Nelly Furtado is back! Exciting!

Six years since her absolutely amazing 2006 English effort Loose, the multilingual Canadian crooner returns with “Big Hoops (Bigger the Better),” the first single from her upcoming (and oft-delayed) 2012 record, The Spirit Indestructible. (Not to be confused with Lindsay Lohan‘s lost third record, the holy grail known as Spirit In The Dark.)

And now, the tea: When I got the chance to preview the Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins-produced track in full last week, I was not too enthused. The song felt whiny, irritating and much less exciting than anything off of Loose. A buzz single at best.

It’s been over a week now. I’ve had a chance to mull it over and…well, I still think it’s thoroughly meh. There are bits that are stuck in my brain, though! They include:

1.) “Thebiggathebettathebiggathebettathebettathebigga.”
2.) “I can go fast! I can go slow!”
3.) “Everybody say he-e-e-e-y. They’re going at it all ni-i-ight and day.”
4.) “Like that, like that, like that…”

Also, the final few seconds of the track are a treat, as the song cuts into its crashing drum ‘n’ bass breakdown (a la Björk‘s “Crystalline”). That’s fun.

I don’t know! I appreciate the effort to navigate away from Guetta Top 40 dance land, but I just don’t think the song is anywhere near as thrilling as “Maneater,” “Promiscuous” or “Say It Right” (oh God, I love “Say It Right” so much). The beat’s sexy, but overall, it’s fine. Just fine–nothing more. A grower not a shower, mayhaps?

Watch for the stilted video clip, which was shot in L.A. earlier this month, to hit the web soon.

Now please stop yelling at me on Twitter for feeling ambivalent about this song, Furtado fans.

Stream courtesy of Jon Ali’s Blog!

“Big Hoops (Bigger the Better)” will be released on April 17. (iTunes)

Oh, you want MOAH? Well, I’ll give you more!

On Friday, I posted the first batch of MuuMuse’s Most Anticipated releases of 2012–round-up of what we already know, what we’ve already heard, what we want to hear in the next year. Naturally, one post just isn’t enough–so here’s round two!

Girls Aloud, TBA (Sixth Studio Album)

What it is: The epic return of the Almighty Aloud.
Expected shelf date: Late 2012.
Confirmed tracks: TBA
Production by: Xenomania (?)
What we know: It’s been two painful years since Girls Aloud announced their temporary hiatus in 2009. (Don’t remind me!) Earlier this year however, manager Hilary Shaw confirmed to MTV UK that the girls would return in 2012 to perform a few live shows. Now, there’s whispers of new music altogether: Nadine Coyle told me personally that she assumes new music’s in the works. Kimberley Walsh said “we’re doing something next year – we never intended to stop for good.” Queen Nicola vaguely told RWD Magazine that she would “hope there was something from us.” And, if you trust him, Perez Hilton says an album’s coming in December 2012.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Anything. We are not worthy.

Christina Aguilera, TBA (Seventh Studio Album)

What it is: Floptina’s chance to rise from the ashes.
Expected shelf date: Spring/Summer 2012.
Confirmed tracks: TBA
Production by: Dr. Luke (?)
What we know: Aguilera’s last album–2010′s severely misguided Bionic–redefined the concept of commercial failure. The album performed poorly on the charts, worse in the press, and earned the notoriously egotistical diva a new moniker: Floptina. Now, a diva needs her comeback. Christina herself told Croatia’s RTL earlier in 2011 that the upcoming record would be “very heartfelt, deep-rooted and introspective.” According to Hot 99.5, RCA’s Joe Riccitelli says she’s been recording everything from “uptempo dance” to ballads, and Dr. Luke may be working with the fallen-from-grace princess. Recent rumors suggest the first single may come as soon as January.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Stripped part deux, and the triumphant return to form of Legendtina.

