LITERALLY PUT DOWN YOUR GIRLS ALOUD SINGLES BOX TIN, STOP ALL OF YOUR BODILY PROCESSES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Nadine “Flaw-Free” Coyle is one-fifth of Girls Aloud, The Greatest Girl Group of the 21st Century.

Girls Aloud’s music is produced by Xenomania, The Greatest Pop Production House of the 21st Century.

Nadine Coyle just tweeted…

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We’ve seen a lot regarding Cheryl Cole, Nicola Roberts and Nadine Coyle ’round these parts lately. Now it’s time to give some shine to another member of the brilliant fivesome known as Girls Aloud: Kimberley Walsh.

Earlier today, Fabulous published an interview and rocker-chic photo shoot with the Aloud’s resident theater geek (remember that musical medley during the Chemistry Tour?) as she begins her run as Princess Fiona in the West End’s Shrek The Musical.

It’s a great read in full, but here’s some excerpts for ye of the lazier variety:

On having the least amount of drama out of all the Girls Aloud members:

Sometimes I do look at myself and think how it’s all been very easy. In a way, that makes me worry that it shouldn’t be such plain sailing and wonder when something bad will happen to me! But to be honest, I always felt that bit older than the other girls so I always felt I knew myself a bit more and had a bit more of the confidence you get in that way.

On being with her boyfriend of over 8 years, former Triple 8 member Justin Scott:

We still think of ourselves as really young, but actually we do need to get going! We’ve bought our first proper house together, which is a home rather than a place to live. I’m incredibly lucky to be financially secure and to be with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I’ve got no excuses, really – apart from that I need to get through this show and then we’re talking about the Girls Aloud reunion next year…

On being curvier than the average pop star:

I’m proud of my shape because I think it sends a better message to girls. And yes, there were definitely times in Girls Aloud where it could get difficult. All of those girls are so slim and there would be the moments where they’d say: ‘Let’s do hot pants in the next video,’ and I’d be thinking: ‘Oh no!’ But my attitude very quickly changed to: ‘What the hell!’ So I’d look curvier in the shorts – so what? That is me and I’d think: ‘I’m just standing up for all the curvy girls like me.’

On bandmate Cheryl being ‘heartbroken’ over the US X Factor snub:

People don’t really know Cheryl. Everybody talked about it like it was the most horrific thing, that it was this massive deal, but it wasn’t like that for her. She’s very much: ‘That’s life, some things don’t work out and let’s move on.’

On the girl group now rapidly growing popular in the UK, The Saturdays:

The Saturdays have done well, but people don’t know them individually,” says Kimberley. “People got to know us in Popstars: The Rivals. Then after we won, it may have looked easy but it was incredibly tough. That was when we bonded. We kept thinking we were going to lose it all, nothing was certain and it made us stick together. It made us fighters, it made us a real team, real friends.

God, I love me some Kimba: She’s got such an incredibly refreshing and positive outlook on life, she’s outspoken, and she’s completely proud of her legacy as an Aloud. Just some of the many reasons why the Girls Aloud roster remains unmatched!

You’ve got to love those constant references to a 2012 reunion as well. Let’s make it happen, ladies!

Nicola Roberts is a different kind of pop star.

There’s just no getting around it, really: Ever since her name was called as one-fifth of the band that went on to become Girls Aloud during the finale of the 2002 reality series Pop Stars: The Rivals, the Lincolnshire-born redhead with porcelain skin stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the pristine pop quintet. There was something special about Nicola, something different–dare say “alternative” about the then 17-year-old songstress.

Roberts made her mark in the Aloud as the quiet, quirky vocalist responsible for some of the band’s most memorable moments–the opening seconds of “Untouchable,” the second verse of “Whole Lotta History,” the show-stopping bridge of “Call The Shots.” More often than not, it was Roberts’ shaky, vulnerable vocals that placed an ice-coated cherry on top of some of the Aloud’s finest work.

But being “different” can often be problematic, and for Nicola, induction into the Almighty Aloud was nearly a curse: From the get go, Roberts was relentlessly teased and bullied in the British tabloids for her appearance, as well as an apparent bad attitude: “Ginger.” “Pale.” “Ugly.” In 2003, Busted‘s Matt Willis pronounced her a “rude ginger bitch,” a nickname that the press fondly appropriated for years. And despite the best efforts made by her fellow bandmates to protect her against seeing the stories, Roberts was still well aware of the continuous public mockery, leading to several years of excessive drinking and an unhealthy obsession with tanning.

