According to Hits Daily Double, Madonna‘s MDNA will top the Billboard 200 chart this week at #1 with 357,943 copies sold.

EDIT: The official Billboard report is in–Madonna clocks in at #1 with 359,000 sold. From Billboard:

Madonna remains in second place among women with the most No. 1 albums. She now needs only one more No. 1 to tie Barbra Streisand, the leader among women with nine chart-toppers.

“MDNA” sold 359,000 copies according to Nielsen SoundScan, and is Madonna’s fifth straight studio album to debut at No. 1. It follows 2008′s “Hard Candy,” which moved 280,000 in its first week. “MDNA’s” opener is her best sales week since 2000′s “Music” shifted 420,000 when it debuted at No. 1.

The opening week album sales surpasses that of Rihanna‘s Talk That Talk (198,000), Katy Perry‘s Teenage Dream (192,000), Beyonce‘s 4 (310,000), The Holy Spearit‘s Femme Fatale (276,000) and yes, even Adele’s 21 (352,000). The only one to outsell her opening week is, of course, Lady Gaga‘s Born This Way (1,108,000). (Lest we forget, the controversial $0.99 Amazon MP3 sale accounted for roughly 440,000 of those copies. Also, entire subways and buildings were covered in her face.* La, la, la…)

The sales also best the opening weeks of several of her most recent efforts, including 2008′s Hard Candy (280,000), 2003′s American Life (241,000) and slightly edges out 2005′s Confessions On A Dance Floor (350,000).

But wait! There was one major promotional move: Those who purchased tickets to the MDNA Tour via Ticketmaster also had the option to receive a copy of MDNA along with their purchase. Since those albums factor into the mix, sales from concert-goers factor into the final tally. (There aren’t any official figures around the Ticketmaster-specific albums, but 1 album per $150 ticket is a different story than 150 albums for $150. I digress.**)

That’s right, y’all: Madonna just outsold almost every single one of your favorites (and mine too) relying on a single Super Bowl performance back in February, a 20 minute Facebook chat and a Q&A on Twitter on the night of the album’s release.

*I’m being facetious. Calm the fuck down, Little Monsters.
**I’m still being facetious. Calm the fuck down, Little Monsters.

Madonna: Queen of Everything.

MDNA was released on March 26. (iTunes)

Last night was the 54th Annual Grammy Awards! Or was it the 2012 CMT Music Awards? I literally couldn’t tell, what with all the banjos, geetars and all that.

No, it was The Grammys! A time when the industry comes together to honor REAL music! A time to dress tastefully and bring a bishop as a date! A time when Jennifer Hudson sings half of a Whitney Houston song while Chris Brown gets two whole performances and a Grammy! Yes! Music finally wins!

Mercifully, Adele rightfully won in all six of her major categories: Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Solo Vocal Performance, Short Form Music Video, Record Of The Year, and Song Of The Year, and Album Of The Year. (Okay, the music video win was a bit “Really though?”, but…you know, whatever.)

All in all, that shit was as cray as usual. Here are nine moments worth your time. There were more, but, like…I’m tired. You know?

9.) Someone Like Chew

The Holy Spearit‘s Femme Fatale may been gone unjustly snubbed at this year’s Grammys (as with every year, fuck The Industry and The Man), but her presence still made its way into the ceremony: Take for instance Adele’s first acceptance speech, during which she gamely gnawed at her gum in true Brit Brit fashion.

Like My Queen would say: “What’s a sombrero, y’all? Fuck an award show! My babies are my religion.”

8.) My Life On The E-List

Is that you playing guitar with Bruce Springstreen, Kathy Griffin?

7.) Part of Me (And Lady Gaga)

Y’all know I absolutely cannot with Katy Perry (except for her new (old) single right now, which I sort of love.)

But really, Gaga had to be pissed: That performance was nothing more than a 2009 American Music Awards “Speechless”/”Bad Romance”-biting moment of “Eh, it’s a bit of alright” lukewarm fire ‘n’ glass fuckery, as styled by “The Edge Of Glory.”

