If you’re looking for Sasha Fierce, don’t bother: She’s gone.

Well, not entirely–she’s certainly still there twerking her hips above the militant beat of “Run The World (Girls)” and the frenzied horn-filled club bounce of “Countdown,” but for the most part, the divalicious alter ego of one of the world’s greatest entertainers has (temporarily?) stepped a stiletto to the side for the majority of her fourth studio album, 4–allowing the record to remain a decidedly Beyoncé experience.

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When Jennifer Lopez‘s “Louboutins”–an ode to the couture cobbler–was released to a less-than-tepid response in the last week of 2009, Lopez seemingly began to struggle to find her footing in the market (excuse the pun), eventually taking a leave from her longtime label Epic Records in 2010.

Yet only weeks after the announcement made the rounds, J-Lo was already busy inking a new record deal with Island Def Jam and preparing to fulfill her duties as a full-time judge on the tenth season of American Idol.

Only one year later, Lopez suddenly came roaring back onto the charts in the beginning of 2011 with the release of her first actual single from Love?: “On The Floor (feat. Pitbull),” a surprise smash hit for the singer that skyrocketed to #1 in over 19 countries (and counting!)

Now–after a few false starts, a label switch, and the birth of her twins Max and Emme comes LOVE?, the long awaited, oft-delayed seventh studio album by Jennifer Lopez, released on April 29.

Get on the floor…

Listening post!

After a rough demo leaked earlier this week, Team Beyoncé jumped into action, releasing the final version “Run The World (Girls)” to radio and iTunes today.

“Run The World (Girls)” was produced by Switch and features a prominent sample of Major Lazer‘s 2009 hit “Pon de Floor (feat. Vybz Kartel & Afrojack).” The track was penned by The-Dream….and Beyoncé, of course!

Click above to hear the full stream of the song, courtesy of Ryan Seacrest.

Review coming this weekend!

“Run The World (Girls)” was released on April 21. (iTunes)

After announcing her upcoming foray into music back in November, Kim Kardashian is finally prepared to unleash the fruits of her labor upon the world.

Earlier this morning, the professional Nicole Scherzinger lookalike visited On Air with Ryan Seacrest to premiere her debut single, “Jam,” produced by Ciara collaborator, The-Dream.

According to Ryan Seacrest’s official site, what had happened was Ciara was all like “The-Dream wants your number,” and then Kim was all like “Please, I’m sure he does,” and then Ciara was all like, “No seriously, he really wants to do a song with you,” and then The-Dream was all like, “Let’s just have fun. Let’s donate the proceeds, let’s just have fun with it don’t take yourself seriously. Try something you’ve never done before.”

I believe this is roughly the same exchange The Beatles had with producer George Martin before recording Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Playing more like a Heidi Montag than a Paris Hilton production in the grand scheme of socialite singles, “Jam” is a dirt cheap club banger filled with mind-numbingly, impossibly generic lyrics (“Girls in the building / Fellas in the club / Boys spending money / Girls looking good”), lazily sung vocals and a fairly by-the-books bangin’ beat.

“They playin’ my jam / They playin’ my jam,” Kardashian’s monotone voice repeats again and again above the song’s pulsating chorus. God, she sounds so completely bored throughout, but hey–that’s what being a glamorous butt model is all about!

Kardashian will be donating all proceeds from the song to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, which is actually quite sweet.

That is, if the song generates proceeds to begin with…

Thanks to Rap-Up for the music link!

As if this wasn’t already written in the stars, Kim Kardashian, known for having a giant ass and literally no other discernible talent, is now venturing into the world of music.

According to Rap-Up and TMZ, the reality show princess is currently cooking up some phat beatz with the otherwise amazing The-Dream, who has been responsible for such jamz as Mimi Carey‘s “Touch My Body,” RiRi‘s “Hard,” and Beyoncé‘s “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).”

Now I know what you’re thinking: BLAH BLAH BLAH the music industry’s dying and these awful talentless reality trash-bags are busy sucking up studio time and spending their undeserved millions on producers to lay down tracks that no one will even hear rather than donating it to charity or something BLAH BLAH BLAH auto-tune rabble rabble can she even sing a note and what the fuck is a Kim Kardashian anyway, etc. etc. etc.

But now, consider the very compelling argument presented in Rap-Up’s article:

“Kim’s got a really good voice,” says one person who’s heard the material.

I’m already sold.

AND NOW, MORE COMPELLING EVIDENCE…COURTESY OF ME:

AMAZING.

AMAZING.

A-MAZING.

Thank you for your time.

No Gravity is, in many ways, a fitting title for a record so lacking in terms of marketing.

So much has happened in the world of Shontelle that has restricted the Bajan songstress from being presented in a clear and consistent fashion to a mainstream audience: Release date push backs, little to no PR, a sloppy official website, the release of a single that isn’t even on the album–it’s safe to say the No Gravity campaign was (and is) truly without ties to keep it grounded.

That being said, it’s the music that really matters, and this is a record worth owning.

No Gravity contains an intriguing and seemingly unrelated mix of hit-makers–ranging from Darkchild and The Smeezingtons on the production side to Bruno Mars, Arnthor Birgisson (Britney’s “Out From Under”) and Shontelle herself on the writing side, as well as two features by of-the-minute rappers, Pitbull and Asher Roth.

