Jennifer Lopez may not be giving Mademoiselle Gaga a run for her money vocally anytime in the next…err, forever, but she’s just thrown down the bejeweled gauntlet when it comes to product placement in her latest video.

Like Gagalita’s mini-epic-that-goes-on-a-bit “Telephone,” Jenny’s newest clip for “Papi” operates on a whole new level of brand-happy buffoonery, featuring like eleventy billion product placements, including Blackberry, PlentyOfFish, the Fiat and Crown Royal Whisky as though the mamacita’s gone twirling through the warehouse floor of a high-end Costco.

But you know what? We all know sister honey child enjoys stacking the paper on the daily (okurr, American Idol?), and I am not about to shade her hustle: Beyond the video’s steep price tag, “Papi” is a story. YES, A STORY: A ROM-COM! Well, sort of. Kind of like an action-adventure Rom-Com from Hell which finds La Lopez being chased down by dozens and dozens of lusty lovers after she, well…um, after she eats a cookie. A MAGICAL COOKIE!

Okay. You know, I’ll admit it: It was a teensy bit difficult for me to suspend my disbelief for this one. As someone who spends a good-to-great amount (and/or all) of their leisure time eating cookies and crying alone in their room while watching Britney: For The Record, I find it interesting that not even one man has jumped through a glass window to get a piece of me. Surely I’m just not eating the right kind of cookies? Yeah. That must be it.

OH, right: And there’s a pretty amazing dance scene in a parking lot. It’s both silly and fierce (sillierce), which makes it thoroughly hot and impressive…especially given the whole ‘She’s 42, y’all!’ thing. She can still pull off tight choreography!

ALSO: SHE IS SO FUCKING GORGEOUS AND FLAWLESS. I mean…I know I say flawless often, but like…THIS WOMAN IS FREE OF ALL FLAW.

Sure, “Papi” may not be the fierce lasers ‘n’ smoke club sequel to “Waiting For Tonight” that one might have expected from its pulsating beat, but it’s certainly fun and thoroughly amusing–and I’m always here for a pop princess who knows how to poke a little fun at themselves. MuuMuse APPROVED!

The “Papi” remixes were released on September 13. (iTunes)

It was right after she first began posting demos on her MySpace–songs like 2007′s spacey “Surveillance” (which remains as next level today as it did the day she unleashed it upon the world), that I first took notice of Wynter Gordon, the 23-year-old underdog with a superstar’s worth of potential waiting to be unleashed each time she lays a pen to paper.

Just a few years after graduating from LaGuardia’s High School for the Performing Arts (alma mater of such notable acts as Kelis and Nicki Minaj), the young songstress had already notched herself a major writing credit with “Gonna Breakthrough,” a song from Mary J. Blige‘s Grammy Award-winning seventh studio album, The Breakthrough.

Ever since then, the co-writes and features (and unfortunately, the myriad leaks) only kept flowing for Wynter securing a spot on Danity Kane‘s 2008 sophomore record, Welcome To The Dollhouse (“2 Of You”), penning the impossibly catchy chorus of Flo-Rida‘s chart-topping 2009 radio smash “Sugar” and David Guetta‘s “Toyfriend,” joining The Freemasons on their essential 2010 summer jam “Believer” and, most recently, scribing three tracks off of Jennifer Lopez‘s stellar 2011 comeback record LOVE? including title track, “(What Is) Love?”

But despite all of her success as a writer, the song that truly launched Wynter as an artist in her own right was 2010′s “Dirty Talk,” a filthy-mouthed foray into kinky taunts and raunchy references to S&M above a dark disco beat that debuted nearly a year before Rihanna ever started crooning about her enthusiasm for chains and whips.

The song not only notched the singer’s first-ever #1 on the Billboard Hot Dance/Club Play stateside, but kept her straddling Australia’s ARIA Chart at #1 for three weeks in January (and the duration of Australia’s summer season).

Now, nearly four years since she first started making ripples across the blogosphere and beyond, the Queens-born singer/songwriter has finally released her long-awaited, much delayed debut: The fabulously titled With The Music I Die.

Read more…

You probably know her as the wife of Ice-T.

Maybe you’ve admired her work as a model between the sticky pages of such notable magazines as Playboy, flaunting the assets that keep Nicki Minaj pounding down Big Macs on a nightly basis.

Or perhaps you’ve seen her on Twitter, where she rings in not-yet-official national holidays including “Titty Tuesdays” and “Thong Thursdays” with NSFW TwitPics for her adoring masses.

One way or another, you know Coco: Wife. Model. Actress. Legend. Now, the buxom blonde can safely add another job title to her CV: Chanteuse.

Shoe Freak by mjs538

“Shoe Freak” is the debut single by Coco, set to be released to iTunes at some undetermined point in the future.

In what is rapidly shaping up to be the greatest ode to footery and label whoring since Jennifer Lopez‘s “Louboutins”–nay, perhaps even Heidi Montag‘s “Fashion.” (Yes, I know it’s Lady Gaga‘s song, but let’s not even pretend to wonder whose version is superior), Coco seductively twirls through 16 different designer’s names above an early ’90′s runway club beats without even a single stumble over a foreign syllable.