For me, it feels…reductive.

6.) Remain flaw-free, Kelly. Remain.

Oh, look! It’s just Kelly Clarkson being flawless again.

Stepping out on stage to join Jason Aldean for their country collabo “Don’t You Wanna Stay?”, Clarkson looked glamorous, sounded absolutely gorgeous, and delivered as a professional to boot: When Aldean’s mic suddenly cut out at the end of the song during what should have been a powerful finish for both, Clarkson locks eyes, smiles comfortingly and belts out her finishing notes, carrying out the song to a close perfectly well on her own.

A true class act.

5.) Everything and the kitchen sink.

Nicki Minaj is like a Barbie Doll born of the post-YouTube generation–more is more (and more more is even more!!1!), so when she took to the stage to perform her new song “Roman Holiday,” it was a given that we’d be mind-fucked to oblivion.

God forbid you’d like a moment to think, breathe or process anything because she’s already screaming into a priest’s ear and then we’re in a video montage and then ROMAN! and now we’re watching Lady Gaga’s 2009 “Paparazzi” VMA routine–just kidding we’re still in 2012–and then we’re watching Madonna‘s 1990 “Vogue” VMA performance–just kidding, we’re still in 2012–and then “Oh Come, All Ye Faithful” and OH OKAY, NOW SHE’S LEVITATING.

Sigh.

I love(d?) Nicki, and the song’s sort of fine, but the cartoon character she’s become is insufferable: It’s childish. It’s over-the-top (in the most boring of ways), and as my friend Prophet pointed out, it’s so transparently Gaga.

RIP Mixtape Minaj.

4.) We Found A Good Pop Performance In A Hopeless Place

Life-giving. Electrifying. Pulse-raising. Those are just a few adjectives used to describe a defibrillator.

But they’re also the only way one could only ever accurately describe Illuminati Navy Thug Life Princess RiRi‘s performance of “We Found Love” last evening.

Serving Tina Turner/Michelle Pfeiffer Scarface realness, the sexed-up Barbadian blonde bombshell writhed, rocked and rolled around the stage to her chart-smashing #1 “We Found Love,” delivering L-I-V-E vocals and flaming hot choreography that surely silenced at least one to ten haters unscrewing the tops of their haterade for the performance.

Afterward, Lady R stood with Coldplay‘s Chris Martin for an acoustic take on their collaboration, “Princess of China.” While I would have liked to hear the more robust album version, it was still a treat to watch the two eye-fuck on stage.

By the end, the crowd went wild, I went straight, and nobody was safe from the merciless slaying of Ri.

3.) The Triumphant Return

Yes, we’ve seen her sing it a million times at a million different places, but this time was different: Last night was Adele’s first post-surgery performance, at the biggest music event in the world. Could she pull it off?

Well, of course she did–flawlessly and more confident than ever, delivering gigantic notes and demonstrating unbelievable restraint and control as pop lady in the building went scurrying down the aisle desperately trying to chase after their wigs.

It was a grand, triumphant return and a declaration of talent: THIS is why 21 won every award of the night. Earned victory.

2.) We Will Always Love You Too, Whitney

While the honor might have been more properly bestowed on a more seasoned industry veteran or close friend–say Mariah Carey, Dolly Parton or Chaka Khan–Jennifer Hudson bravely took to task to deliver a performance of Whitney Houston‘s iconic rendition of “I Will Always Love You” to a completely silent, pitch dark venue.

She nails every note, chills and tears abound: Poignant, cathartic, sad and celebratory all at once.

1.) Who’s That Girl?

Lezbihonest: This was everything.

With no foreseeable Born This Way Grammy in sight against the Almighty Adele, the ever crafty Mademoiselle Gaga found–err, subtler ways to casually slip herself into the situation, serving Evil Eye realness behind Kitty Purry (which briefly won her my unconditional love for a hot minute) and executing a “Oh, me? Just stretching my metallic shoulders!” move behind Miranda Lambert.