The Veronicas, TBA (Third Studio Album)

What it is: A power-pop Aussie sister act’s long-awaited third act.
Expected shelf date: TBA
Confirmed tracks: “Cold,” “Let Me Out,” “Dead Cool”
Production by: Nellee Hooper
What we know: After almost five years since their 2007 studio album Hook Me Up, the Aussie electro-pop/rock sister duo are finally returning to the scene with a studio album in 2012. The girls recently confirmed working with Nellee Hooper, describing their new music as “a really new sound” that includes some rock influences, as well as “trip-hop and drum and bass.” In August, the duo previewed several promising new tracks during a showcase at L.A.’s Viper Room, including “Cold” and “Let Me Out.”
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Even more infectious hooks, jagged electro-pop/rock and darker, angst-ridden lyricism.

No Doubt, TBA (Sixth Studio Album)

What it is: The ten year reunion of a legendary pop-rock outfit.
Expected shelf date: TBA
Confirmed tracks: “Push and Shove,” “One More Summer,” “Settle Down,” “Undercover”
Production by: Spike Stent, Diplo, Anthony Gorry
What we know: The band’s been writing and recording this upcoming LP since 2008 (their first in over a decade since 2001′s Rock Steady). In June, Rolling Stone described some of the tracks off the upcoming record during a preview at producer Spike Stent‘s studio, including the “party-ready reggae” of “Settle Down” and the “pounding dance beats” of “One More Summer.” More spoilers have come by the way of Twitter, including a Major Lazer (Diplo) collaboration back in July, as well as a tweet from Brixton Angels‘ Anthony Gorry from inside the studio.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Ska-pop for the 22nd century and beyond.

JoJo, Jumping Trains (Third Studio Album)

What it is: One of pop’s most talented vocalists finally breaking free.
Expected shelf date: Early 2012
Confirmed tracks: “Disaster,” “Jumping Trains,” “Lie To Me”
Production by: Mario Marchetti, Darkchild, Danja, The Interns, The Messengers
What we know: Shady dealings at her former label kept JoJo’s third record under lock and key for over four years. Now that she’s signed to Interscope Records, the talented chanteuse is finally ready to go. Earlier this year, JoJo told MuuMuse that the upcoming album would feature production by Darkchild, Danja and The Messengers and that the music will sound more aggressive–or as she described it, “pop with an anger management problem.” Apart from her current lead single “Disaster,” JoJo’s been performing new tracks from the record, including “Jumping Trains” at Girls Who Rock 2011 and the punchy “Lie To Me” while on tour with Joe Jonas and Jay Sean.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: The pop equivalent of a T.K.O.

Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded (Second Studio Album)

What it is: The pink-haired princess of rap-pop returns–as a boy.
Expected shelf date: February 14, 2012
Confirmed tracks: “Roman in Moscow”
Production by: StreetRunner, Sarom
What we know: To record the follow-up to her 2010 debut Pink Friday, the Young Money rapstress has enlisted one of her alter-egos: Roman Zolanski, a mischievous gay boy. Weeks ago, the singer unleashed the first taste of the upcoming record called “Roman in Moscow,” a rapid-fire attack of ferocious lyricism and hilarious accents on top of a hectic beat, suggesting a return to the spitfire Minaj of her early mixtapes. Recent rumors suggest the first single will be called “Va Va Voom.”
MuuMuse hopes to hear: Pre-fame Nicki: All fire-hot hooks, no singing please.

Adam Lambert, Trespassing (Second Studio Album)

What it is: Pop’s reigning bad boy coming back stronger than ever.
Expected shelf date: March 20, 2012
Confirmed tracks: “Outlaws of Love,” “Trespassing,” “Better Than I Know Myself”
Production by: Dr. Luke, Bruno Mars, Pharrell Williams, Benny Blanco, Nile Rodgers, Claude Kelly
What we know: It’s a big one: MTV confirms that the singer worked with an staggering array of top pop producers, including Dr. Luke, Bruno Mars and Pharrell (who co-wrote the title track). Earlier in November, Lambert told The Advocate that he was crafting his “dream album,” promising a “more personal” record mixed with “singer-songwriter tracks, electrofunk” and “Nine Inch Nails meets George Michael” synth-pop. The album’s lead single, “Better Than I Know Myself,” just dropped this week–which we quite like.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: An unexpected pop masterpiece that propels Lambert from pop star to music royalty.

