You know how I proclaimed the upcoming Basement Jaxx album to be the “Compendium of Cool” after seeing the tracklisting and whatnot? Well, I think the duo’s been one-upped already.

Enter DJ Tiësto, renowned Dutch DJ and electronica extraordinaire. For his aptly-titled fifth studio album, Kaleidoscope, Tiesto’s teamed up with a most colorful array of artists, from electro-pop staples (Calvin Harris; Sneaky Sound System) to completely left-of-center vocalists including Sigur Rós‘ lead, Jónsi, and indie-pop/alt-folk sweethearts Tegan & Sara.

Just check out the über-awesome list o’ tracks:

1. Tiësto feat. Jónsi – Kaleidoscope
2. Tiësto feat. CC Sheffield – Escape Me
3. Tiësto feat. Kianna – You Are My Diamond
4. Tiësto and Sneaky Sound System – I Will Be Here
5. Tiësto feat. Priscilla Ahn – I Am Strong
6. Tiësto feat. Cary Brothers – Here On Earth
7. Tiësto – Always Near
8. Tiësto feat. Kele Okereke – It’s Not The Things You Say
9. Tiësto – Fresh Fruit
10. Tiësto feat. Calvin Harris – Century
11. Tiësto feat. Tegan & Sara – Feel It In My Bones
12. Tiësto feat. Nelly Furtado – Who Wants To Be Alone
13. Tiësto – LA Ride
14. Tiësto – Bend It Like You Don’t Care
15. Tiësto feat. Emily Haines – Knock You Out
16. Tiësto – Louder Than Boom
17. Tiësto – Surrounded By Light

And if that wasn’t enough to set your hearts ablaze, here is the literally amazing Masashi Muto-directed video for the first single, “I Will Be Here,” featuring Sneaky Sound System’s lead singer, Connie:

A 2009 upgrade to “The Robot”? Now that’s something I can appreciate.

Kaleidoscope is due out on October 6 from Ultra Records.

Purchase Tiesto on iTunes | MySpace | Official Website

So this is the high budget ‘teaser’ for Nelly Furtado‘s upcoming Spanish single, “Manos Al Aire,” which will precede an album release on September 26. After ten years of study in the language, I have deduced that the title translates roughly to “Manos: The Hands Of Fate.”

The song sounds both very good and very celebration ready. Perhaps this is the sound of an artist finding true freedom post-Timbaland?

Hey-o!

MTV is now leaking Danity Kane’s new album, Welcome to the Dollhouse, on The Leak. I’m reviewing the tracks as they come through:

Welcome to the Dollhouse (Opening) – Yeah, I saw that coming. The spin of a key, the music box playing, and the omnipresent Diddy announcing the return of Danity Kane. No surprises here.

Bad Girl (ft. Missy Elliot) – We already got the clip of this song, but hearing it in full only adds to its craft. Dark synths tripping on top of a nice, chugging beat. And don’t forget those vocal stutters! The surprise here was the collaboration with Missy, which seems to set the hottest songs on pure fire. Best line:”I–I can be your addiction / If you want to get hooked on me.”

Damaged – Such an addictive song. “Do–do you, got a first aid kit handy? / Do–do you know how to patch up a wall?” With all this talk about addiction and brokenness, I’m beginning to wonder if Danity’s preparing a concept album about the trials and tribulations of the medical industry. Whoops, sounds like an obnoxious Puffy interjection in the final bars of the track. He’s like a dog marking his territory, I swear to God.

Pretty Boy – It still comes off like a Janet Jackson album track, which isn’t exactly a criticism. There’s nothing too special about the sound, however. The girls float above a ’90′s-centric scrambled synth beat with plenty of scratching. It’s a fair dance track however, and I doubt that it would be ignored on the dancefloors.

Strip Tease – It comes out like Justin Timberlake producing a modern cabaret filled with beat-boxing, an orchestral swell, and a crucial sting of electro in between the chorus lines. As I’ve said before, it’s “Buttons” with a (second) slap on the ass.

Sucka For Love – Nice, disjointed slider of a song, playing with the tempo and never settling upon a speed for too long. It’s not all that far from Annie’s “Fool For Love”, though it’s probably the title playing with my mind.

