There was a lot of love in the air this year at the BRIT Awards. Not between the artists and the hosts, God no!–there was hardly any of that going on between all the cracking, bitchy commentary–but rather for the audience. There was Cheryl Cole fighting for our love as only she knows how, Florence Welch delivering hers to us with the help of an unfortunate rap interlude, and yes–even Courtney Love herself.

Let us now cycle through some the best, worst, and weirdest moments of the night. Love to love you, baby!

10. In A UK State of Mind

Nothing is as epic sounding as when Jay-Z and Alicia Keys perform “Empire State of Mind” together, but watching one of the greatest modern celebrations of New York go down in Londontown felt a bit, err..off.

Then again, this may be due to Lil Mama‘s absence–you were truly missed tonight.

9. Doing it For The Adults

Host: “You’re performing a medley…doing some oldies?”

Robbie Williams: “Yeah, mostly oldies, because the new stuff’s shit.”

8. Over-saturated with Spice

At first came euphoria. Then nostalgia. Then, way too much of a good thing. It was wonderful seeing (two fifths) of the Spice Girls win their award for the “Best Performance in 30 Years” category, but it soon became clear that the producers of the show had few celebrities to help buy time between the performances aside from Mel B and Geri. Again and again, the cameras cut to one of the two, and each time, it got a bit more painful: Awkward banter about living in L.A.! Geri wishing she knew the words to a Lady Gaga song! Next time, just cut to a still frame of Victoria Beckham frowning for two minutes. Our lives would be better, I assure you.

7. JLS Wins

Twice. And no one cares (aside from the audible boos.)

6. Whoa-oh-oh, I’m on a Rocket (And Drugs!)

Lily Allen, who opted for the “Joan Collins on crack” look came in on a sadly sinking rocket while performing “The Fear,” and then it all just sort of fell to pieces from there. Dancers! And colors! And baby carriages! And now we’re stage left! And now over to the right! I don’t know what just happened, Lily’s got no clue where she is, and I think I just saw Lady Gaga and Courtney Love making out in the audience.

5. Can’t Read My Telephone Face

Looking a bit like the Bridge of Frankenstein twice dabbled in cocaine dreams, Mademoiselle Gaga indulged the audience in an acoustic version of “Telephone” (the song about getting drunk in the club was performed in tribute to Lee McQueen, interesting choice), before launching into an all-too anticipation ridden, fragmented rendition of “Dance in the Dark.”

Sadly, by the time the singer collapsed in vogue following the song’s, well, “Vogue”-esque breakdown, so too did the performance, effectively blue balling the entirety of Britain and cutting short what could have been an outrageously epic performance. Still, I loved the use of the free-standing keytar…and the towering statue of the pop star herself, of course.

Subtle, as per usual.

4. Everybody’s Starry Eyed

Ellie Goulding wins the Critic’s Choice Award! (Pictured here with producer and friend, Starsmith).

3. Lily Alkie

Lily Allen, now opting for the “Joan Collins on crack in an orange wig” look, came bumbling on stage to accept her award for British Female Solo Act. After accepting the award on stage came this moment of brilliance backstage:

Host: “How are you going to celebrate Lily?”
Lily: “I’m…uh…I don’t know. Drink, maybe.”

2. You’ve (Almost) Got the Love

Everything about Florence’s performance tonight was lovely and almost perfect: The flowing gown and fiery red hair, the spot-on vocals, the fluttering hearts that cascaded at the song’s finale. So why almost The daft choice to add Dizzee Rascal into the mix, resulting in what felt like long bursts of static disrupting a listening session of “You’ve Got The Love.” If only Dizzee wasn’t so busy buzzing around the stage like an overgrown gnat, this would have truly been the most lover-ly performance of the night.

All of my love to Florence for nabbing the most absolutely deserved “Album of the Year” award at the end of the night. I couldn’t be prouder!

1. Show Me The Love!

We’ve got the love, right here: Cheryl Cole’s showstopping performance of “Fight For This Love” was hands down the performance of the night. By the time the opening notes of Robin S‘s “Show Me Love” came sizzling in for a surprise remix (quickly followed by a flock of shirtless men) I was growing faint and Cheryl was growing even fiercer by the second. Shaking and crying, etc. etc. etc. AMAZING.

