I have to say, out of all the Disney brats on the scene these days, Selena Gomez is, by far, better than the rest.

Not only is she much more vocally intriguing than her attention grubbing, pole riding, Jesus’ name-inciting, “I’m not Pop” pop contemporaries unearthed from the forsaken depths of Tennessee (not naming any names)…but she’s a cutie pie to boot!

As a result, when I received an e-mail from her PR, I said to myself, “Self, let’s give this a listen.”

So I did. And you know what? It’s not half bad! Sure, it’s quite a healthy dose of super-squeaky-clean pop, but then again, who am I to judge? I love this shit! It sounds like something off of Hilary Duff‘s fabulously underrated release, Dignity. Oh, and that “Bay-bay-bay-bee” bit at the end of the chorus? Love it!

Without trying to start any drama however, I must point out…the verses sound exactly like Smiley Miley‘s “See You Again.” Just listen to that guitar strum at the song’s opening!

“See You Again” is an objectively excellent pop song, so there’s no use complaining about it, but it was just too glaring not to point out…ANYWAY!

Click here to listen to a free stream of “Naturally” now!

Skip ahead to 2:55…that’s all you need to hear. Or for the lazy, allow me to assist. On “Party in the USA”:

“I don’t know, I didn’t write the song, so I have no idea. Honestly, I picked that song because I needed something to go with my clothing line. I didn’t write it.

I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song. I don’t listen to pop music, and it’s not even my style of music, that song.”

Literally amazing.

Thank you forever, ONTD.

Slut.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.

But really: Trucks, boots, and underage chicks…FUCK YEAH, AMERICA.

This video is a bit low-budget for the Cyrus. What happened here? In my opinion, the fan vid concocted by the now internet-famous troop of gays is vastly superior.

Also, was anyone else reminded of the video for Lindsay Lohan‘s “Rumors” from time to time? I’m not quite sure why, but by that night scene at the 2:15 mark, it’s near uncanny. Perhaps I’m just getting my train-wrecks confused…

Much a fuss has been made about tween superstar Miley Cyrus‘ latest single, “Party in the USA,” which joins the ranks of other Cyrus classics as “Fly on the Wall,” “7 Things,” and even “See You Again.” Let us now explore whether or not this new song is or isn’t the greatest piece of recorded material ever created in our nation’s history:

Is it an up-tempo? More of a mid-tempo really, but yes.

Does it include a bit about nodding your head? Yeah.

How about a bit about swinging your hips like yeah? Yeah.

Does it mention Britney Spears at least once? Three times, actually.

Would it sound nice with a Hi-NRG beat attached in the clubs? My guess is no, though I haven’t actually verified that yet.

Is it good-but-bad in that sort of “can’t play this in front of respectable company” way, but so-bad-it’s-good in that “let’s play this full blast on the highway with our friends while singing in an ironic, high-pitched manner” kind of way? Oh, yes.

Is it produced by legendary Swedish pop producer/mastermind, Max Martin? It is not–however, it is produced by frequent Max Martin collaborator, Dr. Luke, which is by most accounts nearly the same thing.

Does it belong in the sad disco genre? …No, it most certainly does not.

As a result, we can now deduce that Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” is not the greatest song of all time. Thank you for your attention, and good night.

Forgive me: It’s taken a while to roll this one out, and for absolutely no particular reason at all (aside from my ambiguous stance on the entire album).

Seeing as the release date is in just two days, I took to locking myself in a small room to immerse myself within the sights and sounds of Kelly Clarkson once more. Though nearly impoverished and slightly broken on the inside, the review is finally complete. And still somewhat ambiguous. Oh, well!

Read on, Muusers!

—-

You’ve got to hand it to Clive Davis–the man knows how to stick it to his detractors. After caving in from a rather public disagreement and allowing Kelly Clarkson to release her moderately successful self-scribed ‘expression’ piece My December, he finds himself back in the producer’s chair–and you can bet he’s chuckling himself to tears. Just look at the album cover he’s chosen: A tight-lipped, teeth-clenched Clarkson–retouched to near Mariah proportions and photographed against a schlocky, candy-coated backdrop of color–paired with a blinged-out glittery font featuring what will surely go down as one of the most loaded album titles in some time: All I Ever Wanted.

Now that’s one hell of a way to say “I told you so.”

After once openly scoffing at the notion of covering unused Lindsay Lohan session tracks for her last album, Clarkson now finds herself waist deep in Katy Perry rejects with All I Ever Wanted. Examples include the moderately appealing upcoming second single, “I Do Not Hook Up,” a hook-heavy ode to anti-promiscuity that–when released–may very well fashion Clarkson as the next Pat Benatar for the Promise Ring generation.

If not a Perry castaway, most of the album’s tracks still ooze with a Top 40 familiarity–which is neither a compliment, nor a particularly stinging criticism, given the genre in question. The up-tempo electro-rocker “If I Can’t Have You” wedges nicely between Rihanna‘s “Disturbia” and the crunchier elements of Miley Cyrus‘ “Fly On The Wall,” while “Already Gone” proves unsurprisingly identical to Beyonce‘s “Halo” (both tracks overseen by the same producer, Ryan Tedder). But the most obvious of all is the album’s flagrant shift in the direction of P!nk-friendly pop-rock–Give one listen to the chorus of “Don’t Let Me Stop You” with both eyes closed and tell me that couldn’t be a single straight off of Funhouse.

