Yesterday, I posted the MuuMuse review of Animal, Ke$ha‘s debut album.

Now I want you to hear it for yourself!

Send me a blank e-mail at muumuse@gmail.com with the subject line “$$$” to enter to win one of TEN brand new copies of Animal.

The contest will end in one week (January 16) at 12 p.m. EST, when ten winners will be randomly selected and contacted.

Let’$ do thi$!

“When I woke up, I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up… story of my life.”
Nicole “Snookums” Polizzi, Jersey Shore

Congratulations…it’s 2010! Who’s ready to drink?

That’s the lasting, ever-present theme of Animal, the long-awaited debut album from Ke$ha. (That’s kesh-uh, like ketchup, not key-shuh, like what I’ve been calling her for almost a year now.)

With a voice that can only be described as belonging to the bratty, rebellious step-sister of Katy Perry and a wardrobe identical to your annoyingly hip cousin who’s ‘over’ consumer culture and shops exclusively at American Apparel, Ke$ha has been toted for some time now as a kind of drunk electro-crap pop protege in the making.

But before we get ahead of ourselves and start praising her as the mainstream answer to Peaches or Uffie, let the record show: Ke$ha is just too squeaky-clean to be anything even close to dirrty pop. Sure, she’ll wear ripped leggings out on the town, hobble ’round drunk on stage with glitter smeared on her face and shout into a megaphone like an ass-backwards loon, but at the end of the day, she’s still a pretty face (with an interest in collaborating with Taylor Swift, as evidenced in this fairly annoying mini-interview).

However, even if she isn’t really spewing blood or punching dudes for sticking their fingers up her hoo-hah while crowd surfing, Ke$ha’s still here for the party on Animal.

With “Your Love Is My Drug” and “Tik Tok,” the “Poker Face” and “Just Dance” of the album respectively, K$ revels in the excesses of pop at its finest. Exuberant, punchy, irreverent–the two songs are the quintessential ‘dancing the night away’ moments of the album, complete with fist-pump worthy choruses and glitchy, gleeful synthesizers that merge fun, kid-friendly beats with the all-important album theme of substance abuse. (The result of which lends itself to literally dozens and dozens of uncomfortable tweenage video reinterpretations, complete with water bottle sippin’ and faux-drunk gyrating.)

Later on, with songs like “Take it Off” and “Kiss N Tell,” Ke$ha keeps the Katy Perry pronunciation guide close at hand for another round of drink-inspired jubilee. If you close your eyes and ignore the awful, skin-crawling over-enunciation of each syllable (“we’re duh-lee-ree-uss-suh, ’til the sun comes back uh-rah-ow-und”), the song’s are almost as fun as the two lead tracks, though inconsistently so: Some days they’re amazing, others simply unlistenable. It all depends on how loud and where you’re playing them.

It’s too bad that the plug gets pulled so soon.

Just as the party’s getting started, K$ takes it back to the schoolyard with a few truly dire attempts including  “Stephen,” a sloppy ode to a boy performed with an irritating, giggly schoolgirl sweetness. “I saw you in your tight ass rocker pants / You saw me too / I laughed ’cause I was completely trashed.” If the tuneless chorus isn’t enough to kill your buzz, the embarrassing ‘this is meant to be ironically immature’ lyricism will finish the job.

Later on, Ke$ha’s childish side is only further exploited with the likes of “Dinosaur,” which doubles as the worst song of 2010 thus far. The wimpy spell-out assault, meant to put the old men creeping around clubs on blast (“D-I-N-O-S-A, U-R a dinosaur!”), is so obnoxious, so incomprehensibly basic that it makes Gwen Stefani‘s “Hollaback Girl” (“This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S”) sound refined.

As songs like “Dinosaur” come to show, one of the biggest drawbacks of Animal is its snotty Kidz Bop-friendly attitude. Back during the summer, when a slew of demos from the singer first leaked, standout tracks including “Disgusting,” “Fuck Him (He’s A DJ)” and “V.I.P.,” (which has mercifully been tacked on as a bonus track overseas) provided a glimmer of hope that Ke$ha was to become our new rude-pop savior. The songs were much grimier, complete with naughty come-on’s and more genuinely clever lyrics (“He’s a stereo type / He’s got the baseball cap and he’s building the hype, as he’s feeding me this hot track / You see, we share the same God, we’ve got the same love / I never want to stop, I don’t want to give him up.”) Now? We’ve got trash like “Blah Blah Blah.”