Neon Hitch, Beg, Borrow & Steal (Debut Album)

What it is: The UK gypsy-pop princess’ grand entrance to the music scene.
Expected shelf date: TBA
Confirmed tracks: “Get Over U,” “Silly Girl,” Bad Dog,” “Fuck U Betta”
Production by: Benny Blanco
What we know: Hitch has been banging out smash Benny Blanco-produced hits from her debut record for well over the year now–from “Get Over U” to “Silly Girl” to “Bad Dog”–as well as performing new songs live, including “Fuck U Betta.” As soon as the singer comes off of her high as a feature on Gym Class Heroes‘ new single “Ass Back Home” which is currently building at radio, the new album should be ready to go.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: More kick-ass power pop that’ll give Neon the credit she so dearly deserves.

Nelly Furtado, TBA (Fifth Studio Album)

What it is: Furtado’s first English record in over five years.
Expected shelf date: TBA
Confirmed tracks: “The Edge,” “Mystery”
Production by: Timbaland, Salaam Remi, Ryan Tedder, Mike Angelakos
What we know: After Furtado’s stellar collaboration with Timbaland on Loose in 2006, the multilingual singer-songwriter returned to the studio with the acclaimed producer for another go. But that’s not all–since then, she’s been working with Salaam Remi, Ryan Tedder and Passion Pit‘s Mike Angelakos. Last year, she told the New York Post that the new record shares the “organic and raw feel” of her debut Whoa, Nelly! and described it as a “refreshing, clean pop sound.” In February, Furtado tweeted about an upcoming song feauring rapper Nas, which has yet to be released.
MuuMuse hopes to hear: An updated Loose, with folk and dance elements.

As the scribes behind such colossal pop smashes as David Guetta and Kelly Rowland‘s “When Love Takes Over,” Ke$ha‘s “Fuck Him (He’s A DJ)” and Kylie Minogue‘s “Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love),” it’s safe to say that Liv and Mim Nervo–more commonly known as the Nervo Twins–know a thing or two about writing a hit.

The drop dead gorgeous Aussie-born duo have written for dozens of today’s most beloved pop and dance acts–from Armin van Buuren to Rachel Stevens to the Pussycat Dolls, rapidly becoming one of the music industry’s most consistent, unstoppable hit machines for the latter half of the past decade.

But penning smashes for some of today’s most beloved pop acts is only one of the components to Aussie duo’s recipes for success: The twins have just as quickly climbed their way to prominence within the dance community as a result of their frenetic, high energy live DJ sets, achieving the ultimate stamp of approval after being cast as one of the opening acts on Britney’s massively successful Femme Fatale Tour earlier this year.

Now, as their profile continues to grow between both the packed dance floors of the indie-dance community and the radio airwaves of the mainstream pop scene, the girls are now taking their first steps toward a debut in their own right with the release of their debut Astralwerks single on August 16: “We’re All No One,” featuring Dutch DJ Afrojack and indie-House titan, Steve Aoki.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to speak with the ever-lovely Mim of the Nervo Twins just one day after the duo stepped down from their opening DJ duties on Britney’s wildly successful Femme Fatale Tour. Read on to see the full interview, including banter about being on tour with Britney, writing for the divine Miss Kylie (and nearly Cheryl Cole!), and all the latest on Nervo’s upcoming debut.

Read more!

So, since so many of my Muusers (three actual requests) have been demanding that I do a weekly wrap-up of the X Factor performance night. I’ve decided to fulfill those wishes/dreams/desires. The show was boring in spots, so I’ve decided to highlight only the moments I had things to say about. Makes sense, right? Good. We’re on a roll.

