Smile with your eyes.

It’s official! According to Lady Gaga, anyway:

BORN THIS WAY IS #1 ON BILLBOARD HOT 100! THANK YOU, I’m overwhelmed by your support. I’LL BE ON JAY LENO TONIGHT♥

“Born This Way” will debut at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week, which will also happen to be the chart’s 1,000th #1 song in its history.

The song will also reportedly debut at #14 on the Pop Songs radio chart, which would break the record set only weeks ago by Britney Spears for “Hold It Against Me,” which debuted at #16.

Mademoiselle Gagz also reeled in three trophies at last night’s 53rd Annual Grammy Awards, winning for Best Pop Album (The Fame Monster), Best Short Form Music Video (“Bad Romance”), and Best Female Pop Vocal Performance (“Bad Romance”).

Ga ga, ooh la la indeed.

Hype is an ugly, impossible hump to overcome.

After Perez Hilton named it “one of the best songs of Gaga’s career,” Vogue‘s Jonathan Van Meter described it as an “unbelievably great dance song, destined to be the anthem of every gay-pride event for the next 100 years” and Elton John dubbed it “the anthem that’s going to obliterate ‘I Will Survive,’” Lady Gaga‘s “Born This Way” was already mired by impossibly high expectations.

Naturally then, it was almost too obvious that the song would ultimately–or at least, initially disappoint a few (or more) upon its release this morning.

For one thing, it’s a grower. Unlike “Bad Romance,” which supplied me with what I like to refer to as ‘the “Since U Been Gone” effect’ and had me almost literally gasping for air, “Born This Way” felt noisy, underwhelming (a symptom of hype overload, no doubt) and cartoon-ish (my mind somehow went straight to Pokémon).

Additionally, “Born This Way” has arrived late to the party of “It Gets Better” pop anthems; the recent surge of self-empowerment, ‘flaws-and-all’ equality anthems that make up some of the biggest bangers of the past six months, including Ke$ha‘s “We R Who We R,” P!nk‘s “Raise Your Glass” and “Fuckin’ Perfect” and Katy Perry‘s “Firework.”

While all of the above songs were almost certainly scribed with a primary purpose to compete with Gaga’s upcoming single (as she had announced the theme of Born This Way and its title track a long, long ago), the track ends up packing a distinctly less modern, cutting bite than the efforts by her contemporaries.

And then there’s that unavoidable comparison: Madonna‘s “Express Yourself,” a connection so obvious that, at one point, the words “Madonna” and “Express Yourself” were trending on Twitter right along with #BornThisWayFriday this morning.

It’s not so much that “Born This Way” simply sounds similar to “Express Yourself.” (Lord knows, I treasure enough derivative pop to overlook that fact.) It’s that the melody is at times virtually indistinguishable from Madonna’s 1989 hit–to the point where it’s almost impossible to avoid singing the wrong lyrics.

When Gaga sings, “I’m beautiful in my way, ’cause God makes no mistakes,” I want to sing right back: “So if you want it right now, then let me show you how.” And when she sings: “I’m on the right track baby, I was born this way!” I hear “Baby, ready or not / Express what you got!” (And please, if you’re really so mindless to argue that they don’t sound the same at all, I’ll provide the snippets from each song–they are.)

So what does it mean? Everything and nothing, really. You could call it unoriginal, but pop is cyclical. I guess it’s great that “Born This Way” sounds like a song that’s amazing, but it doesn’t really offer a better alternative or improvement either.

Although there’s nothing particularly inventive about this production, the underlying message of the song is positive and praiseworthy. I’m very grateful that Gaga continues to genuinely stress the point of equality–especially in regards to LGBT rights–and that this song delivers the message as promised. If it inspires or encourages even one child to live the way they want to live, then Gaga is nothing less than a saint.

In a related note, the lyrics–as PopJustice’s Peter Robinson rightly assured us in his review–are not as heavy-handed in song form than they are on paper. Instead, they’re great (if not a mouthful) in moments, and a little bit garbage (“subway kid”) in others.

Much in the same way that, say, Kristine W‘s musical output is great, so too is “Born This Way”: It’s campy, fun and flamboyant–from Gaga’s overly theatrical delivery to Garibay’s surging, ’90′s Xenomania-esque club beat. “Born This Way” is a drag queen’s wet dream, which will make it all all the more interesting to see how the song performs to mainstream audiences.

I suppose my greatest issue with “Born This Way” is that, after over thirty plays and counting, I remain hopelessly neither here nor there: I don’t entirely love it, but I certainly don’t hate it either. If it was played at a club, I would probably dance to it. If it was played in my car, I would probably sing to it. But if I never heard it again, would I feel like I’ve missed out on something? I really don’t think so.

Is “Born This Way” the defining theme of a generation? Perhaps, but certainly not one to which I belong.

In the end, hyperbole is hyperbole and pop is pop. And just because “Born This Way” isn’t actually the new “I Will Survive” doesn’t mean it’s not, at the very least, enjoyable.

So, just dance…it’ll be okay.

Lady Gaga‘s “Born This Way” has arrived.

Listen below to stream in full.

Thoughts coming later today.

Ever find yourself asking others: “Can ya faves?”