Secret Place (Interlude) - They’ve got a secret place. The title could write the song itself. WE GET IT. You’re inviting us all to your respective vaginas. I’ll take a rain check, thanks. Features some surprisingly ranged vocals hanging out all over the place, considering it’s just an interlude.

Extasy – Uh ohhhh. It’s one of those beats. Glossed trip-hop after the rapper’s introduction. Sounds like every Mariah Carey song released in the past three years interlaced with a superior backing track. The song brings Kylie‘s bonus track “Slo Motion” to mind.

2 Of You - That came out of nowhere! This is—this is–this sounds like a Girls Aloud track! Even the lyrics adhere to the Girls Aloud Golden Rule of Nonsensicalness: “Boy, you’re so hot / There must be two of you / Boy, you got me having breakfast in the afternoon”. The beat is disappointingly minimal, compared to what could have been. I am always one for handclaps, but I consider them to be the ultimate accessory, not the main course! This song demands and deserves a driving guitar riff, or even some more synthesizers. The sign off is brilliant, as well. What a kiss-off track!

Lights Out – This one’s relentless! Sounds like Nelly Furtado‘s “Maneater”-lite, with tons of vocal play. It’s great fun to hear the “Turn off the lights / And see if you can get into my dark side” This song is obviously about anal sex.

Picture This (Interlude) – Vocals about emotions. Serves as an optional come down from “Lights Out”. Skip.

Poetry – Ah, yes. Heard this one too. A nice power ballad that wouldn’t perform too poorly on the stage of this year’s Eurovision. It’s all nice and flowy, and probably sounds nicer in HQ. Required “Ladies Represent” portion of the song begins at the 4:00 mark for all interested parties.

Key To My Heart – Oh, Aubrey, why you so metaphorical? The song’s a bit literal…they’re looking for the lost key to their hearts. I’m not sure what the goal is here, because I can distinctly hear the wannabe-stomping beat in the chorus, but the verses are distinctly trip-hop-pop only. This is a skipper.

Flashback (Interlude) - Well constructed backing track, a very industrial, clunking rhythm. The song was probably once a full track that was considered too weak, and probably so.

Is Anybody Listening? – Another mid-tempo shiner. Probably the most mellow track on the album, with a lovely ambient composition. The girls ask, perhaps ironically, if anybody’s listening throughout the track. This move would be career suicide if the album’s lead-off tracks weren’t so hot. Thankfully, somebody’s going to be listening, girls.

So, that was the new Danity Kane, and I’m shocked at how quickly I lost myself into the album. Considering the loud buzz of breakup rumors last year, I’m more than impressed to hear how well they’ve managed to bring their sound to the next level. Their vocals are certainly on point throughout the album, and more cohesive than the first release, though there were no stand out moments here either. Not that it’s a problem with girl group tracks…we wouldn’t want anyone getting all the shining bits of a song every time, now would we?

As a whole, the album tracks share a warm, glossy retro-synth sound and tempo-challenging construction, allowing the album to flow well and keep the booty swaying with confidence.

For a limited time, I’m offering the entire album, thanks to a web-rip from BMK Forums.

DL: Danity Kane – Welcome To The Dollhouse

Oh, dear MuuMuse, how I’ve neglected you! I’ve just had so many things to do and well, you know how these things can be, and…well…I–I hope you understand and forgive me. What? No, it’s not something you did. I’ve just had so many thin–WHAT? NO, IT’S NOT ANOTHER BLOG! We’ve been through this! I wouldn’t publish anyone but you, and you KNOW this! Don–DON’T GIVE ME THAT. No. Stop crying. We’re going to work through this, WE’RE GOING TO BE OKAY. Together. You and I. Together, we will prove to the world that one small gay Jewish man with a severely questionable taste in music and one Blogger-founded blog will bust through the mean streets of this dirty, cold-hearted city and ONTO THE STARS. Our names shall be in LIGHTS all across the Manhattan skyline, darling!

I know the perfect way to make things right again between us. Yes, really. How about a little….Danity Kane? See! There we go, baby…I knew you’d come around for those trashy ol’ slut bags!

