Last night, I went to Webster Hall to go and receive the Teaches from the inimitable Peaches. And, much to my surprise, I was neither punched in the face nor violated by a fat hooker. I did, however, have a complete blast. And I got to meet Anthony (TastesLikeCaramel) and Hannah (SheenaBeaston)! Total douches, truly…I can’t even begin to explain how awful they were.

KIDDING! They’re fantastic. Can’t wait to go see some more shows with those crazy kids. Plus, they’re much cooler than I–they even got to meet her afterwards!

The show began a bit haphazardly: First, Drums of Death (originally scheduled to begin at were stuck at the airport, thus missing their opening performance entirely. Then came the pre-Peaches event: The Naked Cowgirl, a woman of advanced years who sang cheap, sexual ditties while stripping down bare and jumping about. Generally, I was over it (read: nauseated) after the third song–until she lit her nipples on fire. That was kind of fun.

But then, out came Peaches…and suddenly everything turned awesome. The Queen of Nasty rocked out to over twenty four tracks (!), armed with a wealth of tricks up her hairy sleeves for the night’s events: Among them, climbing up into the balcony to scream out a slightly rockier rendition of my personal favorite, “Operate,” a green laser beam shot into the disco ball hanging above for “More,” hairy back-up dancers for “Talk To Me,” six or seven costume changes between songs, and a self-proclaimed blinking “pussy light” for the final few numbers including “Fuck The Pain Away.”

Performance wise, the singer proved completely capable of tackling her hits on pitch and then some…I’m convinced Peaches could be a full-fledged singer after hearing her knock out the riskier singing numbers “I Feel Cream,” “Lose You,” and “Lovertits.”

One major set and two encores later, Peaches had left the stage. Such a performer! Loved, loved it.

Now if only I could feel my legs…

EDIT: Check out more pictures over at BrooklynVegan (including a brief review cameo by yours truly…I’m quite the big deal.)

Quote of the night:
Gay boy to boyfriend: (overheard while leaving the venue) “Can you believe people would pay $180 to see Britney when they can come and see THIS for basically free?!”

Click “Read More…” to see pictures!

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Peaches, Peaches, Peaches…check out your Chrissy behind now.

On her fifth studio album, I Feel Cream, the Queen of Electrocrap has decided to let her hair down (wayyy down if you’ve seen the video for “Talk To Me”) and invited some super cool collaborators into the creamery. Among them? A slew of the most exciting movers and shakers of alt-electronica, including Soulwax, Digitalism, Drums of Death, and most extensively, Simian Mobile Disco‘s James Ford. As a result, most of the album offers a wealth of complex electro-encrusted gems never before encountered by the likes of Peaches. Don’t worry, though–she’s got this.

As with all of Peaches back catalog, the album is mostly lined with skittish, electro-stung up-tempos, including the sugary-sweet bounce of “Trick Or Treat,” the noisy build-up of “More,” and the faithfully minimal opener “Serpentine” (2009′s contemplative response piece to 2003′s “I Don’t Give A…”). Then there’s the self-described “electro-soul” first single, “Talk To Me,” which features a strut-fest of swagger that simply begs to be delivered live on her upcoming tour.

“Never mind my age, it’s like I’m breaking out of a cage,” she moans in the middle of the foot-stomping chaos of “Show Stopper.” While the album is rife with allusions to Ms. Nisker’s age (having just turned forty in November), Peaches keeps her Teaches as sexified as ever, urging her listeners to suck that fat and lick her crow’s feet. “Almost as old school as me…I’m gonna send you back to school,” she taunts atop the series of grinding, industrial synths in “Mommy Complex.” Did I forget to mention Peaches was an elementary teacher once? Too real.

But perhaps the greatest surprise hidden within Cream are the numerous mid-tempos including “Lose You,” the best song Annie never recorded. “I Feel Cream” is another stunning highlight, a gritty, winding re-interpretation of Donna Summer‘s signature “I Feel Love” suited with one of the slickest bridges (about two and a half minutes in) that I’ve heard in a long time: “Let’s get suspect, let’s get ripped, every little defect gets respect” she coos across a high-wire of jagged synths.

It’s only with the plodding “Billionaire” that the artist seems to get a bit too mired in the super-slick production from her buddies, sounding more like a Peaches song slowly deflating atop uneven electro slaps.

Though the album’s production value is at an all time maximum, the Queen of Nazzty holds her own against the torrent of hard synths and buckets of drippy electronica. While I’ll always know Peaches best for her most minimal of work, it’s nice to see that she’s expanded her repertoire with Cream. It’s not the greatest album she’s ever done, but unlike some of the other reigning Queens of the music industry (including, I dare say, Pop), the songstress keeps it legitimate with this undeniably Peaches affair.

Click below to hear more from Peaches and pre-order her new album, I Feel Cream!

HOW DID I MISS THIS?!!

According to the LA Times Blog, Peaches has been hard at work diddling her skittle with Simian Mobile Disco and Drums of Death for this upcoming album, I Feel Cream, due out on May 5 on XL Recordings!

In lieu of the new, Drums of Death has spliced together a massive mix-tape ripe with both old and new selections from the best of the Almighty Teaches of Peaches. Scattered within the tracks are various fan stories, recollecting their favorite live moments with the Queen of Crass. New songs in the mix include the ghetto fabulous “Buck It Like A Billionaire” and “Lose You,” a falsetto heavy electro creeper that may as well be a B-side from Annie‘s Don’t Stop sessions. Fast forward to the half-hour mark to hear “I Feel Cream” in full.

It seems as though Peaches has returned to her synthified electro roots, only this time she’s pumping up the production value and dumbing down the XXX.

Whether it’ll be a hit or miss with the fans remains to be seen–But then again, Peaches doesn’t give a fuck what you think.

DL: Drums of Death – The Peaches Mixtape (Sharebee)