You’re not going to believe this one.

The girls of t.A.T.u. are going their separate ways according to a statement on their official blog:

Last December a “staff meeting” attended by Yulia, Lena and Boris took place. Parties had unanimously decided to cease the “operation of t.A.T.u. in full-time mode”.
This decision was not spontaneous, it was long-grown.
For the sake of ethics I will not mention the reasons behind it, I’ll just say that these have nothing to do neither with creative nor with economic aspects.

The message goes on to detail a large amount of forthcoming releases and information regarding the faux-lesbians’ next endeavors. To summarize:

+ Their third video will still be released at the end of March.

+ Promotional duties for the ceaselessly delayed t.A.T.u. movie starring Mischa Barton, You And I, will continue.

+ Special editions of t.A.T.u.’s latest Russian album, Happy Smiles, will debut on Amazon.com and their official website, featuring new covers and bonus remixes.

+ The English version of the “Beliy Plaschik” video will be released.

+ Production on the international version of Happy Smiles was stopped at the end of 2008 (NO!), though the label will try to make available the English versions of songs already recorded for the scrapped release.

+ No further public performances, aside from special events including Bacardi.

+ Yulia’s intentions are not known at the moment. She has disbanded from t.A.T.u.’s management after recording the English version of “220,” entitled “Sparks.”

+ Lena is continuing to work with t.A.T.u.’s management to pursue a solo career. The project is already titled and the website reserved, and production on the solo effort is expected to begin around late April, leadininto a single release at the second half of 2009 with an album to follow.

WHY. WHY DOES GOD ALLOW ACTS LIKE CASCADA AND SOULJA BOY TO EXIST, WHILE T.A.T.U. IS ALLOWED TO SIMPLY TO FADE AWAY?!

My foundation has been utterly shaken to its core. A small part of me has died, and I’m unsure how I’m supposed to move forward following this news.

And a solo career for Lena?! I mean–come on, she isn’t even the INTERESTING one of the two!

Most of all, I blame both Katy Perry and Tila Tequila making faux bisexual the new faux lesbian.

But seriously, they made some good Pop….I’m actually a bit gutted.

DL: t.A.T.u. – Ludi Invalidi (Dangerous & Moving Russia Version)

Click above to hear more from t.A.T.u. God knows, it may be the last you ever will.

Forgive me: It’s taken a while to roll this one out, and for absolutely no particular reason at all (aside from my ambiguous stance on the entire album).

Seeing as the release date is in just two days, I took to locking myself in a small room to immerse myself within the sights and sounds of Kelly Clarkson once more. Though nearly impoverished and slightly broken on the inside, the review is finally complete. And still somewhat ambiguous. Oh, well!

Read on, Muusers!

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You’ve got to hand it to Clive Davis–the man knows how to stick it to his detractors. After caving in from a rather public disagreement and allowing Kelly Clarkson to release her moderately successful self-scribed ‘expression’ piece My December, he finds himself back in the producer’s chair–and you can bet he’s chuckling himself to tears. Just look at the album cover he’s chosen: A tight-lipped, teeth-clenched Clarkson–retouched to near Mariah proportions and photographed against a schlocky, candy-coated backdrop of color–paired with a blinged-out glittery font featuring what will surely go down as one of the most loaded album titles in some time: All I Ever Wanted.

Now that’s one hell of a way to say “I told you so.”

After once openly scoffing at the notion of covering unused Lindsay Lohan session tracks for her last album, Clarkson now finds herself waist deep in Katy Perry rejects with All I Ever Wanted. Examples include the moderately appealing upcoming second single, “I Do Not Hook Up,” a hook-heavy ode to anti-promiscuity that–when released–may very well fashion Clarkson as the next Pat Benatar for the Promise Ring generation.

If not a Perry castaway, most of the album’s tracks still ooze with a Top 40 familiarity–which is neither a compliment, nor a particularly stinging criticism, given the genre in question. The up-tempo electro-rocker “If I Can’t Have You” wedges nicely between Rihanna‘s “Disturbia” and the crunchier elements of Miley Cyrus‘ “Fly On The Wall,” while “Already Gone” proves unsurprisingly identical to Beyonce‘s “Halo” (both tracks overseen by the same producer, Ryan Tedder). But the most obvious of all is the album’s flagrant shift in the direction of P!nk-friendly pop-rock–Give one listen to the chorus of “Don’t Let Me Stop You” with both eyes closed and tell me that couldn’t be a single straight off of Funhouse.

