Paris Hilton–Queen of the Dance Floor and Handbags & Accessories in the Middle East–has been globetrotting for well over a year now, surveying the club scene and taking glam onstage shots with tons of DJs on her bedazzled Blackberry.

At the same time, the socialite-turned-songstress has been putting in work at the studio recording her much, much, much anticipated “House-inspired” sophomore record, which is being executive produced by Afrojack. While we’ve already heard a taste of what’s to come when the Dutch DJ teased out a deliciously icy teaser last year called “Good Time,” as well as “Drunk Text”–the World’s Greatest Sexting Cautionary Tale crafted with Manufactured Superstars–it seems Paris is finally prepared to premiere the first official single.

According to Digital Spy, the new single–”After Midnight”–will premiere on On-Air with Ryan Seacrest on June 5, exactly six years since the release of her debut single “Stars Are Blind.” And if she’s keeping to her word from back in January, it’s going to feature LMFAO.

To make the news even more impossibly amazing, Brazilian site Livepass reports that Queen Hilton will be performing (!) at the Pop Music Festival in Sao Paulo, alongside Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Lopez. (Be right back–researching flights to Brazil immediately.)

Overwhelmed? You should be. This is the Greatest Pop News of 2012, second only to Girls Aloud‘s impending reunion and X Factor-ney. I’ve no doubt that in the capable hands of the producer of “Take Over Control,” Queen P might very well have the best dance record of the year clutched in between her diamond-encrusted nails.

Paris, quite simply, is here to slay.

THAT’S HOT.

Paris was released in August of 2006. (iTunes)

LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP, DROP YOUR BABY ON THE FLOOR AND BRIEFLY CEASE THE FUNCTION OF YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS.

Queen Paris Hilton has teamed up with Colorado DJ duo Manufactured Superstars for a song called “Drunk Text.”

STOP CRYING. STOP. WAIT. STOP. WAIT. Okay. Let me just tell you something right now: You might think that your body is ready, but I can assure you from personal experience that it most certainly is NOT.

It appears as though Queen Hilton’s been up at night diligently studying the Twitter accounts of gays going clubbing across the nation (or at least in New York City), because the lyrics of her new song are literally the makings of every single Friday night at the Ritz. (This assessment may or may not be from personal experience.)

Sensuously speaking atop a bouncy club beat made for bottle poppin’ and shot splashin’, the heiress delivers a most astounding tale of getting rill fucked up in a club, pulling out her phone and making mistake after mistake. There is talk of Twitter. There is talk of upskirt photos. There is talk of lingerie being stuffed into a purse.

I repeat: This is not a drill, y’all.

Although she doesn’t ever sing on the track (she’s resting those sugary-sweet chops for her bound-to-be-amazing Afrojack-produced House album later in 2012), it’s Hilton’s sinful purrs that keep the song sizzling the whole way through.

And as though that wasn’t enough, we get to watch Paris pouting, primping and posing in the newly released video.

It’s a stunning affair full of glamour shots and plump red lips, which will undoubtedly result in lesser pop divas–like ones with names that rhyme with Tristina Saguilera–to tear out their weaves track by track, burning their record label contracts, and cowering under a blanket made of unsold Bionic albums as they quickly realize that they simply can not and will not do better.

“Drunk Text” is the most flaw-free thing I’ve heard all week–nay, all month. If not ever. Okay, maybe not ever. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I’m never dancing next to Paris Hilton with a skirt on again. Get that camera out of here, bitch!

All other music released this year is now rendered irrelevant, more or less. Now, here are ten of the best lines from this game-changer.

10.) “This is the last time I’ll ever drink and text.”

9.) “It’s a hot mess of misspelled obscenities, body parts and run-on questions.”

8.) “When you add drunk sexting? Words just don’t make any sense…”

7.) “Are you fucking kidding me?”

6.) “I’m too lazy to type, so I send a photo I took up a dancer’s skirt and tell him to come and get it.”

5.) “You take the word sex and mix it with texting. It’s called sexting.”

4.) “I’ll be damned if I end up in some lame diner after this with last night’s lingerie in my purse.”

3.) “No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore.”

2.) “I went out to the club the other night to, you know, dance with my bitches…”

1.) “I’m sorry…it was just a drunk text.”