Not all of the girly girl tracks are worth the hate, though: The strut-worthy prowl of “Boots and Boys” and the deliciously bitchy “Backstabber” are both redeemable bouts of escapist delight.

The time when Ke$ha truly, legitimately shines best is when she drops the baby routine and acts her own age: “Hungover,” “Dancing With Tears in My Eyes,” and “Animal” are all miles ahead of the pack, featuring anthemic pop hooks and devastating choruses. The most successful of all of the grown-up numbers is “Blind,” which ties a minimal, plodding synthesized beat together with one hell of a Clarkson-worthy chorus: “I’m sick and tired of the mess you made me / Never gonna catch me cry / You must be blind if you can’t see / You’ll miss me ’til the day you die.”

The bleary-eyed, post-party numbers are much smarter than the surrounding material, and far more representative of Ke$ha’s ability to be more than just a one bottle wonder–which makes duds like “Party at a Rich Dude’s House” all the more difficult to swallow.

Well, the year is just about over now, which means that those “Best Of 2009″ lists just won’t let up anytime soon. Two weeks ago saw my “Top 40 Albums of 2009″ list. Now, it’s time to get down to the finest singles of the year. LET’S DO THIS.

All chart and sales figures provided by Wikipedia.

20. Mariah Carey – Obsessed (Listen)
It was the guiltiest, most quotable pleasure of the year: “Obsessed,” the so-bad-it’s-good, so-good-it’s-bad mid-tempo jam leading off the charge of Mariah Carey’s less than successful twelfth studio album, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel.

You love it, you hate it, but there’s no need to get all fired up with your Napoleon complex; the only thing that could have made this song better would be if it came bundled with a George Foreman grill and a bottle of Windex.

“Obsessed” topped the charts at #7 on the US Hot 100, as well as #1 on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Songs list and Top 20 in many territories around the world.

19. Beyonce – Video Phone ft. Lady Gaga (Listen)
Though it would be impossible to top the weave-tossin’, hip-poppin’ brilliance that is “Diva,” “Video Phone” is just about as close as you can get to replicating that level of fierce-nass. Already an instant classic off of I Am…Sasha Fierce, the injection of Lady Gaga‘s ridiculous, warbling verses and a tranny-tastic music video made the song damn near untouchable.

That being said, “Video Phone” generally failed to catch on with the general public, stalling at #65 on the Hot 100 with no sign of fueling back up again anytime soon.

18. Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love (Listen)
It was the tensest moment on X Factor this year: The debut performance of a solo Cheryl Cole. What would she sound like? How would the song fare? Breaking out with a hip, sleek routine (once a soldier, then a samurai) and a nasty dance break sequence, Cheryl fought, fought, fought for the public’s love, effectively dominating the latter half of 2009 with her debut single.

Though not the strongest song off of her debut 3 Words, it’s certainly the most influential: “Fight For This Love” broke the record for the fastest selling UK single, debuted at #1 in both Ireland and the UK, and scored the highest first week sales for a single in 2009.

17. Ke$ha – Tik Tok (Listen)
It’s loud, it’s obnoxious, and it’s all I listened to during the summer: “Tik Tok” is drunk-pop revelry at its finest, and one hell of a way to debut.

The song as just hit #1 on the Hot 100, according to yesterday’s Billboard news.

16. Shakira – She Wolf (Listen)
If anyone else sung this, it would be a disaster. But it’s not just anyone–it’s Shakira, the lust-worthy Latina songstress capable of making a coffee machine in an office sound downright sexy. The release was aided by an equally weird/brilliant video, featuring the singer doing enough limb-bending choreography to have Gumby crossing his legs in pain while watching.

“She Wolf” and its Spanish counterpart “Loba” climbed to the #11 spot on the US Hot 100 and a #1 position on the Hot Dance Club Songs list, as well as dozens of Top 10 positions all around the world.

15. Madonna – Celebration (Listen)
Ringing in over twenty-five years of international success in the music industry as the world’s reigning Queen of Pop, “Celebration” had quite a bit of hype to live up to. While some criticized the singer for trying too hard to maintain relevancy, the song served its purpose and ultimately contributed to the Madonna legacy of pure, unadulterated escapism tacked to a disco dancing beat.

While “Celebration” stalled at #71 on the US Billboard Hot 100, the song took a Top 5 charting across most other parts of the world, including a #3 peak in the UK’s Single Chart.

