It’s finally here!

“About A Girl,” the first single launched by the ‘Babes 4.0 unit has arrived, featuring some sizzling desert vogue, a booty slap dance step (!), and a family-friendly reading of Kill Bill 2.

I mean, I love it and all, well worth the wait, but who the hell are these girls?

I have enough trouble remembering the names of the new ones. Don’t confuse me with stunt doubles being granted excessive (and unnecessary?) screen time.  Why are they even included? Was Heidi afraid to mess up her hair?

Oh, well…Viva la Babes!

Keisha looks really odd here, doesn’t she? Obviously the result of some poor Photoshop skills.

From Keisha, in full:

@KEISHA_BUCHANAN Dear Friends I’m sad to say that I am no longer apart of the Sugababes. I’ve had a great time and have achieved more then I ever thought I would. Although it was not my choice to leave, it’s time to enter a new chapter in my life. I have nothing but positive things to say about the girls and I wish them the best of luck. I would like to state that there were no arguments, bullying or anything of the sort that lead to this. Sometimes a break down in communication and lack of trust can result in many different things. I would also like to point out that I have always supported the girls and they have also supported me. Remember my drunk pictures out with Amelle, supporting her on her success with Tinchy Stryder… Oh the shame… But what a fun night we had. Now I’m going to take some time to focus on me. I’ve been in this band for 11 years and I have achieved so much. I have a great family and friends who are behind me 100% and at the age of 24, I’m now going out into this world on my own… Although im nervous… I’m still very excited on what lies ahead. I want to thank the Sugababes fans and my fans for all your support and all who have never judged me, but excepted me for who I am… The feisty, funny, professional, fearless, motor mouth… lol This is not the end… but the beginning!!!! Thank you always… Keisha xxx

And from Popjustice:

Official statement from Sugababes.com:

Monday 21st September

The current line-up of the Sugababes has disbanded.

Heidi Range and Amelle Berrabah will continue as the Sugababes and will be joined by new member Jade Ewen. They release their album ‘Sweet 7’ on November 23rd through Island Records.

Keisha Buchanan will continue to record for Island Records as a solo artist.

I can’t believe this. Literally, I’m stunned…

With the absence of Keisha, the Sugababes are now a completely new unit.

Quite upsetting.

With the ominous silence emanating from the Sugababes‘ label (and Keisha‘s otherwise chit-chatty Twitter page), I thought I’d fill the void with a small research project on any and all things to know about the possibly burgeoning ‘Babe, Jade Almerie Louise Ewen.

• Jade was born in a council estate (English equivalent of the American term, ‘the projects’) in Plaistow (East London) to two disabled parents, which is actually quite sad.

• It gets happier: She won a scholarship to the Sylvia Young Theatre School, where she got her big break as Nala in The Lion King at age 12.

• But then it got a little sad again: She joined a failed girl group called Trinity Stone (which I faintly recall), was signed to Kwame‘s label, and released a dire single called “Stolen Love.”

• According to her MySpace write-up, Jade has “the technical abilities of Whitney and Mariah, and the aspirational cool of Rihanna and Lady GaGa.” This, if you haven’t figured it out yet, means that Jade Ewen is literally the greatest pop star of all time.

• Her favorite color is purple. Major points for that one.

• Her favorite number is 13, which is actually not nearly as ‘zany’ as one might think.

• Ewen was this year’s UK pick for Eurovision, singing the Dianne Warren and Andrew Lloyd Webber-penned “It’s My Time.” She placed fifth overall.

• She writes songs that sound good: She did “A Little Bit” for Booty Luv and “Let Me Be Me” for Jessica Mauboy.

• Conveniently, her real debut single is being released TODAY. It is called “My Man,” and it is very modern sounding (read: if you’ve listened to radio in the past two years, you’ve basically heard this one before) and is generally good on the first play, somewhat dodgy on the second, and fairly irresistible by the third.

In summation, I would not mind a Jade Ewen addition to the ‘Babes. Even though the British tabloids keep questioning the accuracy of the rumored Amelle rupture, the radio silence on their end can only lead to one obvious conclusion: SOMETHIN’ GON’ HAPPEN SOON.

Purchase “My Man” on iTunes UK | MySpace | Official Website

Amelle Berrabah has reportedly quit the Sugababes. She will be replaced by Jade Ewen.

Very, very upsetting.

Every heart that’s broken is a murder one…

I think we should all hold hands in a prayer circle and recite Amelle’s rap from “Side Chick” until the pain goes away.