Hello, lovers! Just got back from Mohegan Sun about a few hours ago. I was horrified when, after scouring the gossip sections a bit after getting home, I found a picture of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson giggling it up together over at the MGM Grand at Foxwoods Casino last night. You know, the only other casino in Connecticut. Come on ladies, get it together…I WAS RIGHT THERE!

I’m furious.

But all is not lost, as I made a fantastic discovery last night at the casino’s CD shop that could alleviate most worldly wounds in our lifetime–This of course being the limited edition The Journey: The Very Best of Donna Summer greatest hits package! Delivered in a delicious purple box with a nice ribbon wrapping, the autobiography/greatest hits combo deal was on display for a measly $19.99! With a squeal and a giddy-up in the step, I snatched up this little jewel of disco’s finest, which will be proudly displayed at my abode in the coming year. Yes, proudly, register woman. Oh, trust me, I know what you were thinking with those questionable eyes…And I don’t care for it one bit.

By the way, the new Khia album, Nasti Muzik, is the soundtrack to my life. “Y’all ho’s can’t do it like me…”

I promised myself that I would muster the strength to review the dueling duo of comebacks, a la Donna Summer and Cyndi Lauper) in one go, but I just can’t do it. Why? Because I’m stuck. Stuck! I cannot move past track two of Lauper’s quite-better-than-okay return to the dancefloor in full length album form, Bring Ya To The Brink.

The track in question, “Into The Night Life” was produced by the Swede duo Ã…ström and Bobäck and penned by Max Martin, which in many ways is all that needs to be said regarding the track’s excellence–the man never fails, plain and simple. Pegged as the second single and following the rather disappointing first single “Same Ol’ Story,” “Into The Night Life” is a proper return to grace upon the dancefloor which rivals the best of her contemporary Madonna‘s 2005 attempt.

The song is a quick grow. Tripping chains (one forum member referenced this as Britneyesque “Freakshow” sound) and a skipping synth keep the song chugging along at a proficient pace, with a nice mix of tunnelized synths and siren-y blips in the background. All that, of course, until the icing on the cake: the chorus. “I’ll take ya ’til you’re all spun up,” Cyndi blasts within a glorious Eurodance surge of electricity sent throbbing through the speakers. A hands-up, iconic moment of old-school synthesized glory, it’s nothing short of arresting.

Additional moments of perfection include, but are not limited to:

+ The two second instrumental lead in to the chorus.
+ The sassy “hey, hey, heyyy” bits.
+ The double entrendre of the line “Turn you over baby ’til it’s never enough.” Not really much of an entendre, really…just explicit references to the type of sex the listeners of this kind of music tend to engage in. I’m looking at you, ear sexers.
+ The line “Shirtless wonders wreck my sight under the light.”

I highly encourage you to grab hold of this track. You can listen to a streaming version of it here at Spinner. And if that didn’t motivate you to move enough, perhaps starring in the music video will. Go to Splash Bar in New York on May 20th (tomorrow) at 6:30 P.M., and you’ll be featured!

I won’t lie…I’m tempted to show up. Maybe I’ll wear a silly Roisin Murphy hat.

As my fellow bloggers have been getting in a tizzy about, the unstoppable Donna Summer is back once more this year. She returns with “Stamp Your Feet” from her newest album, Crayons, certainly one of the most anticipated releases of the year.

The new single is very Cher meets Gwen‘s “Hollaback Girl.” Which, when you think about, is quite brilliant, really. The chorus is an attitude-heavy, hands-up fierce fest that doesn’t sound dated in the least. Instead, as the reigning Queen of Disco, Summer proves that she’s still got the finger firmly placed on the dancefloor pulse. She’s still making you move, whether you’re riding your E trip at the local gay bar, grooving in your office cubicle during work hours, or dance/crying in your underwear alone in your room. Get this one.

DL: Donna Summer – Stamp Your Feet

I don’t know that much about The Long Blondes (yet), but I do know that they can produce a tune. The new single off of their spankin’ new album Couples is called “Century,” and it’s a bit of Allison Goldfrapp making sweet love with the Queen of Disco, Donna Summer. More accurately, “I Feel Love” + Gwen Stefani‘s vocal acrobatics + Goldfrapp’s Supernature + Ladytron‘s lyrical style. It swoops from chilled to chaos, but breaks before all out madness ensues. The lead singer reminds me of Deborah Harry. Judging from a spattering of surface research, I’m falling head over heels with the band’s dynamic. They claim not to listen to the Beatles and list producers (Stock, Aitken, and Waterman), more affectionately known as S-A-W, as one of their influences.

Sign me up! I’ll be back for more from them. For now, listen to the single. I’m in love (woo), I’m in love.

DL: The Long Blondes – Century

Alright, I can’t stop there. I’ve had myself a listening of their first album. It took ten seconds of “Once And Never Again” to have my internal jaw dropping. It wasn’t enough to make me literally open my mouth in astonishment, but my heart did briefly flutter. Or that was a palpatation, in which case a visit to the doctor may be in order. That being said, it’s nothing like the second album’s focus, but I love the song nonetheless. And how smart-ass are those chorus lines? “Nineteen / You’re only nineteen, for God’s sake / You don’t need a boyfriend.” Bitches!