In all seriousness, it’s actually complete meta tongue-in-cheek trashy glam club brilliance–I’m on my knees in praise.

ALL HAIL QUEEN PARIS.

Amber Rose – “Fame”

For those who haven’t already heard of Amber Rose, she’s the fiercely bald model/socialite/arm candy–formerly of Kanye West, now of Wiz Khalifa–who’s been featured in videos for superstars including Nicki Minaj (“Massive Attack”) and Ludacris (“What Them Girls Like”), and currently the face (and body) of Smirnoff’s new national ad campaign.

Like all good society women do, (Paris, Heidi, we love you!), Rose announced earlier in 2011 that she was getting serious about music (she even quit smoking!), stepping into the studio to work on an upcoming debut for 2012.

Well, it’s finally happening, as the socialite-turned-songstress has just debuted her first-ever single: “Fame.”

Although the cover art and title are a bit of a shameless homage to Grace Jones (which she’s already done a few times before, Island Life style), the sound is nowhere near Miss Jones’ avant-pop territory. Nor is it a throwaway club-pop track drenched in Auto-Tune that might have been upchucked by one of the cast members of any given Real Housewives series.

Instead, “Fame” is a light electro-R&B breeze about flashing lights and the public’s scornful eye. As it turns out, Amber Rose commands a lush, wispy coo a la Queen Cassie that carries the song quite pleasantly: “This is a new situation/Now you’re an overnight sensation,” Rose lightly sings over the pulsing synthesizers and twinkling electronica.

“You’re not ready for the fame,” Rose later croons during the song’s dreamy chorus. Although she’s certainly no powerhouse chanteuse (was anyone actually expecting that?), and the song isn’t much deeper lyrically than the stuff of Heidi Montag’s flaw-free fame fest Superficial, “Fame” is still a solid debut effort that will earn Rose some newfound fans–and of course, keep those haters staying mad.

Coupled with the fact that her boyfriend Wiz Khalifa (who also makes an appearance for a brief guest verse) has her heading into the studio with some notable producers and songwriters, Rose’s full-length debut might actually be something seriously worth clamoring about.

Now, can someone please tell Amber Rose why she should probably stop calling her fanbase her “Rosebuds”?

SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND GET THE STARS OUT OF YOUR EYES BECAUSE NOTHING IN THIS WORLD COULD POSSIBLY MATTER MORE THAN THIS.

Paris Hilton, Flaw-Free Socialite and Queen of the Dance Floor, has finally begun opening up about her new album, which she says will be released this summer.

The iconic famous-for-being-famous person/sometimes songstress spoke about her new upcoming projects–including her music–for her cover feature in the January 2012 issue of FHM.

From the NY Daily News:

“I have a huge passion for house music,” she says in the January issue of FHM magazine. “It always has been my passion. I just haven’t been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now.”

The New York-born heiress reveals she’s teamed up with top deejays to work on her next album, which she says will leave people “really surprised.”

“It’s very modern and very catchy; perfect party music,” she says of her sound.

Hilton, 30, reached momentary success when she released her self-titled debut album, “Paris,” in 2006. Though sales were generally low, her first single, “Stars Are Blind,” reached the Top Ten on music charts in 17 countries.

“There are just so many great deejays right now. And I should know, I’ve been to over 100 raves in the past year, so I’ve heard every type of music,” she adds.

As we already know, “Take Over Control” hitmaker Afrojack premiered a very early, genuinely mind-blowing demo of a track the two worked on together (tentatively called “Good Time”) at a festival last September.

Oh, and she’s definitely not kidding about the whole 100 raves thing–her Twitter’s been filled to the brim with TwitPics and tweets all year long inside clubs and arenas, where she’s been hanging out onstage with acts like Afrojack, Deadmau5 and Avicii.

Now, 2006′s Paris remains a pop gem. (Yes, I’m being completely serious, and anyone who disagrees with me is lying to themselves and almost definitely hates their life.) But this album? This might just raise things to a whole new level.

WE ARE NOT WORTHY.

Wait: What’s a Kardashian?

In my eyes, there’s only ever been one famous-for-being-famous socialite running this town, and she’s busy working up a sweat in the studio preparing for a grand return to the dance floor.

Yes, that’s right: Paris Hilton, Queen of Dance-Pop (or Queen of DP, for short) is making her way back to our iPods.

