While the Internet may be abuzz (or rather, atweet) with all the excitement surrounding Ark Music Factory recording artist Rebecca Black‘s “Friday,” the critically acclaimed club banger dedicated to the day before Saturday (after which comes Sunday, according to reports), there’s a whole new tween jam worth shaking and crying about: Jenna Rose‘s “My Jeans.”

The evocative robot-pop number–which somehow flew under my radar since October ’10 until only just now–finds 12-year-old pop starlet Jenna Rose (not to be confused with the Satan-possessed Emily Rose) breathlessly recalling the experience of owning a brand pair of jeans, only to then be swagga jacked by a triflin’ wannabe (and no doubt, a hater).

“Hannah Montana‘s wearing my jeans / Ashley Tisdale‘s wearing my jeans / Keke Palmer’s wearing my jeans!” Jelegenda chants, her enthusiastic enunciation recalling a young Judy Garland.

Yet despite obstacles, Rose overcomes her adversity in a moment of shimmering resilience during the bridge: “I bet she’s mad, ’cause I look fab / HA HA HA HA…jack my swag!” Rose damningly proclaims, no doubt a not-so-subtle slam against fellow rising pop contemporary, Willow Smith. Or maybe Noah Cyrus. I’m not entirely sure yet.

In the end, is Jenna Rose’s “My Jeans” the anthem of a generation, a la John Lennon‘s “Imagine” or Kim Zolciak‘s “Google Me”?

To that, I have but four words to say to Lady Gaga and all her “Born This Way” dogma:

WATCH YOUR WIG, BITCH.

(But for real, all of these new tween anthems are legitimately terrifying…yet somehow still better than Kidz Bop.)

We as a society owe so much to Auto-Tune.

The audio processing equipment responsible for jump-starting the careers of such acts as the already irrelevant T-Pain and smelly pop sensation Ke$ha has granted us countless musical triumphs, including Cher‘s legendary comeback (“Believe”), Paris Hilton‘s shamefully good debut record, and of course, Heidi Montag‘s legendary feat in commercial floppery, Superficial.

It has also granted us a barrage of singles from blink-and-you’ll-miss-’em reality stars, especially from the truly delectable Real Housewives series on Bravo.

Following the success of her cautionary debut, “Tardy for the Party,” professional hit-maker Kim Zolciak has returned from the recording studio with another classic: “Google Me.”

Brave. Different. Iconic. All of these words fail to accurately describe the potential impact of Zolciak’s soon-to-be smash single.

“Click them keys and Google me,” the be-wigged mother of two implores of us in her electro-pop laced examination of the human condition as seen through the lens of a post-modern, post-prostitution whooah society.

At times, she plays coy; at others, she attacks: “Those other girls they want to be like me / But they’re just Barbies–all body, no brains.” At once, Zolciak both asserts her own independence as a woman while casting her own scathing criticism against those who put a premium on the impossibly artificial standards of beauty exemplified in popular culture.

While “Google Me” will no doubt go down as the “Imagine” (John Lennon) of our time, perhaps the most impressive part of Zolciak’s latest classic is the fact that the chanteuse’s vocal limitations actually manage to nullify the perfecting skills of Auto-Tune.

Yes, Zolciak’s half octave range defies the very capabilities of the vocal processor that has granted so many of the Black Eyed Peas‘ Bar Mitzvah stompers to pervade the popular music charts, proving once and for all that Kim Zolciak has literally the worst voice on the entire planet. Ever.

I’m afraid you’ve lost this time, Auto-Tune. There are just some atrocities that even your warbling robot settings simply cannot correct.

Kim’s management has been snatching down links to the song like mad at the moment, but you can currently listen to “Google Me” in full at Idolator.

(BUT REALLY, THIS SONG IS AMAZING.)

I don’t want to tempt fate, but if that’s not a number one, I’ll eat my sofa.

As the man responsible for such songs as Diana Vickers‘ “The Boy Who Murdered Love,” The Saturdays‘ “Chasing Lights,” and Will Young‘s “Anything is Possible,” as well as some of the upcoming material from Pixie Lott and JLS, pop songwriter and producer Chris Braide has seen his fair share of glory in the UK Top 40 recently.

Two weeks ago, I had the great pleasure of speaking with the busy producer from his studio in London (which is about to be packed away and carted stateside!)

I’m quite proud of this interview–we touched upon all sorts of artists and ended up having a really in-depth discussion about the very nature of pop itself.

Read on to hear all the gossip from behind Braide’s soundboard–loads of pop nerd chatter ahead!

Click “Read More…” to view the entire interview.

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Every now and then, there comes a time in our society when a song is released that changes the world.

This is one of those times.

Kim Zolciak‘s “Tardy for the Party” isn’t merely ‘just another dance song’–it’s a new way of life.

The song speaks to an entirely new generation of sound, crushing the formulaic robo-noise of contemporary radio while at the same time challenging notions of sexuality, conformity and racial tension.

If I were told to rank this song against all modern music, it would probably weigh in somewhere between John Lennon‘s “Imagine” and The Beach Boys‘ “Good Vibrations.”

THIS IS WHAT REAL MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE, PEOPLE.

For all these reasons and more, I am thrilled to present a delicious cut of the original, the Dave Wrangler remix. If you thought the original was good, check this bad boy out–there’s even sound bytes at the beginning!

DL: Kim Zolciak – Tardy for the Party (Dave Wrangler Remix)