Similarly, many of the other album’s squeaky clean confections, including “Long Shot” and the unfortunately titled “Whyyawannabringmedown,” deliver a hearty punch of driving guitar and raging drums rivaling the raucousness of 2007′s rebellion piece, My December–only this time relying upon a heavy dose of overly-produced instrumentation.

As a result, Clarkson teeters dangerously close to the limit of her vocal capabilities from time to time (“All I Ever Wanted”), featuring no less than three toe-curling instances of power notes that threaten to snap her vocal cords like a piano wire under high tension. Fear not, as they’re still intact–though a light touch of rasp now graces the singer’s lower register after years of abuse.

Power ballads including “Cry” and “Impossible” provide the album’s highest points artistically, featuring sluggish drum pacing and concert-ready power vocals sure to be met with the glow of a thousand swinging cell phones lifted on high during the next tour. “Ready” is another success; transforming the already catchy acoustic rendition that leaked last year into an encouraging electro-flourish of swaying guitar and uplifting vocals.

Make no mistake–despite enough “guilty pleasure” cheese lyrics and clever production techniques to qualify for the Disney Radio queue, Clarkson’s latest is in many ways an aural smash, delivering a solid collection of slap-happy pop bangers and arena-lite ballads guaranteed to provide the soundtrack to many a lip-synch sessions on long road trips and rainy days.

Sure, it’s far from all I ever wanted to see coming from the Clarkson. After all, if I had my way, she’d be strapping on a guitar at this very minute, growing out her hair to grungy proportions, roughing up the drunks at the local dive bar, and trailblazing the revival of Lillith Fair.

But until then, I suppose I’ll keep dreaming.

DL: Kelly Clarkson – All I Ever Wanted (Sharebee)

Click above to pre-order All I Ever Wanted, or to hear more from Kelly Clarkson!

God, I can’t seem to stray away from her! Worry not, friends…I’m still no fan.

Instead, this is up-and-comer R00K‘s cover of Katy Perry‘s “I Kissed A Girl.” The rendition provides a nice, grungy touch of girly-man grit to the otherwise girly-girl affair. It’s a love or hate sort of deal.

As for me? I’m into it!

DL: R00K – I Kissed A Girl (Katy Perry Cover) (Mediafire)

Hol-uh-day-ee! Cel-uh-bray-eete! Today is my birthday!

Rejoice bitches, because it’s a celebration. And nothing could have started my day off better than a personalized birthday wish e-mail from none other than the ladies of The Aloud.

Alright, so it doesn’t appear to have been written especially for me.

LAY OFF.

In the meantime, enjoy my mishmash of random findings within my inbox! I’ve not listened to most of it (excluding the first!), but I guarantee a majority of it is probably quite nice. Additionally, the last download is a mixtape from the ever reliable Club Clique, this time a celebration of all things ’08. Click “Read More…” for the full tracklisting below!

intro
yuksek – tonight
chromeo – fancy footwork (death to the throne remix)
britney spears – womanizer (tommie sunshine re-rub)
bucketheads – the bomb (burns remix)
mr. oizo ft. carmen castro – two takes it
cut copy – lights & music (boys noize happy birthday remix)
black kids – i’m not gonna teach your boyfriend… (twelves remix)
rex the dog – bubblicious (rex the dog disco 12”)
kidda – under the sun (herve remix)
mia – boyz (twelves remix)
diplo & rye rye – wassup wassup (ddpesh remix)
ladyhawke – my delirium (jbag hot pop remix)
farley jackmaster funk – love can’t turn around (lifelike remix)
late of the pier – bathroom gurgle (artwork remix)
metronomy – heartbreaker (kris menace remix)
kylie minogue – in my arms (instrumental)
florence & the machine – dog days are over

DL: R̦yksopp РHappy Birthday (Mediafire)
DL: VLRNA – Human Meat (Mediafire)
DL: R00K – Eat (Mediafire)
DL: Viva City vs Don Diablo – Audio Endlessly (Extended Mix) (Mediafire)
DL: Digitalism – Taken Away (LAZRtag remix) (Mediafire)
DL: MSTRKRFT – Bounce (NONEWYORK Bassline Remix) (Mediafire)
DL: Katy Perry – Hot n Cold (Justin Faust Remix) (Mediafire)
DL: Club Clique – End of Year Mix
(Mediafire)

It’s no secret that I’m no big fan of try-too-hard Katy Perry. Frankly, I can’t stand the bitch! Admittedly however, there are a few single mixes that manage to slip by and gain my approval. This here happens to be one of them.