As TMZ previously reported last week, the multi-talented hotel heiress/media mogul/definitively still famous person is putting in work on a heavily House-influenced (!) follow-up to her flaw-free 2006 debut Paris, otherwise known as one of the best pop records of the past 5 years. (Yes, I’m being quite serious.)

To do so, she’s been tagging along on stage and in the studio with some of dance’s hottest producers of the moment, including Deadmau5 and “Take Over Control” Dutch hit-maker, Afrojack.

Now, the fruits of her labor have begun to seeping through to public ears.

Afrojack – “Good Time (feat. Paris Hilton) (Live Unfinished Demo)” by armon86

“Are you having a good time? ‘Cause I’m having a good time / And I might be a bit tipsy / But that’s okay ’cause you’re with me,” Hilton slowly purrs above the tranced-out beats of “Good Time,” an unfinished demo that reportedly premiered during Afrojack’s set at the Sun City Music Festival in El Paso last week.

“It’s so new, it’s not even finished yet,” Afrojack proclaims to the crowd at one point during the low quality recording. Hilton and her new DJ buddy engaged in some late night recording sessions overseas a few weeks ago, after which Paris tweeted: “Good times with @DJAfrojack last night. Love Mallorca! So fun!”

Although she’s only singing two actual sentences on this entire recording thus far, it’s never too early to formally declare this production to be ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE already. I’m so excited!

VIVA LA HILTON!

You probably know her as the wife of Ice-T.

Maybe you’ve admired her work as a model between the sticky pages of such notable magazines as Playboy, flaunting the assets that keep Nicki Minaj pounding down Big Macs on a nightly basis.

Or perhaps you’ve seen her on Twitter, where she rings in not-yet-official national holidays including “Titty Tuesdays” and “Thong Thursdays” with NSFW TwitPics for her adoring masses.

One way or another, you know Coco: Wife. Model. Actress. Legend. Now, the buxom blonde can safely add another job title to her CV: Chanteuse.

Shoe Freak by mjs538

“Shoe Freak” is the debut single by Coco, set to be released to iTunes at some undetermined point in the future.

In what is rapidly shaping up to be the greatest ode to footery and label whoring since Jennifer Lopez‘s “Louboutins”–nay, perhaps even Heidi Montag‘s “Fashion.” (Yes, I know it’s Lady Gaga‘s song, but let’s not even pretend to wonder whose version is superior), Coco seductively twirls through 16 different designer’s names above an early ’90′s runway club beats without even a single stumble over a foreign syllable.

“Miu miu,” Queen Coco purrs, as though taunting us all with a shout-out to MuuMuse. Add in some soulful cries of “Shoe freak!” that serve us some serious church realness, and you’ve got the greatest modern ballroom track since Malcolm McLaren‘s “Deep In Vogue.”

National reports conclude that both Heidi Montag and Paris Hilton were last seen entering into a local police station in downtown L.A. to file preemptive robbery claims for their wigs.

17-year-old Dessie, better known as Desiree Nilsson, is one of Sweden’s most well-known bloggers. (Or so I am told.)

From what I’ve gathered from Google Translate, Dessie’s blog mainly revolves around taking sexy pictures in front of her computer, contemplations about dying her hair a different color, shopping with friends, and kissing girls at fabulous parties.

In other words: Her life seems hard.

Today, Sweden’s Most Famous Blogger released her debut single (and video), “Whatcha Got,” produced by Swedish production troupe Trinity, who are currently in the studio with Agnes and the Pussycat Dolls‘ Jessica Sutta (!!!).

“Whatcha Got” is basically the more Swede Pop-encrusted answer to Ke$ha‘s “Tik Tok”/Katy Perry‘s “California Gurls,” including lots of chant-y bits (“HEY!”), a horn-heavy section, and loads of slay-worthy lyrics about being painfully sexy and having to deal with the attention: “I’m not on an ego trip / People just think I am hip!” Dessie declares, a sentiment that hasn’t been so strongly evoked since Paris Hilton‘s defining smash, “Turn You On.”

Raw. Honest. Real. I’m just glad someone’s finally brave enough to talk about the real issues in pop!

Lush lips, lovely legs…Dessie makes you dizzy, BAM!

