter half of the decade), Riley’s debut is a sexy, electro-pop stomp affair. “Humanoid” is riddled with robot talk and future speak, complimented further by Auto-Tune robo-vocals and slinky, urban pop beats.

Now, the singer is about to unleash his second single: “Sergeant Smash,” a mid-tempo groove that plays like the 2011 upgrade to the Timbaland sound that dominated the mid ’00′s. “I’ll break you off a little somethin’, have you going crazy,” Riley announces above the song’s horn-heavy, militant beat. Add in a drum line and a few rallying cries, and you’ve got yourself a proper pop battle. HOOAH!

Check below to hear a mix of “Sergeant Smash,” featuring London-based rapper Wretch 32, now streaming in full!

Talay Riley is currently in the midst of recording his debut album, due out later in 2011. The album will feature production by the likes of Inflo1st (a member of Ryan Tedder‘s writing circle), Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins and Harmony (a member of Darkchild’s writing circle).

Armed with a heavyweight production team and some truly killer beats, Talay Riley might just have the artillery to go hard this year. Forward…MARCH!

“Sergeant Smash” will be released on February 13. (Official Website)

“When I Grow Up” was the largely successful lead single from the The Pussycat Dolls‘ (RIP) sophomore record, Doll Domination.

Released in May of 2008, the Darkchild-produced, questionably moraled ode to the pursuit for fame earned the Dolls the #9 spot atop the Billboard Hot 100, as well as providing what would be their greatest dance breakdown moment ever. (No seriously–check out this video of every single time they’ve ever worked that incredible dance break. It’s unstoppable.)

However, it was always somewhat known/rumored that “When I Grow Up” was originally penned with Britney in mind. Now, there’s proof.

An early demo penned by songwriting brother duo Rock City hit the net earlier today, and the lyrics–for better or worse–have Britney written all over the song.

“My name is Britney and I don’t care what you say,” we hear as the track starts revving up. But as the demo unfolds, the song lyrics grow relentlessly cringe-worthy: “I swear that I was flippin’ at first / When they said I looked like Debbie Gibson / And then I tried to dance like Michael Jackson / But people saw me and started laughing.”

Later on, the comparisons keep flying, making her sound more and more pathetic as the song goes on: “I would dress up like Madonna, would even try to sing like Cyndi Lauper / I would pretend I was a superstar, I never thought me being me would get me that far.”

Honestly, I’ve just got no clue how Rock City ever expected Britney’s camp to accept this demo. Casting her as a wannabe laughingstock and making her sound like a narcissistic brat? Like…are you for surrious right now?

I’d always wondered why the song was passed up. Now I know why.

I knew it!

Despite a torrent of rumors hitting the blogosphere as of late, there is NO new Britney music on the horizon right now.

Direct from Adam Leber‘s Twitter:

No new music news right now….Wish people wouldn’t mislead you guys with BS info. Not cool! PS- The guys that ARE working on Brit’s next album ARE NOT talking about it…Brit has a new mag cover & spread coming out in the next month or so which is going to be SICK! Will let Brit reveal the details herself. Stay tuned….

As for that “not talking about it” bit? Can’t help but assume that’s a slight against Darkchild and his “coming soon” promises during a recent Ustream session.

I’m as much of a Britney dreamer as the next stan (just kidding, I’m better), but even I’m keeping it real enough to know that it’s just too soon to be getting giddy. The label is still accepting submissions and calling on writers–it’s not single time yet!

Besides…I have my own sources. I wouldn’t be so sure new music wasn’t coming right now if I didn’t have some idea of what’s going on. La la la…

Give it time, friends. You know she’s going to dominate when the time is right. She ALWAYS does.

According to MTV’s Buzzworthy Blog, Britney is preparing a June release for the debut single off her upcoming record. No word on a producer yet, but all eyes are glued on the ‘D’ boys as probable candidates: David Guetta, Danja and Darkchild. It’s a guaranteed smash on the radio regardless.

And yes, my very own sources doubly confirm the June release to be true.

REJOICE, BITCHES: GODNEY COMETH.

Year-end wrap up lists are nice and all, but it’s the “Most Anticipated” lists that are way more fun for me to read. The rumors! The possibilities! The inability to foresee a terrible album in the making! Who can resist the sweet, succulent taste of possibility?

Of course, there are dozens of albums being released, and I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface as far as what to expect. Nonetheless, I wanted to run down a few of my own personally anticipated releases for the new year.

So, without further ado, let’s roll out some of the biggest releases hitting shelves sometime in the next year. This will be the year of some ‘Sweet 7′s, it appears!

Sade, Soldier of Love (Sixth studio album)

What it is: The band’s first release in about a decade.
Expected shelf date: February 8, 2010.
Produced by: Mike Pela, Sade.
What we know: The album’s title track is a stunning achievement. Could the album possibly be anything less?
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Smooth, icy vocals and warm jazz sounds.