Do you often lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out, slay and subsequently snatch wigs?

Well, worry no more: There’s a place for you.

Introducing my latest, greatest find ever: Stan Wars, a complete resource for anything and everything stan-related. The comprehensive website features any and all of the required information necessary for stanning for any up-and-coming pop star. (Unless, of course, you’re stanning for a basic bitch–you might want to take the quiz to find out.)

From the website:

Welcome to Stan-Wars.com, a comprehensive guide to worshipping people you don’t know, who live a lifestyle you can’t afford, supported by an industry you don’t understand.

Everyday, on internet servers and mobile devices all around the world, wigs are snatched, font is enlarged, and blood pressure is raised over female pop star stan wars.

It’s not enough that we give them hundreds (or thousands) of our dollars every year, we must also form internet militias, bashing anyone who does not believe that our favorite artist is the greatest thing since free porn.

And while the entire website is an incredible helpful tool to navigate the oft-turbulent seas of standom, it’s the Stanipedia, a .GIF-happy Wikipedia portal devoted to furthering your knowledge about the amount of wigs your fave has firmly clenched between her fingers, that truly takes the cake.

Do you go hard for Britney like me? Great! You’ll learn all about our shared mental condition: Britlexia, a learning disibility which “impairs a stan’s ability to understand simple logic and read basic English.”

Or perhaps you’re also a member of the Rihanna Navy? Perfect! You’ll learn about Ri’s infamous climb to fame when “she swam to America on a Thursday and had a #1 single on Friday.”

Or what about Christina? Well, err…okay! Perhaps you’ll recall The Bionic Massacre.

And then there’s other standoms, such as Ciara (“born Cedric Marcellus Harris in 1985 in Dallas, TX”), whose stans are often referred to as “African’t Americans. They’re like Britney Stans only they’re darker, they have no album sales to brag about, and there’s only 2 of them.”

This website has obviously become an instant MuuMuse Approved favorite, and all your friends, faves and haters need to know about it.

So for now…

STAY MAD, PRESSED AND OBSESSED.

If you haven’t already, please head to Vogue.com immediately to read the Lady Gaga interview featured in the March 2011 issue of Vogue.

It’s probably one of the better pop articles I’ve read in a long time. (PopJustice‘s Peter Robinson provided a similarly amazing Gaga profile recently for Stylist.)

Supreme writing aside, the article also includes a wealth of new pop nuggets concerning Gaga’s upcoming studio album, Born This Way. And now, here they are:

+ On “Born This Way,” the lead single:

The song at first sounds suspiciously like a Madonna tune and then switches into something that feels a bit like a Bronski Beat hit and then finally transforms into its own thing: a Gaga original. Clearly an homage to the obscure underground disco record “I Was Born This Way”; it is an unbelievably great dance song, destined to be the anthem of every gay-pride event for the next 100 years.

+ Additional album song titles include “Hair,” “Bad Kids,” and “Government Hooker.”

+ On “Judas,” the second single:

The second single to be released is called “Judas” and is, typically, a mash-up: The melody sounds like it was written for the Ronettes, but it is set to a sledgehammering dance beat and is about falling in love with backstabbing men of the biblical variety.

+ On “Americano,” another album track:

…she describes as like “a big mariachi techno-house record, where I am singing about immigration law and gay marriage and all sorts of things that have to do with disenfranchised communities in America,” has a resounding Piafesque chorus. Turns out it was intentional. “It sounds like a pop record, but when I sing it, I see Edith Piaf in a spotlight with an old microphone.”

On the sound of Born This Way:

“There’s a Bruce Springsteen vibe, there’s a Guns N’ Roses moment. It’s the anthemic nature of the melodies and the choruses.” She feels it’s different from—and better than—anything she’s done before. “It is much more vocally up to par with what I’ve always been capable of. It’s more electronic, but I have married a very theatrical vocal to it. It’s like a giant musical-opus theater piece.”

There’s now less than 24 hours until the premiere of “Born This Way.” Can you handle it?

Elton John called it “the anthem that’s going to obliterate ‘I Will Survive.’” In two days, we’ll hear it for ourselves.

It’s official: Lady Gaga‘s “Born This Way” will premiere on radio worldwide at 6:00 a.m. EST and will be made available for sale digitally at 9:00 a.m. EST.

Can you even handle the wait? Or better yet, the sheer hype?!

Little monsters…get your paws up!

Lady Gaga has just premiered–wait, what? That’s not–OH! Oh, God. Wait. Sorry. One second:

Lady Gaga has just premiered the single cover for her upcoming single, “Born This Way.”

The cover was designed by Gaga and her longtime stylist, Nicola Formichetti (now the creative director for Thierry Mugler) and was photographed by Nick Knight, the acclaimed fashion photographer who also snapped Mademoiselle G for the September 2010 issue of Vanity Fair.

All kidding/cunty comparisons aside, I do like the image. That deformed bone structure, the not-so-subtle animalistic touch–a hint to what the video will bring? We’ll soon find out!

“Born This Way” will be released on Friday. (iTunes)

This probably won’t go over well, but I’ve decided it’s necessary to channel what most fans are already thinking.

Here goes nothing…

Read More.