And now, the MuuMuse tweet of the night:

I don’t know who this Lady Gaga person is but he is on a ROLL tonight. #britawards

There’s more where that came from. Follow me on Twitter, Muusers!

Skip ahead to 2:55…that’s all you need to hear. Or for the lazy, allow me to assist. On “Party in the USA”:

“I don’t know, I didn’t write the song, so I have no idea. Honestly, I picked that song because I needed something to go with my clothing line. I didn’t write it.

I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song. I don’t listen to pop music, and it’s not even my style of music, that song.”

Literally amazing.

Thank you forever, ONTD.

Oh, the 2009 VMA’s. We laughed, we cried…but mostly, we bitched about Kanye West.

In what was perhaps the most entertaining go-around since 2003, the 2009 Video Music Awards took to the streets of NYC at Radio City Music Hall last night. There were some excellent performances (Beysus), delightfully awkward moments, and some Eskimo-chic head gear. And yet, there were still things left to be desired. I haven’t written about it all, but here we go:

Needs More Funny
The only person capable of sucking the life out of an arena faster than Kanye West stealing an award show moment from an 18-year-old girl, Russell Brand has, once again, proven to be the most impossibly unlikable, inhumanly talentless host…ever.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall as he wrote out the “jokes” for his opening monologue–perhaps staying up late for hours, only to at last come to his “Eureka!” moment: A handful of cheap sex jokes that would elicit an eye roll from a middle-schooler and frequent allusions to date raping Megan Fox and Lady Gaga. Did we really have to deal with this pig again? BY THE WAY, IF YOU ARE SOMEHOW HOSTING AGAIN NEXT YEAR RUSSELL, YOU CAN LOWER THE VOLUME OF YOUR VOICE A LITTLE–THE MICROPHONE TENDS TO AMPLIFY IT FOR THE CROWD.

Needs More Janet
The MJ tribute was sweet and well-choreographed (and how about that Madonna introduction?!), but far too rushed. It seemed as though Janet had only just hit the stage when the production wrapped. I loved the collaboration for “Scream” (the video projection duet was especially striking)–but why not stick around for more? Then again, I’ll always need me some more Janet. Love you, bb.

Needs More…Err, Well, I Don’t Even Know, Really.
As for the GAGa? Well, what can I say? I always keeps it reals: I don’t think the performance entirely sucked. In fact, I liked it. I often enjoy the inclusion of Gothic imagery in my pop music–anything that blends a strong melody with macabre is usually an easy sale. The blood, the faux-noose…all quite up my alley.

But here’s the thing (and it’s always been the thing): Lady Gaga is a false pop prophet. I just can’t take her seriously as an artist, an entertainer, or anything in between. To me, she’s little more than a regurgitation of every element of pop culture that has value and worth in our society. She did sing incredibly, though. Let the grappling emotions continue on forever!

Needs More Relevancy
Thank you, Lil Mama, for continued bridge-burning path of self-destruction. In one majorly awkward effort to tear away from the judging panel of America’s Best Dance Crew, your stage-stealing, picture-ruining vogue at the catwalk’s end not only ruined a great moment between two titans of popular music, but caused enough cries of “WHO THE FUCK?!” from the crowd to keep us distracted from the fuckery of Kanye for a full thirty seconds. I salute you.

Needs More Britney
Another year, another hype-gone-terribly-wrong. I really need to stop doing this to myself. GRL, WHERE U AT?! Oh right–still on tour. Oh, well…Congrats on your win, B!

Needs To Quit Drinking The Haterade
Apology, scientology. The world’s most overrated douche in the industry (yeah, I get it, he’s totally a ~visionary~ and collaborates with Takashi Murakami) needs a wake-up call in the most urgent way possible. Words seem to fail me here, which is why nothing says it better than my Top 3 favorite celebrity responses of the night. They are, in order:
@Pink:

Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me.

@katyperry:

FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.

And finally, Kelly Clarkson:

I’m not even mad at you for being an asshole…I just pity you because you’re a sad human being.