Seriously–a bitch was hungry for that camera.

Look: Mother Monster did not meld down her 2010 Grammy Awards, a few Little Monsters and several pairs of Hot Topic fishnets for that Metallo-Vampyr look (sponsored by Logan Farms Honey Glazed Ham) to have some bewigged bimbos steal her already stolen routines.

Gaga, Queen of Photo Bombing.

Your faves could quite literally never–because if they did, Gaga would be right behind them delivering a glare that reads “I will kill you and wear you at next year’s ceremony.”

Let’s see if she makes good on that promise. See you in 2013, Grammys!

Finally! After weeks of teasing, it’s here: The Madonna ABC News interview with Cynthia McFadden!

The first installment came with last night’s Nightline. The Queen looked ravishing and regal of course, seated in the fancy-schmancy royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria (with a decorative pug pillow resting in the background–truly iconic) as she fielded questions from the ABC News anchor.

Aside from discussing her new film W.E., the bulk of the conversation was focused around the Queen’s personal life: Her boyfriend Brahim Zaibat, her proclivity toward younger men in general, her life as a mother (I do always love a good Lourdes tale!), etc. Don’t get me wrong–I love hearing the juicy details and all–but I’d much prefer hearing about the recording process behind M.D.N.A. than how often Brahim rubs her feet.

In the last few moments however, McFadden finally probed about her next move musically: The Superbowl performance in February. “What’s more frightening: Having your movie open or performing live at the Superbowl?” “The Superbowl, for sure,” Madonna responded. And while Madge didn’t reveal any solid details about the performance (did anyone actually think she would?), she did deliver a goosebumps-inducing little quote:

I have 8 minutes to set up my stage, 12 minutes to put on the greatest show on Earth.

She also joked about the ideas that wouldn’t work, including dropping 100 drummers from the ceiling. Clearly, she’s thinking big.

And there you have it! God, it’s so refreshing to hear her speaking again. So well-spoken, poised and honest. The final two installments will be featured on Good Morning America and 20/20 later today. (This post will be updated as those parts air!)

EDIT: The Good Morning America segment just aired! Mostly a rehash of last night’s interview, plus sneak peeks at tonight’s 20/20 segment, including…yes, The Gaga Question.

EDIT: The 20/20 segment aired last night, which you can now view below. Again, it’s mostly a rehash–except for The Gaga Question. The Queen answered with measured poise, noting that Gaga does “reference me a lot in her work,” but that she doesn’t feel that Gaga is ripping her off (“She’s she and I’m me”)–though not without a little bit of (deserved) sass when it comes to “Born This Way,” resulting in one of the most legendary shady moments yet:

It feels…reductive.

Plus, there’s an extended sequence of Madonna in the studio with M.I.A. recording a slap-happy song about being happy and shouting “Happy Birthday!” at the end. Doesn’t sound the most thrilling or genre-breaking, but watching her reduce M.I.A. into a bucket of giggles and boss her around is actually quite major.

All hail the Queen.

Madonna, on Lady Gaga‘s “Born This Way,” in an interview with Jacob Bernstein in the January 30th issue of Newsweek:

I thought, this is a wonderful way to redo my song (‘Express Yourself’). I mean, I recognized the chord changes. I thought it was…interesting.

At last! Shade deservedly thrown! I feel vindicated…BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUTH!

Now help me out here, Legendtina!

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN.

Good news!

It’s been rumored for a while, but now it’s official: Madonna, Queen of Pop (And Also Everything), has inked a deal with Interscope Records to distribute her upcoming twelfth studio album.

From Billboard.biz:

Madonna has signed with Interscope, a source close to the situation confirmed to Billboard.biz Wednesday morning (December 14).

According to a report in the New York Post, the singer will continue the 10-year multi-rights deal with Live Nation — said to be worth more as much as $100 million — that she signed in 2007, but has inked a three-album pact with Interscope at a base of $1 million per album. Billboard.biz’s source could not confirm the terms of the deal at press time but said the report sounded right.