14. Rihanna – Hard (Listen)
Leading off one of the year’s best albums, Riri goes harder than ever before with a cocky chorus and a newfound swagger and delightfully confident sexuality. Lots of brags (“The hottest bitch in heels right here”) and lots of burns (“Ain’t like me, that chick too phony”). And as for that personal shout-out near the song’s end? “Where dem blah-gahs at? Where dem blah-gahs at?” Yeah…bonus points all around.

“Hard” has since climbed to the #11 position on the US Hot 100, though it’s still too new to declare the song’s peak position.

13. Sugababes – About A Girl (Listen)
As the unexpected dawn of a new era began late this year with the departure of Keisha Buchanan and the arrival of Jade Ewen, haters and doubters declared the girl group officially dead.

As it turned out, the Sugas have never sounded sweeter. “About A Girl” was the defiant anthem the girls needed to survive, earning a #8 spot on the UK Charts and proving that Jade Ewen is a voice to be reckoned with.

12. Lily Allen – The Fear (Listen)
Leading off the campaign for her sophomore album, It’s Not Me, It’s You, “The Fear” took a wry stab at the socialite life. With Greg Kurstin‘s glittering electronic beats and that gorgeous, dizzying chorus, it’s not hard to miss out on Allen’s dripping sarcasm: “I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless /’Cuz everyone knows that’s how you get famous.”

The song took the #1 spot on the UK singles chart, as well as scoring the “Best Track” award at the Q Awards.

11. Natalie Imbruglia – Want (Listen)
It’s all that you could ever want, over and over again: A lush, disco melody on repeat, “Want” is the sugary surprise single that led the march for Imbruglia’s solid fourth studio album, Come to Life.

Sadly, the song was never quite given its due credit, eventually peaking at #22 in Australia and #88 in the UK.

10. Gossip – Heavy Cross (Listen)
Did any other song send a chill running down our spines this year quite like Beth Ditto‘s howl of “I choose you!” just one minute into “Heavy Cross”? Doubtful. The song itself is a rocking smash, complete with jagged guitar riffs and disco-tinged drum beats, but it’s the Fred Falke remix made this release truly sublime.

The single premiered quite well overseas, including the #2 position in Germany and Switzerland, as well as the #14 spot on the US Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart.

9. La Roux – Bulletproof (Listen)
Say what I have about Elly Jackson‘s nasty attitude or her oft-insufferable falsetto, La Roux’s debut provided some of the catchiest, hookiest tracks of 2009. Add some bright, colorful ’80′s-flavored beats to one unstoppably catchy chorus, and there you have it: “Bulletproof,” a track that more than validated all those “One to Watch” list predictions last year.

“Bulletproof” took the #1 position on the UK charts, a #1 slot on the US Dance Charts, and a gold certification in Australia and New Zealand, amongst dozens of other countries.

8. Annie – Anthonio (Listen)
With the 2008 Don’t Stop campaign at a halt for more than half a year, “Anthonio” was the much-needed reassurance that the Anniemal was still alive and well. Soothing, melodic italo-disco sweeps over the speakers as the singer recalls the tale of the no-good, dirt bag who left alone and pregnant. What more could you ask for?

While it never landed a spot on the main Singles charts, “Anthonio” climbed to #5 on the UK Indie Chart.

7. Girls Aloud – Untouchable (Listen)
The word epic is far overused in modern society, but this song cannot be properly described by any other term: Clocking in at just under seven minutes, “Untouchable” is the Girls Aloud’s own “Bohemian Rhapsody,” complete with euphoric flares of synthesizers and a classic Xenomania beat.

In the greatest Pop Injustice of 2009, “Untouchable” charted just outside the Top 10 position in the UK at #11, effectively ending the girl group’s run of twenty Top 10 singles.

6. Florence + The Machine – Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) (Listen)
I’d seen some references to Florence over the summer, but it wasn’t until her performance of “Rabbit Heart” on Later…with Jools Holland that I realized just how magical this witchy woman and her music actually were. Honorable mentions go out to the equally deserving subsequent singles from Lungs, including “Drumming Song” and “You’ve Got the Love.”

“Rabbit Heart” peaked at #12 on the UK Singles Chart.

5. Bat For Lashes – Daniel (Listen)
Haunting vocals, warm droplets of synthesizer, and an endless, searching sense of loneliness, “Daniel” quickly became the clear, crowning victory of Bat For Lashes‘ Two Suns sessions.