Ellie Goulding, TBA (Debut Album)

What it is: An exciting, possibly incredible (though potentially dead-in-the-water) debut by 2009′s leading indie electro-pop up-and-comer.
Expected shelf date: According to Play.com, March 3, 2010.
Confirmed tracks: “Starry Eyed,” “Under the Sheets,” “Wish I Stayed”
Production by: Starsmith, Frankmusik
What we know: It’s been in the works for a while. She’s quirky, her music is interesting and fresh, and we haven’t heard a dud from her yet. Let’s just hope this is released before the hype catches up with her first.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: “Starry Eyed” and “Under the Sheets” repeated a dozen times over.

Kylie Minogue, TBA (Eleventh studio album)

What it is: Divine intervention. (That should totally be the album title!)
Expected shelf date: Unknown, probably 3Q or 4Q 2010.
Confirmed tracks: “Better Than Today”
Production by: Nerina Pallot
What we know: Hardly anything, aside from the fact that Kylie was looking to Barbarella for inspiration while recording in New York a few weeks ago.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: The slick, coquettish electronica of Body Language (“Slow”) mixed the with sophisticated, edgy dancefloor flow of X (“Speakerphone”). And a little less emphasis on the camp factor, s’il vous plait.

Girls Aloud, TBA (Sixth studio album)

What it is: A much-needed comeback album from the greatest girl group since the Spice Girls.
Production by: I mean…it has to be Xenomania, right?
Expected shelf date: Way, way later in 2010.
What we know: Nothing, aside from the fact that their official website confirmed an album slated for 2010.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: A shying away from the drum-and-bass sound and a prolonged stay in the territory of “Untouchable” and “Memory of You.”

Jennifer Lopez, Love? (Seventh Studio Album)

What it is: Jennifer ‘Lola J-Lo Jenny Rudebooty’ Lopez takes it to the streets once again to prove she still has ‘flava.’
Expected shelf date: April 2010.
Confirmed tracks: “Louboutins,” “Fresh Out The Oven,” Everybody’s Girl,” “What Is Love,” Starting Over,” “Beautiful,” “This Cannot Be Love,” “One Love,” “Keeper”
Production by: Mike Caren, The-Dream, Tricky Stewart, D’Mile, Danja, Darkchild, The Neptunes
What we know: Rap-Up’s write-up of the album preview includes terms like “electro-pop beat,” “slick uptempo production” and “guitar driven ballad.”
MuuMuse hopes to hear: A return to the dancefloor a la “Waiting for Tonight” with some guilty pleasure stompers like “Louboutins.” Minimal ballads, please.

Sugababes, Sweet 7 (Seventh Studio Album)

What it is: The grand unveiling of a new Sugababes era. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Jade, Amelle, and Heidi.
Expected shelf date: February 28, 2010
Confirmed tracks: “Get Sexy,” “About A Girl,” “Thank You For The Heartbreak,” “Miss Everything,” “Wear My Kiss”
Production by: RedOne, Sean Kingston, Ne-Yo, The Smeezingtons, Fernando Garibay
What we know: How half of the album sounds. The Sweet 7 album sampler featuring Keisha leaked onto the net a few months ago. However, there’s been talk of recording new tracks.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: What we’ve been hearing. Slick, modern production and a fierce new confidence never before honed by the original three line-ups: It’s time to let Sweet 7 go Vanity 6.

Röyksopp, Senior (Fourth studio album)

What it is: The ambient, down-tempo companion piece to one of 2009′s greatest albums, Junior.
Expected shelf date: Early 2010.
Confirmed tracks: “The Alcoholic,” “The Fear,” “Coming Home”
Production by: Royksopp
What we know: From TLOBF: “Senior is more withdrawn and introspective and create an atmosphere and an ambience, to sit down and if you don’t need constant loud information all the time that’s what Senior is all about.”
MuuMuse hopes to hear: A more sophisticated, contemplative extension of Melody AM.

Uffie, Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans (Debut album)

What it is: The incredibly overdue debut of an underground trash-pop queen in the making.
Confirmed tracks: “Pop the Glock,” “Hot Chick,” “MC’s Can Kiss”
Expected shelf date: February 14, 2010, according to The Guardian.
Production by: Mr. Oizo, Mirwais, Pharrell
What we know: “MC’s Can Kiss,” the upcoming single off of the album, is an old-school-hip-hop-meets-modern-beats orgy.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Sick beatz from some extremely talented producers…and a whole lot of trash talkin’.

Britney Spears, TBA (7th Studio Album)

What it is: Don’t even get me started…don’t even get me started.
Production by: Track submissions are pouring in from the likes of Darkchild, Max Martin, Sean Garrett, Danja, Fernando Garibay, David Guetta, and many more.
Expected shelf date: Though Digital Spy reports that Jive is looking for a May 2010 release, I can’t help but assume that we’ll see this around the same time we’ve always seen Britney releases for the past three albums–the very end of the year.
What we know: Nothing really.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Icy R&B-infused electronica. Anything by Bloodshy & Avant. Anything in the direction of “And Then We Kiss.” Less Circus, more Blackout, but with soul. By the way, can we finally call this one Original Doll, Team Spears?

Honestly, It doesn’t even matter what it sounds like in the end. Why? Because it’s Britney, bitch. That’s why.

Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins is preparing a new song for Britney, who is apparently due to record in January.

If she keeps recording at this pace, there’s no reason why we couldn’t get her seventh studio album by summer of 2010.

What a wonderful turkey day announcement!