Category — Mariah Carey

The Prophet Blog is quite right in their assessment:

R&B veteran Toni Braxton has gotten a little Mariah style retouching done for the glamorous artwork to her new album Pulse.

I love it. Now let’s hope it’s as much of a comeback as The Emancipation proved to be for Mimi.

Here now is the video for Mariah Carey‘s upcoming single, “Up Out My Face,” featuring the baddest bitch in the industry, Nicki Minaj (and a guest appearance by e-celebrity B. Scott and Carey’s husband, Nick Cannon.)

The awkward, low-budge font usage. The cornea-damaging shades of red. The Nick Cannon Drumline wink wink, nudge nudge. THE HAIR CURLERS. THE EYE SHADOW. THE MINI-SKIRT.

This will surely go on to become one of the most important music videos since “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).”

AMAZING.

AMAZING.

AMAZING.

There are only too many .gif-worthy moments to be had here, so gets to steppin’, Muusers.

PS: I’m so proud of Mizz Minaj. Look at you go, bb! You’re blowing up!

Photo courtesy of HitHipHop.

And you thought Beysus and Godga were the only divas teaming up to take over the world.

Mariah Carey‘s Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel is getting its own remix album on February 23, 2010 which, if you’re doing the math, already sounds like a terrible idea in print–let alone on record.

According to several reports and photos from video shoots, the first singles to support this release will be the “Angel’s Cry” remix featuring Ne-Yo, as well as a mix of “Up Out My Face” featuring Nicki Minaj.

Photo courtesy of Ace Showbiz.

I smell some Grade-A quality .gifs coming our way soon.

First, the good news: Mariah Carey has just premiered her video for upcoming single “H.A.T.E.U.” on Vevo, which marks the first time we get to see the video site live in action!

If you don’t remember, I first wrote about the planned Hulu-esque music video compendium back in April of this year. Now, after a few initial kinks and false starts, the video site has officially premiered! As of right now, I greatly approve. Very high quality, very painless…Let’s see how it fares.

And now for the bad: The video in question happens to be a complete waste of your time, which is especially painful given that it accompanies one of the best songs from Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. It is literally shit.

Put it away and make a video with a point already, Mimi!

Blake Lewis‘ Audio Daydream

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Mariah Carey‘s Retoucher

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Lofty dreams.

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Adam Lambert‘s For Your Entertainment, featuring the worst album cover of the year…by MILES.

Amazon customers receiving Mariah Carey‘s new album Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel in the mail today have been treated to quite the surprise when attempting to manually upload their CD to iTunes.

According to multiple reports, not only is the album artwork not loading properly, but when customers attempt to manually enter into the “Info” section of the album, the phrase “THIS ALBUM SUCKS” can be found inserted into the “Composer” slot.

There’s still been no word from Carey’s camp regarding the hoax, though if I were to venture a guess regarding the response, I’d think it’d be somewhere along the lines of: “Why you so obsessed with me? No comment.”

Now can someone please calm the lambs down? They’re making me nervous.

If you’ve not yet heard the small masterpiece that is “Obsessed,” you may have missed the fact that, now more than ever, Mariah Carey is waxing poetic. (Thanks, Nick Cannon!)

While listening to her newest album, Memoirs of an Geisha Imperfect Angel, it became rapidly apparent that a running list of the greatest lyrical achievements was in order.

And now, in some particular order, the list:

He’s all up in my
George Foreman!

Kicking off the list is one of the most classic moments off of Mimi’s hit non-single single, “Obsessed.” Will anyone ever really look at a George Foreman grill in the same way?

You got me spinning’ ’round for you like a little model,
Steady fiendin’ for you like them fries at McDonalds,
I wanna be all on your lips like gelato.

Somewhere, a smarmy fast food exec just hip-thrusted the air and shouted, “BOOYA!” Expect fry sales to climb for the third quarter of 2009.

Put all of your shit in the elevator
It’s going down like a denominator.

Well, she already proved to us that she’s no mathematician. Let’s not beat her over the head…with this quote, anyway.

Secretly, I know you want to hit it like the lotto,
And after that, we can ketchup like tomato.

I especially like this one, as it demonstrates Mimi’s ability to employ an accent at will. To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to–it’s all the same when you’re tapping Mimi’s ass.

This is for real, for real, for real,
Oprah Winfrey, whole segment, for real, for real,
20/20, Barbara Walters,for real, for real,
60 minutes for real.”

In case anyone was uncertain, bitch is fo’ real real, not fo’ play play.

Not even a nail technician with a whole lot of gel and acrylic can fix this when I break, I break.

I believe it was about this time that I had to pause the album for a moment, sit back, and just mellow out for a little while. I ended up lighting a few tea candles, writing a short haiku, and just getting all spiritual and shit.

And finally, last but certainly not least…

If we were two Lego blocks,
Even the Harvard University graduating class of 2010
Couldn’t put us back together again.