Three albums? Well, that sounds mighty fine to me!

Now, I’ve seen a lot of childish banter online about Madonna signing with the same label as professional Madonna impersonator Lady Gaga, but we all know that–as the Great Legendtina of Former Floppiness Who Sits On A Throne of Unsold Bionic Albums once preached–”There is room for all of us on everyone’s iPods.”

I mean…we’re all grown, empowered women. Amirite, ladies?

After the 13-minute video for “Marry The Night” premiered late last week, the remix package for Mademoiselle Gaga‘s fifth Born This Way single is now steadily making its way to the public.

The first of which, produced by Belgian brother duo Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, smooths out Gaga’s grittier original with a blazing Ibiza-ready synthesizers and throbbing arena-ready pulsations, along with a gorgeous piano-led breakdown smack dab in the middle of the mix.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good piano riff! Gives me pure ’90′s House nostalgia every single time.

Lady Gaga – Marry The Night ( Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike Remix ) by dimitrivegasandlikemike

“Marry The Night” was released on November 15. (iTunes)

From the preview of “The Prelude Pathétique,” I knew that the opening sequence to Lady Gaga‘s “Marry The Night” would be a downhill gurney ride for me.

Lady Gaga’s whole “My lies are my truth are my lies” circuitous pseudo-philosophical nonsense has never, ever appealed to me, and it clearly wasn’t about to win me over now: Her monologue is an absolute groan-fest of try-hard ~artistic abstractions~, and with every obnoxious (“It’s sort of like my past is an unfinished painting”), cheesy (“I wish they’d only given me the gummy bears”), cliche (“I’m going to be a star”) line that followed, my eyes only rolled harder as she went from a girl with nothing to lose to a ballet girl-turned-bad ass.

To me, much of the prelude–from the painfully long widescreen shot of the clinic, to the muffled audio with French subtitles, to the over-the-top absurdities (that Cheerios freakout, anyone?), to the extended Black Swan ballet sequence–reeked of an overly eager Freshman in college only too happy to show off her findings after taking her first Intro to Film class.

By the end–as if to add further insult to injury–as she finally saunters out into the hallway of the ballet school with her newly dyed blonde do, bedazzled jean jacket and that unmistakable bad girl cockiness, I couldn’t help but angrily mutter under my breath the first time I saw it: Madonna.

Seven minutes of pretentious self-indulgence presented as “art.”

Mercifully, once the actual song kicks in, the video becomes fucking phenomenal: From the very first explosive moments–the dirty puddle diving, the fierce-as-fuck posing against her slick metal of her ride, and the fiery kerosene explosions, it’s all systems go as “Marry The Night” finally revs its engines onward.

The dance studio scenes are even more impressive, as Gaga shows off her ever-improved dancing skills (and tight ‘n’ toned physique) to the tune of several flawless choreographed routines.

But it’s the last sequence of the video that really counts (and finally make the video click for me): In two minutes of frantically spliced footage during the song’s crashing finale, we see flashes of Fame-era Gaga, hauling her massive keyboard through hallways, crouched in bathroom stalls, tripping down the stairs and struggling to fit into car doors with her humorously over-sized hats and haute couture.

This is the kind of story I can actually get behind. It’s Gaga before she was really GAGA, struggling flopping, and working her ass off after being dropped from Def Jam. We see her going from rock bottom to an Interscope Records audition–all to get to where she is today. A slightly dark, slightly self-mocking narrative…it’s genius.

By the end of the video–despite my very strong convictions about that opening–”Marry The Night” still ranks among one of Gaga’s strongest clips, and it’s certainly her most personal to date. When it’s slimmed down to just the actual song, the clip will make for a perfect companion piece to the Born This Way album opener.

Take a cue from the meat dress, Gaga: Trim the fat.