Despite its lead single being a power ballad (“Impossible,” which managed to climb to #13 on the Billboard Hot 100 in August), No Gravity is, by and large, an up-tempo pop/dance record–even when least expected.

Case in point: The album opening track (and current/alleged single), “Perfect Nightmare.” Opening as an overwrought piano power ballad, the song is not initially impressive. “Sometimes I hate, sometimes I love, sometimes I hurt, sometimes I don’t,” she croons, resembling a sappy cover of Britney’s already sappy “Sometimes.”

It isn’t until the unexpected leap into its own chorus (“When will I wake up and scream, ‘NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY!”) that the song completely throws itself for a loop (and into something amazing), charging into a full-on, four-to-the-floor charging beat that refuses to let go. When all is said and done, “Perfect Nightmare” stands as a completely praise-worthy dance anthem.

While there’s no one song that immediately screams “chart topper,” there’s still plenty to love here, including the thumping “Helpless,” the electric guitar-led break-up ballad “Say Hello to Goodbye” (which oddly brings to mind Joan Osborne‘s “One of Us”), and a personal favorite: “Love Shop.” Like a lightly island-tinged interpretation of Janet Jackson‘s brilliant underrated Disclipline track, “Rock With U,” Shontelle sweetly floats atop a cosmic, electro-tinged beat that flows throughout the track.

Other tracks seem poised to make an impression on the club charts, and certainly have the ability to do so: “Take Ova,” which is shockingly not about the process in vitro fertilization as I’d previously assumed, is perfectly suited to be pumped from the speakers of an overheated club.

“Assume the position, you’re going to have to step into the light,” Shontelle commands atop a hand-clapping, scorching beat. Copy paste any of Pitbull’s verses from one of the song’s he’s been featured on in the past year, and there you have it: IT’S A SMASH.

“DJ Made Me Do It” is another club-worthy anthem. Featuring an inoffensive rap break by last year’s flash in the pan, Asher Roth, the song meshes the carefree modern neo-soul styling of Estelle‘s “American Boy” with a more adventurous, rocky crunch a la N.E.R.D.‘s “She Wants To Move.”

No Gravity contains enough hook-heavy melodies to satisfy the cravings of both casual listeners and pop snobs alike. Even if the album doesn’t quite contain that one hit needed to compete in the impossibly insular world of American radio airwaves (“Impossible–SEE WHAT I DID THERE?), it’s still a strong body of work.

If you haven’t already, give this record a shot–you’ll be glad you did.

No Gravity will be released on September 21.

To preview or purchase music from Shontelle on iTunes including “Impossible,” click here.

A Muuser asked what I thought of “All The Lovers” B-side, “Go Hard or Go Home.” Here is my answer, in bullet form:

· “Go Hard or Go Home” is another amazing Kylie Minogue B-side.

· In the tradition of Kylie Minogue B-sides, “Go Hard Or Go Home” is exceptionally good and probably worthy of proper album release (please see “Tightrope,” “I’m Just Here For The Music,” and “B.P.M.” for further proof.)

· Then again, it’s probably slightly too bouncy to slip in between the lush layers of Aphrodite.

· The song opens, misleadingly, with a guitar strum. This is not “Paper Dolls.”

· Kylie speaks of going to “St. Elsewhere” which, according to a quick Wikipedia search, is “an American medical drama television series that originally ran on NBC from October 26, 1982 to May 25, 1988″ set in “a decaying urban teaching hospital in Boston’s South End neighborhood.” I might have opted for somewhere a bit more tropical.

· The lyrics of the middle eight are a vocoded “Dum da dum da dum.” Or “Duh nah nuh nuh nuh.” One of those. Brilliant.

· There are some bits throughout the song that find Kylie bordering on entering into the current American dance-pop sound (the male chant of “Ay!” in the bridge, for instance, is pure The-Dream production). It is at first unnerving, but the feeling soon fades with the glittery choruses.

· In conclusion, glorious.

Click here to preview and purchase “All The Lovers.”

I’ve literally been meaning to create this post for six months.

The greatest ballad on Beyoncé‘s I Am…Sasha Fierce is not “Halo,” “Broken Hearted Girl,” or even “Ave Maria.”

It is “Smash Into You,” produced by The-Dream.

“Smash Into You” is, by all accounts, utterly epic. It’s a slow builder, chugging along at a knowing, confident pace before smashing (!) the listener into an incredibly adept chorus that only becomes that much more divine after each repetition.

But nothing on that entire album, and I repeat nothing, matches the shivers that run through after hitting the bridge 3:45 minutes into the song: “I’m ready to run, run, run, ooh, ooh, ooh!” It is the epitome of sonic climax; an aural release of religious proportion that your God-fearing great-aunt could only dream of experiencing.

Hyperbolic? Who, me? Never.

Thanks to the more-often-than-not-reliable Wikipedia, I’ve learned that the track was originally recorded by Jon McLaughlin and entitled “Smack Into You.” Mercifully, the name (and subsequent lyric) were changed for Beysus’ purposes. Still, you can hear his alternately composed, slightly less wonderful version now on YouTube, accompanied by a fuzzy still frame of his pretty face right here. I really think tweaking that “ick” into an “ish” makes all the difference in the world, don’t you? Plus, his ending blows.

There now…I feel at peace with myself.

DL: Beyonc̩ РSmash Into You

Click below to purchase this most worthy track, as well as many others from Lady Beysus.