Lest anyone be confused and think she simply stood there and dealt with the criticism however, it’s simply not true: Nicola Roberts has always found ways to fight back.

During a performance at G-A-Y in London in 2003 for instance, the quiet crooner took a cheeky stab at Matt Willis’ attack by donning a black skirt with the words “RUDE GINGER BITCH…BOTHERD?!” painted on the back. Later on in her career, as Roberts slowly grew confident in her natural appearance, she would tackle her tanorexia head-on in an eye-opening BBC special, Nicola Roberts: The Truth About Tanning.

Now, with the release of debut record out on September 26, Cinderella’s Eyes, Roberts has gone one step further and turned the tables on her detractors completely with one loud, defiant rallying call: “TEAM GINGE.”

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On September 16, MuuMuse and GUMBO NYC teamed up for #GUMBOPOP, an artist showcase/dance party featuring performances by Chris Salvatore, Neon Hitch, and the flaw-free goddess herself: Nadine Coyle of Girls Aloud!

But before Coyle took to the stage early Saturday morning, she took a seat (and took off her shades!) backstage for a sit-down chat with me before her performance, which you can now watch above.

Queen Nadine and I chit-chatted all about her latest solo moves–from her work with Dave Aude, to “Don Julio”–the brand new tequila-inspired track she premiered onstage later that night–as well as Excluusively revealing an incredible career coup to MuuMuse: She’s writing for Celine Dion‘s upcoming comeback record! M-A-J-O-R!

For a semi-unedited version of our interview (sounds dirty, isn’t) with even more juicy details–including tales of Fashion Week and her dinner with Perez Hilton and Tyra Banks–check out the extended interview here.

It’s always a pleasure to chat with Mizz Nadine. She’s so sweet and completely genuine…and hilarious too!

Thanks again, Nadine!

Many thanks to Nadine Coyle, Thomas Martin, Canal Room, 42Below Vodka, Gild Hall Hotel, The Six Pack, Platinum Salon at Hotel on Rivington, Limo Nerd, Nicholas Ruiz and Ben Harvey & Casey Fitzpatrick of GUMBO NYC for making this night possible!

In the world of modern girl group members, there are few (if any) as vocally gifted as the drop dead gorgeous chanteuse of the UK’s Girls Aloud: Mizz Nadine Coyle.

After interviewing the flawless lead of a group that dominated the UK charts from 2002 to 2009 with over 20 Top 10 singles and millions of records sold, I knew I had to invite her to headline Friday night’s #GUMBOPOP. And wouldn’t you know it? She accepted!

Stepping out onto the stage in the early hours of Saturday morning rocking a pair of killer stilettos, a glammed-up red army jacket (looking a bit like a nod to Aloud member Cheryl Cole‘s “Fight For This Love”!) a sparkling black skirt and a fresh pair of aviator shades, Queen Nadine was looking nothing less than flaw free on the stage at the Canal Room in NYC.

The Irish chanteuse delivered four killer cuts from her solo career to a crowd of screaming Nadine stans and Aloudaholics, including a thumping club remix of “Runnin’,” “Sweetest High” and her debut solo single, “Insatiable.”

But most exciting of all? The world premiere of “Don Julio” (working title, also referred to as “Save Me.”)

Like a soulful ’90′s R&B jam smoothed over with a–dare I say it!–modern, glossy Girls Aloud production, along with a killer breakdown of a bridge (which was bolstered by flashing strobes for full effect onstage!), “Don Julio” might be one of Coyle’s best solo offerings to date. It’s a major tune!

And just like that, Queen Nadine reigned supreme in New York City. Oh, and I sort of single-handedly prevented the full reunion of Girls Aloud. Oops!

For more photos from the event, please check out Guest of a Guest.

Many thanks to Canal Room, 42Below Vodka, Gild Hall Hotel, The Six Pack, Platinum Salon at Hotel on Rivington, Limo Nerd, Nicholas Ruiz and Ben and Casey of GUMBO NYC for making this night possible!

“Sweetest High” was released on June 22. (iTunes)

The greatest part about the rapidly globalizing state of the music industry is that, thanks to the the Internet, music lovers worldwide have the ability to indulge in popular music from far-off territories while developing a strong kinship with fellow fans. The downfall, of course, is that no one else around you knows who the fuck you’re talking about.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven’t already: Meet Nadine Coyle.