“Miu miu,” Queen Coco purrs, as though taunting us all with a shout-out to MuuMuse. Add in some soulful cries of “Shoe freak!” that serve us some serious church realness, and you’ve got the greatest modern ballroom track since Malcolm McLaren‘s “Deep In Vogue.”

National reports conclude that both Heidi Montag and Paris Hilton were last seen entering into a local police station in downtown L.A. to file preemptive robbery claims for their wigs.

When Jennifer Lopez‘s “Louboutins”–an ode to the couture cobbler–was released to a less-than-tepid response in the last week of 2009, Lopez seemingly began to struggle to find her footing in the market (excuse the pun), eventually taking a leave from her longtime label Epic Records in 2010.

Yet only weeks after the announcement made the rounds, J-Lo was already busy inking a new record deal with Island Def Jam and preparing to fulfill her duties as a full-time judge on the tenth season of American Idol.

Only one year later, Lopez suddenly came roaring back onto the charts in the beginning of 2011 with the release of her first actual single from Love?: “On The Floor (feat. Pitbull),” a surprise smash hit for the singer that skyrocketed to #1 in over 19 countries (and counting!)

Now–after a few false starts, a label switch, and the birth of her twins Max and Emme comes LOVE?, the long awaited, oft-delayed seventh studio album by Jennifer Lopez, released on April 29.

Get on the floor…

It seems Mother Monster was saving up some extra special news just in time for Mother’s Day today, as the singer just revealed on Twitter that she’ll be unleashing “Edge of Glory,” the third song from Born This Way tomorrow (May 9) at 1 p.m. PST (4 p.m. EST) as part of a countdown to the album’s release.

(No word on if this is an official single yet or merely a slow release to iTunes as Katy Perry and Jennifer Lopez has done–we’ll have to stay tuned.)

Gaga also TwitPic’ed the single cover which, according to a not-so-scientific poll conducted by myself polling no one else but myself really, was voted as “should have been the album cover” by an overwhelming 500% of all poll respondents.

FEEEEYUS!

¡AYYYYYYYDIOSMIO!

Okay, so–oh my God. Jennifer Lopez just performed “On The Floor” for the first time EVER on American Idol tonight. And to no one’s surprise in particular, it was fucking. HOT. FIYA.

Okay, first of all–the “I’m Into You” segue into “On The Floor” introduction? So good! So exciting! So sexy! And then–and THEN, Pitbull came running out! But no one really cared because, well…it’s Pitbull. It doesn’t matter if he’s making an appearance on a song or in person. The general reaction is just, like: “Oh, okay! Pitbull! So where’s the singer at?”

AND THEN SHE APPEARS, LIKE THE GLITTERY SEXY SILVER GODDESS SHE IS, SHIMMERING AND GLOWING FOR ALL TO SEE AND BEHOLD IN WONDER AND AMAZEMENT. (No, but really, she was probably wearing Glow.)

So what does she decide to do? SHE FUCKING SIDE KICKS A GLASS BOX. Why? Because she’s from the DOWNTOWN BRONX, BITCH.

Princess Jenny then goes on to storm up and down the stage while busting out her #1 worldwide hit, snatching wigs and perfectly twerking and jerking to the beat. She even rises up on a platform thingy for a second! And–wait, is that LIVE?! Yes, mamacitas–LIVE VOCALS ARE POURING FROM HER BEAUTIFUL, ANGEL-SCULPTED FACE.

And then–OH! OH! The dance breakdown, in which she literally IS ON THE FLOOR! SO, SO VERY SEXY. Sharp, sexy moves…she was totes dancing for her papi!!!

I LOVED IT.

In all seriousness, I suppose the greatest thing about the performance is watching La Lopez have FUN. J-Lo hails from a slightly older school of entertainment by modern pop standards: She’s hyping the crowd, smiling, running around and making sure you’re having just as much fun as she is. I’m not trying to throw shade in any particular performer’s direction (seriously, I’m not), but sometimes it’s nice to know that the person on stage is LOVING what’s going on as much as we are!

I need a fan. It is simply TOO SEXY IN HERE! No, seriously–there’s no air in here and I’m gonna die–give me a fan!

Marc Anthony: AVERT YOUR EYES.

In the clip for her newest single “I’m Into You (feat. Lil Wayne),” Jennifer Lopez–recently crowned the most beautiful woman in the world by People Magazine–gets positively steamy with Cuban model/professional sexpot William Levy. Yum, yum!

Shot in Chichen-Itza, Mexico last month, “I’m Into You” is an exercise in supplying shot after shot of pure eye candy–gorgeous locale, gorgeous boy and of course, gorgeous La Lopez herself! And let’s not take away from that sick dance sequence two-thirds into the video–simply ferocious!

Utterly obsessed. I’M SUCH A J. LO STAN.

“I’m Into You (feat. Lil Wayne)” was released on April 5. (iTunes)

Oh, hey–look! I just got a promotional mailer from J. Lo‘s official website in my inbox!

It looks like she’s going to be appearing at The Grove this Friday (April 29) to celebrate her upcoming album release with fans for Extra TV. And–what’s this? The Glitterati edition of LOVE? comes autographed?! That sounds cool, exciting and FRESH!

I really want to purchase this product! Let’s click on this massive photograph of Jennifer Lopez so that I can send my dollars to Island Def Jam in exchange for music by Jennifer Lopez!

Wait…WUT.