Mya‘s back!

Much like every other act this side of the ’10′s, Mya’s gone and shed her R&B roots in favor of a good ol’ synth machine to assist in her dance-inspired return to the music scene–perhaps inspired by her recent stint on the ninth season of Dancing With The Stars. Well…that, or she’s gone and listened to Pop radio for, like, fifteen minutes to see what the kids are listening to these days.

To my giddy delight, the singer will attempt to break two major territories at the same time: America and…Japan! Eee! DID SOMEONE SAY J-POP? ^.^ (Oh God. I’m sorry for that.)

After the release of her first Japanese album in 2008 (Sugar & Spice), Mya is now continuing to pursue a Japanese recording career with “Fabulous Life,” released on January 19 on iTunes Japan.

As The Prophet Blog reported, the song was co-produced by Jeff Miyahara, producer of such gems as AI‘s “Fake (feat. Namie Amuro)” and Crystal Kay‘s “One.” It was also co-produced by Fredro, the Swedish producer responsible for one of my favorite tracks from Jessica Mauboy‘s latest album.

“Fabulous Life” is genuinely adorable–a clearly J-Pop inspired, glittery little electro-pop ditty. It’s like Britney‘s “Anticipating”! Except more Japanese and stuff. I LOVE to bits and pieces!

If it were warmer ’round these parts, you know I’d be blasting this jam with the windows down while I was driving around town. For now, I guess I’ll just listen to it while I’m shoveling.

The second single in question–the Cedric Gervais-produced “Love Is The Answer”–is Mya’s offering for the North American territories.

A bit RuPaul, a dash of Donna Summer circa 2008 (Crayons, y’all!), Mya’s other offering blares into the speakers with an onslaught of ravey, hi-octane synthesizers a la Madonna‘s “Celebration.” “Love is the answer to all your problems,” the singer sweetly croons atop the hectic chorus. It’s no “My Love Is Like…Wo,” and certainly no “Case of the Ex,” but it’ll do for now.

Click here to listen to an extended preview of “Love Is The Answer,” courtesy of E! Online.

According to the E! article, Mya is currently working on both her seventh and eighth studio albums. We here at MuuMuse can’t wait to hear ‘em–especially that J-Pop record. Sock it to me!

“Fabulous Life” was released on January 19. (iTunes Japan)

It’s been a minute since I last wrote about Kimberly Caldwell.

In case you’re less than familiar and/or new ’round these parts, Caldwell was the throaty seventh place runner-up of American Idol: Season 2. More importantly, she was (and remains) my favorite American Idol contestant, second only to the inimitable Kelly Clarkson.

Back in ‘the day’ (freshman year of high school to be exact), I was known as the one with her pictures of her plastered all over my binders Well, those that weren’t already covered in Britney and Utada pictures. When she got voted off, I cried and cried for days on end. Stunningly, it would still take two years for me to formally whip my hair out of the closet.

After seven years of waiting, Caldwell released her much anticipated debut single “Mess of You” last February, Caldwell announced plans to release her debut album, Without Regret, in April of 2010. I even got the chance to interview her! Then the album got pushed back to June, and then December, and now it’s apparently coming out in April of this year.

In the meantime, she’s back with a brand new beat: “Desperate Girls and Stupid Boys,” a hook-filled electro-pop rock anthem produced and penned by Tommy Henriksen, BC Jean and Zac Maloy.

Much in the same vein as Kelly Clarkson’s “I Do Not Hook Up” or P!nk‘s “Stupid Girls” and “U + Ur Hand,” Caldwell’s rowdy rock affair is a formal declaration of war against fuckery of all varieties: Boozers, users, losers, and all the other riffraff that threatens to ruin (or enhance?) your fun while you’re just trying to have a good time with your friends in the club. Worst!

So instead, why not join Kimberly in taking that party over and dancing until you die? Sounds about right to me!

“Desperate Girls and Stupid Boys” is without a doubt the most fun, radio-friendly cut Caldwell’s recorded to date–perhaps even catchy enough to garner some serious mainstream interest! Will she? Who knows.

At the very least, I’m still rooting for her…eight years and counting.

“Desperate Girls and Stupid Boys” was released on December 3. (iTunes)

Last night, I asked (on Twitter) what people would like to see featured on MuuMuse.

One of the things I heard more often (aside from “more cock shots”–very helpful) was “MOAH J-POP MUUSIX, PLEHZ!”, so now, I shall deliver such things from one of my favorite J-Pop vixens!

On February 2, Koda Kumi will be releasing her 49th single (I know, insane…Asian pop stars put our silly Western girls to shame on the regular), entitled “POP DIVA.”

Aided by the same chord progression as Britney‘s “Gimme More” and a stinging bass beat a la Far East Movement‘s “Like A G6,” “POP DIVA” is Kumi’s hottest, noisiest dance affair since 2007′s “BUT.” (If you haven’t, watch/listen to this now. STILL AMAZING.) I’m also detecting a touch of Ke$ha influence–and by that, I mean I could definitely hear this one playing while I upchuck some glitter in the back of a dingy gay bar.

“I’m the pop diva. Most beautiful, powerful, and talented girl on the planet. Are you ready for me? Let’s go!” Kumi-chan purrs off the top of the track. And if you don’t believe those words, just check out the cover art above. See? It’s in print! Therefore, it is FACT.