Treyc Cohen. Amazing. Oh my God.

I love the jailbait that is One Direction, both for their knack for life-threatening injuries (like when one of them hurt their foot playing in the ocean during the auditions) and their ability to elicit pantie-wetting shrieks from the audience (myself included) for merely standing on the stage. They sang Kelly Clarkson‘s “My Life Would Suck Without You” which is kind of genius for them, and the results were pretty good-ish.

Then came the judging, and Cheryl just couldn’t keep it in her pants. Seriously. So much so, that she forced Simon to restrain her from pulling a Paula right in the middle of a live show. It went like this:

Cheryl: “You boys are just so cute and I–”
Simon: “Cheryl.”
Cheryl: “Everyone loves you so much, and I–”
Simon: “Cheryl.”
Cheryl: “Don’t know what it is, I just–”
Simon: “Cheryl.”
Cheryl: “–just so cute, I just want to–”
Simon: “CHERYL.”

Brilliant.

And then came the announcement that Cher Lloyd was up next, and so the seas parted and surging claps of thunder rang out across the land and all of God’s creatures nestled together to watch the Almighty Lloyd perform.

In the now usual Lloyd fashion, the young Cherylita was both simultaneously shit and amazing in the most awe-inspiring of ways with her weird-but-great performance of Jay-Z‘s “Hard Knock Life”: The chorus–AMAZING. What pipes! The rap: Spot on! But the awkward moments in between…OH, THE AWKWARD, MEDIOCRE VERSES. I just don’t understand what’s happening there, but then the pretty dancers distracted my brain and then I start remembering how amazing her audition was and then the next chorus comes and she’s really good again and my brain just sort of goes “Well, I give up. YOO AH RAHYT UP MAY STREET.”

I love you, Cheroleeza Lloyd.

And then Diva Fever happened and they ruined music for all of mankind once again.

If the British public has any sense of decency, they’ll do away forever with this tragic mess of ‘entertainment’ once and for all. But if Jedward is any indication of a camp act’s staying power on X Factor then…oh, Cheezus Christo.

Then came Rebecca Ferguson, and everything in the world was right again. The judges were on the money in their critiques (i.e. Dannii describing her as making classic feel modern, James Bond theme, etc.). Rebecca delivered a chic, smart, tight performance of Nina Simone‘s classic “Feeling Good.” Loved everything about this–the look, the sound, the drama (not too much drama!) Everything was just right.

Then came Ellie Goulding Diana Vickers Katie Waissel, who proved to have a surprisingly strong night, stripping it back a bit for a pretty amazing rendition of Etta James‘ (one of my favorite classic songstresses!) “I’d Rather Go Blind.” To be fair, all I kept thinking about was how much she looks like a cross between Martina from Dragonette and Nelly Furtado, but in the fleeting moments where I actually listened to her sing, I found it to be v, v good.

And then–OH! Belle Amie! This is HANDS DOWN my number one favorite girl group to be named after a gay porn production agency.

They sang “You Really Got Me” by The Kinks, and it was somewhere between Girls Aloud at their least amazing and The Saturdays at their most amazing…so it was sort of very good! “There aren’t many girl groups in this country that are as good as what I saw tonight,” Simon remarked while sitting next to former girl group member, Cheryl Cole. Ahem.

On a similar note, in the too real moment of the night: Cheryl Cole, on Belle Amie arguing over lead solos: “Sometimes other people just sound better on other songs, and that’s just something you have to accept.” *Awkward silence* *Nuhdeen‘s Irish Mist Burger comes flying on screen and slaps into Cheryl’s face.*

But it was Mary Byrnes, faithful Tesco worker and beloved jewel of Britain, who graced the stage and proceeded to BLOW. ME. AWAY. Seriously, performance of the night by FAR. From the very first note, she had chills running straight down my spine. Spot-on performance, classic vocals. Insanely amazing. As Cheryl Cole so eloquently stated: “I GET GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER. I RESPECT YOU AS A WOMAN.”