The Starsmith mix of Perry’s summer success, “I Kissed A Girl,” packs a heavy punch of frantic glam into the otherwise pop-rocky affair. Just listen to the opening moments, as Perry is reduced to a silly, stuttering 8-Bit rendered fool. Now that’s something I can sink my teeth into. Enjoy!

DL: Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl (Starsmith Remix) (Mediafire)

Be sure to check out Starsmith’s MySpace to hear other mixes, with artists such as Digitalism and Frankmusik!

In lieu of the recent charting success of the Aloud, I thought I’d run down the Singles Chart for the USA and the UK. I took time to precisely highlight the issues of contention, as well as various areas of success. Then, I graded accordingly.

Here is the result of the analysis.

I wanted to say I hate it. I wanted to say “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ESCORT MIZZ PERRY OFF THE PREMISES? THE SOUNDS EMINATING FROM HER FACE CAVITY ARE MAKING MY BODY HURT.”

But in all honesty…I can’t.

This is Katy Perry‘s cover of Sam Sparro‘s masterpiece “Black & Gold,” which we all know and love already. I was ready for karaoke, or perhaps over-singing, or just plain awfulness a la her “rendition” of “Like A Virgin” from the VMA’s, but it’s just plain….good.

There. I said it, but I’m not going to say anything else that may be interpreted as praising, so here…Take it.

DL: Katy Perry – Black & Gold (Sam Sparro Cover)

Thanks to HardCandyMusic for the find!

Here we go again: The 25th Video Music Awards, the annual celebration of self-indulgence that only continues to lower our expectations with each coming year.

This year, we were treated to host Russell Brand, a lesser known English trash-talking personality. Kicking off with what was surely the most political monologue of the award show’s history, Brand pleaded for the audience to vote for Obama while scolding America for electing “that retarted cowboy fellow.” Thanks for the input, Englishman…Very influential. For anyone who didn’t see it, the humorless, shout-happy series of awkward statements unfolded like a Sarah Silverman performance missing the funny.

That however, was not Brand’s finest hour, which was actually the two remaining hours spent harping on the promise rings worn by the Jonas Brothers. When I say two, I mean it—each time the man was given an opportunity to speak, he took a jab, the insults growing worse each time. It was no surprise then that the audience erupted in loud cheers when Jordin Sparks decided to break from her speech and defend her own ring, declaring: “I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear promise rings…Not everybody wants to be a slut.” Overgeneralization? Surely. Deserved? Absolutely.

As for the performances, most were generally sub-par: Rihanna’s opening “Thriller”-esque rip-off made her forgettable as always, T-Pain and Lil’ Wayne were far less than inspiring, and Kanye West’s final smoke-and-lights moment left me rather unfulfilled. Some even bombed, namely Katy “Ur So Gay” Perry and her hideously bland rendition of “Like a Virgin.” I have just one question to ask you, Ms. Perry: Is that a banana on your shoulder, or are you just completely untalented?

The rocker chicks generally fared better: Pink pulled out a rather fierce rendition of her snotty kiss-off track, “So What?” with the help of pyrotechnics and breakaway glass, while Paramore kept true to form while performing their endlessly catchy single, “Misery Business.”

I’ll even award some modest golf claps to Christina Aguilera for fitting that pin-up friendly bosom into a form-fitting, futuristic PVC outfit (which, by the way, was rather “Toxic” of you, Miss Aguilera) while performing an electro-tinged rendition of her “classic” “Genie In A Bottle” along with her new single, “Keeps Getting Better.”

The actual awards went by (as they often do) greatly unnoticed, though one of the most genuine moments came when German pop-rockers Tokio Hotel scored a miraculous win over their competition, including Miley Cyrus. As the group trotted up to the stage and sputtered out their acceptance speech in broken English, few could help but coo at their adorable bout of breathless gratitude.

However, as we all know, this night was truly about my queen; my dearly damaged damsel, Miss Britney Spears. Didn’t she look stunning? Even some uninterested viewers around me forked over some halfhearted kudos once she appeared. While she didn’t perform, she never had to: Britney Spears makes the VMA’s. She smiled and looked pretty, walking away with her first, second, and third Moon Man of her career, all while awarding the haters a well deserved “Fuck You” for counting her out in the first place. Some are angered by Brit’s triple victory, and I certainly agree…I mean, shouldn’t the award go to a more established, credible artist such as Katy Perry or Miley Cyrus?

Exactly. Get over it. The VMA’s have been as dead as their hosting network for years.

After all, this year’s show will be remembered for nothing, except for the moment when Britney finally brought her sexy back.

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Photo credits:
#1: Photo by Jordan Strauss/WireImage.com
#2: MTV/Getty Images
#3: UntouchableBritney.net