DK5, as they’re famously known to myself and myself only, had themselves a little leakage of sneak peek clips and such, and I’ve taken the liberty of sneak peek posting them. Take a clicker to them and holla back.

Did she really just throw in “Maybelline” in that first line? Oh, it doesn’t even fucking matter! The beat more than makes up for the obvious-as-shit lyrics. It’s a little bit Nelly Furtado at her finest on Loose, except a little better. This is going to be a hot song, despite Puff Dingle’s introduction. Listen to this track. It’s like the COP’S theme for the new generation! That little clip after the chorus (“I can be your addiction…”) is a lot like Ayumi Hamasaki‘s “Ladies Night”, as well. So obviously this here song is perfection.

DL: Danity Kane – Bad Girl (Clip)

Yes, Diddy, I often think of Danity Kane as the multi-cultural New America as well. No girl group has ever gone there before, you know…mixing cultures and races. Well, there was short lived pop group from the ’90′s…The Spice Girls, I believe they were called. But they died out after a year, and rightly so, so that doesn’t count.

The song’s fairly standard ballad, but a bit better than usual. Oh, do yourselves a favor and watch out for that line in the first verse that starts “In the bathroom taking sh…” Catches me off guard each time. Yes, it’s “showers,” but you never know really. They said they wanted to make the second record more personal…

DL: Danity Kane – Poetry (Clip)

It’s a Justin Timberlake beatbox background that makes up this twisted-cabaret, Pussycat Doll’s “Buttons” rip-off. But honestly, if any song has the audacity to live up to the pain inflicting guilt-filled pleasure that “Buttons” served the community, then I’m all for it.

DL: Danity Kane – Striptease (Clip)

In all seriousness, this is shaping up to be a VERY strong release. It seems as though Diddy’s actually taking the project seriously this time around, and not fucking them over for his own failed solo “dance” effort. That or Audrey finally figured out how to get him going in bed.

Rolling Stone has provided a glimpse into the future with an exclusive preview of Madonna’s new album. No, not sample tracks. Just a write-up of the track-by-track experience. Click here to see it in full. It’s worrisome on several counts. First of all, it must be noted that the reviewer is Rolling Stone after all, which famously romps in overindulgent praise of musical icons such as Madonna. They’re also fairly uninformed in matters of the dance floor (connoisseurs of Pop they are not.) Basically, this should be taken with a big ol’ serving o’ salt.

That being said, the review gets troublesome as soon as it launches into the song descriptions. Timbaland, mentioned at least five to six times in this short album sampler, seems to be in solid control of the album, as feared by most. The article mentions the usage of his signature beats within many of the tracks. Note: These signature beats being riffs “borrowed” from Indian tracks released in the mid-90′s. You don’t believe me? Oh, don’t tempt me with a good time, because I’ll be forced to post the countless YouTube videos with titles such as “TIMBALAND STEALZ TRAX AGAIN1!!” And yes, they’re all accurate.

Timbaland’s direct influence aside, each track is at least once associated with a recording already made. “Candy Shop” is Pharell‘s lone exception, though the song has already leaked. It contains some shards of glittery brilliance betwixt the verses, but remains understated and underwhelming as a packaged production.

So what can we gather from the new tracks? “Miles Away” sounds like Justin‘s FutureSex/LoveSounds, “Heartbeat” recalls Nelly Furtado‘s “Promiscuous,” and “Give It To Me,” sounds like a track borrowed from Britney‘s Blackout recording sessions. Put it all together and the result is not a Madonna album by my understanding, but rather a greatest hits of sorts for an overly visible producer, guised beneath an artist who should and can be setting the standards for pop music into the new century. She’s already proven she’s still “got it” only three years ago. Confessions on a Dancefloor utilized Stuart Price, a dance aficionado and DJ supreme whose talents were never fully tapped until Madonna’s 2005 album. It was one of Madonna’s most marketable, fulfilling releases yet.

Am I reading too much into a 500 word write-up of a 15 minute listening session? Oh, yes. Am I jumping the gun in assuming the worst? Probably. However, if “Candy Shop” and “4 Minutes To Save The World” are anything to represent the album, then I remain utterly unimpressed.