SHOCKING NEWS.

In what will surely rock the world of exactly one housewife in Minnesota and literally nobody else, Nicole Scherzinger was unexpectedly ousted from her position as judge on US X Factor this evening.

From E! Online:

“She wants to focus on her music career,” a source said. “She’s spoken to Simon [Cowell] and he’s given her his blessing.” Scherzinger is currently rehearsing for her upcoming European tour that kicks off next month.

Apart from ruining that one little girl’s entire life in front of national television, Miss Scherzy Baby did herself no favors during the first season of US X Factor–crying at least three times per show, offering unintelligible criticism, and displaying great acts of modesty at all times, resulting in the unofficial title of “Least Adored Reality TV Judge Ever.”

Scherzy is now going away to some place to “work on her music,”–so I’ve come up with 5 better options for filling her seat as a judge. Well, and also as host! Because Steve Jones is gone too. EDIT: Oh, and apparently Paula Abdul now too.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this list, so please…let me know what you think!

1.) CHERYL COLE

2.) CHERYL COLE

3.) CHERYL COLE

4.) CHERYL COLE

5.) CHERYL COLE

Okay, so I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to write about “Show Me,” the latest single from ex-Pussycat Dolls sensation Jessica Sutta, but I deeply regret each day that has passed without proper acknowledgement. Seriously. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

But…better late than never, right?

Penned and produced by Busbee (Alexandra Burke, Girls’ Generation), “Show Me” is a throbbin’ club anthem full of pulsating synthesizers and slamming beats: “Love is not a gimme gimme/If you really with me/You gotta show me, show me,” Sutta sings during the chorus. And while Brit Brit might not agree with that first bit (MOAH?!), it’s still one hell of a catchy club cut.

In fact, The song’s already been added to the tracklisting of NOW 39 and an in-flight video on Jet Blue in November. (Now I know what airline I’m flying with if I travel next month!)

But the song hasn’t just gotten some sponsorship lovin’–it’s also climbing the charts. Really, really high! In fact, thanks to a bangin’ suite of remixes, it just peaked at #3 last week on the Billboard Dance/Club Play Songs. She’s even holding one spot above Scherzy Baby‘s “Don’t Hold Your Breath”! (Oh, you just know Melody Thornton‘s doing a secret happy dance for that one.) As a lifelong PCD devotee, I couldn’t be more pleased.

“Show Me” has already spent 9 weeks on the club charts. Will it chart even higher? Perhaps get some Hot 100 lovin’? You never know!

GO SUTTA, GO!

“Show Me” was released on August 23. (iTunes)

Dave Audé is a name synonymous with all things dance.

From Coldplay to Britney Spears, Madonna to U2, Rihanna to George Michael–Audé has written, remixed and produced with the best of ‘em over the past 20 years, resulting in a formidable discography of literally hundreds of remixes and original releases.

His work can be found included in nearly every pop remix package of the day (recent releases include re-rubs of Beyoncé‘s “Run The World (Girls),” Lady Gaga‘s “Judas” and Jennifer Lopez‘s “I’m Into You), firmly cementing his role as one of the industry’s most consistently in demand producers.

A few weeks ago, I got the opportunity to speak with Audé as he prepared to head into the studio with singer Sisely Treasure, formerly of both Cooler Kids and Shiny Toy Guns (who I also spoke to briefly!)

We talked at length about the state of dance music today–including current trends like dubstep–as well as many of Audé’s successes over the past 20 years, including the highs (Sting, t.A.T.u.) and the sorta-kinda highs (Madonna was “a weird moment.”) There was also ample talk about Selena Gomez.

There is even–in what was undoubtedly my greatest, MuuMuse-iest journalistic moment to date–a point at which I interrupted the prolific producer mid-sentence as he began to discuss John Lennon‘s musical impact to ask about his work with Nicole Scherzinger.

You’re welcome.

Read on…

Nicole Scherzinger is putting in work.

Our beloved PCD-lead-turned-emotionally-unstable-judger-of-talent has been working her buns off on the judge’s panel on X Factor USA. But when she’s not busy getting all emotional while guiding lesser beings toward their path to superstardom, she’s preparing for her next big move as a solo star across the pond.

On November 14, Mizz Scherzy Baby will re-release her debut album Killer Love in the UK, including several new tracks: “Trust Me I Lie,” “Tomorrow Never Dies,” the 50 Cent remix of “Right There” (oh joy), and lead single: “Try With Me,” due out on October 30.

Penned by the 100% objectively perfect NERVO twins, “Try With Me” is Scherzy’s most heartfelt dance floor offering since “Don’t Hold Your Breath.” It’s an all-out dance floor anthem, complete with rather unusually specific lyricism (“you said, leave your keys on the counter/And you said, call me back at eight”), rave-y synthesizers, an explosive chorus and an UNSPEAKABLY gorgeous bridge (“Don’t say a word/You know that it hurts”).

In short, it’s (mostly) amazing (ish).

And as for the video? Well, it’s stunning visually–and insane.