Today, Avex uploaded a preview of the song’s music video, which–like the song–seems simultaneously shit and amazing. I’m not sure what’s going on, except that there’s some seriously hot librarian-turned-spy action happening.

In conclusion: “POP DIVA” is noisy, overly Auto-Tuned and seriously disjointed, but also kind of brilliant in places. That’s just the way good pop works, you know?

POP, POP, POP DIVA! Get it, Kuu.

“Pop Diva” will be released on February 2. (YesAsia)

After the Keri Hilson original, an early demo featuring a session singer, and a nearly-there demo leaked earlier this week, it’s finally time to hear the real, polished version of Nicole Scherzinger‘s second single from her upcoming solo album (cross them fingers!): “Don’t Hold Your Breath.”

As you can plainly hear, Nicole Scherzinger’s “Don’t Hold Your Breath” is fantastic for all of the following reasons:

+ It features a lovely, swelling undercurrent of atmospheric electronica, piano and strings, as well as screechy synthesizers, a pounding beat and electric guitar riffs. This is what is known as a “pleasant cacophony*.”

+ It’s kind of sad sounding, yet decidedly uptempo. Pop fact: This is always a winning combination.

+ It’s a ‘grower,’ which is to say that it sounds better when aroused than when flaccid. Okay, that’s a lie (maybe), but play it three times–you’ll see that the experience gets better each time.

+ “Ha-ha-ha.” As you can hear, Scherzy Baby is very clearly demonstrating the act of exhalation for us, as if to further the stress the overarching theme of the song–that is, to refrain from holding one’s breath.

+ Literally ten times more listenable than the oft-grating, occasionally brilliant “Poison,” which is always a good thing.

In summary: “Don’t Hold Your Breath” is pretty amazing, but more importantly, it’s the kind of song that is pleasant, re-playable and catchy enough to make the casual music listener (your mother) finally say, “Hmm, yeah–alright. I’ll have a taste of whatever Nicole Scherzinger’s cooking.”

*In my head.

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TURN OFF THE SHUFFLE BECAUSE LITERALLY NO OTHER MUSIC MATTERS RIGHT NOW.

“Hold It Against Me”–Britney‘s highly anticipated (what’s the word for understatement of the fucking century?) new single from her as-of-yet untitled seventh studio album due out in March–has officially premiered.

The paramedics have just grudgingly allowed me access to a computer for fifteen minutes, so I’ve decided to hurriedly draft this review. It is nonsense, but here goes:

“Hold It Against Me” is many things, but above all, it is as perfect as the flawless iconic beauty singing on the track.

While it’s not nearly as radically different as Camp Britney suggested it would be as compared to the demo we heard on Friday, Britney’s final version is still vastly superior and entirely amazing.

“Hold It Against Me” is by no means an obvious Dr. Luke or Max Martin affair (aside from Martin’s penchant for producing sex jams), and it doesn’t sound too similar to anything on the radio (aside from Ke$ha‘s “Take It Off,” which is only a compliment in my book.)

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that it doesn’t sound like a Katy Perry song, which was kind of the major concern after hearing Dr. Luke was at the helm of this project. (AKA: THANK. FUCKING. GODNEY.)

Now, let’s review in-depth:

SONG BEAT: The beat of “Hold It Against Me” deserves an appreciation post of its own.

Unstoppable. Disgustingly filthy. It is, as my friend Shan described when he sent me a link to the song early this morning, nothing short of an “ass-raping beat.” It’s probably the closest aural representation of literal fucking that exists to date–the kind of beat that will get all of the boys in trouble at the club and all of the girls really, really pregnant.

VERSES: The song’s verses are these amazing, cool moments of surging Grand Theft Auto adrenaline-pop in which Britney attempts to woo us. It is an effective wooing. She also says “A LITTLE HAY-ZAY” in a really silly voice during the second verse and it’s kind of the best thing ever.

CHORUS: The chorus of “Hold It Against Me” is a really genius, gorgeous moment a la “Shattered Glass” in which the song’s beat completely drops out and allows B to shine with a MASSIVE, chant-worthy chorus. It’s the kind of chorus that says, “Hey over there, the beat is about to fucking DROP, so kindly hold onto your B-Girl panties because this shit is bananas.” AND THEN IT DOES.

BREAKDOWN:

OH MY GOD. THE BREAKDOWN.

I had to stand up and walk around after hearing for the first time because I SIMPLY COULD NOT.

“If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me?” Godney purrs in a semi-British, semi-Blackoutney crazy accent, before the track launches into the most UNHOLY series of grinding dubstep/grime beats Brit Brit’s ever had the pleasure of moaning against.

“Pop it like a hood, and show me how you work it out,” she whines. And then the trance pulsations that lead back into the song? Coffin.

VOCALS: While nothing too vocally impressive (not why we’re here folks), “Hold It Against Me” is still a refreshing presentation of B’s natural vocals–none of that tired dance-pop Auto Tune shit clogging up the radio stations at the moment. I lurve her voice on this.

IN CONCLUSION: “Hold It Against Me” is more immediate and exciting than “Womanizer,” and undoubtedly her hardest hitting lead single since “Gimme More.”

FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS: Listen on repeat until forever, bow the fuck down, take a big whiff, etc. etc.

Dubstepney. Grimeney. Holditagainstney.

And now, I die.