“Daniel” peaked at #36 on the UK Singles Chart.

4. Royksopp – Girl and the Robot (Listen)
Combine Sweden’s Pop Princess with Norway’s electro-geniuses, and you’ve got yourself the greatest robot love song from a Swedish chanteuse since Margaret Berger‘s “The Robot Song”…and that’s saying a lot.

The song took on the #2 position on the Norweigan Singles Chart and a surprisingly modest #25 position on the Swedish Singles Chart.

3. Britney Spears – 3 (Listen)
Considering it’s Britney (bitch), “3″ is pretty low on my “Best Of” list. With a less-than-stellar video (the director’s cut having redeemed the original), Britney’s ode to playing Yahtzee with a friend or two (or Freudian exploration of fantasy, depending on who you ask) walks the line between sexy and sleazy a bit too unevenly, at times coming off childish and tacky (which is why I’m ready for a break from further Max Martin collaborations.) Subject matter aside, it’s still an unbelievably catchy record, and one hell of a Britney classic.

The single was an instant success with radio, nabbing the #1 spot on US radio, as well as a position in Top 10 charts all across the world.

2. Ellie Goulding – Under the Sheets (Listen)
Up until a few months ago, newcomer Ellie Goulding had released nothing but a few demos and behind-the-scenes videos on her MySpace.

“Under the Sheets,” her debut release, is a gorgeous, multi-layered tapestry of hypnotic electronica and breathy vocals, not all that far from the major league stuff of Imogen Heap and Björk. The song’s replay-ready quality, coupled with a yelp-at-the-top-of-your-lungs harmonies has, for better or worse, sprinkled all sorts of high expectations around the upcoming release of her debut album in 2010.

“Under The Sheets” has since peaked at #53 on the UK charts.

1. Lady Gaga – Bad Romance (Listen)
A crashing anthem of a chorus. Hitchcock references. A vogue-ready middle eight. Hooks a plenty. Nonsensical syllables abound. Fame. Death. Sex. Love. I’m a free bitch, baby.

As the most powerful, raucous celebration of pop music in years, “Bad Romance” has finalized Lady Gaga’s transition from a flavor of the month to an icon in the making. Though she may credit “Speechless” as her greatest song to date, it’s “Bad Romance” that takes the title in my book blog.

The song took the #2 spot on the Hot 100, as well as a #1 ranking in several countries internationally, including Canada, Italy, Sweden and the UK.

As if there were any question, “Bad Romance” is the best single of 2009, bar none.

After watching this video three times in a row now, I decided it was time to post.

So, this is a behind-the-scenes/parody video from a new artist named Monica Rush, who’s preparing the release of her debut single, “100 doLLa biLL.” The song, which is sort of an M.I.A./Ke$ha-lite, Gwen Stefani-esque chant-along, is not bad at all, and neither is her voice.

…But that’s not why I keep watching.

It is all about her homo pal, Nicholas Gorham. I mean, I don’t want to get all swoon-like or anything, but the boy moves like a STAR! How’s anyone supposed to pay attention to the song and/or songstress when the boy’s gone and overshadowed her like that?

Look–they’ve made more videos together, and he’s still rocking out like a champ!

I’m totally smitten.

Good morning, London town! Feel like attending a massive, “Best of ’09″ retrospective concert?

MuuMuse is giving away ONE PAIR of tickets to attend T4′s Stars of 2009 concert live at Earl’s Court in London.

To enter to win, send a blank e-mail with the subject line “T4″ to muumuse@gmail.com. A winner will be randomly selected and notified at noon on Tuesday, November 24.

I have to say, I’m beyond jealous that I can’t attend. Just look at the list of performers!

Florence and the Machine
Alexandra Burke
Calvin Harris
Chipmunk
Diversity
JLS
EXAMPLE
Keisha
Kasabian
La Roux
N-Dubz
Sugababes
Tinchy Stryder
The Saturdays

Pretty killer line up!

Added to the concert, there will be a ‘fun fair’ and food stalls. Additionally, Rimmel and Elite models will be holding a runway show and scouting for new faces. Lots to do!

The event will be broadcast live from Channel 4 at 3 p.m.

For more information on the show, check out the official website here. If you’d like to attend, tickets are still available on TicketMaster.

Good luck!!

Yeah, you read that correctly: Uffie‘s here. I would say “back,” but she was never really “here” to begin with, was she?