Shot in the remote jungles of Xilitla, Mexico, the video kicks off with Scherzy Baby borrowing Brit Brit‘s Onyx Hotel Tour “Everytime” piano to play a few choice notes in front of a gorgeous waterfall.

And then comes the magical jungle romp, as the beautiful diva goes exploring deep into the greenery for a little adventure. Sadly, it seems like Scherzy’s been affected by jungle fever or something, because she spends the duration of the video manically spinning ’round like she’s Florence Welch trying to shake the Devil from her back. Purge those demons, Scherzy! PURGE ‘EM!

Then again, “Try With Me” is quite an ear-worm of a song. Perhaps it’s just that infectious, you know? Like, Scherzy was just too overcome? That chorus has been echoing in my head for hours, after all…

WISE IT FEEEEEYULL…LIKE YUH THAAAYUH?!

“Try With Me” will be released on October 30. (iTunes UK)

Nicole Scherzipuakenikeninger has just shot a video–and this time, it’s for a brand new song!

The newly recorded track was penned by the Nervo Twins (who MuuMuse interviewed this summer), the Aussie duo responsible for such global smashes as the Rowland/Guetta banger “When Love Takes Over” and Kylie‘s “Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love),” amongst others.

Photos from the shoot–which took place in Xilitla, Mexico–look absolutely breathtaking so far, featuring Scherzy sitting at a moss-strewn piano near a waterfall during one scene; perched high above the jungle floor in a long white gown in another. Absolutely STUNNING!

“Try With Me,” which was choreographed by Brian Friedman as confirmed by his tweets a few days ago, is rumored to be the lead single off of the UK re-release of Scherzy Baby’s debut record Killer Love, which was originally released in March.

A Nervo/Nicole production? My body is ready. Let’s hear it!

“Don’t Hold Your Breath” was released on August 16 in the US. (iTunes)

OH MY GOD IT’S THE SECOND COMING OF ALY & AJ*.

Just kidding. Nobody will ever be able to compete with Aly & AJ.

But if someone was going to try, it might as well be Destinee & Paris, a fresh teen pop duo who recently seceded from their parent group, the legendary Clique Girlz. This stellar pedigree should be enough, but it doesn’t hurt to note that Destinee & Paris are also effortlessly hot (in the way that gorgeous blond sisters so frequently are — see Nervo for more). One has beachy waves; one has blunt cut bangs. (I can’t tell them apart yet; this has not inhibited me from enjoying their music.)

More importantly, their first single, “True Love,” is actually a delicious pop nugget. Produced by Rami, Carl Falk, and Swedish House Mafia’s Steve Angello, “True Love” blends ambient-synth instrumentation with a crunchy, explosive singalong chorus — sounding, variously, like the best parts of Nicole Scherzyquittelephoninmehehehehehinger’s “Don’t Hold Your Breath,” Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream,” and One Direction’s incomparable “What Makes You Beautiful” wrapped up in one perfect little confection.

The video is more or less incomprehensible — the narrative is quite muddled, but I think it’s vaguely nautical, and there’s umbrellas and bright colors and hot boys in tank tops and cute choreography, and overall I’m not mad about it.

Also, Destinee & Paris hang out with JoJo, Literal Queen of Everything.

AND THAT IS ACTUALLY ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DESTINEE & PARIS.

*78violet

Sam Lansky is a contributor to MuuMuse.

Mohombi, just in case you weren’t already aware, is the Swedish-Congolese Cherrytree artist responsible for “Bumpy Ride,” the 2010 smash (which is basically just a cover of Kevin Lyttle‘s “Turn Me On”) that hit Top 10 in, like, every country except America.

After churning out his debut record MoveMeant in February of this year (as well as a few international singles, including “Coconut Tree (feat. Nicole Scherzingimfromhawaiier),” which will be played during the processional at my wedding), the singer is already working toward a follow-up, beginning with the release of his brand new single tomorrow (September 2): “Maraca.”

The thing about “Maraca” is that it’s literally just Jennifer Lopez‘s “Papi” with male vocals. But the thing about Jennifer Lopez’s “Papi” is that it’s AMAZING, which means “Maraca” is, at the very least, secondhand amazing.

In fact, that’s exactly what “Maraca” is: Secondhand amazing. Because there’s nothing at all unique about “Maraca”–it’s got the classic RedOne repeat-peat-peat-peat-’til-your-ears-bleed chorus and a spicy ~Latin-tinged~ boom boom beat–but that formula, however derivative, is still essentially amazing.

“Maraca” is that song you’ll grow to hate immediately after the first time you hear it in da club. It’s also that song you’ll reference while discussing ‘the death of music’ with friends. But right now? Right now, it’s fucking AMAZING (sort of, anyway).

Now, let us watch a rather sweaty, sexy Mohombi performing his brand new single in front of a bunch of drunk and/or willing ladies.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, WATCH WHAT HAPPENS AT 1:20.

Did you catch it? That was Mohombi turning around, lifting up his shirt a bit and shaking his ass/arse to the beat like a ’90′s rap video girl, all while wearing a sparkly belt. YES, MUUSERS: THIS IS REAL LIFE.

In conclusion: Mohombi could get it.

“Maraca” will be released on September 2. (iTunes)