“Whatcha Got” was released in Sweden on June 15. (iTunes Sweden)

After announcing her upcoming foray into music back in November, Kim Kardashian is finally prepared to unleash the fruits of her labor upon the world.

Earlier this morning, the professional Nicole Scherzinger lookalike visited On Air with Ryan Seacrest to premiere her debut single, “Jam,” produced by Ciara collaborator, The-Dream.

According to Ryan Seacrest’s official site, what had happened was Ciara was all like “The-Dream wants your number,” and then Kim was all like “Please, I’m sure he does,” and then Ciara was all like, “No seriously, he really wants to do a song with you,” and then The-Dream was all like, “Let’s just have fun. Let’s donate the proceeds, let’s just have fun with it don’t take yourself seriously. Try something you’ve never done before.”

I believe this is roughly the same exchange The Beatles had with producer George Martin before recording Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Playing more like a Heidi Montag than a Paris Hilton production in the grand scheme of socialite singles, “Jam” is a dirt cheap club banger filled with mind-numbingly, impossibly generic lyrics (“Girls in the building / Fellas in the club / Boys spending money / Girls looking good”), lazily sung vocals and a fairly by-the-books bangin’ beat.

“They playin’ my jam / They playin’ my jam,” Kardashian’s monotone voice repeats again and again above the song’s pulsating chorus. God, she sounds so completely bored throughout, but hey–that’s what being a glamorous butt model is all about!

Kardashian will be donating all proceeds from the song to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, which is actually quite sweet.

That is, if the song generates proceeds to begin with…

Thanks to Rap-Up for the music link!

Here at MuuMuse, we like certain things: Stilettos, sexy boys, high fashion, shadow play, things that are Russian, and dramatic shoulder pads. Luckily enough, the boys of Kazaky happen to come pre-packaged with all of these things.

Meet Kazaky, an up-and-coming Ukrainian boy band. Or, as their Facebook proudly decries in mangled English: “Shocking, sexy guys, showing an incredible combination of masculine beauty, plastics and choreography create a show that turns the mind.” Yes, exactly that.

The boys first caught notice back in October with “In The Middle,” a sweat-soaked show of hard-hitting B-boy choreography, Auto-Tuned squeals, and yes, men in high heels.

After conjuring a great deal of attention across the web for the song’s testosterone-fueled clip (over a million views!), the boys released their much anticipated follow-up yesterday: “Love.” (The video was initially meant to be released on Valentine’s Day, but held back due to technical difficulties. Broken heel, perhaps?)

Shot by Yevgeniy Timokhin (and not by Lady Gaga‘s director du jour Nick Knight as one might assume) and styled by Anna Osmekhina (and not Lady Gaga’s stylist Nicola Formichetti, as one might assume), the black-and-white video features even more dancing, more muscles, and more cheek bones. In summary: Think “Single Ladies,” but with more Soviet undertones.

“You want me, you love me, you hate me…I don’t care,” the boys whisper above the stinging, electro beat of “Love.” While the song itself remains staunchly so-so (not a reality show star’s one-off disco track, not yet a full-fledged pop single), the video is as undeniably fresh and fierce as their first.

In time, sociologists and other scholars may go on to credit this burgeoning group for re-conceptualizing the very spheres of masculine and feminine identity in modern society. But for now, I’m just going to opt for the Paris Hilton seal of approval and simply conclude: “That’s hot.”

For more on Kazaky, check out their official website.

STOP YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

Paris Hilton is officially releasing a second album!

According to a news item posted on Billboard.com, the most famous-for-being-famous person in the world revealed to The Hollywood Reporter that the follow-up to her 2006 debut will be released “in the next few months.”

From the article:

Paris Hilton says her new album will be released “in the next few months.”

The reality star, who also has a show for Oxygen debuting in the spring, spoke to The Hollywood Reporter over the weekend at Usher’s pre-Grammy party at Avalon in Hollywood. She is keeping mum on the details of the album, telling THR that she wants to keep her collaborators and producers “a surprise.”

The album will likely drop around the same time as the premiere of her upcoming reality show, The World According to Paris, which will premiere on the Oxygen Network in the spring.

Paris Hilton’s 2006 debut is, objectively speaking, an amazing pop album.

So while we wait to hear the new tunes, let us now remember true greatness with “Nothing In This World”:

STILL THE BEST YEAR OF POP EVARRRR.