Surviving over three years of delays and push-backs, the Ufferlump’s debut album Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans is finally prepared to see a release in early 2010 according to label owner Busy P’s blog.

Along with posting this video, Busy P announces that not only is Uff prepping a new single with Pharrell Williams next (!!), but that Mirwais was involved with four tracks off of her upcoming album (!!!).

Mirwais, if you didn’t know, is the rather talented French electronica producer responsible for much of Madonna‘s Music, American Life, and Confessions On A Dance Floor. He also produced a fabulous album in the spring with Yasmine Hamdan called Arabology. It’s a must if you haven’t already checked that out (Click here to stream some tracks.)

Anyway, this is the video for the 2006 track “Pop The Glock,” the beginning of the album’s fruition.

The clip is essentially a fashion paradise, featuring some hipsters, loads of killer stilettos, and clever, offbeat product placement galore. And yes, the song is still hot three years later.

So go grab a sandwich or something, Ke$ha…the real electro-trash princess has arrived. That is…until she passes out again.

Purchase more from Uffie on iTunes | MySpace

…THAT’S IT?!

For the artist Rolling Stone suggests is about to “give Lady Gaga a run for her money” and whom Peter Gray (senior vice president of pop promotion at RCA) called “the next big RCA star,” this is a whole big mess of mediocrity.

I see plenty of pretty colors and glamour shots, but where’s the grit? Where’s the grime? The opening seemed promising, but the thrill faded after about two minutes of knowing glances and finger pointing.

This isn’t a video from an up-and-coming electro-crap superstar…it’s Katy Perry‘s giggly BFF.

Sorry Ke$ha, but this is L-A-M-E.

Until this summer, Philadelphia-bred mistress of ceremonies Amanda Blank could be found both everywhere and nowhere; a fixture found in the liner notes and “featuring” sections on collaboration tracks from just about every hip-hop tested, indie cred-approved artist since the mid-’00′s, including Santigold, M.I.A., Spank Rock, Pase Rock, Ghostface Killah, and N.A.S.A.

As a result, Amanda Blank is an artist inexorably linked to her mix-tape origins: Put together the in-your-face, Cristal and cocaine drunk-pop of Ke$ha, the funk and grind sound of album producer Diplo, the super-slick badassery of Peaches, and perhaps even the cool breathiness of Britney Spears on the chillier grooves, and you’ve still only got half of what Blank’s all about.

Within seconds of hearing the garage-rock-gone-hip-hop intro of “Make It, Take It,” it becomes all too clear that we’re in for a sweat-drenched, sex-stenched affair on Blanks’ long-overdue debut, I Love You. Tracks including the throbbing, pistol pumping “Something Bigger, Something Better” and electro-jittery “Might Like You Better” are at the very least danceable–at their best, nearly irresistible. Even the faithfully minimal cover of “Make-Up” off of the 1982 debut of Prince‘s short-lived sexperiment Vanity 6 inspires moments of vogue.

But this collection isn’t all about the mmphing and, shockingly enough, benefits most from the few breathers in between. The bleary-eyed, post-consummation contemplation of “Shame On Me” is the best track Britney’s never recorded, while the neurotic-friendly “DJ” proves a luscious dancefloor treat riddled with all the best reasons to dance the pain away–anger, bitterness, and sorrow.

It’s midway through however, when Blank gets down to business, unleashing her signature unstoppable lyrical flow on the Spank Rock-assisted track, “Gimme What You Got,” and “Lemme Get Some.”

This, after all, is the meat and potatoes of her craft: Amanda Blank is a talented artist. Not only can she spit out verses faster than most male rappers in the industry, but she commands a devastating mastery of rhythm and flow–plus, she’s a seemingly fearless lyricist. The only problem is that there simply isn’t enough of that grit to go around. A few harder numbers would have done wonders here, especially considering the wide range of tracks we’ve heard from her over the years.

The album’s final moment is also its most unexpected: “Don’t act so surprised,” Blank croons along with Swedish delight and MuuMuse favorite, Lykke Li on “Leaving You Behind” as the gentle guitar strums away into nothingness. I just can’t help it, Amanda–I’m considering this album the surprise of the summer.

DL: Amanda Blank – Something Big, Something Better
Choice Tracks: “Something Big, Something Better”; “DJ”; “Shame on Me”; “Might Like You Better”

Purchase I Love You on iTunes | MySpace