Nadine is best known as one-fifth of a girl group called Girls Aloud.

A super slick, super chic powerhouse quintet originally formed during a UK reality singing competition called Popstars: The Rivals, the Almighty Aloud ruled the UK charts from 2002 to 2009 with their unique brand of edgy, glam pop cultivated and mastered by arguably the greatest pop writing and production troupe of all time, Xenomania.

From kicky drum & bass cuts (“Sound Of The Underground”) to lush disco gems (“Call The Shots”), the Aloud’s chart reign is–pardon the pun–untouchable, having already garnered over 20 Top 10 singles in a row (a Guinness World Record), five platinum selling albums (not to mention a greatest hits collection that went platinum thrice over), and legions of fans the world over. You know, like myself.

On Thursday evening, I somehow found myself sitting down on a bench, outside on a patio in a gorgeous Chelsea loft, with an eager Nadine Coyle sitting directly next to me. “You’ll have to forgive me, I’m trying to keep it together,” I said, nervously fumbling at my phone to start recording. “Oh, yar so togaythur,” she reassured me with her thick Derry accent, adding with a smile: “Ay would have no aydeyuh!”

As I looked down at my barely legible notes where scattered thoughts like “‘Graffiti My Soul’/Britney connection?” and “How are the Mist Burgers at Nadine’s Irish Mist?!” were frantically scribbled and squished together, I could only think to myself: What is my life right now?

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L! O! V! E!

The Almighty Nicola Roberts visited The Paul O’Grady Show last Friday night to perform her debut solo single, “Beat Of My Drum.” And–spoiler alert–IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING.

You know, I was a bit worried about this one. After all, her performance on T4 back in June was a little–err, stilted. But…oh! How she turned this whole thing ’round!

Kicking off with an off-the-charts amazing acapella opening (holy vocals, Batman!), Queen Ginge and her troupe of dance-a-holics delivered a fine performance of her Diplo-produced chanty jam. There were butt thrusts! And hand signs spelling out the letters “L-O-V-E”! And lots of confetti and streamers! A bang-up job done by all.

Lady Roberts then served up a nearly identical, flawless performance of “Beat Of My Drum” on T4 On The Beach yesterday afternoon–except for the part where she got hit in the head with a beach-ball while trotting down the runway (at the 2:49 mark above).

I have absolutely no idea who that could have possibly been responsible for that attack…

The “Beat Of My Drum” Remix EP was released on July 10. (iTunes UK)

HO MAY LARD.

I’mma needa sit down for this one…

Irish living legend QUEEN NUHDEEN has just unveiled the premiere single from her sudden solo career revamp: “Sweetest High.”

It’s a glittering dance song with a throbbing house beat! It can be danced to while under the influence!

Alright, let’s cut the shit: “Sweetest High” is a cheap-ass, broke-down production that plays like a 2005 MySpace dance diva’s fledgling Billboard Bubbling Under dance single.

The mix is tinny and sparse, and the beats are embarrassingly dated, cheap and generic. It is, by all definitions, a tickety tack hot tranny mess from Transylvania that is not apologizing for it. (The reference on that one, if you weren’t aware.)

While I might have heralded this song as The Second Coming if offered up by a less notable chanteuse–perhaps a Heidi Montag or a Brooke Hogan type (maybe, as most of their discography still shits all over this)–the song is being sung by Nadine Coyle, an actual, verifiable singer of legendary pop songs.

And yes, she’s sanging! A lot! And of course she’s always amazing when she sings, but…oh, I just. I can’t. I can’t!

I mean, honestly: I don’t mean to throw so much shade (way too late for that one), but when Tila Tequila can jiggle her yum yums for a more noteworthy beat (“Hideaway”) than a PLATINUM-SELLING GIRL GROUP MEMBER, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Nadine, listen–no, put down the stilettos and LISTEN TO ME: You’ve sold a lot of fucking albums! And YOU are the lead vocals on many of the Aloud singles! You should be doing better than this, and you DAYUM WAYHL KNOW UT!

HAD AY KNOWN THUS WUD HAYPUN, AY WUD HAYV JUST PRAYFAYURED ANUTHAYR SAYNGUL FROM UNSHAYSHABULL, NUHDEEN.

CRAYUNG UH MAYLYUN TURRS RAHYT NOW.

“Sweetest High” was released worldwide on June 22. (iTunes)