Genius. Literally: Where is her fucking Pulitzer?!

I just wish there were some way I could be there, you know? A fly on the dorm wall of the homosexual at Harvard University listening to this song for the first time, who will then jump out of his seat and shriek, “OH MY FUCKING GOD, SHE WROTE THIS SONG ABOUT ME.” At least, I would.

Oh yeah, and I’ll get around to reviewing this mess sometime soon.

Listen to Mariah Carey on iTunes | MySpace | Official Website

With the ominous silence emanating from the Sugababes‘ label (and Keisha‘s otherwise chit-chatty Twitter page), I thought I’d fill the void with a small research project on any and all things to know about the possibly burgeoning ‘Babe, Jade Almerie Louise Ewen.

• Jade was born in a council estate (English equivalent of the American term, ‘the projects’) in Plaistow (East London) to two disabled parents, which is actually quite sad.

• It gets happier: She won a scholarship to the Sylvia Young Theatre School, where she got her big break as Nala in The Lion King at age 12.

• But then it got a little sad again: She joined a failed girl group called Trinity Stone (which I faintly recall), was signed to Kwame‘s label, and released a dire single called “Stolen Love.”

• According to her MySpace write-up, Jade has “the technical abilities of Whitney and Mariah, and the aspirational cool of Rihanna and Lady GaGa.” This, if you haven’t figured it out yet, means that Jade Ewen is literally the greatest pop star of all time.

• Her favorite color is purple. Major points for that one.

• Her favorite number is 13, which is actually not nearly as ‘zany’ as one might think.

• Ewen was this year’s UK pick for Eurovision, singing the Dianne Warren and Andrew Lloyd Webber-penned “It’s My Time.” She placed fifth overall.

• She writes songs that sound good: She did “A Little Bit” for Booty Luv and “Let Me Be Me” for Jessica Mauboy.

• Conveniently, her real debut single is being released TODAY. It is called “My Man,” and it is very modern sounding (read: if you’ve listened to radio in the past two years, you’ve basically heard this one before) and is generally good on the first play, somewhat dodgy on the second, and fairly irresistible by the third.

In summation, I would not mind a Jade Ewen addition to the ‘Babes. Even though the British tabloids keep questioning the accuracy of the rumored Amelle rupture, the radio silence on their end can only lead to one obvious conclusion: SOMETHIN’ GON’ HAPPEN SOON.

Purchase “My Man” on iTunes UK | MySpace | Official Website

Oh, haven’t you heard? Mariah Carey is about to release a new single. Let’s discuss:

+ It is a cover of Foreigner‘s “I Want To Know What Love Is,” which basically means you’re going to have your fair share of “The original is better!!!” comments on your local forums and YouTube videos.

+ It is very slow and controlled.

+ Whereas “Obsessed” was good in the sense of it’s-so-bad-it’s-good, “I Want To Know What Love Is” is good in the sense of “Hey, this sounds like a legitimate Mariah Carey ballad.”

+ It features some signature whistle notes (which, I might add, I always want to call ‘whale notes’ for no apparent reason, which sounds absolutely ludicrous in conversation.)

+ There is a choir section to remind us all when it’s time to get epic.

+ It is generally very good.

Overall, I approve.

So is Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel actually going to be something worth stealing/streaming/downloading/purchasing in your local CD shop? Eh…maybe.

Listen to Mariah Carey on iTunes | MySpace | Official Website

This is Livvi Franc–and she’s a Being In Total Control of Herself.

That’s the meaning behind “Now I’m That Bitch,” which should really be titled “Now I’m That B.I.T.C.H.” The concept is sort of like Mariah Carey‘s upcoming album track, “H.A.T.E.U.”, which means “Having Another Typical Emotional Upset,” except the title isn’t nearly as drama and the song is probably much less of a shit show.

And now for the better-than-good, more-than-slightly Ciara-inspired video, which literally features the EXACT SAME choreography and styling that I imagined for Brit Brit‘s “Phonography” had it been properly released/performed/acknowledged. (Instead of multi-colored, bungee cord material however, it would be done with phone cords. Is that not the most fucking clever thing you’ve ever even imagined? I digress.) This video is the fierceness, and the last minute alone is worth the price of admission.

Alright, then: We’ve proved that Livvi Franc is actually quite capable of being something more than a one-time urban dancefloor diva. With any luck, she’ll become a Being with A Never-ending Array of No-Nonsense Artistry (or B.A.N.A.N.A. for short.)

You’ll also want to head to her MySpace to check out mixes by some other rather adept professionals, including Jason Nevins and Sam Sparro(!).

This here remix, completely free and available for your download pleasure, is a bit more chilly and sparkling than the original. Quite nice, so take as you will!

DL: Livvi Franc – Now I’m That Bitch (Serafin Remix)

The single, which is already out in the US, will be available for pre-order in the UK starting on Monday, and in digital outlets on September 6.

Purchase “Now I’m That Bitch” on iTunes US | MySpace