Oh, and Matt Cardle. You did rull good too–amazing, actually. I mean…you did it. You hit the High C!

And…that’s everything that happened that you should care about, really. Thank you for your time.

That’s right. You heard me: “Control Myself” was a goddamn jam. Are you familiar? Yes/no? Let’s discuss.

Let me take you back a little–four years ago, to be exact. The year was 2006. It was a fine year: The Timbaland takeover was just at its glorious peak with Nelly Furtado‘s Loose and Justin Timberlake‘s FutureSex/LoveSounds (prior to total market over-saturation), Suri Cruise survived a crash landing from space, and this little Muuser was preparing to graduate from high school and flee his hometown (where he ironically now finds himself once again upon graduating college in 2010). Fuck.

But before all that, another thing happened in 2006, and that was the February release of professional licker of lips LL Cool J‘s twelfth studio album, Todd Smith. From that album came a certain single: “Control Myself,” featuring Jennifer ‘Jello’ Lopez and Jermaine Dupri (not credited on actual song, therefore irrelevant).

While I’m always quick to call a song “underrated,” it turns out that “Control Myself” actually pulled some impressive chart numbers (and even broke a record!) upon its release–something I didn’t realize until a quick perusal through the track’s Wikipedia page. And so the Lord proclaimed:

It was released as the album’s lead single in February 2006 and remained on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 chart for three weeks, peaking at number eighty-nine. After being released as a digital download in April 2006, the song debuted at number two on the Billboard Hot Digital Songs chart and made a strong Hot 100 re-entry at number four. This broke a record previously held by Jay-Z’s 1998 song “Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)”, which had re-entered the chart in March 1999 at number twenty.

Fascinating.

But back to the song: It is very good. There are many reasons why it is so good, but perhaps one of the most important is that delicious beat.

…Not that it’s an original beat. Oh lord, no. It’s actually a sample of an incredible ‘before its time’ number, the 1983 Afrika Bambaataa song, “Looking For The Perfect Beat.”

There’s also the song lyrics, which are unstoppably fantastic. While Mr. Cool J’s lyrical lusciousness makes my panties moist throughout, my all-time favorite moment comes in right around the two minute mark: “She licked awf huh lip glaws / Huh hips tawsed, back and fawth.” (At least, that’s how it sounds to me.) MMPH.

Then there’s this genius moment as the song is coming to an end where it seems every songwriter involved with this song suddenly threw their hands in the air and proclaimed “Well, alright then! I’ve done all the rhyming I could possibly do! Let’s just–I don’t know–LET’S JUST SAY WHATEVER COMES TO MIND NEXT.”

And what sprung from that momentary lapse in creativity was the greatest string of non-English lyrics/syllables of all time: “Zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh, zuh.”

Inspiring and provocative.

And last, but certainly not least, there’s the song’s accompanying video, directed by Hype Williams.

It is also amazing, and no doubt a crucial piece of the overall amazing-ness of the song. While Mr. Ladies Love plays it Cool J rapping under a wide-brimmed baseball cap, J-Lo remains fresh to death posing in front of a mirror while donning those knee-high boots and whippin’ her hurr. The wide-screen ‘double video’ effect is both dizzying and cool.

As a member of what some media thinkers/shriveled prunes might dub as ~the instant gratification MTV generation~, I must say it’s quite nice to be bombarded with so many sexy things in my face at one time without being allowed even a second to process what the fuck is being presented in front of me.

All together, “Control Myself” is a spicy, saucy affair–one entirely worthy of both (a) pussy poppin’ and (b) booty shakin’.

And that is why “Control Myself” is an amazing song. I thank you for your time.

Full disclosure: One of my advertisers is paying me to promote this upcoming show for Sundance. That being said, this post’s inclusion on MuuMuse is based on the fact that I’m genuinely excited by the program’s concept and its upcoming guests.