Similarly, many of the other album’s squeaky clean confections, including “Long Shot” and the unfortunately titled “Whyyawannabringmedown,” deliver a hearty punch of driving guitar and raging drums rivaling the raucousness of 2007′s rebellion piece, My December–only this time relying upon a heavy dose of overly-produced instrumentation.

As a result, Clarkson teeters dangerously close to the limit of her vocal capabilities from time to time (“All I Ever Wanted”), featuring no less than three toe-curling instances of power notes that threaten to snap her vocal cords like a piano wire under high tension. Fear not, as they’re still intact–though a light touch of rasp now graces the singer’s lower register after years of abuse.

Power ballads including “Cry” and “Impossible” provide the album’s highest points artistically, featuring sluggish drum pacing and concert-ready power vocals sure to be met with the glow of a thousand swinging cell phones lifted on high during the next tour. “Ready” is another success; transforming the already catchy acoustic rendition that leaked last year into an encouraging electro-flourish of swaying guitar and uplifting vocals.

Make no mistake–despite enough “guilty pleasure” cheese lyrics and clever production techniques to qualify for the Disney Radio queue, Clarkson’s latest is in many ways an aural smash, delivering a solid collection of slap-happy pop bangers and arena-lite ballads guaranteed to provide the soundtrack to many a lip-synch sessions on long road trips and rainy days.

Sure, it’s far from all I ever wanted to see coming from the Clarkson. After all, if I had my way, she’d be strapping on a guitar at this very minute, growing out her hair to grungy proportions, roughing up the drunks at the local dive bar, and trailblazing the revival of Lillith Fair.

But until then, I suppose I’ll keep dreaming.

DL: Kelly Clarkson – All I Ever Wanted (Sharebee)

Click above to pre-order All I Ever Wanted, or to hear more from Kelly Clarkson!

Breathe easy, ladies and gentlemen, for the time has come. That’s right…it’s the final nominations for the 2008 Teen Choice Awards, hosted by Miley Hannah Montana Cyrus. Since we’re only concerned with tunes here at the MuuMuse, I’ve pulled the nominations for the music category only, which are under the cut below. Quickly, read through them before moving on by clicking “Read More…”

Anddd we’re back. Anyone notice that category, “Choice Music: Hook-Up”? Really, Kid’s Choice Awards? Hook up songs for the tweenagers? Is anyone else fairly confident that this, like no other, is a sign of the oncoming apocalypse headed our way for December 2012, predicted by the Mayans? Because I do. Oh, I do.

P.S. Oh hay girl, congrats on your nomination for best female, B!

Choice Music: Single
Chris Brown – With You
Jonas Brothers – When You Look Me In The Eyes
Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake – 4 Minutes
Miley Cyrus – See You Again
Rihanna – Don’t Stop the Music

Choice Music: Hook-Up
Flo Rida Featuring T-Pain – Low
Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown – No Air
Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown & T-Pain – Shawty Get Loose
Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake – 4 Minutes
Nelly featuring Fergie – Party People

Choice Music: Male Artist
Chris Brown
Jesse McCartney
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Usher

Choice Music: Female Artist
Britney Spears
Fergie
Mariah Carey
Miley Cyrus
Rihanna

Choice Music: Rap Artist
Flo Rida
Kanye West
Lil Mama
Lil Wayne
Lupe Fiasco

Choice Music: R&B Artist
Beyoncé
Chris Brown
Rihanna
T-Pain
Usher

Choice Music: Rock Group
Boys Like Girls
Fall Out Boy
Linkin Park
Paramore
Simple Plan

Choice Music: Breakout Artist
Colbie Caillat
Flo Rida
Jordin Sparks
Leona Lewis
Taylor Swift

Choice Music: Breakout Group
Day 26
Girlicious
Jonas Brothers
OneRepublic
Paramore

Choice Music: Love Song
Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
Bubbly – Colbie Caillat
No Air – Chris Brown & Jordin Sparks
No One – Alicia Keys
When You Look Me In The Eyes – Jonas Brothers

Choice Music: R&B Track
Damaged – Danity Kane
Forever – Chris Brown
Hey Baby (Jump Off) – Bow Wow and Omarion
Bye Bye – Mariah Carey
Take You There – Sean Kingston

Choice Music: Rap/Hip-Hop Track
Homecoming – Kanye West featuring Chris Martin
Party People – Nelly featuring Fergie
The Anthem – Pitbull featuring Lil Jon
Shawty Get Loose – Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown and T-Pain
Superstar – Lupe Fiasco featuring Matthew Santos

Choice Music: Rock Track
Nine in the Afternoon – Panic At The Disco
crushcrushcrush – Paramore
Shadow of the Day – Linkin Park
Stop and Stare – OneRepublic
The Great Escape – Boys Like Girls

‘Elo, Muusers. Terribly sorry I haven’t been around lately, I’ve been quite busy doing nothing with my time.

Take a moment to enjoy RJ’s review of Robyn’s newly released Robyn below. I approve with it all mostly–though I’m still bitter the bitch is releasing the same shit three years later, and therefore have refused to review it myself.

There’s not much to this post, really. Except of course, Ms. Cyrus. I originally vowed never to post this song, but in celebration of her launch into free falling celebrity masochistic behavior (thanks, Annie Leibovitz!) I thought I’d go ahead and post away:

Everyone loves this song, and I’m certainly no exception. No need for guilt–it samples Corey Hart‘s “Sunglasses At Night,” which is a proper pop song, after all.

That hasn’t quite aged as nicely as it could have, has it? Anywho, merry nudies, Miley!