So, this is the latest track to feature the multi-talented, single-oriented (get over it, she’s not bisexual) Vietnamese temptress, Tila Tequila. In many ways, the class act track “I Like To Fuck” featuring Hot Rod and B. Dozier speaks for itself. And when it doesn’t, Tequila does it for you: “I like to fuck, suck cock until I hurl,” she explains sexily, “I like to fuck everybody in the world!” Aww! Sweet of her. The electro-tinged mid-tempo beat thumps along, as the crew get on with detailing their own passion for thumping. The chorus itself is epic in its meaning: “Baby, don’t take it personal / When I go and fuck these hos / Let’s talk about the word “fuck” for a second… / I make love to you.” Absolutely brilliant. Finally, a return to the doe-eyed days of crooning lovey dovey laments.

So, okay. It’s unforgivably filthy. But tell me you didn’t start enjoying it after a few moments. Call it…addictive? There are more shout outs to other tracks than a Kanye West song (Why bring Chaka Khan into this mess, fellas?) Don’t believe me? Give it a listen above.

I’ve attached the lyrics, as they will do better than I could ever do at illustrating this song’s perfection. I was going to bold the good bits, but I’m at a loss…the entire song is worthy. Watch out for the best line of the bunch from Hot Rod, though: “Pretty bitch, lights on / Ugly bitch, lights off.” High school yearbook quote seekers, anyone? Winners below!

[Tila tequila]
B. Doz, Hot Rod, Tila, oh my god

[young hot rod]
I like to fuck every day every night
I like to fuck when is wrong when is right
I like to fuck if she black if she white
I like to fuck if it’s loose if is tight
Chaka Khan
I met this girl name Tammy
I plowed her in Miami
The way she wanna get a bone in my studio?
[something about a grammy]
All my girlfriends trip cuz i give good dick away
and make em wan say daddy
Like fuck ya that’s wassup
every 30 seconds gotta bust a nut

[B. Dozier]
Baby, don’t take it personal
When I go and fuck these hoes
Let’s talk about the word ‘fuck’ for a second
I make love to you
Don’t get it fucked up baby you’re my queen
Even though I go and put my dick in everything
Baby it’s just cause…

[young hot rod]
I like to fuck
bitch!
once you go black you aint never going back
hop up in my cadillac
lets go for a ride
baby you aint got to take your panties off
just move them to the side side the side side
now im fucking with the lights
pretty bitch lights on
ugly bitch lights off
I got money I’m a boss
Hustlin’ like Ricky Ross (yeah)
Face is down ass is up
thats the way i like to fuck
No hands dripping wet
thats the way you like to suck

[B. Dozier]
baby dont take it personal
When I go and fuck these hoes
Let’s talk about the word ‘fuck’ for a second
I make love to you
Don’t get it fucked up baby you’re my queen?
Even though I go and put my dick in everything
Baby it’s just cayse

[Tila tequila]
I like to fuck sexy boys, sexy girls
i like to fuck leather pants gerry curls
i like to fuck suck cock until i hurl
i like to fuck everybody in the world
Michael Jackson
a shot of tequila gets them real hot
I blow the dozier, ride the hot rod
Squirt like the wipers on my high top
I’ma say I’ma sa, Ma ma coo sa
sucking on my tities so milky
i gets dirty with it i’m so filthy
do it like you wanna make a baby and milk me
If it ain’t yours you can still come
and drill me, right?

[Outro]

I’ll give you a few moments to stare at them.

During her hosting gig on MTV’s New Years Eve broadcast, Tila Tequila announced that was dumped by her soulmate Bobby and will seek a new boy or boy-ish girl in an upcoming season of A Shot at Love.

She’s fucking up her Shot at Fame! Even though the show was hokey as hell to begin with, there was something endearing about its cheesiness as it unraveled. However, producing another ego-stroking romp confirms what we knew the show was all about: blatant self-promotion. Oh yeah, and continue to bury positive notions of bisexuality underneath piles of smut and Tila-isms like “I don’t know if I like boys more or girls.” Remember, she’s a bisexual. That means she’s confused!!1!

Considering all this, will I still watch? Oh GOD, for sure.

And you, what do you think?

Tila Tequila is fascinating. I wrote a college thesis on this woman. Except it had nothing to do with her. You see, Tila Tequila is not your standard Hollywood celebrity. If you didn’t know, Tila Nguyen grew in fame from a good ol’ grassroots campaign via Myspace, gradually becoming the most popular person (according to view and friend counts) on the website, and then developing modeling contracts with popular magazines such as Maxim. That’s not what makes her interesting. Basically, and this will result in the loss of the few visitors I have (though I love you all so very dearly), Tila Tequila may be a representation of the future of Hollywood.

STOP SCOWLING FOR A MOMENT AND BREATHE YOU LOLLYGAGGER. I’m not trying to shower her in praise or say that she has the it-factor. Personally, I think she’s just a cute girl with some distracting tattoos and a nice pair of hand-made chesticles. But Tila represents something bigger: the fact that today’s me-culture can and does produce instant celebrity. Look at her, look at Chris Crocker, look at Perez Hilton. Self-made household names. It’s an ode to the power of user-generated content on the Internet. And yes, I do think this will matter in the future. Sean Kingston (“Beautiful Girls”)was discovered through Myspace, as was Lily Allen and Kate Nash. It’s becoming too large to ignore. All that being said, Tila Tequila is PEOPLE!!!

As for a shot of reality, Tila’s music is not groundbreaking or particularly inventive. Doesn’t stop me from loving them though. Generally, the tracks are a varied fusion of hard rap and pop. “I Love U” is an infectiously over-the-top “hardcore” rap song about how much Tila loves you, and will also kill you. The song I wanted to display however, “Paralyze,” is brilliant. It’s a tiny gem amongst her other tracks. It’s short, sweet, and pretty. You might know it, as it was played during the season finale of A Shot At Love. And yes, I know, Dani should have won, you’re really clever and different for thinking that too.

Check out Tila Tequila’s “Paralyze” on YouTube!

And you, what do you think?