Brace yourselves for literally the worst news you’ve ever heard in your entire life…ever.
Rachel Stevens, flawless ex-S Club 7 member, Jewish Pop Princess, and songstress behind one of the ’00′s greatest pop albums of all time (2005′s Come And Get It), has quietly recorded a third studio album. The problem?
IT’S A CHILDREN’S ALBUM.
Yes, you heard me right: A children’s album. Like, for babies. Not for adults. Not pop music–baby music.
The album is called Tasty Tunes (I just vomited), a 5-track collection that the new mother recorded in order to teach her daughter about healthy eating.
From Sexy Stevens:
Rachel Stevens has recorded a collection of songs about fruit and veg to encourage kids to eat their five-a-day. The former S Club 7 star has performed a number of well-known nursery rhymes with a food twist to help youngsters to get into healthy eating habits. The songs are available as free downloads from children’s food firm Ella’s Kitchen following research which showed that engaging with fruit and vegetables outside meal-times encouraged them to eat.
Rachel Stevens – “Yummy, Yummy, Yum”
If you particularly hate your life, you can have a listen to a few of songs right here, including “In The Fruit Bowl On The Tree” and (GULP) “Yummy, Yummy, Yum.” (What are the odds one of these was produced by Xenomania?)
Like, okay: I get it. You’re a mom now. That’s amazing. But you also recorded “So Good.” And “Crazy Boys.” And “Some Girls.” You can’t just do this to us. What about US, Rachel?! WHAT ABOUT US?!
While you’re at it Stevens, you might as well record a complete children’s edition of all your past hits! Think of all the options you have: “Sweet Dreams My Snuggly Wuggly Widdle Boo Bear,” “So Goo-Goo,” “Breathe In, Burp Out,” and even “I Said Never Again (BRB Changing A Diaper).” UGH. JUST BREAK MY HEART FOREVER, OKAY?!
To prevent me from drowning myself in a giant tub of Gerber’s pureed bananas, let’s reflect on a better time–a simpler time. A time when music was good and Rachel Stevens was not recording songs called “Yummy, Yummy, Yum.”
Sigh…
BABIES RUIN LIVES.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Once upon a time, in a faraway land called Londontown, there lived (lives, but now in L.A.) an enchanting Jewish pop princess named Rachel Stevens recorded one of the best electro-pop records of the 21st century in 2005: Come And Get It.
“Nothing In Common” is one of the earliest known recordings from Stevens’ Come And Get It sessions with British purveyor of all things Pop Perfection, Richard X (Sugababes, Annie). As is widely known in popular Stevens lore, the song has never seen the light of day.
Until today, that is.
“Nothing In Common” is a stunning, chilly electro ballad that finds the former S Club 7 crooner lamenting a relationship limping on its last legs: “So we play to the crowd every time we step out / We sit at opposite ends of the table,” she sadly masquerades.
Apart from the gorgeous sad disco production throughout, the subtle Pet Shop Boys-esque tribal beats that bang before the blink-and-you-miss-it bridge (Stevens’ distant howl of “Who are we fooling?”) are a particularly brilliant touch.
Although it’s clear that the song was never mixed to final form, “Nothing In Common” would have made for a perfect addition to the already flawless tracklisting of Stevens’ second studio album.
And now, MuuMuse presents: “Nothing In Common.”
Nothing In Common (Demo) by muumuse
And now, I DIE.
Come And Get It was released in 2005. (iTunes)
filed under: A Tribe Called Quest, ABBA, Adele, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Cathy Dennis, Cheryl Cole, Chris Braide, Daniel Bedingfield, Dave Stewart, David Albarn, Diana Vickers, Ellie Goulding, George Sampson, Girls Aloud, Gorillaz, Heart, Hello Leo, Human League, Interview, James Fauntleroy, John Lennon, Kate Bush, Marc Almond, Marc Bolan, Mark Ronson, Natasha Bedingfield, Nikola Rachelle, Pixie Lott, Prince, Q-Tip, S Club 7, Scritti Politti, Shirley Bassey, Snow Patrol, Soft Cell, The Buggles, The Saturdays, U2, Vanessa White, Warren Fu
I don’t want to tempt fate, but if that’s not a number one, I’ll eat my sofa.
As the man responsible for such songs as Diana Vickers‘ “The Boy Who Murdered Love,” The Saturdays‘ “Chasing Lights,” and Will Young‘s “Anything is Possible,” as well as some of the upcoming material from Pixie Lott and JLS, pop songwriter and producer Chris Braide has seen his fair share of glory in the UK Top 40 recently.
Two weeks ago, I had the great pleasure of speaking with the busy producer from his studio in London (which is about to be packed away and carted stateside!)
I’m quite proud of this interview–we touched upon all sorts of artists and ended up having a really in-depth discussion about the very nature of pop itself.
Read on to hear all the gossip from behind Braide’s soundboard–loads of pop nerd chatter ahead!
Click “Read More…” to view the entire interview.
filed under: American Idol, Cathy Dennis, Mini Viva, S Club 7, Simon Fuller, Spice Girls, Xenomania
I thought this was a rather intriguing story to hit my mailbox this morning…perhaps even one of my Muusers could enter?
Simon Fuller–the media mogul behind the Spice Girls, American Idol, S Club 7, Cathy Dennis, Mini Viva and more–is teaming up with Universal Records and MySpace to start up a talent search for the next big boy band.
The project, called The Boys Are Back in Town, is now live and looking for talent between the ages of 16 and 21 to enter and become “the next global music sensation.” According to the website, winners will be flown out to London to take part in a live audition in November.
Normally I’d scoff at this, but it is Simon Fuller we’re talking about. Is this the beginning of a new mega-band? I don’t know, but it better damn well involve Xenomania.
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