According to a columnist at Forbes Magazine, Madonna‘s MDNA just went from steaming like a pot full of Sabi‘s vegetables to dropping in the charts like a brick tied to a copy of Bionic.

From Forbes:

Madonna‘s “MDNA” album had the biggest second week sales drop in chart history last week, I am told. When all the numbers are in on Tuesday night, “MDNA” will have fallen from number 1 by 88%–from 359,000 copies in its first week to roughly 46,000 the second week. Wow.

The 88% decrease just narrowly edges out Lady Gaga‘s Born This Way massive drop last Spring, which plummeted 84% in its second week due to similar first week inflation fuckery. Victory!

There are two main contributors to this dwindling figure: One, the tour ticket tie-in, which allowed for concert goers to opt-in for a copy of MDNA with their purchase and ultimately accounted for inflation of her first week sales.

Secondly, the whole ‘no promotion’ thing: It’s clear between Guy Oseary‘s Twitter rants about rehearsal, Lourdes‘ demanding school schedule/Urdu lessons and Madonna herself spending more time promoting her perfume than her album that Team M really isn’t concerned about pushing album units off the shelves this era. It’s ALL about the MDNA Tour.

But the most important overall lesson is this: Madonna is still breaking records! She just notched her 42nd #1 Billboard Dance Club Songs hit yesterday, and now she’s dropping it low better than any other pop bitch could. Here now is a comprehensive list of people who did not achieve the biggest second week drop in Billboard chart history:

1.) Your faves.

The Queen of Everything remains Queen. See you on the road, flops!

And if you haven’t, check out MuuMuse’s review of MDNA now.

MDNA was released on March 26. (iTunes)

According to Hits Daily Double, Madonna‘s MDNA will top the Billboard 200 chart this week at #1 with 357,943 copies sold.

EDIT: The official Billboard report is in–Madonna clocks in at #1 with 359,000 sold. From Billboard:

Madonna remains in second place among women with the most No. 1 albums. She now needs only one more No. 1 to tie Barbra Streisand, the leader among women with nine chart-toppers.

“MDNA” sold 359,000 copies according to Nielsen SoundScan, and is Madonna’s fifth straight studio album to debut at No. 1. It follows 2008′s “Hard Candy,” which moved 280,000 in its first week. “MDNA’s” opener is her best sales week since 2000′s “Music” shifted 420,000 when it debuted at No. 1.

The opening week album sales surpasses that of Rihanna‘s Talk That Talk (198,000), Katy Perry‘s Teenage Dream (192,000), Beyonce‘s 4 (310,000), The Holy Spearit‘s Femme Fatale (276,000) and yes, even Adele’s 21 (352,000). The only one to outsell her opening week is, of course, Lady Gaga‘s Born This Way (1,108,000). (Lest we forget, the controversial $0.99 Amazon MP3 sale accounted for roughly 440,000 of those copies. Also, entire subways and buildings were covered in her face.* La, la, la…)

The sales also best the opening weeks of several of her most recent efforts, including 2008′s Hard Candy (280,000), 2003′s American Life (241,000) and slightly edges out 2005′s Confessions On A Dance Floor (350,000).

But wait! There was one major promotional move: Those who purchased tickets to the MDNA Tour via Ticketmaster also had the option to receive a copy of MDNA along with their purchase. Since those albums factor into the mix, sales from concert-goers factor into the final tally. (There aren’t any official figures around the Ticketmaster-specific albums, but 1 album per $150 ticket is a different story than 150 albums for $150. I digress.**)

That’s right, y’all: Madonna just outsold almost every single one of your favorites (and mine too) relying on a single Super Bowl performance back in February, a 20 minute Facebook chat and a Q&A on Twitter on the night of the album’s release.

*I’m being facetious. Calm the fuck down, Little Monsters.
**I’m still being facetious. Calm the fuck down, Little Monsters.

Madonna: Queen of Everything.

MDNA was released on March 26. (iTunes)

Her name is Dita. She’ll be your mistress tonight.

20 years ago, Madonna transformed into the deliciously devious Dita–a character based on 1930′s actress Dita Parlo–when she recorded “Erotica” and stripped down for her much publicized (and much criticized) book Sex.

And while we got a tiny glimpse of the smoking seductress in the “Girl Gone Wild” video, the commercial for her brand new fragrance Truth Or Dare sees Dita back in full force: Tying on a mask, writhing around and licking her lips seductively, all captured using the same signature grainy footage style as in the legendary S&M-friendly clip for “Erotica.”

Oh, and the sick “Girl Gone Wild” remix being played in the background is by Ofir Nissim.

I’m in a trance! Watch below…

“I don’t think you know what pain is. I don’t think you’ve gone that way…”

Happy MDNA Release Week!

Yesterday, Madonna‘s released her twelfth studio album, MDNA. (If you haven’t already, check out my extended album review, or the abridged track-by-track for MTV Buzzworthy for those without a lot of time. Tick tock, tick tock!)

In summary: I’m Addicted to her L-U-V!

Don’t own the Superstar’s album yet? Frankly, if your name was Benjamin, you wouldn’t be in the mess you’re in. But that’s okay! Some Girls (and boys) are still getting up to speed on Madonna’s latest Masterpiece.

MuuMuse is proud to be giving away
three copies of Madonna’s MDNA.

To enter to win, Give Me All Your Luvin and tweet me on the elevator like a Girl Gone Wild at @MuuMuse with the following phrase:

Spend your love on me, @MuuMuse! I want to win a copy of Madonna’s #MDNA! http://bit.ly/GVdcit

Three winners will be randomly selected and notified on Tuesday, April 3. Standard edition. US entries only, please!