“Marry The Night” was released to radio in November. (iTunes)

Happy Thanksgiving, Muusers! I hope everyone had a most joyous celebration.

While we were all busy pigging out and fighting over the last serving of cheesy broccoli this evening, Mizz Lady Gaga was busy premiering her Thanksgiving special on ABC: A Very Gaga Thanksgiving.

Along with delivering several gorgeously stripped-down renditions of her signature tracks and current songs (including “Marry The Night”–watch that one immediately), the sneaky pop starlet surprised her Little Monsters with a minute clip of her upcoming video (or maybe the prelude, or maybe just another preview of the prelude) for “Marry The Night,” her fifth single off of Born This Way.

Set in a dance studio, the rather straightforward sneak peek (wait, this is Gaga we’re talking about, right?) features the “Born This Way” belter suited up in ripped leggings and a rill tight top getting into the groove in a most fierce-tastic routine along with her back-up dancers. (Whether or not this choreography is pre or post-Laurieann Gibson remains to be seen…RIP Boomkack!!1!11!)

No heavy-handed messages or pretentiously abstract symbolism to be found here–just a sweaty, sharply choreographed routine that’d have any proper pop fanatic salivating for more. Oof–and those pre-dance stretches? Girl, just look at those lady lumps! Work, bitch!

At this point, it’s safe to say that we’re all quite ready for the premiere of Gaga’s latest mïnï-ëpïc now. Let’s-a go!

“Marry The Night” was released to radio in November. (iTunes)

Last weekend, my bloggy BFFL Jon ALi and I went on a road trip to Boston. And in between the scream-singing of a majority of Talk That Talk (and some Kat DeLuna, but we’re not talking about that right now), Jon played me some of his favorite mixes from Mademoiselle Gaga‘s brand new remix album: Born This Way: The Remix.

The entire remix package is actually a pretty schweet deal, full of both throbbing, cardio-friendly House cuts and unconventionally moody re-inventions of the originals.

Along with offerings by some of MuuMuse’s favorite acts (including Hurts and Goldfrapp), instant favorites from the bunch include the haunting, dissonant re-rub of “Marry The Night” by The Weeknd & Illangelo, the brooding Depeche Mode-esque “Bloody Mary” mix by The Horrors and the reliably amazing throbbing mix of “Edge of Glory” by Sultan & Ned Shepard (who’ve worked on countless smashes with MuuMuse favorite Nadia Ali).

But my all-time favorite of the bunch so far is “Electric Chapel,” a track I’d never paid much attention to when listening to Born This Way. As it turns out, the remix was crafted by Two Door Cinema Club, the UK indie-pop trio that I “Introduuced” in the early, early days of MuuMuse back around January of ’09. (I know…positively ancient!)

As Jon explained before hitting play, the “Electric Chapel” mix is basically the ultimate stripper anthem. In fact, I’ve already assembled a tasteful nun habit to perform the mix during my nightly revue at The Cock, so watch out for that.

ANYWAY…

To celebrate the release, MuuMuse is giving away FIVE COPIES of Born This Way: The Remix.

To enter to win, follow me on Twitter (@MuuMuse) and tweet me with the following phrase:

I want to be born again with @MuuMuse! #BornThisWayTheRemix http://bit.ly/uBEEUi

Five winners will be selected and notified on Tuesday, November 29. US entries only, please.

NOW DANCE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

Born This Way: The Remix was released on November 21. (iTunes)

It’s Gaga interrupted, y’all!

Above is a preview of the prelude of the actual video for “Marry The Night.” The actual prelude–inspired by Beethoven‘s “Sonata Pathétique”–will be 7:33.675 long which, according to my calculations, means that the actual “Marry The Night” video will have an approximate run time of 353 years.

I was a little busy reinterpreting my past as a glamorous lie in my present to focus on what’s actually happening (although I’ve got the oddest craving for a mint), but I do know that ass and Gummy bears were involved–two of my primary interests in life.

“Marry The Night” will be released in November. (iTunes)