Starting this year, the Sundance Channel has introduced a new program called Spectacle: Elvis Costello with…, which features a new artist each episode.

Unlike traditional talk shows, the program is unique in that, rather than just asking a few trivial questions about their current album and who they’re schtupping lately, Costello will be hosting actual discussions with the artists about their music, as well as the creative process behind their work. The show will even takes viewers into the studio to watch how artists create their tracks.

Some of the featured and upcoming artists include the aforementioned Nelly Furtado, She & Him, Jenny Lewis, and, to my sincerest surprise, the 42nd president of the United States, Mr. Billiam Clinton.

To me, it sounds like the makings of a potential audio geek’s paradise. Now bring on Madonna!

Arguably one of the world’s greatest trance DJs, Dutch producer Tiesto has continued to redefine the boundaries of trance music with his signature emotive style and arena-ready sound for over fifteen years.

For his fourth major studio release Kaleidoscope, the premiere producer of trance sought some of the music scene’s most dynamic characters, ranging from global superstars (Calvin Harris, Sneaky Sound System, Nelly Furtado) to an assortment of lesser known, left-of-center acts (Tegan & Sara, Bloc Party‘s Kele Okereke, Sigur Ros‘ Jonsi) The result? A powerhouse collection of single-worthy uptempos bursting with indie cred and trance appeal, appealing to both the body and soul.

One standout involves Canadian singer-songwriter Nelly Furtado, who had her first taste of dance with her 2006 album, Loose. Replace the generic Timbaland-produced beats of that album with a flurry of glittering, electro-encrusted pulsations, and you’ve got “Who Wants To Be Alone,” a devastatingly addictive dancefloor haunt guaranteed to delight on repeat time and time again.

Other winners include Emily Haines‘ turn on the storming “Knock You Out,” which plays like Ladytron on E, the warm synth pulsations of the Cary Brothers-assisted “Here On Earth,” and “You Are My Diamond,” a throwback to the days of pure, ‘90’s pulsating bliss. The track is made all the better thanks to a shamelessly celebratory, sugary sweet delivery from Kianna Alarid, known best as the lead singer of Tilly and the Wall.

“Feel It in My Bones,” featuring indie darlings Tegan & Sara is perhaps the album’s greatest track, and undoubtedly the epitome of the album’s intentions. As Tiesto’s cool, calculated trance vibrations shudder underneath, Tegan & Sara’s smart-pop sensibility lift the track and create something new; the result becoming a celebration of the art of collaboration.

Simply speaking, there’s not a bad track in the bunch–at least in terms of the vocal offerings. The album’s only drawback can be found in its five instrumental tracks, included as a kind of overcompensating injection of Tiesto trance, lest we somehow forget who’s in charge behind the scenes of all of these guest spots. Sadly, they do little for the album here, aside from providing long, unnecessary breaks between the meat of the album. Skip them, and you’ve got one hell of a solid set.

Kaleidoscope is unlike anything Tiesto has done before (and surely nothing its guests have recorded). In spite of what could have been a risky undertaking (whether or not devoted fans of each genre will come to embrace this album remains to be seen), Tiesto’s fifth studio album is nothing short of excellence–allowing indie music the pulse it never knew it needed and dance music the lyrical sophistication it has so stubbornly ignored. Hearing the two genres come together? Well, that’s why this is nothing short of a musical dream come true.

Kaleidoscope will be released on October 20.

Purchase more from Tiesto on iTunes | MySpace | Official Website

Here now is the second single off of MPHO‘s upcoming debut Pop Art, “See Me Now.”

As you can see/hear, it is an all-around “good” track with lots of strings and hand-clappy bits. The beat brings Alesha Dixon‘s “Let’s Get Excited” to mind and, for some reason, Nelly Furtado‘s “Say It Right” for no reason in particular.

The single will be released on October 12, one week before the October 19 release of Pop Art.

Purchase more MPHO on iTunes UK | MySpace | Official Website