Good luck–and may Baby Jesus on the stairs be with you!

MDNA was released on March 26. (iTunes)

Madonna‘s ascent to the throne as the Queen of Pop (which began roughly 20 years ago give or take, depending on which articles you read), happened as a result of her ability to reinvent herself as an artist, challenging taboos regarding gender and sexuality via the appropriation of underground cultural phenomenons and entertaining the world over with her extraordinary talent as a live performer. She also knocked out a decent song or two.

The reality, though, is that her latest studio album MDNA–the twelfth of her career overall–is not about reinvention: It’s about reclamation.

After just under three years spent behind the director’s camera of W.E.–her take on the romance between Wallis Simpson and King Edward VIII–the Queen of Pop found herself going stir crazy, having spent months researching, writing and splicing pieces of her movie together in the editing room. (Or more likely, bossing around some poor schlub to carry out her demands.)

Coupled with a highly publicized divorce after 8 years from director Guy Ritchie in late 2008–a (somewhat) surprisingly still-raw subject that largely weaves itself throughout her latest record–Madonna’s current mantra du jour is best captured in her new album’s most defining lyric: “I need to dance.”

Read more »

Addicted to Madonna‘s MDNA? Join the club.

While you were busy gang banging, sinning and fucking up earlier this afternoon, the acoustic remix of one of the best songs on the record, “Love Spent” just leaked–and it’s absolutely phenomenal.

William Orbit‘s alternate take on the track–available only via pre-order of the deluxe edition of MDNA on iTunes–strips away the spacey electronica textures of the original, leaving room for some dreamy strumming guitar/banjo business (don’t worry, it works!). The new mix also includes an absolutely gorgeous chant between verses by Priscilla Renea, the talented songwriter behind tracks for artists like Rihanna (“California King Bed”) and Cheryl Cole (“Happy Hour”). A random addition for sure, but incredibly welcome nonetheless.

Simply put, it’s bliss.

LISTEN HERE.

MDNA will be released on March 26. (iTunes)

Watch the video premiere of Madonna‘s new single off of MDNA, “Girl Gone Wild,” which just premiered tonight!

It’s so (homo)erotic…

The song’s called “Girl Gone Wild,” so naturally, The Queen enlisted a half-dozen deliciously lickable…male models to writhe all over each other for the duration of the Mert & Marcus-directed clip. Guess who’s not mad about that creative decision? THIS GUY! I WANT TO LICK THIS ENTIRE VIDEO.

But no, for serious though: Even if the men provide plenty of candy (and apples!), it’s truly all about Madonna. She looks absolutely incredible: Sexy, stretchy, strong. No leotards, no stick-figure arms. Even if she’s going on about being wild, there’s no doubt that Madonna is completely and utterly in control. She appears in this video like she does in the annals of pop culture: Like an icon.

From “Like A Prayer” to “Vogue” to “Erotica” to “Human Nature, the video references much of Madonna’s back catalog. The religious imagery, the bondage, the overt sexuality. Sin! Sex! Smut! It’s all there.

And while the preview released a few weeks ago might have already clued us into the heavily S&M-inspired visuals for the clip, who knew there’d be so much…DANCING? Yes, dancing! Madonna, age 53, holding her own alongside my favorite svelte Ukranian dance troupe, Kazaky. (That IS Kazaky, right? There’s still some debate…) And yes, EVERYONE’S IN HEELS. That’s fucking commitment!

By the way, that steaming pipe (or whatever she’s throwing around) at the end represents your faves.

She’s just so inspiring. Over 30 years and counting, and she’s making music videos that are still more iconic than most every pop chick in the game. I’m getting emotional…

MDNA4EVR.

MDNA will be released on March 26. (iTunes)

While you were carefully zigzagging around keeled-over frat boys decked out in green tees and over-sized shamrock hats on the streets this past weekend, Madonna‘s graced us with one, but two new previews from her upcoming twelfth studio album, MDNA. Better still, one of the previews is a full song leak!

“I Fucked Up,” produced by Martin Solveig, is one of the most personal, post-divorce moments of MDNA we’ver heard thus far, slow-tripping above a staggering organic beat (very Guy Sigsworth-y!) and ambient string sections, recalling the introspective quality of Ray of Light‘s “Drowned World/Substitute For Love.”

My favorite part is the second verse’s sudden energy build: As the music quickens, Madge begins listing off a couple dozen coulda-woulda-shoulda moments: “We could have bought a house with a swimming pool,” “We could have toured the world in a private jet”) until finally resigning: “We could have lived life crazy ’til the day we died/Instead I made you cry.”

Beautifully executed, sweetly sung…I’ve never heard the words “I fucked up” sound so very delicate and somber before!

“I fucked up, I made a mistake. Nobody does it better than myself…”

Along with “I Fucked Up” comes a 60-second snippet of “Best Friend,” a track featured on the deluxe edition of MDNA produced by the Benassi Bros. and the Demolition Crew.

Sadly, this one’s not quite working for me as well as any of the other snippets. With that electronic hip-hop beat and generous heaps of Auto-Tune, the song’s giving me all shades of the try-hardness that made Hard Candy occasionally hard to swallow. I’m not really feeling it…

But look on the bright side: It’s just a bonus/deluxe track!

“I cannot lie and I won’t pretend/But I feel like I lost my very best friend…”

“Beautiful Killer” | “I Don’t Give A” | “Falling Free” | “I’m Addicted” | “Love Spent” | “Gang Bang” | “Superstar”

MDNA will be released on March 26. (iTunes)