There’s a panic around the world right now. It seems that the ancient sea monster from Cloverfield has wrapped its cursed tentacle-like fingers around a track from Britney’s back catalog. The water beast recorded its soul-crushing squeals upon this otherwise excellent track, which was pulled to shore by the sea monster’s boyfriend so that she could record her own vocals on top of the previously unused demo. My recommendation is for Jive Records to deploy their strongest armed forces in order to take down the wretched creature before it attempts any further mayhem.

This is a damn, dirty shame. This is not, I repeat not, a planned duet. Just a spoiled bitch getting her greedy paws on a shelved track. This waste of air needs to back down.

DL: Britney Spears Unintentionally Ft. Heidi Montag – Dramatic

To remedy the situation, a brand new official remix of Break The Ice.

DL: Britney Spears – Break The Ice (Ander Standing Radio Mix)

Róisín Murphy! Just the person I need to shake off a case of the Mondays. That, and my accidental viewing of Heidi Montag’s “Higher” video, directed by what’s-his-face. …Someone’s got to put a magnetic strip on top of her breasts. I swear I’ve seen the nipples beaming intelligence reports to satellites above. Just look at the way they’re pointed, people! This is not just a bad boob job. It’s terrorism in progress. DO. SOMETHING.

ANYWAY. Back to Róisín, who’s name is apparently pronounced “ro-sheen.” Hmm. I’ve always thought it was “roy-sin.” I wonder who’s heard me say it like that. Oh dear. Credibility diminishing by the millisecond…

Murphy’s new single, “You Know Me Better” is due to be released March 31st, and is in sore need of attention. The track delivers a solid smack of synth applied directly to the face which, if felt directly, should result in some severe foot tapping and general shimmy-na-na’ing. A sassy finger wave or two may even be in order. If the longing chorus doesn’t get to you, the echoey aftermath will. The single should perform quite well overseas, and I am excited to hear the upcoming B-Sides and remixes. Heidi Montag, stop while everyone still knows your name.

DL : Róisín Murphy – You Know Me Better

Credit to I Don’t Want Your Life and ArjanWrites for images.